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I want a refund (Movies that SUCK)
 4032  6.2  6.4 Had I not had 2 of my best friends to make fun of this with while watching, I would never have sat through it. And as much fun as we had, we should never have even bought tickets.
the giraffe's rating:
 
1311 5.5 6.3 It starts out OK if you don't mind the awful animation, but then the story suddenly diverts from the source material and bastardizes a classic tale. Blasphemous.
the giraffe's rating:
1492 5.7 5.8 The dialogue is so bad it's laughable, as is the so-called acting. Glad I saw it for free, but I could have lived without watching it. Not even Jessica Biel running around in skin-tight clothes could save it.
the giraffe's rating:
43 4.4 4.7 Went with a couple friends while I was in high school to see this. We paid 50 cents, and walked out after 45 minutes to ask for our money back. Yeah, it's that awful.
the giraffe's rating:
 
260 4.8 4.2 There's only one Crow movie, and that's the first one. I refuse to speak of any so-called sequels.
1081 6.3 6.3 The only Johnny Depp movie I passionately hate. I blame John Waters.
the giraffe's rating:
1959 5.1 5.3 I was doing an excellent job of avoiding this mindlessness, but then I got stuck at someone's house for a little while & this was their choice of entertainment. I remember wanting to drive sharp objects through my skin. My brain recoiled in horror, its cells shrieking as they died from the stupidity.
the giraffe's rating:
1299 7.5 7.3 I still have no idea what the point is of this film, if there even is one. By far one of the most overrated cult films ever.
the giraffe's rating:
2453 6 6.4 Another film I was subjected to by others on a night I had nothing better to do. Predictable, stupid, and a waste of film.
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1124 5.7 6.4 So bad I can't even remember anymore what happened in the film. I just remember the feeling of wanting to die the entire time I sat watching it. I also remember it instilled a strong urge to avoid all things Final Fantasy for a few years, and that can't be good.
the giraffe's rating:
7767 7.9 8.7 Overrated. Ridiculous to the point of insulting my intelligence. Finding out at the end that he was within walking distance of where he wanted to go & that I'd sat through all of his ramblings for nothing made it even worse. "Life is like a box of chocolates"? Well guess what, I'm allergic to chocolate.
the giraffe's rating:
481 7 7.3 I figured out everything that would happen during the entire film within the first 30 minutes. Then I forced myself to sit through the rest to make sure I'd figured it out correctly. I had. I should've just turned it off, looked it up online & saved myself the pains of sitting through the rest.
the giraffe's rating:
1055 7.6 7.8 I went with a group of friends to see this while it was in theatres, and at various points ALL of us fell asleep. Even thinking about the movie makes me yawn.
the giraffe's rating:
1975 4.8 5.1 Thanks Roland Emmerich for ruining one of my favorite childhood monsters. Dick.
the giraffe's rating:
572 6.9 6.2 Back in 2003, I rented this because I'd seen it on some favorites lists of friends of mine with mostly similar taste to mine. I turned it off about 40 minutes in when I realized I had no idea what was going on nor did I care.
the giraffe's rating:
74 4.8 5.2 Heavy Metal is an entertaining film. Heavy Metal 2000 is not. I fell asleep while watching this, and it's only 88 minutes long. And it was a movie I'd wanted to see, which makes my falling asleep even worse.
the giraffe's rating:
287 2.8 0 Note the complete lack of stars. I regretfully paid full price to see this in the theatre, and then refused to walk out on it to teach a friend of mine a lesson (another friend & I went to see a couple movies without her that she'd wanted to see...so she said she was picking one we HAD to go watch with her, and chose this...when she turned to us & said "We can leave whenever," we replied that no, we couldn't, because she'd insisted we go see it).
ANYWAY, what could've been at least a decent zombie flick (in that watching dumb teens get killed for being dumb can be entertaining in a karmic way) turned into utter stupidity as some "genius" decided to switch out the gory, violent deaths with actual sequences from the video game the film was adapted from. Not reenactments, mind you, ACTUAL VIDEO GAME FOOTAGE. A zombie gets shot in the head, cut to the video game. A zombie is about to bite someone, cut to the video game. I'm sure someone decided it'd make the film original somehow, because as everyone knows using previously filmed footage instead of creating something new is totally original. Given the choice between watching this again & eating a bullet, I'd go with the bullet, and have no regrets. 
1156 6.9 6.9 A disjointed mess. I was intrigued by the idea of it, but in the maybe 40 minutes I actually watched of it I couldn't find a reason to care about anything going on in the movie.
the giraffe's rating:
2740 6 6.3 If you saw it, then you know my pain. Also, you'll recall the scene where Indy hides in a refrigerator & survives a bombing. As that scene ended, I thought to myself 'I should leave now and get my money back.' But then I thought 'surely it can't get any worse than this?'. So I stayed to watch the rest, and I regretted every moment.
the giraffe's rating:
4 1 3.7 The worst vampire movie I've ever seen. As the opening credits rolled by, I figured that if Stan Lee, Frank Miller & Henry Rollins were in it (and they are) then it'd be somewhat decent/interesting. This film taught me to never trust anyone simply because I have some measure of respect for them.
