Reviews of Meet the Spartans

The 'Worst of 2008' list on its own!

Posted : 5 months, 3 weeks ago on 13 June 2008 01:35 (A review of Meet the Spartans)

"This is bullshit!" (an actual quote that accurately describes everything about this movie as well!)

Meet the Spartans is a film I wanted to avoid and at the end of the day should have avoided. After the creators of the appalling Date Movie and Epic Movie announced yet another spoof...I was almost in tears. Just spare a thought about the money the duo of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have wasted while making these fruitless, futile spoof movies! That could have been enough to fund a few small movies, or altogether could have funded one bigger movie. There's a few potentially decent films we will never see!

In the spoof movie world, there are funny spoofs...and there are Jason Friedberg/Aaron Seltzer spoofs. The former may not produce brilliant results, however they are at least entertaining enough due to the high levels of hilarity that emerge in multiple scenes. The latter...well, you'll be hard-pressed to find the slightest urge to laugh. I have no idea why the talentless duo continues to produce elaborate hack jobs that waste money, time and potential talent. (In this case I'm looking at you, Diedrich Bader. Shame on you for agreeing to star in this mess!)

Meet the Spartans is about as funny as being sexually violated by a horribly disfigured elephant and about as painful. I must give props to the two guys for making the standard for their comedies lower and lower...Date Movie being their best (this is an astoundingly faint praise), Epic Movie resulting in worse results, and Meet the Spartans not only resultant in their worst effort, but possibly the worst film of all time! This is the cinematic equivalent of receiving a very painful enema! How bad are we talking? Well, when I watched the movie I felt sick to the stomach and had to possess a vomit bucket on stand-by. This is a teenager who is saying this...a member of the supposed target audience! Meet the Spartans relies on childish, puerile humour consisting of sometimes insensitive cracks about society and juvenile sex/potty jokes.

I heard reports of people in the cinema yelling out "This is crap!" and other such things. Normally I abhor those who yell stuff in the cinema...but this is an exception. Who am I to quibble? This film is pure crap! It needed to be said.

The film is ostensibly a simple spoof of the hit 2007 film 300. Okay, so the idea of spoofing a highly stylised film adaptation of a graphic novel may seem like a decent idea. There's plenty of material for a raft of clever gags, right? Wrong! The screenwriters only incorporate the obvious and predictable laughs. The pacing is always affected by a scene turning into something from American Idol, Deal or No Deal, Dancing With The Stars, and America's Next Top Model (some of which have been slightly modified to suit the setting). What does this do? It saps all the tension and fast pacing that was set up...instead adding an extra 5 minutes to the already minuscule running time. The film also takes a stab at several other recent movies and even video games! It's all incredibly mindless and pointless! But is it funny? Absolutely not!

Just when you think they've run out of ideas, they decide to spoof Stomp the Yard and have a dancing competition. Then when you've come to the conclusion that things can't get any worse...a competition consisting of people exchanging 'Yo Mamma' jokes! Interestingly enough, they managed to choose the jokes that aren't funny. Yes, it's that bad! But wait...there's even more! You'd think they've run out of ideas, right? It seems they haven't as they incorporate several instances of blatant product placement and commercials. Just like the added TV shows, it slows the pacing and makes the audience even more bored. Worse has yet to come - soldiers walk around the battlefield carrying blue screens to use digital effects to give the impression of a menacing army. In all fairness, I think the filmmakers couldn't find many extras who were willing to be part of the production. If I was offered money to be an extra I wouldn't do it! It'd taint my image, and even if my name was omitted from the credits I would be mentally scarred from so much as stepping onto the set!

In the midst of this cinematic chaos emerges a cast that you feel forced to pity. Carmen Electra's performance always seems to repeatedly reinstate the message to the audience of "I can't act...but I'll always take a role if you want big breasts and zero acting talent!" Sean Maguire never looks committed or convincing. They are supported by a cast that are all standard for the genre. Did they really need the pay-check to suffer through this mess?!

