Here we have a film so manly, it's been reported that women who've watched it have seen their breasts shrink and their vagina close up as a result.
Predator represents a paradigm in the manly action movie genre. Take one look at that amazing cast. Oh yes...they all featured in a movie together. You have Arnie, Bill Duke, Shane Black, Carl Weathers... I dare you to find another cast of this calibre (The Expendables aside). There's lots of damn muscle and testosterone here!
Apart from that, there's a lot of action. And oh yes, it's fucking VIOLENT! We're talking unapologetically R-rated. Men being skinned, people sliced to pieces, and so on. Your ears will also be subjected to masses of profanity and men talking like real MEN!
As good as the combat scenes are (and trust me, they are among the best), it is the quotable dialogue that really makes this movie. Within the first few minutes, Jesse Ventura sets the tone for the dialogue of the film by offering chew to his comrades. When they refuse, he politely chastises them by letting them know that they're all a "Bunch a slack-jawed faggots around here! This stuff will make you a goddamned sexual tyrannosaurs, just like me!"
But it doesn't stop there. Here's a small sampling of Predator's ingenious dialogue:
Poncho: "You're bleeding, man."
Blain: "I ain't got time to bleed."
Dutch: "If it bleeds, we can kill it."
Hawkins: "Billy. Billy! The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend, I said to her, "Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy." She said, "Why did you say that twice?" I said, "I didn't." See, cuz of the echo."
Such eloquence. Seldom have more noble words been spoken.
Predator is THE MANLIEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME!
MANLY METER: It breaks the fucking meter from shooting too high in the red area.
Road House is one of the ultimate manly movies. It has everything, and has it in spades, from cheesy one-liners to hardcore action to sex scenes to bar brawls, roundhouse kicks, boobs, a kickass soundtrack, and even Patrick Swayze who ices the baddies and gets the gal. Not to mention, Sam fucking Elliot is in here!!!!
It's such a manly movie that the film stock practically has fucking whiskers growing out of it. The whole thing is so rowdy that the fucking director is a man named Rowdy!
Let's take a moment to pay homage to the trademark dialogue here. "Pain don't hurt"
"I used to fuck guys like you in prison!"
"That gal's got entirely too many brains to have an ass like that."
"I'll get all the sleep I need when I'm dead."
Actual spoken dialogue in a motion picture, folks. Here are some additional reasons why this film is manly (thanks to user Blankend for these):
- Patrick Swayze stitches up his own wounds with a sewing needle and fishing line (and no pain medication, of course).
- Professional wrestlers Terry Funk and CT Night are featured as henchmen.
- It has a 4-wheel Drive truck with a lift kit and monster tires on it doing some major damage. (Bigfoot #7)
- Elvis' badass bodyguard and leader of his 'Memphis Mafia', Red West is in the movie as the owner of an Auto Parts Shop.
- Swayze drives a 1965 Buick Riviera (a very manly car).
This movie just fucking rocks, top to bottom. More manly than drinking beer while watching the football.
MANLY METER: It defies the goddamned meter!
Manliest Moment: Dalton rips out a guy's throat and roadhouse kicks him into a river...
Commando is so absurd and ridiculously violent, that it may be the most unintentionally hilarious action movie ever made.
Recent studies have shown that, while watching this movie, 9/10 viewers experienced increased muscle growth, elevated levels of aggression and an inexplicable urge to purchase an M-60. It would be prudent to keep something strong nearby to mop up all the testosterone that will be leaking out of your TV while watching this.
Arnie's John Matrix takes the notion of a "one-man army" to a whole new level when his daughter is kidnapped. Matrix jumps out of planes, tosses a dozen security guards off him as if they were flies, and drives a bulldozer into gun store so that he can steal automatic weapons. Do I really need to explain anymore? For God's sake, he kills 81 people in an 80-minute runtime, many of them with his bare hands.
