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Added by Severin Severin on 26 Feb 2018 08:55
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my half assed 2018 movie diary

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People who added this item 533 Average listal rating (355 ratings) 5.9 IMDB Rating 6




This movie is ridiculously disturbing. And weird too. Like the first half is almost soap opera-ish where a picture perfect family with the annoying kid from Who's the Boss act nauseatingly sweet and then..... the wife is a thot having an affair and her husband finds out etc the plot lingers a lot on this and it feels like a Lifetime movie

Then a nearby dog gets rabies and shit and starts attacking people and it gets more involving. Basically the action lies in the dog brutally mangling people and it's very bloody. It's definitely pretty scary and I don't really like dogs because they're annoying af so this movie confirmed my dog disdain. A weaker Stephen King work though like lol at a rabies ridden dog being subject to so much intrigue when irl the dog would be popped in 2 min for its madcap antics, the disobedient bitch
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Ngl I thought this movie was gonna be kinky because of the poster lol. False advertising though there is no sexy time just a lot of dry dialogue

On the one hand I like this movie and I feel like it's a deeply tragic and moving story of forbidden love in an uptight and unemotional society full of stifling prohibitions against female behaviour. On the other hand I want to go back in time and crowbar these mfs and tell them to calm tf down

The plot is basically Danny Day Lew wants to tap Michelle P but she's a bad bitch or something because she flouts tradition by wearing (oOoOoOh) black satin dresses and leaving her cheating husband and meeting ""unrefined"" manz for dinna time chats etc. So she tells him not to ruin his rep and go for bland Winona Ryder. And I'd just watched Mr. Deeds so I lmao'd comparing annoying bitch Winona to boring bitch Winona.

Daniel Day Lewis is top notch as usual and his controlled way of speaking and behaving is mesmerizing, like he has beautiful diction it's inspiring. Also just wtf at Martin Scorsese directing this, but you can tell it's him because the film is visually tantalizing and there's the signature montage trademarks. Interesting to see him tackle material so divergent from his usual stuff
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People who added this item 1773 Average listal rating (1119 ratings) 5.3 IMDB Rating 5.8



This movie legit induces hemorrhoids. Like srs even for Mr. Sandbags, this movie is no good. And it's older Sandbags so I thought I would get at least 3 confirmed laughs. I was wrong and I was assailed with abusively moronic shit for 1 and a half hrs oh god

Again this movie wasn't my choice and I had a sleepover at my friend's nightmarish house on a farm and was in the midst of a mental breakdown and had drank an entire bottle of Moscato. Jesus fucking christ this movie broke me and I cried at the end LMAO because the movie and circumstances of my life were so awful. Sorry this is not an impartial review, apologies to the 0.000001 person reading this. But that night this movie became inseparable from my life's suffering. Adam's ugly little cringe smile is embedded in the deep psyche of my deranged mind, it's almost Freudian

The very mention of this movie induces panic and anxiety in my gut. I'm probably not the only person in the world so deeply traumatized by Mr Sandman's movies though so I feel less odd about it it's chill
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This movie has everything I love. It's dreamy, mysterious, dark, disturbing, bloody, ethereal, strange and supernatural. It reminds me of Valerie and Her Week of Wonders, one of my fave movies. When I watched this I felt transported to another world and I adore movies that give me this feeling

It's Neil Jordan's adaptation of an Angela Carter story and is somewhat of a redux of Little Red Riding Hood

It starts off with a rosy cheeked girl sleeping in bed, having bizarre nightmares involving her family and self- all related to wolves, who are the prime antagonists and representations of everything she fears. In her dreams, she lives in a twisted fairy tale land in which wolves lurk every corner of her forest village and every unfamiliar man is a threat

The story is metaphorical for her teenage growth into womanhood etc some fake deep stuff I won't go into but it works well and the film has a very haunting and magical vibe throughout. The cinematography is fantastic. I want to live in the world presented in this movie... All my favourite things in it like:

ravens in snowy woods



spiders lurking in old books



wolves at sumptuous bourgeois feasts



creepy old dolls and antiques





Not even fucking with you here but my room looks exactly like this lmao

Anyways what an effervescent movie I'd love to rewatch this again soon, probably my fav film this year so far
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People who added this item 177 Average listal rating (111 ratings) 7.4 IMDB Rating 7.3



The most impressive thing about this movie is Raquel Welch's tits srs. It's dry af and has nothing going for it. Maybe because I'm not familiar with Dumas' source material but it's just full of dull gags that barely made me crack a pained smile and I wish to god they gave Oliver Reed more screen time like wtf.