Meet the Spartans only supplied one single line of funny dialogue. But it came in the first minute of the film's running time...thankfully the entire movie only went for about 68 minutes (still too long). I was still forced to sit through over an hour of poorly written gags and a terribly executed screenplay! Then, just when you think the film is finally over, the credit roll is accompanied by the cast singing and dancing followed by a montage of deleted scenes. Ever heard of DVD extras, guys?! This just adds insult to injury!

I'll keep it short, sweet and simple: do not let curiosity get the better of you! There is a line, and Meet the Spartans crossed it. If you ever watch the movie please make sure there is no food in your stomach as it will be explosively hurled in disgust. The movie lacks humour and an entertainment value. The constant stream of parodies are merely based around recent movies and TV programs, and continue to question the viewer's decision to ultimately watch the movie! I can't recall a recent movie I've seen that is worse than this turd on film! In a few years when the potency of the pop culture references have disappeared there won't even be a scrap of laughter to be found. I will never watch this movie again in whole or part, not even if I was paid. Afterwards I felt violated and raped. It gets worse...the same duo are making another spoof film. R.I.P modern cinema!

0.0/10

0 comments, Reply to this entry

Carmen Elektra's tits... and nothing else.

Posted : 6 months, 1 week ago on 24 May 2008 06:04 (A review of Meet the Spartans)

The wors film of the year, with the terrible "Rise:The blood hunter", of course.
Three or four stupid Jokes and a lot of gags that could had been writed by my dog.

Epic Movie, Superhero Movie, Data Movie... there are all some of the Hollywood factory´s originals manufactures.

0 comments, Reply to this entry

Bad movie and I am not joking.

Posted : 8 months ago on 5 April 2008 06:20 (A review of Meet the Spartans)

The whole jokes in this movie were retarded and were not funny. Believe me the trailer is great then the movie is just really bad they use all the good jokes at the start. The movie runs out of ideas quickly and just try and take the p*ss out of everything. The gay jokes are annoying which happen the whole way over the movie. Beware if your looking for something like Scary Movie your not getting it here. Paris Hilton, Britney Spears some woman plays the same part and yet the only decent one in the movie. Everyone else in the movie oh Method Man was decent the rest were just bad Carmen Eletra can't act for her life shes only in this as eye candy.

The movie with it been based on a plot of 300 can't really go anywhere which means they lose ideas fast. Then come in shows and other stuff to try and add comedy such as Shrek, Deal or no Deal, American Idol, that model show thing, Spider-Man, Ghost Rider, Rocky etc these jokes aren't funny it's just funny if your an idiot but it's true. The movie seems like a total rush job and the makers seem like they never really thought about it. The movie only lasts for 1 hour and 15 mins not long thank god but if you wish to see the movie SAVE YOUR MONEY. I got the feeling when the people were writing and coming up with ideas for this movie they were stoned because i have never seen a movie that was so much of a mess..

A lot of the jokes seem to repeat it's self during the process which just adds even more crap making the movie dull and pointless expecting you to laugh at this movie. The people in the cinema sounded like they were pretending to laugh. There is scenes like when the child gets kicked beaten up yeah kids may find it funny but an adult won't.

The movie cost me £5.20 to watch it was just stupid for a movie of 1 hour 15 mins to short it was.

Then what i find so fu*cking annoying that weird guy from youtube Chris Crocker with his sh*t video of leave me alone he gets put into the movie. trust me AVOID!!!!!

This movie should of been a straight to DVD release because it does not even deserve to even make it to the big Screen (Cinema)

0 comments, Reply to this entry

Don't give in to curiosity

Posted : 10 months ago on 4 February 2008 05:39 (A review of Meet the Spartans)

Curiosity will only leave you disappointed, sure its meant to be a spoof but it fails at even that. Hardly funny and not worth watching!

0 comments, Reply to this entry