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Added by PvtCaboose91

on 8 Apr 2010 12:54

97
8569 Views 51 Comments

Remake? HELL NO!

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People who added this item 1078  Average listal rating (774 ratings) 6.5  IMDB Rating 6.6 
1. Commando (1985)


Can you imagine anyone other than Arnold Schwarzenegger in the title role of John Matrix? Can you imagine anyone other than Arnie saying "Let off some steam, Bennett"? Put quite simply, it's impossible to remake this movie and replace Schwarzenegger. Why would you want to?! It makes no sense to remake Commando. The filmmakers achieved the perfect tone of pure cartoonish absurdity, and it cannot be replicated.

Plus, what's the logic in remaking a straightforward action star vehicle?! It's a hackneyed story and it's a cheesy movie. While they're at it, why not remake Cobra or First Blood or even Die Hard? These movies are perfect in their current form...

Worst of all, let's try to imagine what would happen if Commando was remade. My brain hurts as I think about how much this would absolutely rape the legacy of the original. Knowing Hollywood, this remake would have:
- A bland WWE Wrestler in the title role. The Rock? John Cena? Some wrestler looking to make a living in films?
- A side-kick character in the form of Shia LeDouche or Zac Efron. I'll bet this side-kick encounters Matrix during an act of violence, attaches himself to Matrix, and Matrix tells him to go away, but the kid proves his worth somehow...
- "Relevance" to today's society. Chances are locations would be changed to the Middle East, and Matrix would be a veteran of the Gulf War or the Iraq War or something
- A PG-13 rating. It's only logical. And it's insulting. Can you imagine Commando as a PG-13? I can't. And don't want to
- A piece of eye candy in the lead female role. Megan Fox or someone similar. Matrix and her would be a couple by the end of the film's proceedings
- The daughter killing the main villain to make a "How cute, the little girl saved her daddy!" outcome
- Matrix's daughter as 16-year-old who hates her father for "teenage girl" reasons in the beginning of the movie that will have no explanation. "You never understand me, dad!" and by the end of the film will be like... "You're a great dad afterall!"
- Lines/ideas copied from the movie Taken
- Bennett as a "misunderstood anti-villain" who feels betrayed by Matrix
- Slow-mo shots (Bullet time?) of shots being fired as an excrutiating rap tune flows from the speakers like diarrhea. None of the bullets hit a thing
- A backstory which reveals that Matrix's wife has been either killed/mutilated/crippled/barbecued by bears/a bomb/rouge rhinos/Disease of the Week, and the daughter will blame Matrix for her death/incapacity/whatever until the end where it is revealed that mother's death was orchestrated by Bennett/a corrupt government official because she was working at a shadowy government entity and stumbled upon the secret recipe for their delicious apple cobbler.

I defy you to say I'm wrong.

There we have it. Shit on a stick which costs little, would require little effort, but would make a healthy profit because of the box office value of the chosen stars.

Fuck that shit.

And FUCK YOU, HOLLYWOOD!

UPDATE: Commando remake is officially happening. David Ayer is writing & directing it, and it's going to be a more realistic take on the story. What the FUCK?!
PvtCaboose91's rating:

People who added this item 3951  Average listal rating (2606 ratings) 7.3  IMDB Rating 8.1 
2. Jaws (1975)


Straight off the bat, I understand that a well-made, thrilling shark movie in this day and age would be fantastic. I'd love to see shark attacks rendered using today's filmmaking technology. Look at some of the stuff in Deep Blue Sea. CGI was crappy, but those mechanical sharks were amazingly realistic. All these years on, we could be looking at the most thrilling shark attacks in cinematic history.

But... Why Jaws? Why use the story of Jaws as a basis for the ultimate contemporary shark movie? Why not sit down and come up with a better concept? The thought of people reinventing the roles of Chief Brody, Matt Hooper and Quint is cringe-worthy. Those roles were owned by Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss and Robert Shaw. It's especially painful to think of the substitutes. Tracey Morgan is being rumoured for the role of Matt Hooper. Ouch...

