My own personal theme tunes.

2   5.5  

Track: Wonderful life



Why? This song is pure comedy. The song title is the complete opposite to my outlook on life, yet it seems I have the same in common with the vocalist, who sings in the most melancholic and depressing fashion ever. I was told by somebody I'd met online that this was my theme tune - and if I can purvey that kind of mood via text alone, it must be true!

"No need to run, and hide, it's a wonderful wonderful life!"

Grand Assault's rating:

14   8.6  

Track: That's Entertainment



Why? Having moved onto the busiest and most polluted street in London, the sights and sounds described in this song are a daily occurrence to me, 24/7. Although an ironic un-romanticising ballad for the working class, I can empathise with the repetitive misery of day to day life living on my own and doing the same things week in week out.

"A police car and a screaming siren, pneumatic drill and ripped up concrete, a baby wailing, a stray dog howling, the screech of brakes and lamplights blinking"

52   7.4  

Track: Once in a lifetime



Why? I have always loved the Talking Heads, but this was one of the first songs I listened too after moving to University. I didn't listen to it again until I'd graduated and found myself at the helm of a PhD opportunity that I hadn't even applied for. The phrase "Letting the days go by..." pretty much sums up my life to a tee as well.

"You may ask yourself; Well...How did I get here?"

Grand Assault's rating:

126   7.5  

Track: The Sky is Fallin'



Why? As a kid, I used to read the Asterix novels. The Gauls were utterly invincible but had one fear of the sky falling in on their heads. This phrase has always been linked with the ultimate Armageddon for me as a result. The song itself is rigid, organised and relentlessly repetitive, much like myself! I think it's about a man who has all but given up on life, so it was particularly poignant during a recent assignment I had to complete. It still gives me nightmares. Working at my current college very much prompts the repeated phrase "drained my life so low...".

"Every dog has his day!"

Grand Assault's rating:

179   8.3  

Track: There is a light that never goes out



Why? All of my friends hate Morrissey, except for me who regards him as a role model! This song is particularly poignant because my girlfriend is a terrible driver. Whereas Morrissey makes a love song out of being hit by a ten-tonne truck, it's more of a foreboding prophecy for me and my significant other. I also force her to drive me around with no destination in sight and complain relentlessly about my home town.

"And if a double-decker bus, crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die!

Grand Assault's rating:

216   7.3  

Track: My Hero



Why? This track just started off as a joke between me and a friend, but then things got serious when every time I found myself walking down the corridors of our sixth form college, people started singing this song in my wake. Also poignant because the man that got me into science was one of the most ordinary and average people on the planet!

"There goes my hero, he's ordinary."

Grand Assault's rating: