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Added by Tara on 5 Aug 2010 05:35
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TV Characters I Wish Were Real

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People who added this item 1796 Average listal rating (1187 ratings) 8 IMDB Rating 8.9
George 'Gob' Bluth II



"I've got the marriage and none of the good parts. It's like so far it's been all chain and no ball."

"I’m the pathetic one, Buster, not you. I totally freaked out in front of that prosecutor today. Like a little girl. In a little dress. Little saddle shoes. Little pigtails."
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People who added this item 3200 Average listal rating (2089 ratings) 7.7 IMDB Rating 8.3
Sheldon Cooper



"I'm sorry, I don't understand what social situation this is. Could you give me some guidance in how to proceed?"

Leonard: "Should we have invited her for lunch?"
Sheldon: "No, we're gonna start season two of Battlestar Galactica."
Leonard: "We already watched the season two DVDs."
Sheldon: "Not with commentary."
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People who added this item 207 Average listal rating (134 ratings) 6.2 IMDB Rating 7.3
Boston Public (2000)
Marla Hendricks




Kevin Riley: "Think before you speak, Harvey."
Marla: "Then he'd be mute."

"Mr. Senate shot off a gun? I woulda rolled in a big cannon if I knew where to get one. I'd have tried anything. And you show me a teacher who doesn't almost lose his or her mind sometimes, and I'll show you a teacher who's not trying."
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People who added this item 864 Average listal rating (617 ratings) 6.9 IMDB Rating 8.1
George Feeny



"I believe that when you find love, you hold on to it and cherish it because there is nothing finer, and it may never come again."

"If there's anything you need to talk about, my door is always open. I'm not here to judge."
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People who added this item 1011 Average listal rating (761 ratings) 6.6 IMDB Rating 7.4
Cliff Huxtable



"No 14-year-old boy should have a ninety-five dollar shirt, unless he is on stage with his four brothers!"

"Listen carefully. Your mother and I are rich, you have nothing."
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People who added this item 1292 Average listal rating (920 ratings) 5.7 IMDB Rating 6.6
Pacey Witter



"If you felt one shred of what I feel for you, we wouldn't be standing here having this conversation."

Sheriff John Witter: "Well, be proud of yourself. Enjoy this moment. A loser like you probably won't have many more like it."
Pacey: [to Dawson] "Do you have any idea how many times I set myself for that line, over and over and over again? I just can't stop myself from just trying to get one qualified, "good job, son", out of that bastard. He must be right. I really must be a simpleton."
Dawson Leery: "I know it's not the same, but there are other people in your life who recognize and respect your talent and intelligence. One of them is standing right in front of you. The other one is probably sitting in her bedroom having a perky coronary in anticipation from your return from sea."
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People who added this item 1239 Average listal rating (972 ratings) 6 IMDB Rating 7.1
Robert Barone




"Well congratulations, Raymond. You were concieved legitimately. You win again."

"Everybody loves Raymond. When I go to work, people shoot at me. When Ray goes to work, people do the wave."
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People who added this item 1039 Average listal rating (620 ratings) 8.2 IMDB Rating 8.8
Bill Haverchuck



Sam Weir: "What's non-alcoholic beer?"
Bill: "It's just like beer but it doesn't have that ingredient that makes you drunk."
Neal Schweiber: "Alcohol?"
Bill: "Yeah."

Neal Schweiber: "Had to bring the big rocket, didn't you?"
Bill: "What... I got a big rocket, what am I supposed to do, cut it in half?"
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People who added this item 5342 Average listal rating (3419 ratings) 7.7 IMDB Rating 8.9
Friends (1994)
Chandler Bing



"I'm not really good at giving advice. Do you want a sarcastic comment?"

"You know what's weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?"
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People who added this item 545 Average listal rating (402 ratings) 6.5 IMDB Rating 7.8
Sophia Petrillo



"I never have that problem! Never! I sleep like a log! I never have to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I go in the morning. Every morning, like clockwork, at 7 AM - I pee. Unfortunately I don't wake up 'til 8."