More importantly, because of the nature of this cinematic climate and the desires of audiences, the focus would be purely on shark action as opposed to character development. Meaning a higher body count and more blood. Or maybe it'd be a PG-13, meaning a lot of shark attacks but very non-graphic ones. Even worse!

You can't make a terrific shark movie in this cinematic climate. So don't even try. Fuck you, Hollywood.
PvtCaboose91's rating:

People who added this item 2210  Average listal rating (1341 ratings) 7.4  IMDB Rating 7.4 
3. The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)


If it ain't broken, don't try to fix it. How is that so hard for Hollywood to grasp?

The creator of television's Glee has began negotiations to direct the remake of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. But...WHY?! Why on Earth remake the cult phenomenon? It's especially baffling seeing as the original is still showing in cinemas. Imagine the original and the remake in cinemas at the same time...

Of course, Hollywood loves the money prospect. Maybe they hope that they'll be able to trick fans into thinking a screening of the remake is a screening of the original... Makes me sick. You cannot replace Tim Curry. You cannot create covers of the brilliant songs. This is an atrocious idea.

Fuck you, Hollywood.
PvtCaboose91's rating:

People who added this item 2113  Average listal rating (1373 ratings) 7.3  IMDB Rating 7.6 
4. The Crow (1994)


I could understand it if someone wanted to produce another version of the comic book series, but a remake of this remarkable interpretation? Fuck no!

First of all, in this day and age, hardly any filmmakers would have the skill replicate the atmosphere of the film... The grainy visuals, the hardcore violence, and so on. In this contemporary filmmaking climate, everything would look crisp and sterile. Half the magic is lost.

Secondly, how can you replace Brandon Lee? His work here is pitch-perfect.

And lastly, WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO REMAKE IT? There's nothing wrong with this version that a remake could improve. And that's the bottom line - if it ain't broken, don't fix it. If a film ended up being a wasted opportunity which squandered a terrific premise, then sure, remake the thing and make a lot of changes. If you cannot imagine a better version of the original movie, a remake is unnecessary...

Bottom line is, this is a financial decision, not an artistic one. Fuck you, Hollywood.

UPDATE: Looks like the remake might have been cancelled. Thank the fuck Christ.
PvtCaboose91's rating:

People who added this item 2013  Average listal rating (1391 ratings) 7  IMDB Rating 7.5 
5. Total Recall (1990)


A remake of Total Recall?!? A remake of one of the most awesome, entertaining science fiction movies of the '90s? Why in hell would you want to try?

And don't give me the "the original will still be there, no-one's forcing you to watch it" shit. It doesn't matter if I watch it or not, the insult is still there. The insult that someone tried to improve upon/replicate perfection.

The special effects here basically haven't dated. Oh sure, a few things look shonky, but it's all part of the charm. Plus, it looks far more realistic than the crisp CGI stuff they'd apply to this movie.

Worst of all, placing another actor in Arnie's role is unthinkable. In this Hollywood climate, there is no-one worthy to take this role. The Rock? Fuck no. John Cena? Fuck no. Sam Worthington? Good actor, but fuck no. There is no actor part of this generation who exudes the same authority and presence as Arnold Schwarzenegger.

You cannot remake Total Recall. Fuck you, Hollywood.

UPDATE: Scheduled for release summer 2012.
PvtCaboose91's rating:

People who added this item 792  Average listal rating (555 ratings) 6.5  IMDB Rating 6.9 
6. Romancing the Stone (1984)


There is absolutely no reason to remake Romancing the Stone. None at all. It's an adventurous movie with a certain flavour that would be impossible to replicate. You cannot replace Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner in these roles.

That pretty much covers it.

Oh, and fuck you to hell, Hollywood.
PvtCaboose91's rating:

People who added this item 505  Average listal rating (345 ratings) 7.6  IMDB Rating 7.8 
7. The Dirty Dozen (1967)


The Dirty Dozen is a classic action/war movie, filled with a classic cast of badass names, and brimming with macho-ness. It's a fun, enjoyable boy's war movie, and a favourite for many I don't doubt.

