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Added by The Flagship on 8 Mar 2009 03:01
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Things that should never have existed in cinema

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People who added this item 1190 Average listal rating (838 ratings) 6.6 IMDB Rating 6.7
Commando (1985)
Arnie showing affection to children


One of the most frightening things I've ever seen on the big screen is Arnie's manic grin being aimed at a young child actor picked to portray his offspring. The scenes with Arnie & Kids are either swimming in a barrel of cheese or effective at making you prey that someone else was in the room whilst they were filming.

Also seen in:
Jingle All the Way
True Lies
Kindergaten Cop
The Flagship's rating:
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People who added this item 2596 Average listal rating (1691 ratings) 5.6 IMDB Rating 6.1
Giving the star unnatural long hair


Nothing throws you off like seeing your favourite stars sporting a ridiculously uncool long-haired style. There's a thin borderline between rebelliously unworkmanlike and having a straight up mullet, yet it's a line toed by Hollywood producers all too often. Short back and sides or upwards it just fine. Extra negative points are scored if the hero has long hair in a sequel after sporting short hair previously.

Also seen in:
Con Air
Bangkok Dangerous
The DaVinci Code
The Flagship's rating:
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People who added this item 3124 Average listal rating (1914 ratings) 7 IMDB Rating 7.3
Closer (2004)
Clive Owen's Accent


His accent is BEYOND ridiculous. I hear London accents everyday and his isn't even close. I was born in Birmingham and moved to Essex when I was young - I think I know bad accents, but never before have I heard one that was as outrageous as Clive Owen's. It almost completely scuppers any chance he has of playing a serious character as a result. Children of Men was so good because he was silent for the majority of it.

Also seen in:
King Arthur
Shoot 'em Up
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People who added this item 1514 Average listal rating (880 ratings) 5.5 IMDB Rating 5.8
'Ugly' women being portrayed by beautiful actresses


Here are some ugly women. Being hound dogs is probably to blame for the fact that their only friend is a sibling and their only social interaction is at a convention. It's a cruel world. In real life, ugly women aren't one hair tie and a pair of contact lenses away from being a prom queen. Hollywood's perception that everyone is beautiful just has to stop!

Also seen in:
Not Another Teen Movie
Sex Drive
Never Been Kissed
10 Things I Hate About You
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People who added this item 674 Average listal rating (491 ratings) 5.9 IMDB Rating 6.4
Under Siege (1992)
Love Scenes featuring Steven Seagal


Nothing is more revolting than the notion that any girl in their right mind would ever sleep with Steven Seagal. Even if he was lucky enough to bribe a hapless woman into the sack, the thought of grinding repeatedly against something so wooden would surely be cause for concern for the fire brigade.

Also seen in:
Belly of the Beast
On Deadly Ground
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People who added this item 2464 Average listal rating (1581 ratings) 6.3 IMDB Rating 6.8
"Don't kill the bad guy, then you'll be just as bad as they are!"


Does anyone remember why The Terminator is such an awesome film? Because He absolutely WILL NOT STOP until you are DEAD. That's why. Nowadays there's nothing more anticlimactic than a level-headed heroine telling the hero not to kill their arch nemesis for psychological reasons. We want to see people paying for crimes in BLOOD. Not being given a predictable second chance to cause havoc!

Also seen in:
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
The Dark Knight
Beauty and the Beast
Se7en

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People who added this item 3095 Average listal rating (2005 ratings) 6.4 IMDB Rating 6.9
Nicolas Cage having genius level intellect


Nic Cage can't act. He also doesn't have the body to fulfil the action movie stereotype. But perhaps his most heinous crime is the fact that he is regularly cast as an ingenious scholar. Nothing is less convincing than the notion that Nic Cage is a genius level cryptologist who knows the answers to anything trickier than a crossword.