Matrix's immeasurable masculinity is contrasted by the least intimidating bad guy ever; Bennett. Bennett is a small, probably gay madman who has a mustache and wears a chain mail shirt. Grit your teeth as Matrix jumps out of planes without a parachute into crocodile infested waters with nary a scratch! High five as he puns his away across a series of ever gorier death scenes! And finally, camp it up as he faces off against Bennett. It's none-too-subtle face-off – raging hetero versus raging homo, but the breeder was always going to beat the buggerer.
Commando is by far one the manliest movies ever made. If you ever find yourself doubting your manhood, pick up a copy of Commando and within a few hours you will no longer be a pussy. A bad episode of 80's action TV writ large this movie may be, but it's got balls the size of goddamn Sherman tanks.
And did I mention there are some tits? I shoulda... It's important.
MANLY METER: HIGH FUCKING RED
Manliest Moment: Matrix is in a tool shed. Armed goons shoot the exterior. When convinced Matrix is dead, they open the door. But Matrix is not dead. He swings down and kills them using a rake, buzz-saw blades, an ax and a machete.
And here we have a good old-fashioned manly action movie that's so manly that the cinema tickets and DVDs/Blu-rays might as well come with a side order of steak and ribs. It's so manly that afterwards you'll feel like beating your chest like a gorilla, challenging God to a wrestling match, killing a dinosaur with your weak arm, chugging down your weight in beer, and bench-pressing a planet - all the while smoking a Cuban cigar.
Just look at this cast. We have Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Gary Daniels, Steve Austin, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, and more. This is the finest cast ever assembled. All of these men are manly to the max.
Added to this, there's a lot of action, and it's gloriously violent. It's an awesome throwback to the days of the '80s when action films were filled with blood and guts.
And there are manly values throughout, as well, mainly relating to the fact that the team go and fight a small army not for the money but so they can rescue a hapless girl who's been condemned to death.
Films can't get much more manly than this.
MANLY METER: Very high in the red area.
Manliest Moment: Hale Caesar makes himself known by using his AA-12 to blow the absolute hell out of the soldiers in his way. He then reminds them "Remember this shit at Christmas!"
Die Hard is a product of the '80s action market - that enough information for you?
To elaborate, it's a movie created in a time when R-rated blockbusters ruled the box office. When pussy little teens couldn't get their sissy hands on a manly action movie. Hence, you will see people getting shot and blood splattering all over the environment. When a guy gets shot in the head early into a film, his brains colour the window behind him. Hell yeah! During the close combat battles, you can feel the blood and sweat... It's visceral. And did I mention the big explosions?
Bruce Willis is a homegrown manly man. He's endearing, he has muscles, and he swears a lot ("Yippie-ki-yay, Motherfucker!"). Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber is a model of a villain. And best of all, the hero saves the damsel in distress who falls in love with her rescuer (although they were already married).
MANLY METER: Definitely high red!
Manliest Moment: After the villains shoot out the glass in the offices trying to catch McClane, he runs across broken glass to escape.
Die Hard 2 arrived two years after its predecessor. Know what that means?
Oh yes. '80s excess was still all the rage. And that ain't a bad thing.
This is a brutal, hard R action movie. Renny Harlin created it during his self-titled "squib period", thus each death is punctuated with overzealous squirts of blood. This guy can stage an action sequence! When you've had enough shooting, there are explosions too. Witness an airplane crammed with about 20 grenades as it explodes... Oh yes, the glorious '80s!
What's there to say about John McClane that I haven't already said? He's one badass motherfucker with balls. He gets the gal. He ices the baddies. He stands up to authority. Can't get more manly than that.
MANLY METER: High red!!!
Manliest Moment: "Yippi-ki-yay, motherfucker" McClane utters before blowing up an entire commercial airplane by one gesture with his lighter.