So... Why remake it?! WHY?! Didn't you hear me, I said WHY?!?!

Oh sure, the technical aspects of this movie are dated and the action scenes don't deliver that visceral punch of something like Saving Private Ryan. But that sort of thing matters not in the long run, because the focus is on the narrative and the characters. Hollywood today would make it a 100-minute action movie, rather than the 160-minute epic of the original.

I appreciate that one would like to see this story brought to life with modern cinematic techniques. I would too. But why a remake? The premise is very malleable. Stallone's The Expendables uses the basic men-on-a-mission premise invented by this movie. The titular troupe of Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds was inspired by The Dirty Dozen. Point is, you can make a story similar to The Dirty Dozen, but not a remake. Change things. Invent new characters. Reinvent the whole movie. That would be acceptable. A remake of the same name which simply does away with the depth of the original? No. Just no. Fuck you, Hollywood.
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People who added this item 937  Average listal rating (670 ratings) 5.8  IMDB Rating 6.3 
8. Cliffhanger (1993)


A Cliffhanger remake? Really? Really?! Really?!? Really?!?!

First they plan to remake an Arnold Schwarzenegger star vehicle (Commando) and now they want to remake one of the most essential Sylvester Stallone movies in history? For goodness sake, why not just conceive of another action film set in the snow? Why remake this awesome movie? What's the fucking logic?

When it comes to a Cliffhanger remake, it'd be impossible to
1) Replace Stallone (Those WWE Wrestlers suck at acting, and they're the only ones with the requisite physique. Except maybe Jason Statham...)
2) Replicate the grittiness of the action. It'd all be fucking green screen work and digital effects, rather than real stunts and real helicopters and real sets.
3) Make it as violent. Chances are this'd just be a PG-13 star vehicle.

With this in mind, it'd just be some indistinguishable actioner no-one would remember or care about 5 minutes after they watch it. Fuck you, Hollywood.

UPDATE: Oh fuck, they're "rebooting" Cliffhanger like J.J. Abrams did with Star Trek. Are they fucking serious?!?! What, they're going to do Gabe's origins in the first movie, then remake Cliffhanger for the second? Fuck that bullshit. Adding insult to injury, PG-13 purveyor Neal Moritz (xXx, Fast and the Furious) is producing it. This means Vin Diesel may take the role of Gabe Walker. Fucking... What the fucking fuck?
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People who added this item 1156  Average listal rating (771 ratings) 7  IMDB Rating 7.2 
9. Escape from New York (1981)


As with many other items on this list, I can understand the appeal of a film like this being brought to life with modern filmmaking technology. Slicker action, better from a technical standpoint, and so on. What I can't understand, however, is why you would want to make a straight-up remake of this movie because it's absolutely fine the way it is.

As with all the other items on this list, the idea is motivated by money, not an artistic spark. You can't replace Kurt Russell as Snake Plissken, and you can't replicate the type of magic this film is infused with. It's pure '80s magic, and in this day and age it'd be some indistinguishable PG-13 action-fest. Maybe it'd actually be a good, entertaining R-rated actioner, but with Hollywood behind this remake, good things cannot come of it.

The long and short of my ramble? If someone was to use just the basic premise and create a whole new storyline brought to life by a talented action director, then bring it on. I wouldn't be complaining. But chances are we're looking at a lifeless Hollywood-ised version. Yawn. Boring. Fuck you, Hollywood.

UPDATE: The studio has dropped it. Maybe the project has died...
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People who added this item 2430  Average listal rating (1545 ratings) 7.5  IMDB Rating 7.8 
10. The Birds (1963)


Of course... A remake of this classic film with a focus on visual effects and bird action rather than character development. Hitchcock's original was amazingly chilling and filled with iconic imagery that makes you unnerved. It's these subtleties that Hollywood have completely forgotten about. The focus is now on big budgets and blockbusters.