Also seen in:
National Treasure: Book of Secrets
Knowing

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People who added this item 4847 Average listal rating (3213 ratings) 6.1 IMDB Rating 7
American Pie (1999)
Going to extreme lengths to lose your virginity


Is there anything as trite and ridiculous now as the annual sex comedy? The premise raised a few smirks in American Pie, but a decade later and they're still milking the genre dry with increasingly ridiculous plotlines. No human beings, even students, are this single-track minded. How many time can one guy glue his hand to himself?

Also seen in:
American Pie 2
American Wedding
American Pie: Band camp
American Pie: The Naked Mile
Superbad
Sex Drive
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People who added this item 2352 Average listal rating (1559 ratings) 6.7 IMDB Rating 7.2
Non-Windows Operating systems


I'm pretty sure that Windows operating systems are prevalent on about 90% of computers world wide. I'm not exactly a windows fanboy or anything, but I don't think I've ever seen a bog standard Windows OS in a film in recent days. Instead, it seems the Hollywood OS is more common, with its horrid contrasting colours and tremendously large and maladjusted download bars which take up the whole screen.

Also seen in:
The Bourne Trilogy
Shooter
Swordfish
Every film from the Early 90s.
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Guy Ritchie dialogue


Guy Ritchie seems to think that London's finest gangsters speak like they're auditioning for en east-end version of Pride and Prejudice. It was kinda funny first time around, but six films down the line and the perpetually calm and eloquent criminals are wearing a little thin. Let's take a guess at what we'll be subject to in the upcoming Sherlock Holmes adaptation:

Watson: "'ere Shirley, you fancy partaking in a beverage down at our favourite drinking establishment tonight?"
Holmes: "No thanks Watson, I'm going home to enjoy a ruby, a bit of fornication and some sterling conversation with my old lady.

Also seen in:
Snatch
Rocknrolla
Revolver
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This is a list of horrible clichés and dysfunctional scenes that I consistently notice in films. Directors seem completely unconcerned that such cheap or preposterous imagery can wash with us viewers. I wish that the following things didn't exist in cinema, because they always drastically cheapen my enjoyment of a film.

A work in progress, I'll undoubtedly add more things when I think of them.

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Comments

Posted: 7 years, 11 months ago at May 27 21:41
I so agree with: Love Scenes featuring Steven Seagal.
Even in his new films where he is an old fat slob he gets it with young beutiful models.
Posted: 7 years, 11 months ago at May 28 3:37
Couldn't agree more!
Posted: 7 years, 11 months ago at Jun 1 10:22
Great list, but please explain the inclusion of Se7en, under the heading "Don't kill the bad guy...." I seem to remember Brad Pitt shooting the unarmed bad guy in the head at point blank range, then firing off another couple of shots. But I could be wrong.
Posted: 7 years, 11 months ago at Jun 1 17:17
He did. But what was Morgan Freeman shouting at him at the time?
Posted: 7 years, 11 months ago at Jun 2 6:06
Basically Freeman was saying what you said, "If you kill him, he will win."
Posted: 7 years, 11 months ago at Jun 2 23:04
So the bad guy won and got shot dead. The title of your sections was "Do not shoot the bad guy" with the implication being that the bad guy didn't get shot dead until he had been given his second chance to cause havok. In Se7en John Doe got shot before his second chance!

Great film though
Posted: 7 years, 11 months ago at Jun 2 23:15
That entry is in quotation marks, because my problem is with someone saying that murdering the bad guy is unjust or wrong in some way. The only thing that makes Se7en different is that he pulls the trigger anyway, which is a refreshing change.
Posted: 7 years, 10 months ago at Jul 1 3:59
I completely agree with the Arnie showing affection to children thing, watching it always makes me feel so unbelievably uncomfortable.
Posted: 7 years, 8 months ago at Aug 27 16:49
Spot on. You should work in Hollywood. Telling the Directors what not to do.
Posted: 7 years, 3 months ago at Jan 3 16:13
yeah Mr. lays is right !
Posted: 7 years, 3 months ago at Jan 8 21:44
I love this list!
Posted: 7 years, 1 month ago at Mar 18 8:03
Steven Siegel on screen. Period.

