British Comedy: Cuckoo
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Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Robin French, Kieron Quirke,
Ben Edwards, Jon Foster, James Lamont
Stars: Greg Davies, Helen Bexendale
Episodes: 20
Episode Average: 7.050*
BEST EPISODES:
Ken On E (2012), Funeral (2014)
SERIES ONE
(2012)6 episodes
Series Score: 39
Episode Average: 6.50
Perfect 10's: 1
S1E1 THE HOMECOMING
Originally broadcast: 25 September 2012
Directed by: Ben Taylor
Written by: Robin French, Kieron Quirke
Rachel shocks her parents by returning from Thailand with a husband, her mother expresses relief after a profound speech during dinner, and her father is far from impressed by an apparent unwillingness to work.
"Hey, I'm not sitting here bullshitting you, Ken! I am you and I am in you. I'm deep... inside you."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
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S1E2 FAMILY MEETING
Originally broadcast: 2 October 2012
Directed by: Ben Taylor
Written by: Robin French, Kieron Quirke
Ken calls a meeting to discuss Cuckoo's nakedness around the house, a need for meditation space leads to a vote about a book collection, and Dylan uses his powerful position to try and get off with a girl he fancies.
"You mean who rules the roost, who's got the biggest swinging dick, you or Cuckoo? Well, I've seen them both and..."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E3 KEN ON E
Originally broadcast: 9 October 2012
Directed by: Ben Taylor
Written by: Robin French, Kieron Quirke
Cuckoo offers Ken some advice as he bids to become a local councillor, a girls' night at Connie's puts Rachel in a very awkward position, and the wrong medication for a bad back leads to some unexpected bonding.
"You're right. I think I came here for a dinner party once. We had COUSCOUS!"
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E4 GRANDFATHER'S CAT
Originally broadcast: 16 October 2012
Directed by: Ben Taylor
Written by: Robin French, Kieron Quirke
The Thompson family go to visit Lorna's widowed father on his birthday, Cuckoo announces that a cat is the reincarnation of his late wife, and Ken attempts to hide the evidence after an accident with an old rifle.
"Oh, so fucking much, Tony. I mean, Rachel is my goddess. Her body is a temple within which I worship three times a day, bare minimum. Sometimes as many as seven, depending."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
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S1E5 CONNIE SINGS
Originally broadcast: 23 October 2012
Directed by: Ben Taylor
Written by: Robin French, Kieron Quirke
Ken's annoyed when an anniversary meal is ruined by unwanted guests, Cuckoo causes problems by encouraging Connie to chase her dream, and Lorna finds herself apologising with a gift of no significance whatsoever.
"Darling, you cannot sing. You sound like an elephant fucking an owl."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E6 THE WEDDING
Originally broadcast: 30 October 2012
Directed by: Ben Taylor
Written by: Robin French, Kieron Quirke
Cuckoo and Rachel learn that their wedding in Thailand wasn't official, Ken and Lorna disagree about the best way of dealing with the news, and Steve spots a chance for revenge when he's chosen to be the best man.
"I'm sorry, you want us to snog in front of all my friends and family?"
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5
Onion Jack's rating:
SERIES TWO
(2014)6 episodes
Series Score: 51*
Episode Average: 8.50
Perfect 10's: 1
*not including special
S2E1 A NEW BEGINNING
Originally broadcast: 7 August 2014
Directed by: Ben Taylor
Written by: Robin French, Kieron Quirke
Rachel's moved on with her life since Cuckoo died in a climbing accident, Ken's reminded of a painful promise he made as a much younger man, and Lorna spots boyfriend potential in a mysterious bearded stranger.
"Lorna, 21 years ago, you and I bought our first flat. I think you might've noticed if, in between decorating, I'd have dressed as a 13-year-old boy who sneaked off to India!
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E2 POTATO PARTY
Originally broadcast: 14 August 2014
Directed by: Ben Taylor
Written by: Robin French, Kieron Quirke
Dylan agrees to throw a party when Zoe promises to have sex with him, Dale's search for some meaning leads his to his father's potato van, and Rachel has a moment on the dance floor while her boyfriend's sleeping.
"Ready to rock! I brought a massive bag of Twiglets."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E3 TRIBUNAL
Originally broadcast: 21 August 2014
Directed by: Ben Taylor
Written by: Ben Edwards, Robin French, Kieron Quirke
A series of revelations leads to an agreement about not keeping secrets, Steve uses the vasectomy to blackmail Ken into representing him, and Rachel soon regrets agreeing to set Dale up with one of her friends.
"No way, Chief Ken. I was taught that lying makes your nuts fall off. That's why I never lied, look."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
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S2E4 FUNERAL
Originally broadcast: 28 August 2014
Directed by: Ben Taylor
Written by: Jon Foster, James Lamont
Ken's persuaded to lend a first edition book to his old history teacher, Dale's left strangely grief-stricken by news that the man has died, and Lorna encourages Dylan to talk to a girl from a devoutly religious family.
"I'm staying right here until I master Dad's book. Hey, Mom, this page is blank, do I read it anyway?"
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E5 KEN AT WORK
Originally broadcast: 4 September 2014
Directed by: Ben Taylor
Written by: Jon Foster, James Lamont
Ken learns that he's been nominated to become the new senior partner, Rachel and Ben are given reason to regret a moment of spontaneity, and Connie's far from pleased when Dylan reads out his prize-winning poem.
