Lists  Reviews  Images  Update feed
MoviesTV ShowsMusicBooksGamesDVDs/Blu-RayPeopleArt & DesignPlacesWeb TV & PodcastsToys & CollectiblesComic Book SeriesBeautyAnimals   View more categories »
Listal logo
Added by Lexie on 19 Nov 2010 06:19
18545 Views 28 Comments

Failed Attempts at Sexy Album Covers

Add header image

Choose file... or enter url:
Sort by: Showing 13 items
Rating: List Type:
Average listal rating (164 ratings) 6.5 IMDB Rating 0
For Your Entertainment

"So you groggily wake up with a terrible hangover, you roll over in bed and see this.

As with the above cover, you can just sense the nudity here. Naked, with maybe a pair of moon boots on. We're guessing Adam posed for this assuming it was going to be a full-body shot on the cover, and the record company cropped it down as far as they could to minimize the horror."
Average listal rating (3 ratings) 1.3 IMDB Rating 0
Chocolate Box

"Word to the wise: The meaning of your album's title can change based on the album cover. For example, the album's song of the same name reveals that the title "Chocolate Box" refers to the singer telling some fine woman that he does not want to be treated like "the first chocolate in the box" before she moves on to some other dude. But we don't care who you are, where you're from, or how open-minded you are about sexuality: When you see that picture, you're forced to assume "chocolate box" is referring to a dude's butthole."
Average listal rating (4 ratings) 3.3 IMDB Rating 0
Cerrone's Paradise

"This is either one of the worst album covers ever or the best refrigerator ad of all time. Either way, Cerrone certainly isn't aiming too high when it comes to his idea of paradise. Most people dream up some utopia that is completely unachievable. Cerrone, on the other hand, is a bathroom remodel and a kidnapping away from living in the world he's always yearned for. It's admirable, really."
Average listal rating (311 ratings) 5.9 IMDB Rating 0
Take Me Home

"Nothing turns on a man like metal lingerie that, by our count, has 13 different points capable of tearing open your scrotum if she makes an unexpected move."
Average listal rating (5 ratings) 4.8 IMDB Rating 0
Push Push

"First of all, holy shit, is that Nicolas Cage? Probably not, but between the chest hair and the seductive stare, we find it hard to believe he's just got music on his mind, album cover or not. Hope that flute is as lubed up as his chest is!"
Can't Let You Go

"Yes, this is THAT John Travolta. We're not sure what Travolta was going for, but he looks like the kid on the cover of U2's Boy album...

...if that kid had been kidnapped and police released one of those computer age progression photos to show us what he would look like 20 years later."
Lexie's rating:
Average listal rating (1190 ratings) 5.9 IMDB Rating 0
Hard Candy

"Look, we think it's bullshit that the mass media has decided that women over 30 can't be attractive without extensive surgery. But Madonna was 49-freaking-years old when this picture was taken, and dammit, that is past the time when you should be shoving your lycra-covered crotch into the camera. There have to be more dignified ways to show off your mature sexuality. Your grandchildren should not have to see grandma spread-eagle in lace-up boots."
Lexie's rating:
Average listal rating (4 ratings) 5.3 IMDB Rating 0
Waking and Dreaming

"It's interesting how you can tell whether someone is naked versus merely topless, even if the photo only shows them waist-up. Because these men are nude. You know they are. They're not even wearing socks.

Clues? The guy in the middle is looking down at his friend's junk. What do you find so interesting, Mr. Beard? Are you impressed by his personal grooming? Is he aroused? We shall never know."
Average listal rating (312 ratings) 6.7 IMDB Rating 0

"Is it just us, or is Prince is the only person who looks less manly when he's not wearing lady clothes? See, this is why Prince is a national treasure who we will deeply miss when he's gone; he's the one man on Earth who has heard the phrase, "Hey, buddy, we'd be less uncomfortable over here if you'd put on a ruffled lace shirt and a pair of assless crushed velvet bell bottoms."
Average listal rating (20 ratings) 6.5 IMDB Rating 0
Throwin' down

"Question: Why is Rick James wearing Conan the Barbarian's loincloth, a UFC championship belt, leather studded legwarmers and greased up with a half quart of body oil? All while chilling in a dungeon and wielding a bleeding guitar stolen from Gene Simmons?

Answer: Cocaine is a hell of a drug."
Average listal rating (54 ratings) 5.6 IMDB Rating 0
Love Grenade

"Shortly after taking this picture, Ted Nugent was shot and killed by Clarice Starling. And just what the hell is a "love grenade" anyway? It's just a regular grenade, isn't it, Ted? ISN'T IT!?"
Average listal rating (17 ratings) 6.9 IMDB Rating 0
Da Baddest Bitch

"We're certainly not going to doubt Trina's qualifications as "da baddest b***h," but we do have some questions regarding her medical credentials. Even a first year medical student knows that administering a shock with a defibrillator during sexual intercourse is the leading cause of vaginal electrocution in the United States.

