Juror #10: Bright? He's a common ignorant slob. He don't even speak good English. Juror #11: *Doesn't* even speak good English.
Juror #8: I don't know - I'm guessing! I'm also guessing that she probably didn't put her glasses on when she turned to look casually out of the window. And she, herself, testified the killing took place just as she looked out. The lights went off a split second later - she couldn't have had time to put them on then. Here's another guess: maybe she honestly thought she saw the boy kill his father - I say she only saw a blur.
Juror #3: You're talking about a matter of seconds. Nobody can be that accurate. Juror #8: Well I think that testimony that can put a boy into the electric chair SHOULD be that accurate.
Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital. Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it? Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.
Lady: Nervous? Ted Striker: Yes. Lady: First time? Ted Striker: No, I've been nervous lots of times.
Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious. Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.
Ben Bradlee: Now hold it, hold it. We're about to accuse Haldeman, who only happens to be the second most important man in this country, of conducting a criminal conspiracy from inside the White House. It would be nice if we were right.
Alvy Singer: Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love.
Alvy Singer: I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs.
The above quote has a spolier warning on it because although it may not give too much away, it is always a possibility. Also, it is the last line of the film and one that I believe has more effect if you do not know it first.
Alvy Singer: I remember the staff at our public school. You know, we had a saying, uh, that those who can't do teach, and those who can't teach, teach gym. And, uh, those who couldn't do anything, I think, were assigned to our school.
Kurtz: I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream; that's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor... and surviving.
Photojournalist: Hey, man, you don't talk to the Colonel. You listen to him. The man's enlarged my mind. He's a poet warrior in the classic sense. I mean sometimes he'll... uh... well, you'll say "hello" to him, right? And he'll just walk right by you. He won't even notice you. And suddenly he'll grab you, and he'll throw you in a corner, and he'll say, "Do you know that 'if' is the middle word in life?"
Kilgore: I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed, for 12 hours. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like...victory.
The Dude: Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about? Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the fuck are you... I'm not... We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude. Donny: What the fuck is he talking about? The Dude: My rug. Walter Sobchak: Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element! The Dude: Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about? Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please. The Dude: Walter, this isn't a guy who built the railroads here. This is a guy... Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you...? The Dude: Walter, he peed on my rug! Donny: He peed on the Dude's rug. Walter Sobchak: Donny you're out of your element! Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue here!
Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
Malibu Police Chief: I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?
Jake Gittes: But, Mrs. Mulwray, I goddamn near lost my nose. And I like it. I like breathing through it. And I still think you're hiding something.
Walsh: Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown.
Jake Gittes: So there's this guy Walsh, do you understand? He's tired of screwin' his wife... So his friend says to him, "Hey, why don't you do it like the Chinese do?" So he says, "How do the Chinese do it?" And the guy says, "Well, the Chinese, first they screw a little bit, then they stop, then they go and read a little Confucius, come back, screw a little bit more, then they stop again, go and they screw a little bit... then they go back and they screw a little bit more and then they go out and they contemplate the moon or something like that. Makes it more exciting." So now, the guy goes home and he starts screwin' his own wife, see. So he screws her for a little bit and then he stops, and he goes out of the room and reads Life Magazine. Then he goes back in, he starts screwin' again. He says, "Excuse me for a minute, honey." He goes out and he smokes a cigarette. Now his wife is gettin' sore as hell. He comes back in the room, he starts screwin' again. He gets up to start to leave again to go look at the moon. She looks at him and says, "Hey, whats the matter with ya. You're screwin' just like a Chinaman!" (Laughs)
(Fish is served for lunch) Noah Cross: I hope you don't mind. I believe they should be served with the head.
Jake Gittes: Fine... long as you don't serve the chicken that way.
Man with Knife: You're a very nosy fellow, kitty cat. Huh? You know what happens to nosy fellows? Huh? No? Wanna guess? Huh? No? Okay. They lose their noses.
Thatcher: You're too old to be calling me Mr. Thatcher, Charles. Charles Foster Kane: You're too old to be called anything else.