Maybe I should give the filmmakers the benefit of the doubt, and I'm being too presumptuous. But think about it... When was the last time you saw a thriller as subtly chilling and patient as Hitchcock's original The Birds? And even if the filmmakers of the remake did elect a route similar to the original, then it'd be twice as useless because the original has already done it.

There is no sense in remaking The Birds, and it sickens me that Hollywood would try. Fuck you, Hollywood.
PvtCaboose91's rating:

People who added this item 331  Average listal rating (209 ratings) 7.3  IMDB Rating 7.4 
11. True Grit (1969)


Why?

WHY?!

I don't understand it. The Coen Brothers want to remake this John Wayne Western classic. It poses a number of questions. First, how the hell do you replace Duke Fucking Wayne as Rooster Cogburn? Let's not forget, the Duke got himself an Oscar for this role. Second, WHY REMAKE THIS MOVIE? It does not make any sense at all.

Case closed.

And fuck you, Hollywood.

UPDATE: Remake was released in December 2010. I've seen it and it wassss... okay. Felt too gutless. Didn't do enough interesting stuff with the material.
PvtCaboose91's rating:

People who added this item 2121  Average listal rating (1275 ratings) 7.8  IMDB Rating
12. Rosemary's Baby (1968)


In 2009, I was overjoyed when word reached the press that the Rosemary's Baby remake was scrapped. Good. Awesome. Time to get on with life.

But now, word has reached the press that the remake idea has been revived and Michael Bay is directing it. Oh lordy, do I even need to tell you how utterly wrong and fucked up that is? These days, Michael can't stay still for 5 minutes without throwing in a pointless action scene drowned in digital effects. What the fuck is he doing to do with this premise? Give the old people karate powers? Have the devil baby go on a killing spree? Have a huge shootout between the devil baby and its mother? I cringe at the thought.

In the past, Bay's Platinum Dunes have fucked up more than they've succeeded. To think that they will now tackle one of the greatest horror films of all time... It's just insulting.

Fuck you, Michael Bay.

UPDATE: It has apparently been cancelled. Phew.
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People who added this item 1781  Average listal rating (1122 ratings) 7.6  IMDB Rating 7.8 
13. Battle Royale (2000)


A remake of Battle Royale? Wait a minute, that kind of sounds familiar because...well...it's already been done, just not by name. The Condemned, anyone? The Tournament? Fuck sake, those movies are examples of how remakes should be done: by utilising the basic concept and just running with the best ideas.

The thought of a straight-up Hollywood remake is sickening. It will be filled with actors in their late 20s trying to pass themselves off as teens, and the focus will be on the action rather than emotion or characters.

Battle Royale is brilliant the way it is. A remake is unnecessary. Fuck you, Hollywood.
PvtCaboose91's rating:

People who added this item 1629  Average listal rating (1025 ratings) 6.9  IMDB Rating 7.4 
14. Poltergeist (1982)


I suppose we all shouldn't be too shocked. Hollywood is out of original ideas for horror movies (though a lot of filmmakers outside the Hollywood system have no trouble coming up with something original...), so they've been remaking horror movie after horror movie. So why not remake one of the greatest classic horror movies in history?

Well, because it's a fucking bad decision.

The original Poltergeist is a good fucking movie. It's a carnival ride of a fright flick, with well-drawn characters, good scare moments and a lot of atmosphere. In short, it cannot be dramatically improved, so this is once again a case of aiming a remake towards gullible viewers who can't be bothered checking out the original. The scam has worked every other time...

Fuck you, Hollywood.
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People who added this item 1220  Average listal rating (815 ratings) 6.8  IMDB Rating 7.2 
15. Highlander (1986)


Oh HELL no. Highlander is not a perfect film, or even a great film, but it's perfectly serviceable in that cheesy '80s action movie sort of way. That type of magic is lightning in a bottle. You cannot replicate this sort of magic.

