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Cloverfield review
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Pathetic, ridiculous, dumb - no words...

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I barely can find anything positive in this film and I am trying hard - VERY HARD, in fact.
The choice of home video style shooting was rather annoying than interesting - it was sooo overdone, 'artificially home video' with plenty of non-home-video errors that it certainly didn't strike me as authentic, never, not even for a single second,... and the introduction at the beginning - prior to catastrophic events - was not only VERY LONG but also BOOOOOORING! Yes, I understand these are average, clueless American hipsters, fine let's get over it in 5 moinutes instead of 15-20 - ahh, you're right, that would make the movie just 1 hour long... ummm wait, what's wrong with that if there's nothing more in it...?

On the other hand I think animation and visual effects were actually fine (I work in this field), the problem was the artistic design, that was mediocre and incoherent, typical dumb-as-hell TV-styled crap... oh wait, the director is a beginner TV-series director (6-8 episodes in noname ones)... oh wait, his producer is his friend... ahh and the writer is an even crappier TV-series writer (episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer - yes, I'm not joking -, as well as Angel, Alias and Lost)...

After realizing the shortcomings of the whole crew it's not a surprise that as a movie Cloverfield IS an utter CRAP, no question about it - no plot whatsoever, completely ridiculous, laughable ideas all the time: they make a trip in the subway from the Downtown to Columbus Circle on foot - try that - while fighting raptors - and try that - and even some soldiers but, of course when they get to the building at Columbus Circle this not-yet-girlfriend is trapped in - skewered at her upper lung by a ~1" thick metal stick but still alive, mind you -, it's not only that this 50+ floor animal did not collapse but simply 'leaned on' the next building - you don't have to live here nor be an architect to see the idiocy here - but also they still have energy to WALK UP 48 FLOORS, CLIMB THROUGH AN OPEN ROOF TO THE TILTED SKYSCRAPER, PULL THE GIRL OFF THE GIANT METAL STICK THEN SHE NOT ONLY CLIMBS BACK WITH THEM BUT THEY WALK DOWN THE 48 FLOORS AGAIN - NOW TRY THAT!

I mean, PLEAHHHHHSE... is there anybody SANE PERSON left in Hollywood? What kind of worthless, pathetic CRAP is this?
This piece was written BEFORE the strike so I must say WRITERS SHOULD REMAIN IN STRIKE MODE - we hardly can get any worse than this utterly worthless crap called Cloverfield.
And please, PLEASE: GET RID OF THESE TV-SERIES BUNGLERS!!!

BOTTOM LINE: Don't waste your money & time - even basic cable regularly offers better choices. IT IS AN UTTER CRAP, period.

1/10
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Added by szlevi
9 years ago on 30 January 2008 15:53


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Posted: 9 years, 4 months ago at Jan 31 11:49
Szlevi, I agree 100%
This movie was unrealistic. I mean the climbing, and the walking, and the gore, it just all came together as a blur. Me and my friend were asking ourselves in the beginning of the movie if that irritating camera thing would just be for 5 minutes, or more...but it never ended!

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