"Well, you're not are you? Come on, you're terrible with computers. You use Yahoo to search for Google."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E6 NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH
Originally broadcast: 11 September 2014
Directed by: Ben Taylor
Written by: Ben Eswards, Robin French, Kieron Quirke
Ken's made to feel inadequate after failing to deal with an intruder, the neighbourhood watch group springs into action when a car thief strikes, and Rachel's not too impressed when Ben takes her to see a show home.
"Yeah. Deal with it, you quadro-vag."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
SPECIAL
(2014)SPECIAL CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
Originally broadcast: 24 December 2014
Directed by: Ben Taylor
Written by: Robin French, Kieron Quirke
Ken refuses to play Father Christmas in the community Christmas show, Lorna believes she's the Virgin Mary after a positive pregnancy test, and Dale decides to leave when Rachel opts to be with Ben instead of him.
"What's to explain? I love you, you love me, we had amazing sex. I'm not ashamed, Mom."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
Onion Jack's rating:
SERIES THREE
(2016)7 episodes
Series Score: 43
Episode Average: 6.14
Perfect 10's: 0
S3E1 BIRTH
Originally broadcast: 16 February 2016
Directed by: Paul Murphy
Written by: Robin French, Kieron Quirke
Ken tries to vote against his own request for six months paternity leave, Rachel's horrified when Dale tells her about a girl he met in China, and Steve resorts to alternative methods in a bid to induce Lorna's labour.
"Lorna, it's nothing to do with being greedy. This is one of those rare occasions in life when doing the right thing is also doing the tasty thing."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7
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S3E2 THE APPLICATION
Originally broadcast: 23 February 2016
Directed by: Paul Murphy
Written by: Robin French, Kieron Quirke
Ken treats himself to new trousers as reward for being such a great dad, Rachel's not happy when interference causes her to miss a deadline, and Dale kidnaps Nina when she refuses to make an exception for a friend.
"Don't blame me, I'm not the one who wrote a job application in the style of Angela's Ashes."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S3E3 MUMS GROUP
Originally broadcast: 1 March 2016
Directed by: Paul Murphy
Written by: Robin French, Kieron Quirke
Ken's invited to join a mums group by the woman whose hand he held, Lorna's furious when the truth about Sid's birth finally comes out, and Dale's shocked by his reaction to Rachel sleeping with somebody else.
"Of course! Your voice is music to me, my love. I just sometimes don't concentrate on the lyrics."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S3E4 LIFE OF DALE
Originally broadcast: 8 March 2016
Directed by: Paul Murphy
Written by: Ben Edwards, Robin French, Kieron Quirke
Ken's upset when Lorna goes to work without mentioning his birthday, Steve insists on being involved in the special celebratory evening, and a Trivial Pursuit question prompts Dale to talk about a Chinese experience.
"Look... you're here, she's not. It's like property, isn't it? She's not taken possession. You're squatting on her man. And if you hang on long enough..."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S3E5 UNIVERSITY CHALLENGED
Originally broadcast: 15 March 2016
Directed by: Paul Murphy
Written by: Ben Edwards
Dylan decides to drop out of university after being dumped by Zoe, Ken has no joy whatsoever when he tries to get a refund on the tuition fees, and Rachel discovers that Ben still has hopes of having a future with her.
"Yeah, all right. Can you take those clothes off now? You look like Jimmy Krankie."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S3E6 SID'S BIG DAY
Originally broadcast: 22 March 2016
Directed by: Paul Murphy
Written by: Jon Foster, John Lamont
Dale volunteers to take charge of Sid's atheist baby naming ceremony, Ken's far from impressed when his mum turns up in his late father's car, and Rachel's upset when a tarot reading talks of a woman in the east.
"No. I agreed to a gathering. Have it on a Sunday. Cut-off time, 5pm. Leave the evening free to watch Coast."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
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S3E7 THE HOLIDAY
Originally broadcast: 4 April 2016
Directed by: Paul Murphy
Written by: Robin French, Kieron Quirke
Ken takes his family on holiday to Cumbria so he can search for his dad, Dylan lets Dale in on the secret about how Rachel really feels about him, and Steve and Ben are forced to drive north by two unexpected visitors.
"Five days? FIVE DAYS? ECONOMY ARSE ACHE! WHO FEED THE CAT?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5
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RACHEL THOMPSON
Played by Tamla Kari
6 episodes (2012)
in... The Homecoming (S1E1)
RACHEL THOMPSON
Played by Esther Smith
14 episodes (2014-2016)
in... Neighbourhood Watch (S2E6)
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Part of the
British Comedy Collection
The lives of Ken and Lorna Thompson are changed forever when their daughter arrives home from a gap year in Thailand with a hippy American husband.
SERIES SCORES
Series 1: 6.50
Series 2: 8.50
Series 3: 6.14
FAVOURITE EPISODES
HOLY GODIVA 1. Ken On E
(Series 1, Episode 3 - 2012)
2. Funeral
(Series 2, Episode 4 - 2014)
3. Potato Party
(Series 2, Episode 2 - 2014
4. Grandfather's Cat
(Series 1, Episode 4 - 2012)
5. A New Beginning
(Series 2, Episode 1 - 2014)ONION JACK 1. Ken On E
(Series 1, Episode 3 - 2012)
2. Funeral
(Series 2, Episode 4 - 2014)
3. Potato Party
(Series 2, Episode 2 - 2014
4. Grandfather's Cat
(Series 1, Episode 4 - 2012)
5. Ken at Work
(Series 2, Episode 5 - 2014)