Dorothy: "Ma, can you eat quietly?"
Sophia: "These are Fritos, what do you want me to do, swallow them whole?"
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People who added this item 1679 Average listal rating (1064 ratings) 6.8 IMDB Rating 7.4
Gossip Girl (2007)
Chuck Bass



"The world you're looking at only exists from the outside. The only reason I survive in it is that I always knew it was empty."

"I gave you a shot. And while your efforts were admirable, I'm bored. And you ruined my pants."
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People who added this item 422 Average listal rating (297 ratings) 5.9 IMDB Rating 6.6
Growing Pains (1985)
Mike Seaver



"Nothing happened. Okay, Mom!? She wanted to sleep with me and I didn't do it. I'm probably gay! You happy now!?"

Ben: [to Jason about his science project] "But you told me to do something that interests me. Mike and Carol interest me more than mold."
Jason: "That's a touching sentiment, Ben. Now cut it out!"
Ben: "What's with him?"
Mike: "He doesn't like you, he never has."
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People who added this item 193 Average listal rating (117 ratings) 7.3 IMDB Rating 7.7
Happy Endings (2011)
Penny Hartz



"Max, why are you dressed like Josh Brolin from The Goonies?"

Penny: "The only people who can get away with being mean are rockstars or brain surgeons or Mr. Phil."
Jane: "I think you mean Dr. Phil."
Penny: "C'mon, it's a PHD. Everybody calm down."
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People who added this item 4475 Average listal rating (2862 ratings) 8 IMDB Rating 8.8
House M.D. (2004)
Dr. Gregory House



"We all need some secrets. As long as they don't kill us, they keep us safe and warm."

Rebecca Adler: "I just want to die with a little dignity."
Dr. Gregory House: "There's no such thing! Our bodies break down, sometimes when we're 90, sometimes before we're even born, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it! I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass... it's always ugly, always! You can live with dignity; you can't die with it!"
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People who added this item 2989 Average listal rating (1855 ratings) 7.7 IMDB Rating 8.4
Barney Stinson



"Think of me as Yoda. Only instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro. I'm Broda."

"When will you learn that the only difference between my life and porno is that my life has better lighting?"
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People who added this item 294 Average listal rating (186 ratings) 7.6 IMDB Rating 8.4
Simon Cooper



Simon: "Yeah, well, I’m the only one who can drive so you can fuck off!"
Jay: "I can drive; I took an Army driving course when I was 10."
Simon: "Bollocks! You still wet the bed when you were 10."

Simon: "It's YOUR spunk!"
Neil: "But it's YOUR car!"
Simon: "What… so if I spunked in your face it would be yours?"
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People who added this item 831 Average listal rating (573 ratings) 7.9 IMDB Rating 8.6
The IT Crowd (2006)
Maurice Moss



"I came here to drink milk and kick ass...and I've just finished my milk."

Moss: "If you were a murderer, what would your nickname be? Mine would be The Gardener because I'd always leave a rose at the scene of the crime."
Roy: "And what would your murder weapon be?"
Moss: "...A hammer."
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People who added this item 1144 Average listal rating (722 ratings) 7.6 IMDB Rating 8.5
Modern Family (2009)
Cameron Tucker



"Excuse me, Meryl Streep could play Batman and be the right choice. She is perfection."

Cameron: "My dream for him is that one day, he'll be on the Supreme Court."
Mitchell: "Why, Cam?"
Cameron: "So at parties I can tell people my partner is one of the Supremes."
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People who added this item 1965 Average listal rating (1355 ratings) 6.2 IMDB Rating 7.5
The O.C. (2003)
Summer Roberts



"Ugh, how can you live like this? Your t-shirts are touching your sweaters."

