Most ridiculous taglines ever conceived

1069   6.1   6 

Tagline: "Lock your car or it may be... GONE IN 60 SECONDS"

This tagline is utterly steeped in cheese. Any attempt to slip the title of a film into the tagline usually ends in abrupt failure, this is no different.

Cheese Factor 10/10
Cliche Score 4/10

Grand Assault's rating:

910   6.8   7.2 

Tagline: "Cocked, locked, and Ready to Rock!"

Terrible. I wouldn't be surprised if Nic Cage came up with these himself, they're exactly the sort of calibre of awful you'd expect from him. How witty, the film title is once again included in the tagline - only 'to rock' would surely suggest that there would be some sort of heavy metal concert or that the marines were going in all guns blazing. In fact, the lead character spends most of the time snivelling around his ancient guide.

Cheese Factor 10/10
Cliche Score 10/10

Grand Assault's rating:

273   4.6   4.4 

Tagline: "Go for it!"

Disappointing purely because of the fact that it has nothing to do with the film. I can't even think of a successful play on words that this capitalises on. Maybe if this was Rocky FOUR it wouldn't be so bad, but considering this isn't even a Rocky catchphrase, I just don't know what they were thinking.

Cheese Factor 3/10
Cliche Rating 8/10

Grand Assault's rating:

1764   6.1   6 

Tagline: "Time To Kick Some Asteroid"

Warning: Tagline may cause severe cringes. No need to elaborate.

Cheese Factor 10/10
Cliche Rating 6/10

Grand Assault's rating:

1308   7.7   8.3 

Tagline: "Twelve terrorists. One cop. The odds are against John McClane... That's just the way he likes it."

A generic enough tagline, only it fails because it makes John McClane sounds like Duke Nukem instead of the reluctant anti-hero that he is. He doesn't take out tens of terrorists on a regular basis, why would he enjoy this torture!

Cheese Factor 6/10
Cliche Rating 7/10

Grand Assault's rating:

306   5.3   4.9 

Tagline: "A pulse-pounding cyber-slam"

Bahaha, there's no way this film is pulse-pounding and I'm not even going to speculate what a cyber-slam is. The only way a tagline for a film as dreadful as this could get respect is if it told the truth. "A ceaseless shit-fest that demolishes its short story inspiration" could have served the film better.

Cheese Factor 5/10
Cliche Rating 3/10

Grand Assault's rating:

1426   6.8   6.7 

Tagline: "The wager between heaven and hell is on Earth"

I've tried to make sense of this tagline for a long time as I used to have a poster of Constantine on my wall. I never managed. What wager exactly is going on between heaven and hell? Is Constantine the Wager? Oh, just like every other human being on the planet then.

Cheese Factor 3/10
Cliche Rating 4/10

Grand Assault's rating:

730   5.9   5.8 

Tagline: "You're all going to die"

Well that's a bit of a bummer. It even suggests that there is no hero to save us all. I guess the only problem is that Raccoon City has already been thoroughly quarantined and ends up being completely levelled by a ballistic missile at the end of the film.

Cheese Factor 6/10
Cliche Rating 8/10

Grand Assault's rating:

944   5.8   5.9 

Tagline: "If you have what it takes... You can have it ALL!"

No. 'If you have what it takes' refers to if you have a fast car, 'you can have it all' equates to you can win...another fast car! The miserable glorification of illegal street racing. Great.

Cheese Factor 8/10
Cliche Rating 9/10

Grand Assault's rating:

1296   5.9   6.6 

Tagline: "Their days of peace are over"

The villagers live in constant fear of satanic killer monsters that surround their picturesque village. That doesn't sound very peaceful to me.

Cheese Factor 5/10
Cliche Rating 8/10

Grand Assault's rating:

1718   7.7   8.3 

Tagline: "Be afraid of the dark"

Well, Donnie Darko isn't a horror film, there's no monster that stalks anyone through the night, so they must be referring to Donnie. I'm sure I'm not alone in being completely and utterly unafraid of eccentric spoilt schoolchildren.

Cheese Factor 5/10
Cliche Rating 9/10

Grand Assault's rating:

877   5.3   5.7 

Tagline: "This time it's not just a walk in the park!"

Nor was it last time, or even the time before that.

Cheese Factor 4/10
Cliche Rating 6/10

Grand Assault's rating:

558   7.2   7.7 

Tagline: "How did they ever make a movie of Lolita?"

You tell us, you made it! And it couldn't have been that bad, since there have been two!

Cheese Factor 3/10
Cliche Rating 5/10