Famous for: Driving cars, poor fashion, stereotypical racism.
Clarkson is easily my first choice of 'most hated Briton'. He tries so hard to make his jokes look unscripted, but is ultimately nothing more than a simple stereotype generating machine. Think of a country. Germany? Reel out jokes about blonde hair, blue eyes, obedience to authority, sausages etc etc. How tiresome. Let's give him a newspaper column.
Famous for: Revealing outfits, succession of wanky pop hits.
Take a plain looking woman, dye her hair blonde, paste her in makeup and drench her in designer slutty outfits. Hooray, you've got the next pop sensation! I often wonder if people think Lady Gaga sits at home behind a synthesiser, comprising catchy electro beats and penning snappy lyrics. Or whether they realise she doesn't have an iota of musical talent and sells her by-the-numbers records because she's 'conventionally pretty'.
Noel Fielding's followers are so blindly in love with the funnyman, that he doesn't even have to make jokes any more maintain his status. All he does now is synthesise quirky sentences that don't even nearly make sense. You could probably make a Fielding Joke Generator™ using the following equation:
"You're just afraid of the (*insert synonym for 'cosmic'*) (*insert species of primate/kitchen appliance*) and their propensity for (*insert esoteric genre of music/flamboyant outfit*)"
Nothing takes the piss more than a cut-and-paste Ferrell hit. What facet of your dynamic acting range are you exploring this time, Ferrell? Are you perhaps going to play an extremely deluded professional (with hilarious results!). Or maybe you're treating us all to ANOTHER hilarious cameo! We are spoiled.
Boris Johnson was elected as London Mayor for the sole reason that he has unkempt hair. He has been in the job for a whole year and the only thing he has done so far is outlaw drinking on the tube. Only... nobody is enforcing the rule, no arrests have been made as a result and you've got absolutely nothing else to show for a year's efforts. In the mean time he's scrapped many decent sounding proposals purely because they were the brainchild of his predecessor, not him. BUT HE HAZ FUNNY HAIR LOLZ.
No doubt about it, Lineker was a gifted forward who managed to step up for his country on many occasions. That doesn't mean he has a personality though. He is without a doubt, one of the most boring television personalities of recent times, yet he still enjoys repeated employment at the expense of Match of the Day fans everywhere. He is an awful presenter, he cannot improvise nor seemingly form an opinion on his own. Why is he still employed!
Anyone who churns out like 10 identical films a year is obviously spreading their creative talent a little bit thin. Plastering Rogen's massive gormless face across 7 foot billboards in every train station in England is a sure fire way to guarantee I associate him with feelings of sheer misery and disappointment.
Jack Black is exactly the same as Ferrell and Rogen, only he seems to have been around for an extra ten years or so. Tenacious D is a permanent stain on his career and my young adult life. Out of interest, if you've ever laughed at a Tenacious D song then I recommend death by ship propeller. Just look at his picture collection on listal, there's not a single one you don't want to punch your monitor for.
Joss Whedon is to television programmes as Stephenie Meyer is to the world of literature. I once saw a T-shirt that read: "Joss Whedon is my God!". Well let me tell you something, here is an example of God writing dialogue:
"With the jawbone of an ass, heaps upon heaps, with the jaw of an ass have I slain a thousand men"
And here is an example of Whedon's dialogue:
"So, you've been seeing a guy, but you don't know what he looks like. Okay, this is a puzzle. No, wait, I'm good at these. Does it involve a midget and a block of ice?"
Never has a mainstream singer so insultingly flaunted the auto-tuner. Her voice is almost entirely animatronic now. Nobody bats an eyelid over the fact that she has ripped off Michael Jackson, Soft Cell, New Order, Maroon 5, Dragostea din tei and GarageBand software over the last couple of years. Instead they're quite content to listen to a singer who can't actually sing or write music.
The Flagship's rating:
Man, I just hate these guys!
Each of the following I've noticed receiving some sort of ludicrous and undeserved praise from people I know in real life and the media in general. It's unbearable that as a race we've become all too happy to embrace mediocrity.