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Added by Mr. Lays on 15 Jan 2009 11:11
2854 Views 4 Comments
26
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Employment of Steven Segal's Characters

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People who added this item 86 Average listal rating (60 ratings) 4.9 IMDB Rating 4.4
Into the Sun (2005)
Character Name: Travis Hunter
Job Title: Ex-CIA Agent
1-5 If "Segal-ness" is Needed: 5
Why? Declassified documents have reveled that there is a technique in the CIA simply know as "Segal". It requires both elbows to be snapped and a full 360 degree of the head. No Lie!
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People who added this item 36 Average listal rating (25 ratings) 3.6 IMDB Rating 4.1
Character Name: John Seeger
Job Title: CIA Covert
1-5 If "Segal-ness" is Needed: 5
Why? Another CIA agent...need I comment any more?
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People who added this item 68 Average listal rating (50 ratings) 4 IMDB Rating 4.2
Today You Die (2005)
Character Name: Harlan Banks
Job Title: Thief
1-5 If "Segal-ness" is Needed: 2
Why? If you are a good enough thief than the ability to snap necks the equivalent of a car crash isn't needed. But in Today You Die Segal uses his ability to keep orphanages open by stealing from drug dealers. The thief with the heart of gold. Only Segal could play this part.
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People who added this item 231 Average listal rating (175 ratings) 6.2 IMDB Rating 6
Character Name: Gino Felino
Job Title: Cop
1-5 If "Segal-ness" is Needed: 3
Why? A must! Good thing that Segal dislikes guns or we may have missed out on him beating up goons with a pool ball. Amazing how this seemingly calm cop could kick so much ass.
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People who added this item 52 Average listal rating (36 ratings) 3.8 IMDB Rating 3.5
Character Name: John Sands
Job Title: Air Force Pilot
1-5 If "Segal-ness" is Needed: 5
Why? Being a pilot is tough enough, but being an Air Force pilot of course none other than Segal-ness is needed...just in case.
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People who added this item 271 Average listal rating (191 ratings) 5.8 IMDB Rating 5.9
Above the Law (1988)
Character Name: Nico Toscani
Job Title: Cop recurited by the CIA
1-5 If "Segal-ness" is Needed: 5
Why? Again with this CIA stuff? Steven just put in an application already. I hear that they are hurting for overweight guys, with tight pony tails, and who wisper when they speak. Even at maximum volume.
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People who added this item 252 Average listal rating (182 ratings) 4.9 IMDB Rating 4.4
Character Name: Forrest Taft
Job Title: Envorimental Agent
1-5 If "Segal-ness" is Needed: 1
Why? When an oil company doesn't give a shit about poluting the envorment Forrest Taft will make them pay. Just when you thought Taft was one of those flower picking tree hugging guys every joint in your body has been broken.
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People who added this item 159 Average listal rating (127 ratings) 4.4 IMDB Rating 4.6
Character Name: Sascha Petrosevitch
Job Title: Car Thief...or is he...
1-5 If "Segal-ness" is Needed: 5
Why? Being in jail. Nuff said!
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People who added this item 162 Average listal rating (116 ratings) 5.3 IMDB Rating 5.3
Character Name: Jack Cole
Job Title: Mystical Cop
1-5 If "Segal-ness" is Needed: 3
Why? Being mystical and all requires some ancient art of combat.
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People who added this item 146 Average listal rating (110 ratings) 4.6 IMDB Rating 4.9
Character Name: Jack Taggart
Job Title: Envorimental Protection Agent (EPA)
1-5 If "Segal-ness" is Needed: 1
Why? Could his awesomeness really be needed if you are protecting the envorment? Again just when you think he is a paper pusher BAM! Segal snatched your soul right the f**k out of your body and melted your brain without even touching you!
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People who added this item 58 Average listal rating (46 ratings) 3.6 IMDB Rating 3.9
Out of Reach (2004)
Character Name: Billy Ray Lancing
Job Title: Vietnam Veteran
1-5 If "Segal-ness" is Needed: 5
Why? Never know when you might have to take a trip down to Poland and almost single-handedly stop a human trafficking network b/c your penpal didn't write back.
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People who added this item 214 Average listal rating (167 ratings) 5.8 IMDB Rating 5.9
Character Name: John Hatcher
Job Title: DEA Agent
1-5 If "Segal-ness" is Needed: 5
Why? Bad guys named "Screwface" need to be taken down.
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People who added this item 133 Average listal rating (103 ratings) 5.5 IMDB Rating 6.3
Character Name: ?
Job Title: Cock Puncher
1-5 If "Segal-ness" is Needed: 5
Why? Segal is credited on imdb.com as "Cock Puncher". Damn could he be any more awesome?!
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According to imdb.com 13 of 35 Steven Segal's movies currently listed have just three words in them. For no reason at all I find very interesting. All of these 13 films I have listed questioning if Segal's special ability to snap necks and elbows is needed to better his job listed.

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Comments

Posted: 7 years, 6 months ago at Jan 18 18:06
Haha. Funny stuff. I dont like to admit it but i love his early movies ^^
Posted: 6 years, 4 months ago at Mar 13 9:52
May I just ask why the male population is so interested in this guy? He's unstoppable and it's in the same way. It's boring. :(

I wonder how he'd take against Chuck Norris. Has he been in a movie with Chuck? D:
Posted: 6 years, 4 months ago at Mar 13 20:42
What was he in Executive Decision? It's probably his best movie since its the only one he dies in haha.
Posted: 5 years, 2 months ago at May 10 11:24
I never understand what there is to be interested in Steven
Seagall's movies???
Bad acting, bad fighting scene, unexisting plot...
It still remains a mistery to me...

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