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Added by ToonHead2102 on 23 Nov 2012 02:09
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My SH*T List! (Movies I Disliked, and Why)

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People who added this item 73 Average listal rating (43 ratings) 6.5 IMDB Rating 6.6
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People who added this item 388 Average listal rating (279 ratings) 3.8 IMDB Rating 3.6
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People who added this item 137 Average listal rating (87 ratings) 4.7 IMDB Rating 5.2
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People who added this item 833 Average listal rating (561 ratings) 5 IMDB Rating 5.2
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People who added this item 2533 Average listal rating (1544 ratings) 6.5 IMDB Rating 7.2
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People who added this item 348 Average listal rating (216 ratings) 4.6 IMDB Rating 4.6
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People who added this item 4813 Average listal rating (3261 ratings) 6.5 IMDB Rating 7
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People who added this item 162 Average listal rating (103 ratings) 4.6 IMDB Rating 4.7
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People who added this item 582 Average listal rating (393 ratings) 5.3 IMDB Rating 5.9
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People who added this item 1714 Average listal rating (1078 ratings) 5.1 IMDB Rating 5.5
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People who added this item 700 Average listal rating (455 ratings) 6 IMDB Rating 6.3
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People who added this item 3137 Average listal rating (1969 ratings) 6.6 IMDB Rating 6.8
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People who added this item 3359 Average listal rating (2170 ratings) 5.7 IMDB Rating 6.1
Pearl Harbor (2001)
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People who added this item 302 Average listal rating (185 ratings) 5 IMDB Rating 4.9
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People who added this item 1248 Average listal rating (792 ratings) 5.2 IMDB Rating 5.5
Hands down, my nomination as the absolute WORST movie I've ever seen in my life.

Not only was it bad, and a complete GANG RAPE on a popular King novel, and was terribly edited, unwarrantably grotesque, and piss poorly acted and not taken seriously, but the trailer was complete false advertising to the point where the makers should almost be charged and convicted of a crime. They made it look like an intriguing spellbinding paranormal mystery thriller that would hold something back till the last moment like say "Alien" or "Planet of the Apes" or "Soylent Green", but the content of the film is nothing AT ALL like how the trailer presented it. They held NOTHING back and added elements that came off as 'exploitative' and unnecessary. It's basically a movie about people who shit aliens - violently at that! What was Lawrence Kasdan thinking releasing this, if I were him I would have demanded an Alan Smithee credit, but I suppose that's not an option for him since he not only directed but wrote and produced this elephant turd!

But the worst of it all is I actually have a bad story to go along with this one. I was supposed to go with my mom and my brother to catch the late night show at the Pen-Mar, but my bro was being a "dick" and it ended up being just the two of us. Then he was pissed when we got home that we went without him. That is until I told him how awful this piece of shit turned out to be. The film was apparently so bad that it was really the very first time for me that I sat in a theater and watched somebody walk out on the movie. Me and my mom commented on it how we seemed to notice the woman who left halfway hasn't come back yet?...

All through the movie we also heard somewhere in one of the rows closer to the screen there was somebody coughing - and sure enough me and my mom got violently ill the next couple days and we were puking our guts out for the next week or two straight. "F*** you Kasdan, I'm should sue you for 2 hours of me and my Mom's lives you stole from us you rapist!!!"...

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People who added this item 692 Average listal rating (441 ratings) 5.3 IMDB Rating 5.5
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People who added this item 1795 Average listal rating (1161 ratings) 5.1 IMDB Rating 5.5
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People who added this item 123 Average listal rating (70 ratings) 5.8 IMDB Rating 6.3
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People who added this item 358 Average listal rating (237 ratings) 5.3 IMDB Rating 5.9
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People who added this item 265 Average listal rating (150 ratings) 6.5 IMDB Rating 6.9
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People who added this item 8 Average listal rating (4 ratings) 4.3 IMDB Rating 5.1
Keillers Park (2006)
THE TRAGEDY OF HUMAN LIFE TAKEN IS ALWAYS REMORSEFUL, however, it's hard to remain sympathetic to true crime inspired queer interest film, when the lead characters are portrayed as being so utterly superficial, it's hard to remain sympathetic to a film so ugly and moronic, and bound with tiresome cliches and offensive stereotypes. I found this experience to be a real pain to sit through, despite such a brisk runtime. 90 mins of my life I'll never get back it feels like...