Bernstein: A fellow will remember a lot of things you wouldn't think he'd remember. You take me. One day, back in 1896, I was crossing over to Jersey on the ferry, and as we pulled out, there was another ferry pulling in, and on it there was a girl waiting to get off. A white dress she had on. She was carrying a white parasol. I only saw her for one second. She didn't see me at all, but I'll bet a month hasn't gone by since that I haven't thought of that girl.
Bernstein: President's niece, huh? Before Mr. Kane's through with her, she'll be a president's wife.
Charles Foster Kane: This gentleman was saying... Boss Jim Gettys: I am not a gentleman. I don't even know what a gentleman is.
Bernstein: Old age. It's the only disease, Mr. Thompson, that you don't look forward to being cured of.
Leland: There are an awful lot of 'I's' in that.
Above quotation is not exact as it is from memory. It is not on IMDB.
Randal Graves: Uh, yeah, hi. This is RST Video calling. Customer number 4352, I'd like to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: "Whispers in the Wind", "To Each His Own", "Put It Where It Doesn't Belong", "My Pipes Need Cleaning", "All Tit-Fucking Volume 8", "I Need Your Cock", "Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers", "My Cunt and Eight Shafts", "Cum Clean", "Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts", "Cum Buns III", "Cumming in Socks", "Cum On Eileen", "Huge Black Cocks with Pearly White Cum", "Girls Who Crave Cock", "Girls Who Crave Cunt", "Men Alone II: The KY Connection", "Pink Pussy Lips", oh, yeah, and, uh, "All Holes Filled with Hard Cock". Yup.
Dante Hicks: Somebody jammed gum in the locks. Randal Graves: Buncha savages in this town. Dante Hicks: That's what I said.
Dante Hicks: You said you only had sex with three different guys; you never mentioned him! Veronica Loughran: Because I never HAD sex with him. Dante Hicks: You sucked his dick! Veronica Loughran: We went out a few times. We never had sex but we fooled around. Dante Hicks: Oh my God, WHY did you tell me you only had sex with three different guys? Veronica Loughran: Because I DID only have sex with three different guys; that doesn't mean I didn't just go with people. Dante Hicks: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous! Veronica Loughran: I'm sorry, Dante, I thought you understood! Dante Hicks: I did understand! I understood that you had sex with three different guys and that's all you said! Veronica Loughran: Please calm down. Dante Hicks: How many? Veronica Loughran: Dante... Dante Hicks: How many dicks have you sucked? Veronica Loughran: Let it go! Dante Hicks: How many? Veronica Loughran: All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked! Dante Hicks: This is different, this is important. How many? Dante Hicks: Well? Veronica Loughran: Something like... 36. Dante Hicks: What? Something like 36? Veronica Loughran: Lower your voice. Dante Hicks: Wait, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that INCLUDE me? Veronica Loughran: Ummm... 37. Dante Hicks: I'm 37?!
Harry Callahan: Well, when an adult male is chasing a female with intent to commit rape, I shoot the bastard. That's my policy. The Mayor: Intent? How did you establish that? Harry Callahan: When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher's knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross.
Harry Callahan: I know what you're thinking, punk. You're thinking "did he fire six shots or only five?" Now to tell you the truth I forgot myself in all this excitement. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and will blow you head clean off, you've gotta ask yourself a question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?
Walter Neff: Know why you couldn't figure this one, Keyes? I'll tell ya. 'Cause the guy you were looking for was too close. Right across the desk from you. Barton Keyes: Closer than that, Walter. Walter Neff: I love you, too.
Lionel Mandrake: Colonel... that Coca-Cola machine. I want you to shoot the lock off it. There may be some change in there. Colonel Guano: That's private property. Lionel Mandrake: Colonel! Can you possibly imagine what is going to happen to you, your frame, outlook, way of life, and everything, when they learn that you have obstructed a telephone call to the President of the United States? Can you imagine? Shoot it off! Shoot! With a gun! That's what the bullets are for, you twit! Colonel Guano: Okay. I'm gonna get your money for ya. But if you don't get the President of the United States on that phone, you know what's gonna happen to you? Lionel Mandrake: What? Colonel Guano:You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola company.
I have put a spoiler mark over the punchline to preserve the comedy experience for those who have not watched this film.
President Merkin Muffley: Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
Dr. Strangelove: Mein Führer! I can walk!