But I completely disagree with the Clive Owen statement, he is a wonderful actor, and his accent is an okay british accent, almost charming (no Im not gay).

The rest gets a thumbs up.
Posted: 7 years ago at Apr 15 5:49
Clive Owen is from England. I hope that he has a believable English accent!

Great list...you should most definitely invent some more. I'm in line for a bit more amusement.
Posted: 6 years, 11 months ago at May 16 13:53
Awesome list that deserves a vote.
Posted: 6 years, 11 months ago at May 23 19:46
WoW, perfect
Posted: 6 years, 9 months ago at Aug 4 3:08
THANK YOU! I am in total agreement on Nicolas Cage.
Posted: 6 years, 7 months ago at Sep 22 11:36
Great list! And you're absolutely right.
Posted: 6 years, 7 months ago at Sep 22 14:06
For the long hair one, add Next with Nic Cage...couldve been such a good movie if it wasnt for that hair
Posted: 6 years, 7 months ago at Sep 22 14:55
this is hilarious and excellent haha except Tom Cruise in MI2 did not have long hair lol. This is awesome!
Posted: 6 years, 7 months ago at Sep 22 15:33
I actually like Clive Owen's accent. Then again, I'm from Canada, so I don't have the real thing to compare it to :P
Posted: 6 years, 7 months ago at Sep 22 17:32
Hilarious, thanks :)
Posted: 6 years, 7 months ago at Sep 22 19:34
10 Things I Hate About You IS NOT A MOVIE ABOUT 'Ugly' woman being portrayed by beautiful actress...
I think it`s quite interesting movie...
Posted: 6 years, 6 months ago at Oct 10 23:48
I mostly agree with this list and it did make me laugh a few times. What I especially agree with is: going to extreme lengths to lose virginity...way too many movies are based on that and it wasn't that great of an idea in the first place. Also, Steven Seagal...that guy shouldn't even be making movies let alone use them to get a hot chick.

What I don't agree with are two little things...first, I also don't remember 10 Things I Hate About You being a movie where any girl is considered physically ugly but eh, it's not that important.