The is the dramatization of what is otherwise known as the Keillers Park murder case in Göteborg, Sweden, where a young Algerian homosexual male (aged 36) was killed in cold blood by two death metal heads Jon Nödtveidt and his friend Vlad. Black Metal is a rather common trend in Scandinavia, so it's hardly a shocking relating detail to the story. Which is probably why the film itself chooses to ignore this side of the story all together and focus mainly with his turbulent, and superfluous relationship with Peter Andreis Feldmanis, a closeted married family man with a conservative background and distinguished corporate career, which Peter ultimately 'pisses away' for the sake of an 'exciting' erotic trist with a local hipster/transient.

I'm sorry to say this, but the Nassim character does not come off looking good. First off, his attitude regarding seduction of poor Peter comes off as arrogant -interrupting an important business meeting, with members of his conservative family present, just to...what, hook up, say hi, I don't get it?- Nassim argues that somehow Peter 'owes' it to him and himself, to pursue his homoerotic tendencies to their fullest extent, because...why? Well I'm sorry but, no, Peter doesn't owe this man a DAMN thing. It's his choice whether he wants to come out of the closet or not. And just because he's sexually attracted to a man, doesn't necessarily mean, by law, he should be attracted to all men.

If that's not bad enough, things go from considerably 'inconvenient', to bad -- to MUCH WORSE! I don't know if it was Miss Edwards intention to cast a negative light on homosexuality, but that sure seems to be what she ends up with here. How can we act so sympathetic to a man so utterly destructive, and not just to himself and the film later shows.

It seems it's not bad enough Nassim forces Peter to flip his entire world upside down and inside out, but now, later, when the two men conclude their tiresome courting and are now officially a couple, Nassim is not satisfied. Like a child that's given a toy he's quickly become bored with. Not only is he a pushy, self-centered, manipulative panhandler, he's also a lush too. Nassim gets bored with their flat monotonous stale sex life and keeps pushing Peter to try new extremes, and insists on Peter becoming subservient and accepting to frequent flirting around and affairs with other men, sometimes while Peter is even present. Meanwhile, I never see him ever once show any sort of concern or interest towards some sort of desired career or future plan. Life is just one great long, ceeasless party. Yeah well, there comes a point and time when the sun starts to come up that generally the guests just want to gather their things and go home. Nassim doesn't get this.

Finally, there's the murder itself. This film is hardly an advocate for gay rights interest when Nassim is portrayed in such unflattering tones. Here, his murder is inevitable when shown to be shamelessly flirting with two uninterested black metal Satanists who are members of the Left Hand Path, who seem at once both annoyed and repulsed by Nassim's advances. There's something to be said about public boundaries and what Nassim is depicted doing in the film is nothing short of what I would call sexual terrorism. He's literally terrorizing these two men with his overbearing sexuality. I'm just gonna say it, if you walk in to a MacDonald's wearing a paper hat, you're gonna get some orders!

I should have listened to the IMDB, there's a reason this film's on such a low ranking score. I just mainly sat through it cause it was part of a bucket list of mine. The rest of you, be sure to 'skip' this viewing experience. You'll thank me later!...

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People who added this item 1896 Average listal rating (1196 ratings) 4.4 IMDB Rating 5.1
Scary Movie 4 (2006)
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People who added this item 1583 Average listal rating (866 ratings) 6.9 IMDB Rating 7.3
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People who added this item 1445 Average listal rating (945 ratings) 7.2 IMDB Rating 7.5
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People who added this item 505 Average listal rating (332 ratings) 5.8 IMDB Rating 5.6
What do you get when you attempt to recreate one of the most underrated-'exciting' cult films of the mid-1980s, by replacing it with a senseless 80 min. vehicle filled with nothing but endless plotholes, hair-pullingly annoying performances, and an all around ugly and unappealing directional style, one could POSSIBLY imagine to come out of the new millennium. I'll tell you what you get. One of the most ripest, steamingly fresh turds I've quite frankly EVER SEEN!!!