It's a bad, bad idea. Fuck you, Hollywood.
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People who added this item 718  Average listal rating (432 ratings) 7  IMDB Rating 7.1 
16. Martyrs (2008)


Maybe I shouldn't be too shocked. After all, how many quality foreign horror movies haven't been remade by Hollywood? However, this doesn't mean it's a good idea. Far from it.

This is a classic example of "It's not broken, so don't try to fix it". Martyrs is thinking man's torture porn, but it's doubtful the intelligence will survive the conversion to a Hollywood movie. Plus, watching this movie is at times gruelling. It's a good movie, yeah, but you won't want to watch it again. So why would we want to watch an identical Hollywood retread?

Fuck you, Hollywood.
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People who added this item 1685  Average listal rating (933 ratings) 8.6  IMDB Rating 8.8 
17. Seven Samurai (1954)


This has been a long time coming. I'm pretty sure Hollywood has wanted to remake this for at least a decade. All I can say is, I fucking hope that the planned remake keeps getting delayed and is eventually scrapped. For fuck's sake, they already remade Seven Samurai. It was called The Magnificent Seven and it was magnificent.

Of course, Hollywood loves the idea of creating a samurai film like this, and filling it head to toe with CGI and slow-motion action scenes, etc. To consider this approach while bearing in mind the reserved nature of the original film...is just appalling.

Hollywood can go ahead and make a samurai movie with the aforementioned approach. But they just shouldn't remake this samurai movie because it doesn't need to be remade.

Fuck you, Hollywood.
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People who added this item 1072  Average listal rating (744 ratings) 6.7  IMDB Rating 7.1 
18. Point Break (1991)
PvtCaboose91's rating:


 

Rumours have been floating around regarding remakes of these movies. But these movies should NOT be remade. It's disgraceful that Hollywood would even try.

Feel free to suggest more titles.

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Comments

Posted: 4 years, 3 months ago at Apr 10 9:18
Total Recall is very good still today, and the FX is top notch so something is very, very wrong with Hollywood. I thought it was one big mistake to remake predator too, no one can match the cast of bad-asses from the first movie! It's impossible so why don't call it Predator 3 and I would not be mad!!? This remake shit has to stop, I totally agree!!
Posted: 4 years, 3 months ago at Apr 10 9:21
Rodriguez's Predators isn't actually a remake of the original Arnie film, thank Christ. It's actually Predator 3.

But, judging by the trailer, it does look as if aspects of the original Predator were aped by Predators. It could be good... I wouldn't know, I don't have a time machine :P
Posted: 4 years, 3 months ago at Apr 11 15:11
I agree, but it has an interesting director so maybe it could work!
Posted: 4 years, 2 months ago at May 7 4:26
This one actually sparked emotion. Who could even try to remake some of these?! I think it may be looking like a massive cinema boycott for me in the future. Nice list. Lovely rant.
Posted: 3 years, 4 months ago at Mar 10 16:39
Just read your comment on Commando...

On one hand, I laugh my ass off because it's just so damned funny. On the other hand, I feel bad for you because you're probably right on most of your points and I'm afraid they're gonna ruin your treasured memory of the original version....
Posted: 3 years, 4 months ago at Mar 10 18:43
I enjoy your rage in the comments. Awesome list, pretty much agreed on all of them.
Posted: 3 years, 4 months ago at Mar 10 18:45
Hollywood ruins all
Posted: 3 years, 4 months ago at Mar 10 19:05
I actually suggest that you see the 2010 remake of True Grit while you still can. It's even better, funnier and more emotional than the John Wayne version.
Posted: 3 years, 4 months ago at Mar 10 19:24
Rocky Horror, Battle Royale...definitely not. Even if a remake is made I'll do what I do with most remakes and even most sequels: Try not to talk about it, pretend it doesn't exist.
Posted: 3 years, 4 months ago at Mar 10 22:17
Max, I actually suggest you read my reasoning as to why the remake is unnecessary ;)
Posted: 3 years, 4 months ago at Mar 11 0:15
My first thought: Damn I didn't know Justin Bieber was in the original True Grit. LOL! But seriously... I will cry if they remake The Crow.
Posted: 3 years, 4 months ago at Mar 11 0:39
The US is full of writers looking to score big with new stories. It's sad beyond all belief that Hollywood doesn't take a chance with a new story, and a new concept. With the huge budgets and special effects the industry has at their disposal, Producers and Directors can make almost any written idea work as a visual concept. What's so scary about something new? I'm so sick of remakes.
Posted: 3 years, 4 months ago at Mar 11 2:27
u had my vote after Shia LaDouche
Avatar
Posted: 3 years, 4 months ago at Mar 11 3:04
I'm so angry right now. I totally second with you on each movie. Rosemary's Baby? Rocky Horror with that sucker? Glee suxx for God's sake.
And what about Tim Burton & Wizard of Oz? I wish he could stay away from the classics... and start drawing again.
Posted: 3 years, 4 months ago at Mar 11 3:13
True Grit was a book first, and the Coens simply made a more faithful adaptation of it. So that one's forgivable in my opinion, but it's the sole exception among the ones you listed.

