I was disappointed...
951 5.4 01. A Nightmare on Elm Street
I grew up (well, not really, I didn't see my first "Freddy" movie until I was about 10 or 12) with Freddy. I was looking forward to the remake, even though I knew it would probably suck. It was okay, but they could have done so much more with it. The acting was terrible, and the "teens" in this all looked much older than teenagers actually look (unless they are on steroids- but seriously, these "kids" all looked and acted much older and didn't have the not-quite-a-child not-quite-an-adult personalities of real teens- for instance, in "Elephant" those kids acted and looked a lot more like actual minors). I couldn't emotionally connect to anyone in this movie, and while the special effects were impressive in parts, overall the movie was... let's say, if this movie was soda pop, it would be flat. It felt like a soap opera with a horror theme.
My score: C+
53 4.8 3.92. Children of the Corn (2009)
I really like the idea of this story, and the 1984 version was far creepier, even though it differed from the original story and had the "good children" (Job and Sarah) to help out the Outlanders.
The acting in this made me laugh. It was drivel. For the entire time I was watching this, I was acutely aware that I was watching a low-budget made for TV movie. Given that the story line doesn't call for major special effects, there was no reason this had to suck so bad. Slightly better acting and a less heavy-handed approach to trying to "make" me feel "scared" of these Amish-wannabes would've improved it. It's really a shame. Oh yeah, and the Vickie character was so annoying, I was almost pleased when they attacked her in the car. I know she and Burt were supposed to be having marital problems but their idiotic tit for tat constant bitching was about half the movie.
My score: D
429 5.1 4.93. Halloween II (2009)
A lot of people who liked the original Halloween hated the Rob Zombie remake. I thought it was okay- very different from the original, but enjoyable in it's own right. The kid who played Michael (Daeg Faerch) in the 2007 remake was creepy and it had it's good points.
This was a mess. The lame "unicorn" dream seemed like it was trying to be artsy for the sake of it, and the kid thy got to replace Faerch looked nothing like him (yes, he had long hair too... it wasn't even the same color). I hate it when they replace a main character with an actor, especially when that actor dosn't even resemble the first. Bah! Just...plain... bad.
My score: C+
2 1 3.94. Prism (2007)
This was a mess. I am pretty forgiving with movies. I watch a lot of cheesy horrors and respect them for not taking themselves seriously. This was a low budget indie, but the acting was terrible. The film almost looked like a home movie. But the acting... there was no acting. There were people reading lines and doing faces to look happy, sad or scared. The original idea seemed intersting, so I got this on sale for 3 bucks.
591 6.5 6.35. Prozac Nation (2001)
Wurtzel bugged me in the book, but there were enough colorful little scenes in the book that I decided to give the movie a try. What a mistake.
Wurtzel in the movie was a passive-aggressive, whiny, egocentric, manipulative attention-seeking psycho who didn't behave like someone with bipolar disorder at all. She behaved like a narcissitic borderline that was undeniably catty and irritating to everyone around her. Unlike movies like "A Beautiful Mind" (which is about paranoid schizophrenia) or "Mr. Jones" (the latter does a much better job at portraying bipolar disorder) I didn't feel anything but dislike for this character. I realize she was suffering, but she never let us forget it, and she seemed to blame everyone around her for her problems instead of actively working to get well.
I have a friend who truly is bipolar, and off his meds he might become manic or utterly depressed, even to the point of hallucinations, but with this character I got the sense that her biggest problems were her personality and her outlook on life, not anything biochemical.
611 6.1 6.26. Running with Scissors (2006)
I really liked the book. It was quirky and silly. I can't even pinpoint what I didn't like about this movie. I can say that it felt stilted. Perhaps naturally more eccentric actors would have done a better job? The characters seemed like they wre trying too hard to be weird, instead of just acting normally and doing weird things. If that makes sense. They were too self-conscious of the fact that the characters they were playing were supposed to be dysfunctional, but in reality I think Dr. Finch would have been slightly more subtle (just a bit) in public and... it just didn't feel real.
679 6.8 6.97. Spider (2002)
I really like Cronenberg and don't mind weird, trippy movies, but this was too slow. I couldn't hear half of what was said, even with the volume turned up. There wasn't enough of the psychadelic Naked Lunch-esque weirdness to keep me hooked while Spider's mind unravelled. I am sure if I hadn't been so impatient whn I watched this, I may have liked it more.
My grade: B-
5186 6.1 6.68. Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
I grew up as a HUGE fan of what will always be "The Trilogy". I collected the action figures when I got old enough to get a paper route and buy them myself. I loved the old school creatures. This was bad. Little Anakin Skywalker annoyed me. Jar Jar Binks annoyed me. Darth Maul was downright funny. All the computer-generated aliens LOOKED computer generated (at least the muppet-type things had some charm). I went to see this at the theatres when I was 17 and brought my Luke Skywalker light saber and was hopping around like an idiot. 30 minutes in I was mentally counting the time until I knew it would be over.
My grade: F
1729 4.9 5.19. The Happening (2008)
The idea of a plague or strange event causing numerous suicides for no apparent reason could have been very eerie indeed. But the acting was so bad, and we were hit with so many people falling from the sky like snow-flakes that I just couldn't help but laugh. Then it just dragged on and on. The kids getting shot at the house was the final straw (it felt like they put that scene in just to wake us up). Blah.
My grade: Slightly above an F because the idiots DO kill themselves.
1539 7.1 7.310. The Road (2009)
I loved the book, but the movie wasn't dark enough. The kid was kind of whiny, and I wasn't really convinced it was the end of the world. It might just be a hard story to film, but I have seen other end-of-the-world movies that worked.
My grade: C+