Hollywood has this nasty new trend of completely whitewashing hard earned slasher film history, replacing every single underground cult smash with recycled vomit those of us of the internet community like to sub-categorize as 'torture porn'. There seemed to be very little excuse to even finance this complete waste of time. If something is already good - don't fix it! What you want to see is the Michael Hanake adaptation of "Death to Smoochie", or Spike Jonze's version of "the Interview".

Here we have the classic, probably most recognizable film role for one Rutgar Hauer, here replaced by "Game of Thrones'" Sean Bean, in a performance lacking any sort of sense, depth, or flare to it, as the film's principle antagonist - the Hitcher. Serving as only I can assume Hollywood's excuse to 'heteroize' the franchise' subtext, by switching genders between the Howell and Leigh characters, and instead here choosing to produce a female lead who oppose Ryder's 'unstoppable Rapture' upon unsuspecting civilians. Which really makes less sense if one has actually seen the original and chose to understand it?

Sophia Bush plays Grace, who should really hope to have this credit removed from her resume one day, in hopes to distance herself from portraying one of the all-time most stupidest horror movie protagonists in cinema history. The makers completely undo everything Jim Halsey did in the first one, making some of the 'questionable' protagonist's actions seem at less semi-convincing to a bipartisan viewing audience. Instead, they give the character Grace, even MORE, ridiculously lambastic, and retarded decisions they she applies.

Calling out in a darkened cell and taunting a psychopathic murderer that you're locked up and have a gun? Going in to a toilet stall for paper towel? Allowing you boyfriend to be -oops, spoiler- where as you could have just shot the tires or the rope/chain. Christ, how much air did this poor girl get in the womb?!!!

The topless scene is hardly as taboo as what occurred in the original '86 shower scene which if seen from a keen eye made Robert Harmon's "the Hitcher", shocking and ahead of it's time! Here, Grace seems hardly an 'empowered woman' as I think the movie was trying to portray her. Just another violent-minded youth, caught in one of the most FAKEST looking action film finales I've ever has the divine punishment of having to sit through.

STAY FAR FAR AWAY from this shitstain!!!...

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People who added this item 5229 Average listal rating (3311 ratings) 5.8 IMDB Rating 6.2
Spider-Man 3 (2007)
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What a piece of shit!

One of the biggest disappointments I could possibly imagine, is a nagging reminder of just how far America's most beloved yellow skinned post-nuclear family has fallen from grace. I'm not sure how long the creators have been working on this one but I remember back when I was a kid, during my youth they came out with the EXHILARATINGLY hilarious "Beavis and Butt-head Do America" then "South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut". What sets those two smash hits apart from the nearly decade long rumored "Simpsons Movie" is that rather then go for above par cinema spectacle, the kind that makes those two movies seem like a once in a lifetime event - "Simpsons" went the more conservative route and decided to simply present an extended hour and a half long regular episode, at the theater! For some God only knows why reason the critics all seemed to agree with this strategy. I remember Ebert and Roeper seemed to think this was the smart way to go... I vehemently disagree.

First off, do either of these two (I know Ebert's dead now, don't point that out) have ANY idea just how fucking expensive the movies has become lately? My God, for the price they con out of us every showing I fully expect them to wash my car and rotate the tires while they're at it. Vacuum the popcorn crumbs off my clothes while I'm watching, and have one of the ushers give me a massage. Not all of us are motherfuckin' millionaires, to spend our minimum wage earnings at a building full of potentially sick people for an hour and a half in the dark, just to see something we could have easily seen on television for free. FUCK, the show's been on the air for nearly two decades by the point this came out. They better goddang do something BLOW UP THE MOVIE THEATER spectacular up there for the arm and a leg they're charging me?!! --I wanna see one of the major characters die, I wanna see Lisa eat meat, I wanna see Homer have one of his arms sawed off, I wanna see big ridiculous toe-tapping musical numbers, have one of the straightest characters on the show come out of the closet, say the word FUCK halfway through. What do we get instead -- a shot of a 10-year-old boy's dick?! Hmmm, yeah I kinda expected Christian conservatives to have more of a cow over this NAMBLA approved 2D cartoon show?