Let's get this out of the way first: if this was just another straight-up Die Hard movie, it'd be manly but more of the same...hence not really worthy of the list. Thankfully, someone with a head on their shoulders upped the ante by adding SAMUEL L. MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON to the cast. Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson. Case closed.
Furthermore, you'll see explosions. You'll see blood (a man even gets sliced in two). You'll hear profanity. You'll see the protagonists sticking it to the antagonists. It wears the title of "Manly Movie" with aplomb.
MANLY METER: HIGH RED!
Manliest Moment: "Say hi to your brother" and kaboom, big explosion, ending the villain's life.
It was a given that there would be at least one Rocky movie on this list, but it's obvious that the manliest chapter in the series is numero quatro. I mean, Carl Weathers fights Dolph Lundgren, and Stallone fights Dolph Lundgren. These gargantuan, muscle-bound giants going head to head = MANLY!
Another reason Rocky IV makes it onto the list is the fantastically cheesy soundtrack by timeless icons of rock like Survivor and Robert Tepper. The best part of the film is the training montage. Rocky is seen jogging in knee-high snow, chopping down trees and yelling barely intelligible words off mountaintops, and Drago is injected with roids and pumps iron, all while "Hearts of Fire" plays in the background!
The final fight is a clash of the civilizations as well as the beefcakes. East vs. West, America vs. Russia, Us vs. Them. That's another reason why Rocky IV is so manly - it's a patriotic propaganda piece. Rocky the capitalist pig emerges victorious of course, thus proving the superiority of Western civilization. It could be argued that Rocky IV directly contributed to the downfall of the USSR and the US winning the Cold War.
MANLY METER:HIGH Red!
Manliest Moment: Rocky meets Ivan Drago in the ring. "I must break you" Drago says before the manly brawl begins...
As with most of the additions to this list, First Blood was born during the '80s; the golden decade for action films. All these years on, we perceive such musclemen as Arnie and Sly as the standard-bearers for '80s action icons, and with good reason. Sly started his run as a manly man with Rocky (alright, he started it with the hardcore porno Party at Kitty and Stud's, but that's beside the point...) and this image was solidified with First Blood.
Now, this isn't the hardest R you'll ever witness. In fact only one guy dies. But First Blood gets the manly movie label due to the protagonist: John Rambo. This guy's an ass-kicking, intelligent badass. He uses his brains. He sets traps. He disperses terrifying threats. He blows shit up real good, too.
MANLY METER: RED!
Manliest Moment: Rambo crawls through a collapsed mine shaft full of rats and steals an army jeep with a machine-gun, which he quickly puts to use on the town’s buildings.
And the title of Manliest Action Film of the '00s goes to...Rambo.
I have an unhealthy obsession with this movie. The action is insanely awesome, the violence is no-holds-barred, profanity is fired off constantly, Rambo looks badass, and there's team of mercs in the mix as well.
Sly also understands that a mere extended trailer of an action film wouldn't win over the hearts and minds of his target audience, so there's a moving human story underneath the blood and carnage. Yet, it doesn't overwhelm the requirements to satiate action lovers, so there's a 30-minute string of action scene after action scene. The final showdown could be the manliest battle in the history of film. Girls will squirm and call it unrealistic and unnecessary, but guys will appreciate it.
Fucking awesome movie. I mean Rambo even decapitates a bloke, then uses a machine gun turret to blow a guy to red goo at point blank range. This movie is manly as fuck.
MANLY METER: If there's a level higher than red, then Rambo attains it.
Manliest Moment: Sarah is about to be raped by one of those Burmese soldiers. Rambo, however, jumps in and rips out the soldier's throat with his bare hands.
Showdown in Little Tokyo was directed by the legendary Mark L. Lester, who was responsible for Commando; one of the manliest movies of all time. It stars manly men Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee. It carries an R-rating. It's an action film. It's also an early '90s action film.