Considering the fact that the cast has Raquel, Ollie, Michael York, Richard Chamberlain, Charlton Heston, Faye Dunaway, Christopher Lee, Geraldine Chaplin and more and STILL manages to be drier than watching paint peeling... I want to sue. What a disgrace. But still semi entertaining and I love the costumes and set pieces:




I just want to dress like these hoes and be socially accepted
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People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (13 ratings) 5.8 IMDB Rating 6.7



For defense: I was pretty fucking smashed when I watched this and it was not my first choice but nothing else was playing in the theater..... So there I am drunk with a friend in the theater trying to tolerate this unfunny sth... somehow I remember most of the movie which sucks donkey ass

Basically the plot is 3 girls go out on prom night to try to lose their virginity. I am already triggered by watching a movie about teenage girls lmfao and I try not to relate my own life experiences to this horrible movie. John Cena is the clueless beta father of a sassy Indian daughter, that's the most hilarious part of the movie. Basically John Cena in general is what saves this retared movie from total boredom. He deserves an Oscar. He outdoes himself here

Ever wanted to see John Cena pretending to have alcohol inserted into his rectum at a public party in order to prevent his daughter from losing her virginity? Is this something you've always dreamed of? Well you found the right movie for you. Enjoy. And make sure you are inebriated when you watch this ffs
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People who added this item 368 Average listal rating (252 ratings) 7.5 IMDB Rating 7.7




Absolutely stunning and gorgeous cinematography

Like completely breathtaking. George Stevens brought the ruggedly wondrous terrain of Wyoming to colorful life in this movie and it's a spectacle to behold. Certain times during the film I just wanted to pause to take in the landscapes and the full extent of their beauty. That's a key part of a western imo- the director has to make you fall in love with the wild west and all its brutality and this is what happens here

Alan Ladd gives a badass performance as the eponymous hero and is cool and smooth af delivering his lines and bashing up the bad guys. Even Brandon De Wilde is adorable and gives an A+ performance and I usually hate child actors. The story is run of the mill, but the way Stevens crafts the movie is what makes it a unique classic. With memorable dialogue, acting, cinematography, and composition, it's no wonder this is considered one of the best westerns ever made

Also Jack Palance is one bad motherfucker



Dude has more bones in his face than in a medieval crypt. One of the dopest villains of all time
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People who added this item 1 Average listal rating (1 ratings) 5 IMDB Rating 6
Black Oxfords (1924)


Boring Mack Sennett silent comedy that was on TCM and I was too lazy to get the remote so I watched it

Can barely remember the plot like some dude breaks out of jail to help his fam pay off debts? Not v funny I just turned the channel to Seinfeld when it was over
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People who added this item 259 Average listal rating (135 ratings) 7.1 IMDB Rating 6.9



So idk how much of a valid complaint this is but:

too much fucking

SRS I'm comparing the film to the book here. Marguerite Duras' novel is a beautiful subdued tale of a tragic love that maybe was not even reciprocal, a deeply obsessive and destructive possibly one sided romance between two sad lonely people.

The movie captures some of that haunting essence, but the abundance of sexual exposition degrades it to a baser level. Yes, the sensuality between the the girl and her lover is a huge part of the story, but too much soils the melancholy of the relationship imo.

Other than that the movie gets it ok. There is more ambiguity in the novel which I like a lot, whereas everything is spelled out like "The Lover for Dummies" in the film.

It took me forever to watch this movie and when I saw the ending I cried lol. Not even because of the movie itself but because it was reminding me of my own trash personal life. But anyway the atmosphere and cinematography are gorgeous:




You can almost feel the forlorn, earthy and exotic environment of Vietnam in the room when you watch it. It transports you.

The acting is kind of terrible and overdone at parts lol and they mess with Duras' writing in transferring it into dialogue, but ofc this is a given.

My favourite scene is when the girl visits her lover, who is smoking opium in order to ease his emotional pain at having to leave her and marry a Chinese bride. He talks about how the drug numbs his pain or else he would die of love for her. She just watches him with an empty gaze. We never know what she's thinking.

Not a perfect movie, but it's a memorable and ethereal ode to ephemeral love.
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People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (1 ratings) 6 IMDB Rating 6.5


I didn't even mean to watch this tbh I was just lying on the couch half dead and spaced out.

Then I flipped to TCM and I saw... a silent movie with a cute monkey trained to walk around and do human shit uWu. Could not change the channel after that.

Other than the frightening benevolent racism and the nagging ponderings of what abuse poor monkey may have suffered, this was a decent Our Gang film I mean it's a monkey who runs around and does stunts and shit.

Everybody loves monkeys, especially if it's a monkey driving a group of children around in a stolen police car which he crashes and the kids don't even die they just get up and walk away to leave the monkey confused and scratching his ass.

TLDR:

it's a fucking monkey doing cool shit
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Protagonists Johan and Marianne win the award for the most retarded dysfunctional couple of all time.

The two engage in a sick and codependent marriage that starts off onscreen as a seemingly benign and dull affair. Slowly we see their relationship unravel as Johan cucks Marianne with a hoe like half his age.

The sad thing is, Marianne STILL wants her man and cries over him and begs him not to leave.

Then this mournfulness descends into disgust for Johan, who proceeds to bash his ex into a bloody mess in the most disturbing scene in the movie.

And then they love and fuck again and cannot leave each other even though they are divorced and with other people. Their perverse love survives every storm.

So what was Bergman trying to say about love? A bitch don't wanna be cliched but: love is pain and abuse. Sometimes emotional, sometimes physical. To love is to..... do I have to say it.... suffer. Love is Johan and Marianne's eternal trap, and at the end they fall asleep in one another's arms but the next day they will go back to their spouses. That's just how things are.



