BAMF's July 2017 Cinejourney

Familiar Actress:
Jayne Mansfield

True Rating: 0.3/10

Wow this movie was pretty much garbage. Though we all knew that since it was part of the new Mystery Science Theater collection. You have the husband of a well known actress playing the lead. He can't act and even struggles to look strong in some moments. Jayne Mansfield is quite nice to look at, but she wasn't very good either. I'm not familiar with her stuff all to well, so I'm not sure if she is always like that or if it is just here. This was really boring and poorly done. I'm not sure what they were thinking with this. The director Carlo Ludovico Bragaglia and the writers have all done other stuff and some much better. I guess not everyone can keep making great films. Thanks to MST3k otherwise I don't think I would have ever finished it without those laughs.

Familiar Actors:
Christopher Plummer
David Hasselhoff
Joe Spinell
and
Candy Clark

True Rating: 0.3/10

Wow this Star Wars rip-off was so inconsistent! People's outfits randomly changing, plotlines & abilities popping out of nowhere, and weapons with different effects. Not even the great Christopher Plummer could save this pile of dung. What was he even doing here I wonder? Did he owe somebody? You have a very country sounding robot, scantily clad yet boring women, dull villains, people with random abilities, and the fighting was so poorly choreographed. I mean really don't even get me started on that fighting! Luigi Cozzi has directed other movies, but they don't seem to be considered good either. As for the writers it doesn't look like they had work after this. Glad I watched this with the MST3K guys instead of by itself.

Familiar Actors:
None

True Rating: 0.1/10

This movie was god awful. So poorly done and a chore to sit through. The acting was terrible. The Bigfoot not only looked unfinished, but the scalp looked like the guy had some kind of brutal head wound. The story didn't make much sense and was boring. I felt bad that the MST3K guys had to watch this one. The sad thing is the poster at least looks decent albeit that is definitely not what the Bigfoot looks like! It looks like this killed the career of the writer and director. Although the writer looks to have quite a bit of good stuff. Anyways this was definitely torture.

Familiar Actors:
Kate Higgins
Ben Diskin
Debi Derryberry
Marieve Herington
Christopher Corey Smith
G.K. Bowes
and
Mela Lee

True Rating: 0.3/10

I am a glutton for punishment. I also believe the creator of this series is some kind of twisted masochist. He keeps spewing these out. He doesn't try to create good stories or anything of the sort. The animation is still blocky. One thing I do appreciate is that these movies just come off as basically episodes with the way they are lengthed at around 45 mins each. The voice actors are still hanging around although they really aren't that bad. Tim Maltby directed the previous two films so far. I don't like that I watch these, but I just keep going if there is more story being told hah. Don't waste your time on it!

Familiar Actors:
Patricia Medina
and
Carlos Rivas

True Rating: 0.5/10

I mean yeah this was pretty bad. The story was kind of boring and it takes way too long for the monster stuff. The acting wasn't too bad and the woman was pretty. Although they don't seem to react properly to some of the things that happened. The horror of the movie is just how badly it is put together and the claymation stuff. At least it doesn't seem that this destroyed the careers of the directors and writers as they had successful stuff afterwards. It probably would have been forever before I watched this if it wasn't on MST3K.

Familiar Actors:
Steve Franken
and
Forrest J. Ackerman

True Rating: 1.5/10

This was quite a silly film. The acting wasn't good for the most part and the plot was kind of bland. It wasn't all bad though as it did have attractive ladies and amusing robot things. Still it doesn't offer much other than that. It looks like the screnwriter struggled to come up with conflict. It wasn't the worst of the MST3K batch so that's good. The director Ib Melchior also wrote the Death Race 2000 film. Other than that he and the writer aren't known for much.

Familiar Actors:
Tony Todd
Donna D'Errico
Jsu Garcia
Wade Williams
Alexia Robinson
Lupe Ontiveros
Mike Moroff
Rena Riffel
Lombardo Boyar
and
Lillian Hurst

True Rating: 2.4/10

The third in the Candyman trailer is the worst and a huge drop from the first two. Donna D'Errico is hot, but she can't act let alone lead a full movie. There was one scene where she had to faint and it looked like she was bending down to lay down lol. Not everybody was as terrible as that, but as a lead it really messes with the flow. This one felt like it was made for TV. It just looked so poorly done. The kills weren't that interesting either. Both the writer and director wrote the second parts to Leprechaun and Wrong Turn with the latter actually being pretty fun. Too bad they didn't get this one right.

Familiar Actors:
None

True Rating: 2.5/10

Okay this wasn't the worst thing ever. Yeah the graphics and acting were pretty bad. Other than that it's a pretty silly giant monster movie. Although it takes way too long to get to the chaos and then the way it is pretty lame. The poster for it is pretty cool though. Ib Melchior wrote this MST3K movie as well as another interestingly enough. Sidney W. Pink doesn't seem to have much else besides this.

Familiar Actors:
Rock Hudson
Mia Farrow
Robert Forster
and
Steve Franken

True Rating: 4.3/10

Okay so this was interesting. The disaster part was fun. The fact that the decent actors here doing a terrible job doesn't say good things about this director. Also it's funny to see Steve Franken in another MST3K after The Time Travelers. Anyways I'm sure this movie could have done better. There were a few moments which made no sense. They focused too much on trying to have character development when they produced nothing. Also there was literally no chemistry between the two main characters. Rock Hudson just came off as a creepy weirdo. Corey Allen hasn't directed too many films, but he has done work on Star Trek Next Generation and Deep Space Nine surprisingly. The other writers have worked on well known stuff some good and others bad. Anyways it was fun, but still needed a lot of work.