And the result is a blast of pure fucking fun. Seriously, it's impossible to dislike this film or not enjoy it. It's one of the funniest, most exciting and downright awesome buddy cop movies ever. Literally, I had such a good time that after the first time I watched it, I watched it again. I also paused the film quite a bit, because I did not want it to end!
Manliest Moment: After having sex with an attractive girl, Chris heads out to see Jimmy when he realises the bad guys have surrounded his house. As Chris is arming himself to the teeth, Jimmy tells Chris "In case we die, I just want you to know... You have the biggest dick I've ever seen on a man".
Jason Statham is badass...from the little hairs atop his head to the very tips of his toes. Virtually any motion picture featuring this badass motherfucker can get the manly label. So...what cuts this one above films like The Transporter which didn't make the list?
The answer is simple: BALLS. Crank is hard-R, hardcore stuff, man. It's packed from wall to wall with violence, gore, action, adrenaline, and even sex. Yes, sex in public. To save his life, Chev has sex with his girlfriend as onlookers witness their display of public indecency.
Statham is manly. The movie he has been given to feature in is manly as hell.
MANLY METER: Fuckin HIGH RED!
Manliest Moment: Chev fearlessly fighting a villain in a helicopter, leading to a mid-air battle which leads to the death of the villain and the...temporary death of Chev.
Look a few inches higher on this list. The first Crank also made the cut. This sequel is from the same creative team. Same writers. Same directors. More or less the same bunch of actors, too. What does that tell you?
Ohhh yes. It's more of the same. And it's all the better for it.
Crank: High Voltage is a celebration of action-comedy, jam-packed with hardcore violence, sex, profanity, action, and so on. Let's not forget how goddamn manly Chev Chelios is. With his heart removed, he gets himself off an operating table and kicks ass. He abides by the type of "Don't fuck with me" attitude that speaks manliness.
MANLY METER: High red!
Manliest Moment: Chev fucks his girlfriend seven ways from Tuesday on a freakin' horse racing track.
I dare you to find an actor more manly and badass than Clint Eastwood. He oozes manliness from every pore. Give him a Magnum and give him people to shoot, and you have yourself a fucking manly movie.
Now, the character of Dirty Harry is manly down to every hair on his body. He's one relentless motherfucker. Witness him torture a suspect and violate his rights...him sticking it to authority...and his famous phrase:
"I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?"
This is one badass, gritty 1970s action movie.
MANLY METER: HIGH RED!!!!
Manliest Moment: The final showdown... When Harry fired 5 shots, not 6.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you one of earliest manly flicks in history. It's a good old-fashioned boy's war film, with a cast of badasses and some solid action to boot. It may have been made several decades ago, but my word the film is effective.
For starters, look at the cast. Yeah, look at those big-name stars like Lee Marvin, Charles Bronson, Telly Savalas, Robert Ryan and Donald Sutherland, as well as several others. All manly requirements are met on this front. Let me restate: Lee Marvin and Charles Bronson sharing the frame. Yeah. That could make a romantic comedy manly.
Oh sure, this ain't the manliest film you'll ever see, but it's one of the most essential.
MANLY METER: Orange.
Manliest Moment: The whole end battle sequence. It's badass...
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly is one badass Western. You've got Clint Eastwood, Eli Wallach and Lee Van Cleef in the same place. You've got grittiness from beginning to end. Rousing shootouts too, and action in general.
This is a movie which helped give birth to the manly genre. It's a movie made by men for men.
MANLY METER: High in the red area, fo shu.
Manliest Moment: "You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig" and the entire sequence stemming from this...
The above stars alone could answer this question. Unforgiven is gritty, violent and contemplative. It's a brilliant Western overflowing with manly values - redemption and retribution being the most prevalent.
It has Western standoffs too. And though it's short on the action department, it doesn't underwhelm when guns are fired.
MANLY METER: In the red.
Manliest Moment: Munny isn't happy about the way his friend was treated. He heads into the bar (the front of which displays the corpse) and blows a number of people to hell. Badass...