To recap just briefly, whatever I make out of this godawful convoluted mess of a movie - the plot goes something like this. "Green Day" apparently dies tragically in a toxic waste reservoir - expected half-serious environmental issues Masonic agenda issues to be brought up throughout the film. Just more 'global warming' propaganda, but that's to be expected. Somehow this turns in to an issue concerning Biblical end times sermons and a giant dome that gets dropped on the city of Springfield like the CBS series "Under the Dome". The Simpsons are the only ones that escape the predicament using a convenient rabbit hole in the ground that Maggie discovers ("Alice in Wonderland" symbolism?) and spend the rest of the movie living a life of moderate luxury trying to reinvent a new family name living in Alaska.

Not a single millisecond of the film is event REMOTELY FUNNY - how can it be when the makers don't even give the audience half a second in between jokes to laugh? The whole famous prophecy speech at the beginning spoken by Abe Simpson goes by so fast and is so incomprehensible I found myself having to rewind the tape (cause yes I did the SMART thing and watched this at home instead of the theaters) several times just to try and catch what the fuck Abe said, if he did say anything coherent? And the thing that always seemed to bother in the countless times I've accidentally seen this - cause y'know, they like to pimp the shit out of it on Fox Sundays all the time - is that the movie never actually seemed to get back to this speech. I expected it to somehow play a role in the events later in the movie but it just to me seemed to be dropped altogether.

About the only genuine laugh I actually got throughout the entire ordeal was a modest smirk that formed at the corner of my mouth, and maybe a slight chuckle, after Bart made his Walt Disney crack on the train. Please, for God's sake, I'm imploring someone to pretty please with sugar on top explain to me this cult film's undeserved popularity, and how on EARTH this waste of time and money, did anything at all to 'elevate' the show's prestige??? Sometimes I just feel like either I'm going crazy, or I'm the only sane one left and it's everyone else who's out of their MOTHERFUCKIN' MINDS!!! D'oh!...

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People who added this item 572 Average listal rating (384 ratings) 2.5 IMDB Rating 1.9
Seemingly following in the footsteps of the Scary Movie franchise - I phrase it that way cause I'm assuming that's the overall gimmick here? Although cursed by the Hollywood machine, not knowing where to without the garbage from spewing out, just about the most obvious considerable 'disaster' covered in this abominable piece of donkey dung, is the movie itself!

Yeah, here's a prime example of at least one film, without any apparent redeeming factors of any kind. First off, I happened to accidentally sit through this 90+ minute turd one evening in it's entirety during a night in which I was sick and unmotivated to change the channel, cause I was looking for a laugh (that is if memory serves me correctly on this whole memory I'm trying desperately to repress?), and instead of finding one, I was treated to this atrocious mess.

The first thing that struck me was the title. I had seen trailers for the film before -briefly- but I was lead to understand the premise had something to do with 'natural disasters', I expected "Twister" and "Titanic" jokes for some reason. I take it from the proceeding events in the film, I dare not call it a plot -I'll get to that in a minute- that this is not the case.

It seems the disaster referenced in the film's 'state-the-obvious' title refers to movies that have 'bombed' at the box office. Which is oxymoronic since I'e never heard of another film to tank worse than this from what I've read, but as we all know - Hollywood can always afford to sink even lower...

The plot is confusing as all fuck and the jokes run on deafening silence. There's not a single genuine spontaneously funny moment in the whole film (whereas "Scary Movie 4" at least had that 'one' which wasn't even deliberate) but more or less, the viewer can even tell it in the eyes of the poor actors who were forced to associate themselves with this piece of garbage. When watching the movie itself, it's almost too painful to watch - the actors look just as confused as we all feel trying to make sense of an utterly senseless plot. And some of the Amy Winehouse jokes now in retrospect seem kind of inappropriate, and offensive. Half the time I'm not even sure of all the film references the movie is trying to make. Do a fellow aspiring cinephile a solid and avoid this film like the bubonic plague...

