"I don't hate you, Nick. I just wish you'd never been born."
Thoughts: I only watched it for the sake of watching a Christmas movie -- I knew I was in for something bad or mediocre, and that's what I got. Its second half is reasonably entertaining, but as a whole it's still pretty substandard.
"Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems in a place perhaps you've seen in your dreams. For the story you're about to be told began with the holiday worlds of auld. Now you've probably wondered where holidays come from. If you haven't I'd say it's time you begun."
Thoughts: As with Bad Santa, I love this movie, and had done for a while before I sat down to watch it this year and review it. It's essential Christmas viewing. And Halloween viewing.
"We just have to get through these four Christmases as quickly and painlessly as possible.""
Thoughts: I wish this movie was better than it turned out to be. I wish I didn't hate it. But it's just no good... Not funny enough, not entertaining enough, not bright enough. It doesn't even encapsulate the seasonal spirit.
"If I could have my way, every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips should be boiled in his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart!"
Thoughts: Arg, I'm so torn about this movie. Rarely have I encountered such a visually succulent movie that's so boring to listen to. This is a movie that's better seen than heard... I wish it was a silent movie.
Thoughts: Last time I saw this movie, it was in a class at school, and I had no fun with it at all. But I wanted to go back and revisit it for the sake of the season and to see if I might have misjudged... Alas, I was right on the first time I watched this tosh.
"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear."
Thoughts: I laughed SO fucking hard during this movie, and dashed out to buy the DVD when I revisited it. It's a genuinely great Christmas movie, with plenty of seasonal spirit, laughs, heart, and unforced sentiment. I didn't think too much of the movie the first time round, but boy did I like it this time.
"I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!"
Thoughts: I've never been crazy about this movie, and I tried to love it this year, but I'm still not feeling it. For that reason, I did not review it. I'll give it a few years and see if I warm up to it more.
"If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around."
Thoughts: I've always been fond of this movie due to its sheer charm, so I approached it in the critical mindset to crank out a review. Unfortunately, I was much too critical, and the review was overall mixed. This review was ultimately altered a year later, so go see my 2010 list for the link to my new, better review.
"This can't happen. It's just a doll. It's just a stupid little plastic doll."
Thoughts: I watched this movie more times as a kid than I care to count. Then I eventually started disliking it into my teenage years. I decided to go in once and for all, and decide my final stance on the movie.
Gee, what a bad idea
"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse."
Whenever Christmas is upon me, I like to round up as many Christmas movies as I can, and watch them. The good ones get me in the Christmas spirit, and the bad ones allow me to let out end-of-the-year frustrations.
These are the Christmas-themed movies I watched in 2009.