Sadly this continues to occur thanks to everyone who keeps showing up for unnecessary remakes. So yeah, fuck Hollywood, but also fuck everyone who keeps spending money on watching remakes instead of just watching the originals.
Posted: 3 years, 4 months ago at Mar 11 8:30
The only two of these that got me worked up is The Crow and Rocky Horror Picture Show. Whoever the hell thinks it smart to remake those deserves to be shot. They're classics that SHOULD NOT be messed with. I'm with you, both Brandon Lee [may he rest in peace] and Tim Curry are irreplacable! Dumb fucks... -.-
Posted: 3 years, 4 months ago at Mar 11 11:41
I would totally approve a remake of Total Recall, all the others that I've seen no please.

I think that out of all these movies the worst possible candidate for a remake would be Birds, it would COMPLETELY lose it's feeling and atmosphere, NO ONE could do it like Sir Hitchcock did it.

The same can be said about Kurosawa.
Posted: 3 years, 4 months ago at Mar 11 12:29
Total Recall is a fucking masterpiece. It's absolutely perfect in its current form. One of my favorite movies ever. Why would you approve of a remake?!
Posted: 2 years, 9 months ago at Oct 8 13:20
Do not touch oldboy spike lee!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 2 years, 9 months ago at Oct 8 16:36
Agreed in 100%! Hollywood movies these days are either remakes or sequels of very, very good movies.
Posted: 2 years, 9 months ago at Oct 8 17:33
A remake of seven samurai?

NOOOOOooooooooooo D:
Posted: 2 years, 9 months ago at Oct 9 1:48
Oh my God, you're really upset!!! LOL but you're totally right... Love your comments! :)

Oh, apparently there's gonna be a remake of Point Break, and according to IMBD has already a provisional year of release, 2013.
I don't know you guys but I loved that movie! F*** u Hollywood!!
Posted: 2 years, 9 months ago at Oct 9 7:26
It's ironic that you mention Slow-Motion sequences in your prediction of Hollywood's remake of Seven Samurai because Kurosawa's Seven Samurai was the first film to use the slow motion technique in an action sequence.

On a more serious note, if Hollywood touches Seven Samurai, I will lament how unjust the capitalist system has become.

Note: The Coen Bros' True Grit is one of the best films of 2010, it is in every way superior to the original, regardless of the lack of John Wayne.
Posted: 2 years, 9 months ago at Oct 9 9:42
Man, you really know your stuff and you really 'let off steam' in a good way though! I like your comments and thoughts and in some movies, I'm 100% with you!

Another thing I've noticed that you have ended all of your comments with Fuck You Hollywood... Give them credit, after all they did bring the originals to you in the first place, right?
Posted: 2 years, 9 months ago at Oct 9 10:19
@Gaby Point Break is a superlative suggestion. It will be added to the list post-haste. (And I'm VERY disgusted with the idea of remaking that classic action movie)

@sunset96 Fair point, but there's a difference between artistic slow motion and gratuitous, "just because it looks cool" slow motion. What would Seven Samurai look like with 300 treatment? *shivers*

Of course, you're entitled to your opinion about True Grit. You're not the only one with the opinion. I have not seen the remake yet, but I will check it out.