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People who added this item 141 Average listal rating (94 ratings) 4.4 IMDB Rating 4.5
Space Chimps (2008)
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People who added this item 1195 Average listal rating (654 ratings) 6.1 IMDB Rating 6.3
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People who added this item 2466 Average listal rating (1628 ratings) 5.2 IMDB Rating 5.8
2012 (2009)
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People who added this item 5 Average listal rating (4 ratings) 6.8 IMDB Rating 5.2
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People who added this item 1130 Average listal rating (763 ratings) 6.3 IMDB Rating 6.8
The A-Team (2010)
WOW! I didn't even have to watch the entire film to realize just how much visual masturbation, on 'steroids' this film was. That flying tank scene?

Rampage's fear of heights?

Rampage in this movie PERIOD! (I don't even care who plays all the other characters.)

Somebody in Hollywood seriously has way too much money in their pockets and way too much rub with the distribution studios. Plus, I heard a report, the theater experience of the film is even worse - thankfully I never went to see it but from what I heard, the thing was about ten decimals to loud, you'll be lucky to still have pitch perfect hearing by age 35. PASS!...

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People who added this item 1114 Average listal rating (674 ratings) 5.9 IMDB Rating 6.2
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People who added this item 1529 Average listal rating (961 ratings) 5.8 IMDB Rating 6.3
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People who added this item 30 Average listal rating (13 ratings) 6.6 IMDB Rating 5.7
Our Paradise (2011)
PERHAPS I'M BEING TOO HARSH? I wanted to like this film better, honestly I did, but upon the completed viewing experience I found myself with a bitter aftertaste left in my mouth. Elements of Gaël Morel's 2011 indie film show the potential of remarkable genius, however it's Morel's overall focus of subject matter which seems like such a waste - I walked away from this feeling depressed, annoyed, perhaps hollow, and otherwise 'offended', by the sum of the film's events! I took my sweet time to speak up about this simply because the common rule of thumb when it comes to niche sub genres in film, to each his own, feeling like perhaps I'm offended but I'm not exactly suitable to the targeted demographic the film was trying to reach? So as I lay my case for this film being on this list, in this review, I will try to keep this aspect in mind - however, on an ethical note, it seems to me more likely the ideal intention going in to creative filmmaker, the aim is to try and reach (and thus educate - whatever viewpoint that may be) as broad an audience as conceivably possible? But that's just me speaking...

[REVIEW STILL IN PROCESS...]

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RECENTLY ADDED REVIEWS:
-Dreamcatcher(2003)
-Keillers Park (2006)
-The Hitcher (2007)
[added 04/19/15]
-The Simpsons Movie (2007)
-The Gallows (2015)
[added 08/19/15]

Here are some films in which I just flat out found them to be unredeemable. I have a popular 'movies I like' list on here - a link to which can be found at the bottom here. I started a new format of including everything I have seen on order to keep everything straight. Well the time has finally come to do a little bit of weeding of the Garden to make my official choices 'shine' brighter!

This is my own personal waste basket. Films which I just flat out to be intolerable and my castigation of them. Some filmmakers I'm sure deserve a swift kick in the ass for release diarrhea in to movie theaters. Here is just about my one place left to serve out this kind of justice.

Leave a comment below if y'all agree or disagree with me. Thanks, and dis-joy;)...

http://www.listal.com/list/my-1001-see-before-ascension

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Comments

Posted: 5 years, 4 months ago at Dec 31 12:16
I've only seen 5 from this list. Let's keep it that way, shall we? Anyway, I enjoyed your two comments so far and can't wait for it to finish. Drop me a line when it does :)
Posted: 4 years, 9 months ago at Jul 30 13:51
Safety Not Guaranteed was a feel good movie, and I kinda liked it.
And I even loved Big Fish. I agree with you on the rest though, haha.
Posted: 3 months, 2 weeks ago at Feb 1 17:48
You hate many things

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