Familiar Actors:
None

True Rating: 4.7/10

Familiar Actors:
Maika Monroe
and
Matt O'Leary

True Rating: 5.3/10

Familiar Actors:
Bella Thorne
Halston Sage
Anna Akana
Garcelle Beauvais
Kathryn Morris
Kimberly Williams-Paisley
Yasmine Al-Bustami
and
Rhys Wakefield

True Rating: 5.4/10

Familiar Actors:
Adrianne Palicki
Michael Jai White
Kyra Zagorsky
Ty Olsson
Chris Gauthier
Olivia Cheng
Monique Ganderton
Mike Dopud
Matthew Marsden
and
Omari Newton

True Rating: 6/10

Familiar Actors:
Patrick Stewart
Tamzin Merchant
Turlough Convery
Ørjan Gamst
and
Stig Frode Henriksen

True Rating: 5.8/10

Familiar Actors:
Tony Todd
Kelly Rowan
Bill Nunn
Matt Clark
Veronica Cartwright
and
Carol Sutton

True Rating: 6.3/10

Familiar Actors:
Nicholas Hoult
Scott Lawrence
Kate Lyn Sheil
Kristen Stewart
Bel Powley
Guy Pearce
Soo-hyun
Jacki Weaver
Kai Lennox
Rizwan Manji
and
Toby Huss

True Rating: 7.3/10

Familiar Actors:
Tom Cruise
Russell Crowe
Annabelle Wallis
Sofia Boutella
Jake Johnson
Courtney B. Vance
Shanina Shaik
Javier Botet
Parker Sawyers
Chasty Ballesteros
and
George Georgiou

True Rating: 7.2/10

Familiar Actors:
Keith Stanfield
Chris O'Dowd
Noel Wells
Zabryna Guevara
Jessica Williams
Susan Heyward
and
Taliyah Whitaker

True Rating: 8.4/10

Familiar Actors:
Tom Hanks
Felicity Jones
Omar Sy
Irrfan Khan
Ben Foster
and
Ana Ularu

True Rating: 8.4/10

Familiar Actors:
Emma Watson
Dan Stevens
Luke Evans
Josh Gad
Kevin Kline
Ewan McGregor
Ian McKellen
Emma Thompson
Stanley Tucci
Gugu Mbatha-Raw
Adrian Schiller
and
Sonoya Mizuno

True Rating: 8.2/10

Familiar Actors:
Aymen Hamdouchi
and
Gunnar Hansen

True Rating: 7.8/10

Familiar Actors:
Miles Teller
Aaron Eckhart
Katey Sagal
Ciaran Hinds
Ted Levine
Christine Evangelista
Sully Erna
Jeffrey Corazzini
Gia Skova
and
George J. Vezina

True Rating: 9.4/10

Familiar Actors:
Vin Diesel
Jason Statham
Dwayne Johnson
Michelle Rodriguez
Tyrese Gibson
Ludacris
Charlize Theron
Kurt Russell
Nathalie Emmanuel
Luke Evans
Elsa Pataky
Kristofer Hivju
Scott Eastwood
Patrick St. Esprit
Olek Krupa
Nick Gracer
Gary Weeks
Don Omar
Joe Fishel
and
Helen Mirren

True Rating: 9.4/10

Familiar Actors:
Zoey Deutch
Halston Sage
Logan Miller
Kian Lawley
Elena Kampouris
Cynthy Wu
Erica Tremblay
Liv Hewson
Diego Boneta
Jennifer Beals
Nicholas Lea
and
Keith Powers

True Rating: 8.8/10

Familiar Actors:
Tilda Swinton
Kathryn Kirkpatrick
Giancarlo Esposito
Jake Gyllenhaal
Shirley Henderson
Woo-sik Choi
Steven Yeun
Paul Dano
Daniel Henshall
Lily Collins
Devon Bostick
and
Waris Ahluwalia

True Rating: 10/10

Familiar Actors:
Tom Holland
Michael Keaton
Robert Downey Jr.
Marisa Tomei
Jon Favreau
Gwyneth Paltrow
Zendaya Coleman
Donald Glover
Tony Revolori
Bokeem Woodbine
Tyne Daly
Abraham Attah
Hannibal Buress
Kenneth Choi
Selenis Leyva
Martin Starr
Garcelle Beauvais
Michael Chernus
Michael Mando
Logan Marshall-Green
Jennifer Connelly
Gary Weeks
Christopher Berry
J.J. Totah
Hemky Madera
Stan Lee
Wayne Pere
Chris Evans
Kerry Condon
Amy Hill
and
Andy Powers

True Rating: 10/10

Familiar Actor:
Tyler Johnston
and
Pat Mastroianni

True Rating: 10/10

Familiar Actors:
Jose Pablo Cantillo
and
Dakota Fanning

True Rating: 10/10

Familiar Actors:
Keanu Reeves
Leslie Bibb
Lily Collins
Kathryn Prescott
Liana Liberato
Carrie Preston
Alanna Ubach
Lili Taylor
Ciara Bravo
and
Retta

True Rating: 10/10

Familiar Actors:
Michael Shannon
Andrew Garfield
Noah Lomax
Tim Guinee
Laura Dern
Cullen Moss
J.D. Evermore
Christopher Berry
Donna DuPlantier
Ann Mahoney
Clancy Brown
Wayne Pere
and
Elton LeBlanc

True Rating: 10/10