If you don't know the answer to the above question, I suggest you visit the psychiatrist, jump off a bridge, or question your sexuality. Simple as that.
Taken is without doubt one of the manliest movies of the noughties. It's a fast-paced, adrenaline-pumping, violent, satisfying, fucking awesome action flick featuring Liam Neeson as a hardened badass. Throughout the course of the movie, Neeson kills villain after villain through unbelievably brutal methods. People are electrocuted to death, shot in cold blood, stabbed, beaten, filled with bullets... The works. And why? Because Neeson wants his daughter back. It's the old damsel in distress plot reworked to suit a father/daughter relationship, and it fucking works.
Taken also has serious balls. In the movie, Neeson basically tells the authority figures to go fuck themselves. The action sequences are fairly violent, too. No blood spattering against the walls as such, but there's enough - necks get broken, a guy cops a bullet to the face at point blank range... The level of testosterone could cause an elephant to spontaneously combust.
Fuck me, this movie rocks. Its manliness level is through the goddamn roof.
MANLY METER: Red!
Manliest Moment: On the boat at the end, Bryan OWNS a guy after a brutal fist fight, then finds his daughter being held captive. Instead of negotiating, he puts a fucking bullet in the armed guy's head. Problem solved. Now that's manly...
Look, Sin City is R-rated. It's a HARD R as well, with extreme violence, disturbing themes and even sex. In the cast you'll also find an awesome selection of manly men. There's Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Clive Owen, Michael Madsen and Benicio Del Toro, just to name a few.
Robert Rodriguez knows how to satiate those thirsty for a true R-rated picture in a climate ruled by watered down PG-13 rubbish (The Spirit, a very similar project, pursued the PG-13 route, making Sin City seem far superior in comparison).
MANLY METER: Red
Manliest Moment: Marv capturing, torturing and killing Kevin; the ultra fast, ultra silent killer. Absolutely badass.
Fishing is a manly pastime which most of us enjoy, but when's the last time you took on a 3-ton shark? Just something to think about next time you're feeling like hot shit after reeling in a sunfish that wouldn't keep an Ethiopian on his feet for more than 5 minutes.
Here my friends, is a man's movie if there ever was one. When a massive Great White makes a snack out of some stupid drunk teenagers and an even stupider little kid, a crusty old seaman named Quint takes the job of killing said shark after making everyone's ears bleed with the aid of a chalkboard. He and the badass Roy Scheider and the not-so badass Richard Dreyfuss set out to slay the dragon of the deep.
Jaws is filled with manly moments. What's not to like? The film's finale is a heart-pounding battle of man vs. shark.
MANLY METER: Red.
Manliest Moment: Three tough guys out at sea, drinking beer and comparing scars.
Total Recall was created during a time when Arnie was a box office juggernaut. He was huge, buff, and manly as hell. Couple this with the directorial efforts of the legendary Paul Verhoeven, and you pretty much have one of the manliest movies of all time on your hands. Verhoeven is not one to make PG movies, after all...
Chock full of gratuitous violence, uproarious one-liners, and some of the most creative action sequences of the '90s, Total Recall is manly as fuck!
MANLY METER: Red.
Manliest Moment: Quaid shoots his (fake) wife. "Consider that a divorce!"
Hard Boiled is the film that invented the double-handed shootout. It's also a film which set the record for highest body count at the time. With car chases, bike chases, shoot outs, doves and one of the most elaborate climatic set-pieces ever seen, Hard Boiled is John Woo's defining masterpiece. From the beginning, which sees more blood spilt than World War II, this hard driving, relentless cop-versus-the-Yazuka-Triad classic just keeps on and on and on and on.
Just watch it and discover for yourself why it's so damn manly, as it's useless outlining all the reasons.
MANLY METER: Red!
Manliest Moment: Tequila sliding down a staircase with dual pistols.