Summer: "You remember when the guys made us watch that film with the gay guys on the mountain?"
Marissa: "Lord of the Rings?"
Summer: "Yeah."
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People who added this item 1255 Average listal rating (807 ratings) 7.4 IMDB Rating 8.6
Gareth Keenan



"He's thrown a kettle over a pub. What have you ever done?"

Gareth: "Tim's put my stapler inside a jelly again. That's the third time he's done it. It wasn't even funny the first time."
David Brent: "Why has he done that?"
Gareth: "I told him once that I don't like jelly. I don't trust the way it moves."
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People who added this item 2468 Average listal rating (1617 ratings) 7.6 IMDB Rating 8.8
Kevin Malone

"I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for because it sounds an awful lot like what I do here every day."

"I just wanna lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted."
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People who added this item 51 Average listal rating (26 ratings) 8.5 IMDB Rating 8.1
Outnumbered (2007)
Karen Brockman



"Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy! I love you as much as...cats."

"I'd rather have a beard or a mustache than a baby 'cause then you can just shave it off if you change your mind."
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People who added this item 692 Average listal rating (401 ratings) 8.1 IMDB Rating 8.6
Ron Swanson



"I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible."

"Of all my coworkers he is one of a small number of whom I do not actively root against... there I go again getting all sappy."
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People who added this item 154 Average listal rating (100 ratings) 7.8 IMDB Rating 8.3
Party Down (2009)
Casey Klein



"I swear to God, Roman, if you don't get away from me I'm gonna kick your fucking dick off!"

"As a member of the species, if you want to date women you gotta put up with some irrational shit sometimes."
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People who added this item 512 Average listal rating (310 ratings) 7.6 IMDB Rating 8.3
Queer as Folk (2000)
Brian Kinney



"I'm suing the motherfucker. He said I'm thirty-one! ...I'm thirty."

"I tune out self-pity, it makes my dick soft. And we wouldn't want that, would we?"
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People who added this item 3256 Average listal rating (2237 ratings) 7.5 IMDB Rating 8.4
Scrubs (2001)
The Janitor



"Well, when I was in high school I was a volunteer janitor at the Hoboken Zoo. And one night I was out plucking peacock feathers to sell for pens when I noticed Gary the gorilla making the sign for food. I gave him my danish. He gave the sign for thank you. Those were the only two signs that Gary knew. Except for boobs. He liked them big and hairy."

Janitor: "This here's our new flagpole. Why don't you show old glory a little respect and snap off a salute?"
J.D.: "There's no flag up there."
Janitor: "We're at war, my friend. All American flags are on backorder. What do you want me to do in the meantime? Run a pirate flag up there? Maybe turn the whole building into a pirate ship? I could put a captain's wheel up on the roof. Catch a parrot somehow, slap on an eye patch, go to work with a caulk gun, seal her up, make her watertight. I could take her out to sea."
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People who added this item 596 Average listal rating (303 ratings) 8.1 IMDB Rating 8.7
Kevin Ball and Veronica Fisher



Kevin: "Circle doesn't start with an S? What the fuck? Cat. I know that shit, bitch! That's a cat!"

Kevin: "How can you be so cold about this?"
Veronica: "Because she hurt my Kev, and nobody hurts my Kev."
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People who added this item 2707 Average listal rating (1900 ratings) 7.2 IMDB Rating 8.1
Jackie Burkhart



"I never thought I'd say this to someone wearing cashmere, but I don't think we can be friends."

Laurie Forman: "You better watch your back!"
Jackie: "Really? 'Cause you should stop spending so much time on yours."
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People who added this item 2189 Average listal rating (1313 ratings) 7.6 IMDB Rating 7.9
True Blood (2008)
Lafayette Reynolds



"Jesus and I agree to see other people, but that don't mean we don't talk from time to time."

"What the fuck is it with white people and jello?"
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People who added this item 1681 Average listal rating (1048 ratings) 8.2 IMDB Rating 8.9
Twin Peaks (1990)
Special Agent Dale Cooper



"This must be where pies go when they die."