Jack D. Ripper: I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
General "Buck" Turgidson: I told you never to call me here, don't you know where I am?... Well look, baby, I c-, I *can't* talk to you now... my president needs me!... Of *course* Bucky'd rather be there with you!... Of *course* it isn't only physical!... I deeply respect you as a human being... Some day I'm gonna make you *Mrs* Buck Turgidson!... Oh, listen uh, you go back to sleep hon, and Bucky'll be back there just as soon as he can... All right... listen, sug, don't forget to say your prayers!
Martin: Aren't you ashamed now? Aren't you? Spiders now, is it? Flies ain't good enough! Renfield: Flies? Flies? Poor puny things! Who wants to eat flies? Martin: You do, you loony! Renfield: Not when I can get nice fat spiders! Martin: All right, have it your own way.
Count Dracula: Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make.
Otto West: Don't call me stupid. Wanda: Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape? Otto West: Apes don't read philosophy. Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.
Otto: You know your problem? You don't like winners. Archie: Winners? Otto: Yeah. Winners. Archie: Winners, like North Vietnam? Otto: Shut up. We didn't lose Vietnam. It was a tie!
Ricky Roma: You stupid fucking cunt. Williamson! I'm talking to you shithead! You just cost me $6,000. $6,000, and one Cadillac. That's right. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it...asshole? You fucking shit! Where did you learn your trade, you stupid fucking cunt?! You idiot! Whoever told you that you could work with men?! Oh, I'm gonna have your job, shithead. I'm going to Mitch and Murray! And I'm going to Lemkin! I don't care whose nephew you are...who you know...whose dick your sucking on, you're going out! I'll tell you something else, I hope it was you who ripped off the joint, maybe I can tell our friends something that will help them to catch you. Any man who works here lives by his wits. I'm going to be with you in a second. What you are hired to do, is to help us. Does that seem clear to you? To HELP us. Not to FUCK US UP! To help men who are going out there to earn a living, you fairy. You company man. You want to know the first rule you'd learn if you'd ever spent a day in your life? You never open your mouth until you know what the shot is. You fucking child.
Kay Corleone: Oh, Michael. Michael, you are blind. It wasn't a miscarriage. It was an abortion. An abortion, Michael. Just like our marriage is an abortion. Something that's unholy and evil. I didn't want your son, Michael! I wouldn't bring another one of you sons into this world! It was an abortion, Michael! It was a son Michael! A son! And I had it killed because this must all end!
Henry Hill: Just... ya know... you're funny.
Tommy DeVito: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny? Henry Hill: Just... you know, how you tell the story, what? Tommy DeVito: No, no, I don't know, you said it. How do I know? You said I'm funny. How the fuck am I funny, what the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what's funny!
Ellie Andrews: You know this is the first time in years I've ridden piggy-back. Peter Warne: This isn't piggy-back. Ellie Andrews: Course it is. Peter Warne: You're crazy. Ellie Andrews: I remember distinctly my father taking me for a piggy-back ride. Peter Warne: And he carried you like this, I suppose? Ellie Andrews: Yes. Peter Warne: Your father didn't know beans about piggy-back riding.
Peter Warne: I never did like the idea of sitting on newspapers. I did it once, and all the headlines came off on my white pants. On the level! It actually happened. Nobody bought a paper that day. They just followed me around over town and read the news on the seat of my pants.
Ordell Robbie: Is that what I think it is? Jackie Brown: What do you think it is? Ordell Robbie: I think it's a gun pressed up against my dick. Jackie Brown: Well, you thought right. Now take your hands off from around my throat, nigga.
Quint: Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like going down the pond chasin' bluegills and tommycods. This shark, swallow you whole. Little shakin', little tenderizin', an' down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back your tourists, put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's just too many captains on this island. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.
A list of fantastic film quotations. Some of these will be the classic, much quoted lines that I love. I mean it would be impossible to leave them out. Whereas with some films, famous quotations may not be listed because, personally, I may not like them as much. I also include other favourites of mine that aren't as well known but I love all the same.
Some quotations may not be amazing in essence but I really like how they are used. (See Eraserhead's "Move Over" line).
This list is alaphbetical.
The order of the quotations in the notes section are not ordered in terms of favourability.