@Happy Vader My friend, Hollywood is a shadow of its former self. Plus, Hollywood didn't bring us such foreign titles as Seven Samurai, Martyrs or Battle Royale ;) In those cases, it's an even bigger "fuck you" because Hollywood just wishes they brought us those originals. Lol.
Posted: 2 years, 9 months ago at Oct 10 20:37
Hey! I got another one, apparently the spanish movie El Orfanato is not good enough, so Hollywood is developing the remake "The orphanage". Coming to teathers in 2013.
Posted: 2 years, 8 months ago at Nov 18 1:52
Can't say I agree with the true grit remake, but I agree with Rocky Horror Picture Show. You CAN'T replace Tim Curry!
Avatar
Posted: 2 years, 4 months ago at Mar 18 4:03
so, you don't like hollywood
Posted: 2 years, 4 months ago at Mar 22 23:41
If they do a remake of "The Birds," it'll probably end up like the remake of "Psycho"... pointless and stupid. Don't mess with the Hitch.
Posted: 2 years, 2 months ago at Apr 27 8:22
City of Angels, the remake of Wings of Desire, was pretty terrible.
Posted: 2 years, 2 months ago at May 20 6:55
Agree on almost all of these. I would love to see a reamake of Jaws with more shark action IF whoever was doing it didn't bother with CGI. I want real animals in my eco-horror. Not Pixar characters.

Remaking Martyrs? That's the worst idea ever. In my opinion the original was complete rubbish, I don't even want to THINK about a Hollywood style remake.

Oh hey, they're remaking Poltergeist. :3
Posted: 2 years, 1 month ago at Jun 5 13:47
Your comments were GREAT and you are RIGHT!
Posted: 1 year, 11 months ago at Aug 24 7:31
Great list! I agree with your rants 100%!!! It's too bad that Hollywood doesn't listen to die-hard movie fans. If they did, then they would come up with original ideas that audiences would really enjoy watching. Instead, they keep recycling more garbage and presenting it as an original idea. Anyway, great job on this list.
Edit: 1 year, 11 months ago
Posted: 1 year, 11 months ago at Aug 24 10:31
They already remade Seven Samuris, it was called The Magnificent Seven. And The Expendables might as well be The Dirty Dozen updated.
Posted: 1 year, 11 months ago at Aug 24 10:37
They already remade Seven Samuris, it was called The Magnificent Seven. And The Expendables might as well be The Dirty Dozen updated.

Right, and they want to produce more direct remakes of these movies. Want a medal for being a twat?
Posted: 1 year, 11 months ago at Aug 24 11:20
They also want to remake Steel Magnolias. The original movie is great and they shouldn't do it.
Posted: 1 year, 11 months ago at Aug 24 16:19
I've seen the Nostalgia Critic review of Total Recall that was co-reviewed by That Sci-Fi Guy. The original looks better because of a couple of wacky moments to balance out the movie's dark tone. That, and Arnold was there.

What? MICHAEL BAY directing ROSEMARY'S BABY? WHAT? And NO Poltergeist remakes!
Posted: 1 year, 11 months ago at Aug 24 17:32
I saw the new Total Recall movie - it defines pointless remake - and Spielberg should sue if Hollywood tries to remake Jaws or Poltergeist.
Posted: 1 year, 11 months ago at Aug 24 21:32
disagree with phillydude and others - the new Total Recall is not too bad...confusing as fuck and draws on blade runner, star wars, minority report, inception and throws in some 9-11 analogy re faked terrorism to attract support for an invasion..I cannot remember wtf the original version was about tbh ... and BOTH are light years away from the pacifist spirit of the original story
Posted: 1 year, 11 months ago at Aug 24 21:35
i think re-makes have been going on a LONG time... and people forget that sometimes a re-make becomes a classic...The Wizard Of Oz for example
Posted: 1 year, 11 months ago at Aug 24 23:43
the new Total Recall is not too bad...confusing as fuck and draws on blade runner, star wars, minority report, inception and throws in some 9-11 analogy re faked terrorism to attract support for an invasion..I cannot remember wtf the original version was about tbh