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2137 5.6 5.6 The CGI is crap. The acting is awful. They completely ruin a perfectly good comic-book tale, and they kill Sean Connery, which you just don't do.
the giraffe's rating:
64 5.7 5.8 Some of my high school friends found this somehow & were so appalled that they decided to make everyone who wanted to continue hanging out with them suffer through it. Misery loves company, sure, but I could have lived forever without even acknowledging this film's existence.
the giraffe's rating:
3979 7.4 7.8 Overrated, over-hyped, one of the most mind-numbingly boring films I've ever sat through. I get it, 2 Americans connect simply because they're Americans in Japan. But I don't get why I'm supposed to care. Oh yeah, and there's this too. I hate Sofia Coppola.
the giraffe's rating:
4323 6.2 6.6 I liked The Matrix. Matrix Reloaded was worth watching for some of the action sequences, & at the time I thought the story was interesting enough. Then this film came along and ruined the trilogy & diminished my appreciation for Reloaded. (Personally I'd prefer it if The Matrix had ended right before the last scene when the phone rings...that would've been good enough for me forever.) A terrible ending that I saw coming but hoped against hope that it wouldn't.
the giraffe's rating:
2666 5.9 6.4 I love Jim Carrey...have ever since In Living Color first came on TV. And while he plays his character in this film well enough, the script is so terrible and idiotic that he has no chance to save it. But that's the Farrellys for you. They love to celebrate stupidity. I, on the other hand, do not.
the giraffe's rating:
474 4 3.4 At least the first film had a couple of decent fight scenes. I can't even recall any specifics of this one, beyond that I watched it and it sucked.
1049 4.9 5.2 Ridiculous, and not in an entertaining way. This film is dull, dumb, and a complete waste of film.
the giraffe's rating:
1995 6.2 6.8 If it wasn't for the moments of slapstick, I wouldn't have laughed once during the entire film. Of course, those moments were even funnier once I'd reached the point of hating every character in the movie. Hearing countless people quote from it incessantly and watching it turn into a merchandising behemoth only added to my hatred of it.
the giraffe's rating:
430 5.2 5.8 I tried watching this. I think it's supposed to be a comedy, but there wasn't a single funny moment in what I managed to sit through before turning it off & returning it to Netflix.
the giraffe's rating:
63 6 4.1 Another movie I only sat through because I had friends to make fun of it with. And if that's what you're looking for this film is a goldmine. If you want a good movie, look elsewhere.
the giraffe's rating:
2854 5.9 6 The first one was entertaining, even after multiple views. The second has its moments, but is only worth seeing once. This doesn't even rate a single view. Take all the jokes from the previous films & rehash them, throw in a bunch of babies for merchandise cash-in, and cobble together something vaguely resembling a plot, and this is what you get. Crap.
the giraffe's rating:
692 5.1 5.1 I loved the comic books. I dug the cartoon series. But I hated every moment of this.
the giraffe's rating:
763 4.8 4.8 So bad I demanded a refund from the box office, and then proceeded to drink away whatever impressions it might have made on me.
the giraffe's rating:
763 7.6 7.4 Supposedly this is a great film. My friends and I watched it during a Halloween horror movie marathon, and this was the only film of the night we quit paying attention to in favor of carrying on discussions of other topics. Every once in a while someone would glance at the projection screen & wonder aloud "is this still on?" I think the only reason we didn't turn it off was because so many people had sworn by it.
the giraffe's rating:
3831 6.4 7.1 A friend of mine's family had rented this, and while they had it he & I decided since we seemed to be the only people who had NOT seen it yet, we should watch it. I remember us sitting there, stupefied, hating everything about it, and finally he stood up to turn it off when suddenly something funny finally happened. So he sat back down & we carried on. Another long stretch of being stupefied, hating every moment, then I suggested we turn it off...when again something funny happened. We then sat through the rest of it, & I can't remember if we laughed again or not. Neither laugh I recall was worth the torture of everything else, though, & I still wish I'd just avoided it.
the giraffe's rating:
2356 7.1 7.2 I remember going to see this at a free sneak preview with a friend. While it was on the screen we were entertained well enough, but once it ended we stepped outside and discussed it. By the time we'd finished talking about it, we both concluded that we hated it. Between this & Lost in Translation, I have no urge to ever watch another Sofia Coppola film.
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Great list overall, and some hilarious, spot-on comments. Some of your reasoning is so sound that I totally forgive you for hating 2 films I really enjoy.
But Seriously, Eraserhead? Thats One Of The Classic Films I Have Seen + Forrest Gump But I Guess We Have Different Tastes, Oh Well!
But Apart From That, I Agree With Matrix Revolutions And Especially, Especially, INDIANA JONES!!!
The rest I either agree with or haven't seen yet.
It shows pure nightmare!
Except Eraserhead, pretty good list!