To call Sam Peckinpah a manly man would be like saying chocolate is just a food group. The words don't do justice to what they're describing. Here is director responsible for hardcore Westerns and a trademark style of violence that has been inspirational to such filmmakers as Tarantino and even Kathryn Bigelow.
Peckinpah is to American cinematic violence what Woody Allen is to neurotic wimps in movies. However, there is a great deal of beauty in many of his films; and above all, he was a master storyteller. He ranks with Hitchcock, Welles, and Capra as one of the giants of 20th century American filmmaking. Let me draw another analogy: he is to the action movie and western what Hitchcock was to the suspense/murder mystery.
Here is where Peckinpah as we know him arrives. There had been violence in movies before The Wild Bunch, but no one had ever taken it to this level. It stirred up a lot of controversy in its day, and almost everyone from Scorsese to DePalma to Tarintino will rave to you in interviews about how much Peckinpah's masterpiece influenced their work. If you haven't seen it yet, then by all means do so - this is one fucking manly, badass movie.
MANLY METER: Red!
Manliest Moment: The final shootout. It doesn't get more manly than that.
Shoot 'Em Up pretty much represents the whole action movie package. A high-octane mix of ridiculously over-the-top shootouts, sex scenes, shootouts during sex scene, one-liners, blood, tits, guns, and all within the wrapper of an R-rated black comedy, supplemented with hardcore balls of steel.
If you're not already convinced of its manliness, then you're absolutely beyond help. Worse, if you're one of those people who says "bro diz mvi is kool bt y isnt transformers on da list" then I suggest you grow a pair, hike up your trousers, get rid of that silly hat, and go learn how to be a real man.
MANLY METER: Red!
Manliest Moment: Mr. Smith is having sex when gunmen enter. Undeterred, he continues fucking his girl and doing crazy moves while killing all the gunmen with amazing accuracy. "Talk about shooting your load".
John Woo is a full-time purveyor of manly action cinema. His Hard Boiled and Hard Target also appear on this list. It was only logical for Face/Off to show up on here too. It fucking rocks.
What separates this from your usual action fare is tremendous skill behind the camera (this is John Woo we're discussing here), some of the most expertly-realised action sequences of the 1990s, and an interesting storyline. What makes it manly is pretty much all of the above. Oh, and I should mention there are indeed females in this movie that are quite yummy.
If you consider yourself a manly film fan, then you cannot afford to miss this movie.
MANLY METER: Red!
Manliest Moment: The boat chase in the end. Longer than a moment, but it's manly!
Arnold Schwarzenegger is in the lead role. James Cameron is at the helm. This is an R-rated action film in the vein of James Bond, with awesome one-liners, a tremendous amount of awesome action, and lots of violence. It even has Jamie Lee Curtis doing a sensual dance. How isn't this manly?!
So... a lot of movies which adhere to this type of criteria haven't received a spot on this list, so why does True Lies appear in favour of a lot of other films? Simple, really: it's more fun, exciting and exhilarating than a lot of other films. It's 140 minutes of supreme entertainment. And it's technically sound as well. These special effects are practically photorealistic... True Lies is flat-out awesome.
MANLY METER: Red, fo shu.
Manliest Moment: An armed guy, holding Harry's wife hostage, orders Harry to put down his gun. He complies...then uses his other gun to kill the goon quicker than a flash of lightning.
A movie featuring a cast that includes Jean-Claude Van Damme, Arnold Vosloo and Lance Henriksen doesn't exactly scream quality. I mean, none are known for tremendous acting skill. But one thing such a cast does scream is MANLINESS! And this proclamation of manliness is not exactly subtle. It also proclaims is using a booby trapped venomous snake, whilst standing on top of a speeding motorbike, shooting at the bad guys with a pistol in each hand and blowing up their oil tank.
