D: (And Other Movies That Failed)
3633 5.1 5.21. Twilight (2008)
I was really excited for this movie for a long time, and then it came out and it made me laugh. Like, in places where I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to. The dialogue was awkward and cut off before it should have.
Bella: Do you have contacts?
Edward: No. It's the lighting. -Hurriedly walks away-
Perfect parody of the books. 10 Stars. Hilarious!
Did anyone else notice that the entire movie was in some weird '80s-horror-movie blue?
If only it were a comedy...
611 3.9 3.52. Vampires Suck (2010)
Okay, I take the comedy part back.
1355 6.6 73. Bolt (2008)
869 4.5 4.94. Year One (2009)
I love Michael Cera. I love tons of his movie, I love his awkwardness, I think he's adorable.
I absolutely hated this movie. It had its charming moments, but overall, it just made me groan.
Zed: "You could be my right-hand man."
Oh: "I've seen what you do with your right hand. No, thank you."
"Oh no, Michael Cera! My acting career was just eaten by a mastadon."
Redeeming Quality: Olivia Wilde
1851 5.5 5.95. Bring It On (2000)
933 4.6 4.76. Herbie: Fully Loaded (2005)
I've heard good things about the original Herbie. Unfortunately, I've never seen it. After seeing Lindsay Lohan in this version, I don't think I ever will. Just overall, it was like a train wreck: It's so bad, but you can't stop watching.
Points, however, to the adorable car.
1218 5.6 5.87. Valentine's Day (2010)
I went to go see this with my then-boyfriend. I felt bad for taking him to see it. It's probably why he broke up with me.
I can't believe a movie would pay for Julia Roberts and Jamie Foxx and only give them, like, 5 minutes of screen time. Most of it went to the mockery the world calls acting coming from Ashton Kutcher. It was a whole bunch of famous people in a movie with absolutely no plot.
Thanks, Hollywood, for tricking me out of my money once again.
Redeeming Quality: The adorable attempt at acting by Taylor Swift.
2149 6.6 6.48. Marie Antoinette (2006)
...What? What did I just watch? Was that about Marie Antoinette? Seriously? It was a two-hour montage of pink pastries and pretty shoes. No one bothered with plot, or dialogue, or anything.
No, just no.
When I remembered halfway through the film Kirsten Dunst played Claudia in Interview With the Vampire.
602 3.2 2.89. Dragonball: Evolution (2009)
Another movie I saw with a then-boyfriend.
I, like many others, had nostalgic feelings for this movie.
The movie was so bad the projector refused to play it 30 minutes into the movie. Seriously.
I was ELATED.
The movie theater felt the same way and gave us free tickets for the next time we came.
Question: Why is Goku white? And who decided that ruining childhood memories would be okay?
It didn't actually have anything to do with Dragonball.
1333 5.2 5.110. Jennifer's Body (2009)
I'm on the "flag team".
We are not that hot.
Apparently, this movie was trying to be contemporary and satirical.
It did neither.
Although, I did find it hysterically funny.
And whoever did the script needs to be euthanaized.
Do we teenagers really talk like that?
Don't get me wrong, I ADORE Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried. (And Adam Brody, and pretty much the entire cast.) Somehow, though it just fell flat.
Also, the plot made no sense.
Redeeming Quality: Two hours of this:
461 2.6 011. Son of the Mask (2005)
1668 5.4 5.812. Cheaper by the Dozen (2003)
Too large a cast, Hilary Duff, no real comedy, etc.
I didn't like this movie at all. Maybe I'm judging it a little harshly, but there was just nothing memorable or even anything interesting.
It told me nothing remotely intriguing about family values, or Mormons.
I was just told that the family isn't Mormon.
117 3.1 2.513. Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009)
...What the heck?
Here, just watch this...
I hope no one has to experience this movie ever again.
It could be used as an effective means of torture.
127 4.6 1.514. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (2011)
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