The same with Beowulf. Like you, I was turned off by the bad animation. I think it would make a good live-action flick if they don't go cheap on the effects.
I never bothered with Blade or any of its sequels, just wasn't interested. I'm told it was a pretty good comic book series, though.
I think Chevy Chase stopped being funny about a half hour after the first Vacation movie.
I agree with you that The Crow series died with Brandon Lee.
I never saw Cry Baby, but always thought of it as a chick flick for teeny boppers who love Johnny Depp.
Dude, Where's My Car? Never see a movie that has the entire plot in the title.
Eraserhead. I have to admit I am interested in checking it out, being a fan of David Lynch. From what I have read, it probably doesn't make sense like you said, and is just a series of surreal segments. If I ever do see it, it probably will not be a movie I would ever watch again.
Fast and Furious and Final Fantasy are 2 other franchises I never bought into.
I have to admit I enjoyed Forrest Gump and have watched it on more than one occassion. Sure, it is a far-fetched story. That is part of its charm, that one simpleton can go through life and become an unwitting part of just about ever major historical or cultural event that occurred during his lifetime. Given its success, I am suprised they haven't turned the second book, 'Gump and Son' into a sequel yet. I do have to agree on the point the movie is a bit overrated.
I did go to the movies and saw Godzilla when it came out. The only good thing about the film was hearing 'Kasmir' blasting out of the speakers in dolby stereo surround sound.
I didn't like the first Heavy Metal, so there's no way I would waste my time on HM-2000.
Is 'I'm Not There' the movie where the role of Bob Dylan is played by a woman? I, too was curious to see how that came out, but judging by your review, it is probably better that I wasn't that curious.
I offically recognize the Indiana Jones Franchise as a trilogy. Shai Lebouf, or however you spell his name, screwed that movie up. I understand they had to get someone young to take some of the action off of the more mature Indy, but he was all wrong for the movie. The story was not that great to begin with. I think they would have been better served by coaxing Sean Connery out of retirement to repeat his role as Indy's dad.
I had great expectations for 'League of Extrodinary Gentlemen'. It seemed the perfect property to develope into a movie franchise. You had Sean Connery and a great comic book series to build on. For the sequels, you had all the literary and/or historical heroes since the beginning of time to choose from. But it was not to be. I think this was the last movie Connery made before retiring. It is obvious he used an action double extensively during this shoot. You are right about the effects looking cheap. I wouldn't be looking for any sequels anytime soon.
Lost in Translation - What is it about comic actors wanting to make dramatic films? Didn't Belushi's Continental Divide, Sandler's Spanglish, Ferrell's Stranger Than Fiction, or even his own earlier try with The Razor's Edge teach Bill Murray anything? I have to admit he is a better actor than those other guys, but this movie is best described by the word you used-BORING. Coppola must have used his influence to get all the praise for his daughter's stinkeroo of a movie.
The Matrix is another franchise that should have remained a single movie. I thoroughly enjoyed the first one and couldn't care less about any of the sequals.
I liked 'Me, Myself, and Irene'. Jim Carrey played a good and funny role, in my opinion. I thought it was funnier than 'The Mask', but not quite up to the standards of 'Dumb and Dumber'.
Napoleon Dynamyte is another movie I enjoyed. It was just a little sleeper of a movie that came out of nowhere and was different from anything out at the time. I do agree it got over-hyped and over-merchandised. They tried to make a little movie that was an enjoyable diversion into a Hollywood blockbuster and that turned a lot of people off.
I agree they have gone to the well too many times in the Shrek series.
Something About Mary is the funniest Ben Stiller movie out there. I think the Farrelly Bros hit the bullseye on this comedy.
Now I wasted money to see Indy 4...just like I wasted money to see ALL the Star Wars prequels, and while I knew the movie was gonna be half shit because of Lucas, I didn't know it was going to turn to shit so fast with that refrigerator scene which I still remember to this day, I wanted to walk out of the theater right then and there.
Armageddon: (it was fun, especially Buscemi)
Blade:Trinity: (my favorite of the 3)
Fast and the Furious: (again, fun - and my favorite of the series)
Forrest Gump: (eh, I enjoyed it)
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: (completely at odds w/ the source material but still fun for me)
Matrix Revolutions (I didn't love it but I did like it. I do agree, though, that they should have stopped w/ the first one.)
the others I pretty much agree w/ you on. There's at least half a dozen here that I only gave a star (or less) to myself! :)
tbh the only film I have regretted paying to see at the cinema was Crimson Tide as I literally fell asleep during it
worst film I have ever seen is Zombie Nation - not worth the money I paid to watch - I saw it on a free stream
Now, I TOTALLY agree with you on Napoleon Dynamite, Matrix Revolutions, The Crow: City of Angels (had a pretty good soundtrack, for what that's worth), Blade Trinity, and Spawn (I DID like John Leguizamo as Clown/Violator, though).
Overall, GREAT LIST. Reminds me of my own list: Stupid Movies You'd Be Stupid to Watch.
although I haven't added my own personal thoughts for each of those movies yet. Might just have to now.