Meanwhile, the bad guys here carry A-Team regulation AK-47's but couldn't hit a target if it was a mile high, orange and 10ft away from them. And let's not forget to further discuss Van Damme; a man so fucking badass that, instead of kissing Yancy Butler, he grabs a furious snake, punches it unconscious, and then – using his ninja teeth – rips off the rattle on the end of its tail and spit it out as if it were a ring pull. JCVD even manages to make the name "Chance Bordeaux" sound totally not gay.
MANLY METER: Red!
Manliest Moment: The motorcycle stunt, wherein Chance is on top of a motorbike with guns. Absolutely manly!
Epic and huge, The Godfather is manly as fuck. Its manliness is not because it's violent and awash with gore, but because it is not just these things alone. Being a man isn't just about killing and mayhem, though it helps. The film is about ambition, betrayal and power - kissing the ring, chopping off a horse's head, that sort of thing.
In this world, it's kill or be killed, while women are more dangerous than shotguns. The vast ambition, the sheer scope of the film and the scale of Don Corleone's vast criminal empire dwarves all other gangster films. The Godfather is a boy's-own adventure and it has Marlon Brando – a real man's man, back in his prime - to boot. Here, murder isn't just a way of life but a career move, and the mafia is a strictly man-only company.
MANLY METER: Red!
Manliest Moment: At the end of the movie, Michael takes out all of the family's enemies in one fell swoop with a series of simultaneous assassinations.
Truly one of the manliest action movies in history, and one of the best buddy cop action flicks ever, Lethal Weapon remains thoroughly enjoyable, adrenaline-pumping and at times hilarious.
To address the question, it's manly because it ticks practically all the boxes it needs to. It's an R-rated action extravaganza, so the action scenes are pretty damn violent and gritty. It has swearing. It has a cool, suave male protagonist partnered up with a more gentlemanly cop. It has Mel Gibson. It has Danny Glover. It has Gary Busey.
Simply put, in no way is this movie not manly. If you consider yourself a manly film watcher, you cannot afford to miss this one.
MANLY METER: Red.
Manliest Moment: Riggs survives electo-shock torture and frees himself to Murtaugh and his daughter.
Featuring three leading players who exude manliness from every pore (Michael Biehn, Schwarzenegger, and the manly woman known as Linda Hamilton) and scores of '80s goodness, The Terminator is a manly ride in every sense of the word.
It's difficult to pinpoint a single aspect which makes The Terminator manly, as the answer is pretty much everything. From the manly acts of heroism to the gritty, violent action scenes and the way The Biehn gets into Sarah's pants... It's all manly.
MANLY METER: Red.
Manliest Moment: Kyle is exhausted, bleeding and near death. Yet, when the Terminator - now nothing but an endoskeleton - approaches him and thus endangers his girl, he musters up every last ounce of strength to fight the Terminator even further...leading to his own demise. Manly, manly, manly...
A true Western classic, True Grit features what may be the greatest performance of John Wayne’s career in his role as the tough-as-nails Marshal Rooster Cogburn, who tracks down a group of criminals while protecting a young woman bent on revenge. The Duke’s performance earned him a long-overdue Oscar for Best Leading Actor, his only Academy Award.
To address the question...
John Motherfucking Wayne is badass from beginning to end. During the final showdown, Wayne single-handedly takes out four bad guys on horseback with his guns in hands and the reins in his mouth. Fuck, that's awesome.
MANLY METER: Red!
Manliest Moment: The final showdown. As I said, Wayne kills four guys by himself with the reigns in his mouth!
Unless you're blind or ignorant, you may've noticed the first three Die Hard films made the cut. Well, let me introduce you to the unofficial Die Hard 4.
The Last Boy Scout is one of Shane Black's best scripts. This guy's trademark is witty, funny dialogue, tonnes of profanity, interesting stories, and plenty of opportunities for blood to be spilled. This movie has all of that, and then some. Bruce Willis' Joe Hallenbeck is also manly as fuck, with balls so large he could put a fucking boulder to shame.