"Diane, it struck me again earlier this morning, there are two things that continue to trouble me. And I'm speaking now not only as an agent of the Bureau but also as a human being. What really went on between Marilyn Monroe and the Kennedys and who really pulled the trigger on JFK?"
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People who added this item 1445 Average listal rating (883 ratings) 7.5 IMDB Rating 8
Weeds (2005)
Andy Botwin



"I'm glad that our last name isn't Drew. 'Cause then you'd be Nancy Drew and I'd be Andrew Drew."

"Life is just blah, blah, blah. You hope for blah. And sometimes you find it. But mostly it is blah. And waiting for blah. And hoping you are right about the blahs you made and then just when you think you have the whole blah damned thing figured out and you are surrounded by the ones you blah death shows up. And blah blah blah."
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People who added this item 1846 Average listal rating (1369 ratings) 6.5 IMDB Rating 7.2
Will & Grace (1998)
Karen Walker



"How did you hurt your back? Running away from good taste?"

"Sorry I'm late. Oh God, that sounded insincere... I'm late!"
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People who added this item 765 Average listal rating (567 ratings) 7.1 IMDB Rating 8.3
Kevin Arnold



"All of our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone that makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope. All the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect who might be searching for us."

"When you're a kid, it's simple. Christmas is magic. It's a time of miracles, when reindeer can fly, and Frosty never melts. Then you get older. Somehow, things change. The magic begins to fade. Until something happens that reminds you, at Christmas time... miracles still can be found. Sometimes in the most unexpected places."
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Published 1 year, 10 months ago 2 comments



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Comments

Posted: 7 years, 3 months ago at Aug 28 2:07
Great list.
Posted: 7 years, 3 months ago at Aug 30 1:34
Great list, but double thumbs up for Pacey and Feeney.
Posted: 7 years, 3 months ago at Aug 30 2:11
That's my favorite quote from weeds, Andy is hysterical. Great list.
Posted: 7 years, 3 months ago at Aug 30 19:15
Awesome list! Robert Barone 'n' House are one of the best TV Characters.
Posted: 7 years, 3 months ago at Aug 30 19:39
Yeaah this scurbs guy would be so nice! But almost every other member of scrubs as well i think :D
The guy from The Office is from Pirates of the Caribbean, isnt he? :) great list!
Posted: 7 years, 3 months ago at Aug 30 19:43
oh yeah, who doesn't want to have a real brian *___*
Posted: 7 years, 3 months ago at Sep 11 23:38
omg! awesome list!!! *_*
Posted: 7 years, 2 months ago at Oct 6 16:20
oh Andy botwin how I love you. That is a strage office character choice I would have gone with Michael hands down but kevin is fun too. Also with modern family I would have to add the girl with the kick - ass accent whose name escapes me. she is awesome. I would have to add ned from pushing daisies, jd from scrubs and arrested development i would add Tobias and buster and maybe lucille for kicks from arrested development. also leslie knope from parks and rec. and stewie from family guy as a guilty pleasure.
Posted: 6 years, 11 months ago at Dec 26 4:13
sweet
Posted: 6 years, 8 months ago at Apr 7 1:05
Nice list! I love Karen Walker, she's hilarious!
Posted: 6 years, 5 months ago at Jul 5 23:47
Great list! I love it!
Posted: 6 years, 4 months ago at Jul 24 19:17
I'd have to say I agree with most of these, they're all pretty great. And the "Nancy Drew, Andrew Drew" line is also one of my favourites! Great list!
Posted: 6 years ago at Dec 1 8:53
When you put Gob as a main thumbnail, i just had to vote.
Avatar
Posted: 5 years, 11 months ago at Jan 6 12:56
Gilmore Girls - Lorelai & Rory Gilmore
Grey's Anatomy - Lexie Grey, Cristina Yang
The O.C. - Seth Cohen
Criminal Minds - Spencer Reid

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