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Added by ape

on 30 Nov 2011 08:23

14
767 Views 5 Comments

Not A Straight Stripe On 'Em

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People who added this item 4  Average listal rating (1 ratings) 8  IMDB Rating 4.6 
1. Zebra Force (1976)
Zebras are gay. You know it, I know it. Honestly, is there any reason for me to write a blog-type list about this topic? I dunno, but I’ll write one anyway. So yeah, zebras are gay...So what? They’re not hurting anyone with their alternative lifestyles, so why in the world would I be writing about these equestrian queers? Because they refuse to admit their homosexuality, that’s why.

People who added this item 16  Average listal rating (9 ratings) 6.3  IMDB Rating 5.7 
2. Lies (1999)
If you ask them if they’re gay, they won’t say ‘yes’ no matter how many times you ask...And yet they have no problem throwing out hints that they’re gay at every waking moment. I mean seriously, zebras don’t promote anything, but they’ll promote Fruit Stripe gum?

People who added this item 7  Average listal rating (1 ratings) 4  IMDB Rating 4.3 
3. Candy Stripe Nurses (1974)


FRUIT Stripe gum? Gay, but they’ll never admit it. This is what makes me mad...Nobody cares if zebras are gay, so why are they hiding it? Just be honest with us, you stupid, striped stupids!

People who added this item 609  Average listal rating (323 ratings) 6.3  IMDB Rating 6.8 
4. Proof (2005)
Now, some folks may be reading this right now and thinking, “This guy is full of it. Zebras aren’t gay. A gum package is his only proof?”

No, jerk. I have more proof...Like their stripes. I have never seen a straight stripe on the body of a zebra in my entire life. Have you? They’re always all jagged and odd-looking. What a surprise. Afterall, another word for 'odd' is 'queer.' Hmmm...makes you think, eh?

People who added this item 1355  Average listal rating (838 ratings) 6.1  IMDB Rating 6.1 
5. Practical Magic (1998)
I've got more proof for you, too. Sticking with the stripes, it’s a little known fact that the stripes of a zebra actually form a magic eye picture. If you shove your face into the side of a zebra, cross your eyes, and then slowly pull your face back, an image of Richard Simmons pops out at you.



True story. Try it the next time you’re at the zoo and discover that I am correct. Still not enough proof for you? Well, then strap on your thinking caps, ‘cause I’m about to get all smart on you.

People who added this item 79  Average listal rating (41 ratings) 3.7  IMDB Rating 4.5 
6. Ernest Goes to School (1994)
Mathematics never lie, so to prove that zebras are gay, I’ve discovered a mathematical formula that will silence any and all doubters. Look at the word ‘zebra.’ This word tells you what the formula will be. The word ‘zebra’ stands for Z Equals BRA. A bra is a type of support...So, Z must then equal the supporting letters in the word zebra, which would be e, b, r, and a. And since they’re supporting letters, they’re adding support...Which means we’ll be adding. The end result is Z=E+B+R+A. Now, if you look at the alphabet and have A=1, B=2, C=3, etc....all the way down to Z, you’ll have the numbers you need for the formula. When you’re all done the end result should look like this...

26 = 5 + 2 + 18 + 1

People who added this item 26  Average listal rating (15 ratings) 5.6  IMDB Rating 5.6 
7. The Formula (1980)
After solving this equation, you’re left with the answer of 26 = 26. How does this prove that zebras are gay, you ask? Simple. Substitute the number 26 with male and/or female and you’ll begin to see what I mean.

MALE=MALE
FEMALE=FEMALE
MALE≠FEMALE


Which one of those doesn’t work? That’s right. Male doesn’t equal female. The equals sign acts like a love tube connecting the same gender zebras together in their homosexual happiness. Did you notice that the ‘does not’ equal sign has that line through it? It prevents the male and female from connecting love tubes with one another, which clearly explains why the entire zebra population is gayer than San Francisco.

People who added this item 3821  Average listal rating (2602 ratings) 6.4  IMDB Rating 6.8 
8. Liar Liar (1997)
The numbers don’t lie, zebras, so just come out of the closet already, you stinkin’ cowards. Until zebras finally come out and admit what we are already know, we might as well grab some paint and color those stripes along their backs yellow. They need to embrace their homosexuality and just let it be known by everyone that they’re completely gay...Y’know, just like how baboons have...And I don't think I need to explain myself there.



 

This is an experiment for an idea I've had for some time now -- Write short stories/rants in list form here on Listal. This is a pretty popular piece of comedy I wrote a few years ago that I thought would be a perfect bit of text to try this out on. If you folks like it, I may create a few more lists like this, but they'd likely be "Listal exclusives" meaning they'd be stuff I write specifically for the ol' site here, and not recycled material like this one is.

Soooo, like I said, this is an experimental list, so feel free to leave feedback and let me know what you think. It's an experiment, so if nobody likes it, no big deal. But, considering the feedback I get on some of the lists where I put out "comical" comments, I'm guessing (and hoping) that at least a few folks will enjoy this. :)

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Comments

Posted: 2 years, 10 months ago at Dec 5 1:22
I really can't compare to the original format, but I felt the movie titles you selected for each part of this well-researched essay added to the hilarity.

Great job on this. I know I'd be open for another.
Posted: 2 years, 10 months ago at Dec 5 3:04
Hahaha that was hilarious!
Posted: 2 years, 8 months ago at Feb 18 5:20
This is definately one of the silliest but most entertaining lists I've seen on this site. Well done.
Posted: 2 years, 8 months ago at Feb 18 5:24
So, are you trying to say that zebras are gay, or just homosexual?

This was weird!
Avatar
Posted: 2 years, 8 months ago at Feb 18 5:41
So, are you trying to say that zebras are gay, or just homosexual?

This was weird!


They are gay homosexuals, which isn't a big deal. The big deal is that they won't admit it. I visit a zoo at least three times a week, and the zebras not only refuse to admit that they're gay, but they act like they can't even understand me. It's pretty rude.

As for it being weird, trust me, I think of weirder stuff than this on a regular basis...Probably from the multiple head injuries I received as a young'un. :)

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