This is a fun, enjoyable manly movie, best seen with a slab of pizza, a few crates of beers, and a congregation of mates.
Jesus, Mary, Joseph, RoboCop fucking rules. I mean don't even try to deny it... This is one fucking awesome motion picture from top to bottom.
The '80s was a time of veritable one-man armies such as Schwarzenegger and Stallone. Problem with most of those movies is that it's unlikely the protagonist would be so unscathed after encountering fuck loads of guys. RoboCop is another one-man army film, but with a twist: the one-man army is a virtually indestructible machine.
Cue amazingly awesome action sequences and FUCK LOADS of blood and gore. Seriously, this could be the most violent fucking movie of the '80s. The action is what makes this movie manly, basically. I know there are a lot of action movies out there, but this is a favourite because it's also very clever - a sharp social commentary. Great dialogue, too, such as the memorable "I'd buy that for a dollar!"
I LOVE this movie.
MANLY METER: Red!!!
Manliest Moment: Direct hit - RoboCop shoots through a woman's dress to hit the armed guy holding her hostage.
If you do not know how Punisher: War Zone is manly, then here's what I recommend: cut off your penis, slice it up like pepperoni, make it into a pizza and eat it. Because that's about the most useful way to use your penis if you don't know how Punisher: War Zone is manly.
I shouldn't need to write much more. But I'll list a few basic points for those who haven't seen this movie yet:
- Over the top, R-rated blood and gore
- Kickass action
- Manly protagonist
MANLY METER: HIGH red.
Manliest Moment: Frank OWNING an entire platoon of armed guys at the end. Pure awesome manliness.
Planet Terror is one of the manliest movies of the noughties. It's not too far behind Robert Rodriguez's own Sin City. Goddamn, Rodriguez is one awesome filmmaker. Shame he puts his R-rated instincts to rest and does kid's movies a little too often.
Back on topic, Planet Terror is manly because of how downright awesome it is. There's gore, violence, guns, action, zombies, girls, sex... When there's an exposition-heavy scene coming, the title "Missing Reel" flashes up as an excuse to jump straight back into the action.
And it's just...one great fucking ride.
MANLY METER: Red.
Manliest Moment: Cherry Darling may not be a man, but when she's in mid-air using her machine-gun leg to kill tonnes of zombies... Manly.
Being a man is brilliant. You get to fight, drive cars through explosions, shag birds, drink beer, and be an asshole. But what really make a man a man? Muscles? Sure. Blood, guts, and fisticuffs? It helps. A bit of nationalism? Of course. Wildly improbable baddies, snakes, the Mafia, guns, lots of guns, boxing, and rude words? All are welcome. But manly movies are the real cornerstone of our species – while women are reading Cosmo and buying shoes, us alpha males are out saving the universe with our shirts off.
As a man, I am entitled to like movies which ooze anything manly - from hardcore violence to a testosterone-packed cast to manly values. The following are unadulterated MANLY movies WITH BALLS that I can sit back and enjoy whenever I need a dose of manliness. Most of these were created in a time when movies were created before rating and box office became the aim of moviemaking, and before the action genre was neutered.
Meet the cruellest, fiercest, wonderful, violent and blood thirsty movies all packed into one list (in no particular order). They are a salute to manliness, and in return I am saluting them.
Oh, and movies which show non-plot-related, gratuitous nudity can also qualify because, as men, we do love our porn.
Girlie Man comments will be eliminated.
No, fucking Zac Efron is not manly. No, fucking neutered action movies like Transporter, The Marine, 12 Rounds, Terminator 4 and other such films are NOT manly. Fuck off if you disagree with any of the above facts.
Here are clarifications for the manly meter: RED: The manliest of manly. ORANGE: Has manly qualities, but it's not a full-blown manly movie. YELLOW: The lowest. But they'll be no yellows on this list :)