Who doesn't though tbh lmao ?
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I absolutely hate children's movies and Disneyfied nonsense about happy brats. However I absolutely adore movies about horribly delinquent kids with fractured decimated childhoods (Don't try to psychoanalyze me bitch)

And of course if it's by Neil Jordan (or as I like to call him, the bloody Mick), there's gonna be some disturbing shit going on in the movie.

Ay there is here with the wee ginger lad in the film. Eamonn Ownes gives a stunning performance as the psychotic and raged filled Francie Brady, a boy who just can't get a break and whose idea of a fun day out is attempting to strangle weaker classmates with a metal chain and attacking pedo priests who force him to wear bonnets.

Sounds brilliant right? Let me highlight my fav aspects of this masterpiece:



- Francie hallucinating visions of holy angels in random places but it's actually schizophrenia



- Francie destroying then shitting in the home of his most hated neighbour



- Francie working at a butcher's for extra $ and having deep heart to hearts with pig carcasses



- Francie chugging whiskey alone on a darkened beach while screaming and swearing and having a mental breakdown

What an adorable wee bairn. This is a ginger with hella soul.

A bizarre and demented movie, and a memorable and excellent portrait of youthful isolation and deprivation. It's tragic, comedic, satirical and depressing and will make you laugh and crave early death at the same time.
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This remake obviously doesn't exceed the power of the original, and I don't think Tom Savini was trying to do that anyways. This version is more like a reinterpretation of the original and still has the ability to frighten the piss out of the viewer for sure.

My fave aspect of the movie:



Tony fuckin' Todd

Dude is an amazing actor, who I've loved ever since I saw him in Candyman. His presence and acting ability are fantastic, and he has a commanding and hypnotic voice that spellbinds the viewer. A more than worthy Ben to follow up Duane Jones' A+ acting in the original.

I like how they powered up Barbara's character too because she was such a frail weakling in the original.

Overall though, the 68 version is the winner because the black and white ominousness and atmosphere are unbeatable, whereas here the film can go from brutal and scary to hilariously campy, especially when Harry starts screaming at his wife to get back in the basement and grabs her 500 times.

Literally a character just devoted to yelling at everyone especially his poor wife it's disturbing at first then lmao and overdone.

I give this 7 splattered brains on the pavement out of 10 decomposed zombie corpses
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People who added this item 89 Average listal rating (44 ratings) 7 IMDB Rating 7.2



This is one of those movies that was daring in its time, but comes off as sappy and overblown now.

It's another one of those 1950s "whiny drifter comes into small town and fucks shit up" little whirlwinds.

ex: The Chase, The Wild One, The Long Hot Summer, A Face in the Crowd, Rebel Without a Cause, The Fugitive Kind, etc etc etc

William Holden looks a way bit past his prime though he was like 37 in this rip... He's supposed to be smoulderingly sexual or some shit and have all the chicks in town wild for his D but tbh he comes across as someone's tired old uncle LOL.

Kim Novak plays a repressed and terrified chick who always makes sad faces anytime someone talks to her.

Shit happens and Billy H gets his shirt ripped and the town gets upset etc.

No, there is no Marlon Brando coming into town on a cool motorbike.

It all gets tiresome after awhile.

However I really liked cute lil Susan Strasberg as the nerd intellectual sister.



Very adorable and my fave character in the movie.
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Story: Lynn Redgrave is dumpy.

Look at her. She is so plain! Like totally omg! She doesn't wear makeup and groom well!

She is different from other girlies, wowie.

Oi m8, this was rebellious in 1966 England.

So there she is, poor ugly Georgy Girl. Can she ever find love? Or is she too ugly?

So funny seeing James Mason playing another pedo creep, like he did in Lolita. They gave that manz the creepiest roles for some reason. Alan Bates is annoying AF in this.

And Charlotte Rampling?



Cool as usual. Ice fucking cool.
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People who added this item 2 Average listal rating (155 ratings) 7.2 IMDB Rating 7.5


What I learned from this movie:

If your boyfriend really loves you, he'll break a bitch's legs for you.

But seriously though. Here we have the opportunity for a brilliant and honest biopic that covers trashy Tonya Harding's checkered legacy as... the craziest bitch in figure skating, and perhaps even all sports. Instead, this movie covers her ass and paints her as an innocent... Yes her boyfriend's goon bffl bashed up her rival's legs, but little Tonnie was not involved!

At all!



We know better, babe.

Still a quality movie though with fun uses of montages and hokey vintage pop music to highlight the absurdity of Tonya's mess of a life story. Margot Robbie is fantastic, and now I actually remember who she is bc before I confused her with Amber Heard lol I thought she was generic hot blonde but man can she A C T
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Sooo... I barely watch movies anymore I'm dead af...... very lazy and disinterested but here I am, occasionally rambling about the sludge here and there I manage to slog through. I hope the audience of 0.0001 humans who reads this crap enjoys it aheh

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37 votes
All "Watched in 2018" lists on Listal (182 lists)
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Published 2 months, 3 weeks ago 5 comments



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