And regarding the old discussion above that maybe doesn't need me, Se7en. I completely agree with you, not killing a bad guy is soo annoying...and, I also despise characters who are preventing the good guys from killing the villain but in this particular movie a much greater punishment for John Doe would be if he didn't die...I like to think that Freeman's character thought of that rather than "don't kill him so you don't become him", so it was, at least for me, tolerable.
Posted: 6 years, 6 months ago at Oct 14 19:57
Nic Cage isn't my favorite actor either, but apparently other people, more qualified than I think he's great. Reference: His Best Actor Oscar in 1996 for his portrayal of the alcoholic Ben Sanderson in "Leaving Las Vegas".
Posted: 6 years, 6 months ago at Oct 14 20:08
I agree with you on Nicolas Cage and I'm really surprised you didn't add that silly Next (2007) on this list. Also in the opening scene of True Lies (1994) you do see the Windows operating system although I believe it's the Arabic version.
Posted: 6 years, 4 months ago at Dec 16 5:29
Agree with pretty much every single part in the list except Clive Owen in Closer. Still get my vote though.
Posted: 6 years, 4 months ago at Dec 16 12:13
I actually liked Tom Cruises' hair in MI2.. it was a lot sillier in the first movie if you asked me.
Posted: 5 years, 10 months ago at Jun 22 16:54
last time I checked Clive Owen was British..
Posted: 5 years, 10 months ago at Jun 22 16:59
And?
Posted: 5 years, 10 months ago at Jul 5 3:56
I fucking hate movies about dudes trying to get laid! They shouldn't even be called movies, they are garbage that should make any respectable human being wanna barf!
Got my vote :)
Posted: 5 years, 9 months ago at Jul 13 11:02
I totally agree with Veed. How Steven Siegel got into "acting"...I'll never know.
Posted: 5 years, 9 months ago at Jul 13 22:53
totally agreed!
Posted: 5 years, 9 months ago at Jul 18 18:14
Agree with #4 especially & onwards - but I have to I'm also baffled by the Clive Owen choice (that's just the way he talks!) lol.
Posted: 5 years, 9 months ago at Jul 19 3:22
Ha! Nicolas Cage being a genius is about as believable as him being a knight (saw Season of the Witch recently) I don't know what some of these people are thinking when they cast him for these types of roles...also agree with the Steven Segal one, the thought of him doing anything sexual is stomach churning. great list for the most part, enjoyed reading it!
Posted: 5 years, 9 months ago at Aug 2 4:27
awesome list!
Posted: 5 years, 9 months ago at Aug 2 13:14
Agree about Steven Seagal. LOL This list made me laugh so hard....
Posted: 5 years, 8 months ago at Aug 29 3:22
Love the list, but...
I have to agree with the earlier comments about 10 Things I Hate About You. It's about 2 sisters who differ in temperament not looks. The only thing ugly about Kat is her attitude. I'm still gonna vote, but I totally disagree with you about that.
Posted: 5 years, 7 months ago at Sep 7 16:49
Suggestion : any movies featuring Rob Schneider should've never been made.
Posted: 4 years, 9 months ago at Jul 15 7:44
Number 1. to me sick thoughts(maybe you never see ''big guy''with kinders:D)..and 7.i would delate from this list..,and at the end Steven Seagal with model..,so?! i m also big fat and my girlfriend is miss universe belive me or not..(:
anyway i just don't like this list Big Dislike..;)
Posted: 4 years, 7 months ago at Sep 16 7:30
LMAO Saying Batman should kill Joker is just fucking stupid, Batmans #1 rule is not to kill people.
Posted: 4 years, 7 months ago at Sep 20 12:25
nice list man!
Posted: 4 years, 7 months ago at Sep 20 17:17
No way, Aldenvdk? Can you tell me more about comics?
Posted: 4 years, 4 months ago at Dec 9 9:57
Hahaha great list! I totally agree with you!
PS: Loved the dialogue between Shirley and Watson!
http://ingmarbergmanandwoodyallen.tumblr.com/
http://www.facebook.com/moviesandtvseriesquotes
Posted: 4 years, 1 month ago at Mar 14 18:59
Great list, the one I hate most has to be the "Don't kill the bad guy, then you'll be just as bad as they are!" thing, hate it when people say/carry this out this in movies, so frustrating.
Agree with the others too, although I quite enjoy Guy Richie's gangster dialogue.
Posted: 3 years, 9 months ago at Jul 14 2:40
so according to you Clive Owen who's a British actor is faking his British accent ?
anyway agree with all of it except for Clive he's an excellent actor and doesn't deserve to be on same level as Seagal and Cage
Posted: 3 years, 8 months ago at Aug 22 16:42
good list

regarding good looking women being made to be "ugly" its worth checking out the romcom The Truth About Cats And Dogs - many people feel that the impossibly cute Jeanette Garofalo (sp?) who plays the "ugly" woman was better looking than kind of weird looking Uma Thurman who plays the good looker. Garofalo herself said the idea was a bit stupid that she would be considered ugly.

On a related theme the WORST thing you see is when sometimes nerds/geeks/losers get HOT women...it dont happen in real life!

Another pet peeve is movies that try to be hip and edgy
Posted: 3 years, 2 months ago at Feb 9 23:35
So wrong about Owen and Cage that it is ridiculous.
Posted: 3 years, 1 month ago at Mar 10 20:56
my co-worker's ex-wife makes $78 hourly on the internet . She has been fired for 9 months but last month her pay check was $21290 just working on the internet for a few hours. blog link,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

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