Um, so Total Retard/Rehash/Ripoff is good because it rips off more than just the original movie? Fail.
Verhoeven's Total Recall is a smart satire with black comedy which plays clever mind games, and this enhances the replay value. Just because it doesn't have some forced, over-used allegory pertaining to today's world, doesn't mean it's not about anything.

i think re-makes have been going on a LONG time... and people forget that sometimes a re-make becomes a classic...The Wizard Of Oz for example

No shit, Sherlock.
But there are two different types of remakes motivated by different things: one is motivated by passion and artistry, the other by money. The passion and artistry remakes are oftentimes made by terrific filmmakers and aren't strictly Hollywood productions. But the money-driven remakes are the lazy ones green-lit by executives who think "Hmm, this is a successful idea, we should do it too!" rather than "This is a great idea but it's flawed... we can improve it!".

See the difference?
Posted: 1 year, 11 months ago at Aug 25 0:33
Hollywood is good at taking the old, great movies and ruining them, focusing solely on special effects. The worst thing is that when you talk about the movie, people will only remember the crappy one. As you can see, I hate remakes. A Star is Born is supposedly being remade a 4th time and its totally horrendous.
Posted: 1 year, 11 months ago at Aug 25 0:34
Awesome list!
Posted: 1 year, 11 months ago at Aug 25 4:26
I saw a stage production of The Rock Horror Picture Show called "The Rocky Horror Show" and I honestly enjoyed it WAY more than the film. So the idea of a remake might not be so bad?
Posted: 1 year, 11 months ago at Aug 25 4:29
@Happy Vader My friend, Hollywood is a shadow of its former self. Plus, Hollywood didn't bring us such foreign titles as Seven Samurai, Martyrs or Battle Royale ;) In those cases, it's an even bigger "fuck you" because Hollywood just wishes they brought us those originals. Lol.


10 months too late but still: Yes, true that, especially the last line!
Posted: 1 year, 11 months ago at Aug 25 6:28
I don't suppose you heard about Hollywood trying to do a remake of the animated movie Akira? They were trying to make it into live action, and with Leonardo Dicaprio and in New York. Basically it was Akira in name only.
Posted: 1 year, 11 months ago at Aug 25 7:06
I saw a stage production of The Rock Horror Picture Show called "The Rocky Horror Show" and I honestly enjoyed it WAY more than the film. So the idea of a remake might not be so bad?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rscHmvW3ig#t=0m27
Because they won't produce another adaptation of the stage show -- they'll just remake the original movie, beat by beat, with horrible new-age actors and an absolute raping of the original movie.
If you enjoyed the stage show more than the movie, I'm happy for you. Buy the DVD of the stage show. How does that make a remake more attractive?

I don't suppose you heard about Hollywood trying to do a remake of the animated movie Akira? They were trying to make it into live action, and with Leonardo Dicaprio and in New York. Basically it was Akira in name only.

Heard about it, but have no interest in the project because I'm not a fan of Akira and have no feelings either way.
Posted: 1 year, 10 months ago at Sep 5 3:26
It looks like Saw might be getting remade. It's not even 20 years old yet. 2004 is still recent.

http://www.businessinsider.com/a-remake-of-the-original-saw-film-might-be-in-the-works-2012-8
Posted: 1 year, 7 months ago at Dec 20 5:01
Edit: 1 year, 7 months ago
Posted: 1 year, 7 months ago at Dec 20 6:23
Agree in everything. A few days ago I saw the remake of Total Recall and the original movie was better and more interesting. Lets pray for the cancellation of Commando remake. Thank God we will never see a remake of The Crow ( I hope ) that movie is unique.
Posted: 1 year, 3 months ago at Apr 22 16:57
Edit: 1 year, 3 months ago

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