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Films that nearly made the worst 10.
Ice Age: Continental Drift (2012)
Stop this. The only worthwhile film in this franchise is naturally the first film and now I'm sincerely hoping that this will be the end of a franchise that's ended up being nothing but recycled ideas used over again, and again.
Apart from some very few amusing moments, this is basically a complete bore from start til finish. Definitely more enjoyable for very young kids than for me, but I couldn't relate to, laugh at, care for or bother about anything in this film.
Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)
It's terrible. It's a completely dreadful, lazy excuse for a film. It's easily one of the worst films this year and it should be the final nail in the coffin for this franchise. That it follows the exact same formula as the rest of the sequels is one thing, but the fact that is completely free for suspense, atmosphere and terror/horror is unforgivable. You don't make me sit through a film in the genre of found footage horror if you're going to be unbearably boring. At least throw some decent jump scares at us, so I can laugh at those easily scared 14 years old kids. Well, it even failed at that.
The story is also getting dumber and thinner for each film, and now it's scraping the bottom. The plot in this film is utterly ridiculous and it doesn't make any sense at all. The ending is not only predictable (in that it is similar to the ending of the third film, just not as effective), but it is also very, very silly. Not only because it gives the producers a chance to squeeze out another film, but because it doesn't make any sense. And it's a stupid ending for a stupid, boring film.
The Lords Of Salem (2012)
Rob Zombie has directed two decent films in Halloween and The Devil's Rejects, and two terrible films in Halloween II and House of 1000 Corpses. It's safe to say that Zombie's films ain't for everyone, and that he's some sort of hit-and-miss director for some people, like me. Well, this is in my opinion his worst film. I thought it was terrible. Bloody awful.
This is not a horror film. It produces a story and images that could resemble a horror film, but the film is completely lacking atmosphere or anything to make whatever's happening on screen scary. It's just bunch of boring nothing. There's absolutely nothing in this film that does anything for me. Nothing to care for. The story is a mess, the acting is weak and it's just dull.
Worse is how it clearly attempts to produce offensive scenes that's trying to disgust me. It's so blatant obvious and meaningless that it doesn't work.
Never was a huge fan of the last film, and I've never touched the video game. I guess the film would have made more sense if you've played the game, or if you for some reason remember anything from the previous film. I found there to be some confusing aspects in this film, but then again, the plot wasn't exactly compelling enough for me to get interested in it. Take away the Silent Hill setting, and you've basically got a very ordinary horror story.
But where this film falls flat is that it heavily relies on graphic, disturbing images to shock or scare you. The problem with that is that if you're going to attack the viewer with those kind of images, you need to build that around some sort of atmosphere. The images themselves don't work if there's nothing else there to grab you.
The ABCs of Death (2012)
26 directors. 26 letters. 26 short films. Each of them are trying to shock, disgust or offend you in one way or another. Like most anthology films, there are some parts that are better than others. Here however, with the exception of two-four segments that were good or decent, they all range from just plain uninteresting and instantly forgetful, to shockingly bad and distasteful.
"D for Dogfight" is easily the most impressive of them, with "T for Toilet" and "Q for Quack" being slightly amusing. "M for Miscarriage" is the dullest and least inspired of them, which is a surprise, seeing as it was made by Ti West. While "F for Fart" is the worst thing I've ever seen in my life.
During the first 15 minutes of this film, I honestly thought this was another entry into the annoying found-footage genre. Then I found out that it wasn't and that the shaky, annoying camerawork was there for some other reasons, apparently. Now, why is it necessary to have that when you're only showing people watching empty spaces and walking along ruins? Which is what this film is all about during the first 40 minutes.
Then things start to happen and mutated monsters and crazy dog creatures appear. But it's impossible to care about any of that, because it's bloody hard to see what's going on. Not to mention that you couldn't care less about any of the characters, as they're all unbelievably annoying and stupid. So what we have here is a film that fails to be engaging, suspenseful, scary or even worth watching.
The found-footage horror genre is not only getting tiresome because there have been made plenty of them, it's getting tiresome because they're being made by incompetent people. Crowsnest falls straight into that category.
Every horror element in it is bafflingly generic. Five stupid teenagers, drinks and drugs, alone in the forest, unknown murderer. You've seen it a countless number of times before, and the found footage style adds nothing to it. Other than to make the whole film very confusing. Confusing in the sense that it's impossible to see what's happening, as the camera is mostly aimed at the ground, while shaking quite frequently. It's some of the worst camera work I've ever seen.
Bad acting and stupid characters were expected, but the characters in this film are so fucking dumb and annoying that it's almost amazing that no one in the crew asked the director/actors "what they hell are you doing?"
This film is staying clear of the lowest rating because of one nice turn towards the end,but this film is quite honestly an abomination. You don't do horror this way. You simply don't.
The Devil Inside (2012)
As if the found footage genre weren't tiresome enough already, some people got the idea that we need another film like that. About exorcism. Which is also a tiresome idea in itself, and which rarely get done right. You only need to look back to like The Last Exorcism to find another failed example.
And all though, the exorcism scenes alone are decent enough, this film is shattered by an awful plot, terrible acting, no suspense or sense of terror and devilishness, and the fact that this film has the worst ending in a horror film ever. It's the most anticlimactic, laziest and random ending I've ever seen. It's one of those endings you write when you can't come up with anything, and just want it to end. It's bullshit. Here is the ending: On their way to a priest, who is supposed to help with an exorcism on the lead girl (since the demon can jump from one person to another), the demon decides to jump from the girl and on to the cameraman, who just happens to be the driver of the car. The demon then controls him in to crashing the car with a huge trailer . They die in a car crash. A car crash!
The Apparition (2012)
What we have here is one of the worst films in recent years, particularly in the horror genre. The Apparition is a massive failure in every single department. From the unbelievably lousy script to the amateurish direction. The "what the heck"-editing to the misplaced soundtrack. Combine this with weak actors portraying unlikeable characters, doing incredibly stupid things that they won't even do in other terrible horror films, and you've got yourself a real stinker.
Playing out as a some sort of mixture between Paranormal Activity and The Grudge this film is lacking everything for it to be even a somewhat decent film. It's never even remotely scary, tension is absent and there is no atmosphere to be found. This is a film that's more likely to put you to sleep than send chills down your spine.
Breaking Wind (2012)
You thought Vampires Suck was bad? Well, this Twilight spoof makes Vampires Suck seem like a genuinely funny film. Breaking Wind is terrible, making Friedberg and Seltzer's spoof films feel subtle and clever. Crude sexual humour that never hits the mark, fart jokes in every scene and irrelevant references to things like various character's Johnny Depp has played to Avatar and World of Warcraft.
This is the unsurprisingly the kind of film that destroys brain cells, but there's one thing about that got me thinking a bit. What the heck is Danny Trejo doing in this film? I felt so bad for him.
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