Pathetic Female Characters (Movies)
Entries From That Link on the Right
Basically copied and pasted from the article - with a few of my words. xP
843 5.5 5.21. Red Riding Hood (2011)
Red Riding Hood
The movie pits the lovely Amanda Seyfried (nubility personified/human Keane painting/tube of lip gloss made flesh) against an angry, magic, sexually charged man-wolf. After the wolf kills her sister and makes it clear he's coming for her next (wolf telepathy is involved – don't ask questions), Seyfried's reaction is to… stand there. Wait to be rescued. Weep. Stand there some more. Quiver under the male gaze. Reapply lip gloss. Repeat. Oh, and sometimes she strides from one place to another place wearing a billowy cloak. She's so useless, in fact, that the film doesn't even let her use her feminine wiles or her sexuality as a weapon! It's just boring, old-timey, textbook damsel-in-distress.
I haven't actually seen this (mostly because it's associated with Twilight) so I can't really contribute much in the comments department. After reading this though - my plan to not watch it has evolved into a new plan: I'm really not watching it. :P
Well actually - it might be fun for a drinking game.
3361 7.2 7.62. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)
The Blonde Chick
Oh, cool, a gold digger who never stops screeching? It's really empowering to know I can be anything I want to be, as long as it's either this chick or a virgin who never stops pouting.
Right so, confession, I've only seen the Indiana Jones series relatively recently (pathetic I know). So, I saw the first one with what awesome brunette chick yeah? Then I saw this one with her and I'm all like... wait what happened? Where did the other one go? Why did they replace her with this really really annoying chick? Oh cuz she's the director's girlfriend. Right.
1955 7 7.43. The NeverEnding Story (1984)
The Childlike Empress
This weird bald lady literally just sits in a crystal egg and cries, waiting for some kid from another dimension to save her homeland with the power of his imagination. Worst empress ever! I'm totally voting for the Nothing in Fantasia.
I haven't seen this flick in ages - so I can't really say much. Will re-watch and edit this post.
3274 5.1 5.24. Twilight (2008)
What's her face
Catherine Hardwicke strikes again! Limp bag of tears waits for marriage to have sex with her undead boyfriend; is paralysed by grief every time he goes in the other room. Bella barely even exists. You guys know it's 2011, right, Hollywood? Women can do stuff now – it's the law!
Yes. What can I say about what's her face that hasn't already been said? Well nothing really.
1972 7.7 8.15. The Princess Bride (1987)
Yes, I get that she has attitude or whatever ("You mock my pain!"), but could Buttercup maybe DO something once in a while besides brush her hair and contemplate suicide because she and her boyfriend broke up? The woman is a blue silk sausage casing stuffed with whines. The most irritating movie scene on Earth (just go with me on the superlatives here) has to be in the Fire Swamp when – in the span of 10 minutes – Buttercup manages to catch fire, fall in a hole and get bit on the foot by the world's most-outrunnable and asthmatic mega-rodent. And when Westley steps in to rescue her and gets ROUS fangs embedded in his shoulder (Hantavirus of Unusual Size!), she just stands there and looks concerned. The best she can muster is to pick up a stick and sort of gently prod the rat thingy's haunch. A monster is eating your true love, Buttercup! And you prod its haunch? Poke, poke? That's it? Are you sure!? Hit it in the brains, for God's sake! God, I hate Buttercup. I even hate buttercups the flowers now. I hate butter, I hate cups, I hate cups full of butter. See what you've done to me, Hollywood? I give up.
I actually disagree with this one because the film is actually self-aware and actually meant to play the stereotypes. So I don't think this counts. :P
Additions I Felt I Should Add
Pretty much self explanatory.
114 7.4 7.16. Wonder Woman (2009)
Something about this chick just rubs me the wrong way. I know she's meant to be a foil for Artemis and just like the Amazon's generally. I know its to show that there are all types of women within the Amazons. But seriously, why? She was just such a cliche. Okay that must sound bad coming from a Wonder Woman movie. But you know what I mean! Right? Right? I mean I was pretty glad she got killed by Ares but only after hearing an earful of 'oh I like books, I don't like fighting boo boo. What message are they trying to pull anyway? Just because you read means you're a whimp? Also her whole zombie subplot was so irrelevant to the whole thing. I mean like it would have been cool if they had a horde of Zombie Amazons to kill Ares' Army but no - a second after they turn Ares just goes and destroys the whole lot of them! WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT?!
4468 8.4 8.87. Inception (2010)
Don't get me wrong, I love Inception, its a great film. But what the heck is the point of Ariadne? I mean I get she's a plot device so that the audience is introduced into the world of dreams yada yada yada but she does nothing but says 'Cobb let's go!' in the end (Paraphrased not actual quote). I mean, why give her an awesome name (Ariadne's pretty awesome), an awesome job (the architect) when really she's virtually pointless. As a character I mean - I know the part she plays is important; she constructs the dreams so that cool paradox things happen but I mean you've got Arthur who's a real cool guy and Eames who's even cooler, the only female (who isn't psychotic) is this lame girl who's only point seems to be to bring out Cobb's sensitive side (put-lease)! Give her a gun! Give make her drive! Make her do something!
Chris Nolan needs to up his female characters badassery. I've got high hopes for Catwoman.
Uhh What Happened?
Females who were awesome but became less so.
4367 6.8 7.78. Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
I love Star Wars. I love this movie. I love Padme. But girl... what the heck happened? She was this chick who can blaster her way out of any situation, speaks her mind and hold her own against an alien cat with big teeth thing. Then this movie comes out and she's suddenly a D.I.D.? I mean I get she's preggers so she can't exactly go and save the day or whatever, but dying of a broken heart seems so out of character, Georgie! I'm mean I get it's dramatic and whatever but you didn't only kill Padme but you tainted her character!
I'm not putting spoiler things on this one because if you haven't seen Star Wars by now you're not cool. :P
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