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Hellbound review
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Filled with MadCap Benny Hill-esque type music

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Chuck Norris movies are typically bad but entertaining like the Missing in Action series or Invasion USA but somewhere between the high and the buy, Norris took a wrong turn. All of that Walker, Texas Ranger money must have went to his head because this barely watchable turd is beyond bad. Way beyond bad. Its as if someone was trying to show you how to not make a badass action film.

You would think this would be a winner when Norris has a hard ass name like Sgt. Shatter instead it's like the production took a big shat right in my mouth. I was in the mood for a ridiculous good time, some martial arts and one liners instead I got this.

Christopher Neame is the villain and he's absurd. Not for one second can you take him seriously even though he's so evil he actually rips a man's heart out, a Jewish guy by the way named Schindler. HA! And sometimes he's Satan and sometimes he's working for Satan, oh and he died thousands of years ago and finally came back to do who cares at this point.

Shatter's partner is a picture perfect stereotype named Calvin Jackson who should have just been called Blackie Blackerson (way to go society, moving ahead finally). His dialogue must have be written by the same kid who keeps stealing his wallet throughout the movie. He's also obsessed with playing "bad cop" and watching the Chicago Bulls. He looks like Nile Rogers with his hairstyle that was probably hip only when Nile Rogers was hip. Oh yeah, and he's always hungry, like a Mogwai.

The script isn't fun, the direction is horrible especially when his Norris' brother Aaron is trying too hard to be arty. Trust me, there are no "Happy Mistakes" in this gem.

I can't wait for the sequel.

So through in a trip to the "Holy Land" and you have a barely released Cannon classic. I bet this was part of the eenie miney moe stack of scripts that included Firewalker, Top Dog, and Sidekicks.
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Added by Prisoner 1138
5 years ago on 1 December 2011 00:26




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