Also, while having sex with someone until their heart stops is at least understandable in the realms of sexual braggadocio, it appears that Trina has somehow sexed this man into suffering a fatal head wound. We're pretty sure that means you're doing something wrong."
Average listal rating (113 ratings) 6.9 IMDB Rating 0

"There's a lot going on in this album cover, and all of it is awesome. But what you can't see is what happened moments later. The snake actually got this woman pregnant. Nine months later, she gave birth to a full-size 1978 Ford Econoline Van with an airbrushed picture of a Viking riding a fire breathing dragon through the night sky on the side of it."

Sorry guys, it just didn't work out for you..

This list is an article from Cracked.com.

Added to

Related lists

Cool Ass Album Covers
91 item list by Ueno_Station54
4 votes
Smashing album covers for great music
60 item list by Andreea
12 votes 1 comment
Favorite Album Covers - 1970s
100 item list by Stehako
54 votes 7 comments
Favourite Album Covers
45 item list by ♥ CHANi
28 votes 3 comments
Stories Of Some People Who Are On Album Covers
8 item list by CitizenErased
13 votes
10 Favorite Album Covers.
10 item list by johnny obelisk
7 votes 1 comment
Album Typography
8 item list by Jason
28 votes 7 comments
album covers
28 item list by lanabanana
23 votes
Favorite Album Covers #2
42 item list by kathy
23 votes 2 comments
Favorite Album Covers #3
32 item list by kathy
38 votes

View more top voted lists

People who voted for this also voted for

More lists from Lexie


Posted: 7 years, 3 months ago at Feb 20 14:23
So Adam Lambert is a girl?
Posted: 7 years ago at Apr 28 22:51
Posted: 7 years ago at Apr 29 0:17
ahahahahaha i agree
Posted: 7 years ago at Apr 29 0:29
ha i don't know which is worse!
Posted: 7 years ago at Apr 29 1:13
disgusting!especially 5!!!
Posted: 7 years ago at Apr 29 1:19

What's wrong with Cher?
Posted: 7 years ago at Apr 29 3:04
ahahahhahaha thats pretty funny :D
Posted: 7 years ago at Apr 29 4:20
Posted: 7 years ago at Apr 29 10:30
@orangaspank, who cares ? No one says you have to put only original lists on Listal.

@Lexie, I would put a reference to the original website, put all the covers (they're hilarious) and also the comment as well.
Posted: 7 years ago at Apr 29 11:28
What were they thinking?

Edit: 7 years ago
Posted: 7 years ago at Apr 29 13:12
Thanks guys!

@johanlefourbe, I can add the comments, but many of the artists I can't find on listal.
Posted: 7 years ago at Apr 30 21:57
Great! Great list! Awesome
Posted: 7 years ago at May 1 17:16
Omg!! I was crying laughing reading this list...I love your comment about Adam's..."Naked with moon boots on"..That was amazing....and quite frankly, i got a little sick when i scrolled down to the Prince cover...
Posted: 6 years, 11 months ago at Jun 4 22:11
Posted: 6 years, 10 months ago at Jul 18 19:42
eeee! so disgusting covers! what were they thinking? oh they were not!
Posted: 6 years, 9 months ago at Aug 17 22:02
It's crazy. :')
Posted: 6 years, 9 months ago at Aug 21 23:30
2, 3, 5, and 8 are the most hilarious!
Posted: 6 years, 9 months ago at Aug 22 2:12
Posted: 6 years, 8 months ago at Aug 29 19:29
This is from Cracked.
Posted: 6 years, 8 months ago at Aug 29 19:43
Yeah, it says so in the description.....
Posted: 6 years, 8 months ago at Sep 8 14:06
OMG :)
Posted: 6 years, 8 months ago at Sep 17 23:30
...the hell? xD
Posted: 6 years, 7 months ago at Oct 6 1:07
petty funny :P
Posted: 5 years, 9 months ago at Jul 26 20:24
Posted: 5 years, 9 months ago at Aug 15 12:47
the Prince one..... my gawd
Posted: 5 years, 8 months ago at Sep 16 6:28
haha Prince xD
Posted: 4 years ago at Apr 28 19:04
The Cher comment made me laugh. But, these are absolutely atrocious!

Post comment

Insert image

drop image here
(or click)
or enter URL:
 link image?  square?

Insert video

Format block