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Added by Agent Bert Macklin on 2 Sep 2011 11:59
11322 Views 26 Comments

Celebrity Insults

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Average listal rating (35 ratings) 7.8 IMDB Rating 0
about Richard Attenborough

"Sir Richard (‘I’m-going-to-attack-the-Establishment-fifty-years-after-it’s-dead’) Attenborough is guilty of caricature, a sense of righteous self-satisfaction, and repetition which all undermine the impact of the film.”
about Michelangelo Antonioni

“Antonioni is the only important director I have nothing good to say about. He bores me; he’s so solemn and humorless."
about Herman Melville

"Nobody can be more clownish, more clumsy and sententiously in bad taste, than Herman Melville, even in a great book like ‘Moby Dick’….One wearies of the grand serieux. There’s something false about it. And that’s Melville. Oh dear, when the solemn ass brays! brays! brays!”
Average listal rating (21 ratings) 7.3 IMDB Rating 0
about Edgar Allan Poe

"An enthusiasm for Poe is the mark of a decidedly primitive stage of reflection.”
about Voltaire

“I grow bored in France, and the main reason is that everybody here resembles Voltaire…the king of nincompoops, the prince of the superficial, the anti-artist, the spokesman of janitresses, the Father Gigone of the editors of Siecle.”
Average listal rating (2 ratings) 7.5 IMDB Rating 0
about Miguel Cervantes

"Reading Don Quixote can be compared to an indefinite visit from your most impossible senior relative, with all his pranks, dirty habits, unstoppable reminiscences, and terrible cronies. When the experience is over, and the old boy checks out at last (on page 846 — the prose wedged tight, with no breaks for dialogue), you will shed tears all right; not tears of relief or regret but tears of pride. You made it, despite all that ‘Don Quixote’ could do.”
about Jane Austen

"Miss Austen’s novels . . . seem to me vulgar in tone, sterile in artistic invention, imprisoned in the wretched conventions of English society, without genius, wit, or knowledge of the world. Never was life so pinched and narrow. The one problem in the mind of the writer . . . is marriageableness.”
Average listal rating (15 ratings) 8.6 IMDB Rating 0
about Rudyard Kipling

"Mr Kipling … stands for everything in this cankered world which I would wish were otherwise.”
about John Keats

“Here are Johnny Keats’ piss-a-bed poetry, and three novels by God knows whom… No more Keats, I entreat: flay him alive; if some of you don’t I must skin him myself: there is no bearing the drivelling idiotism of the Mankin.”
about D.H. Lawrence

"Filth. Nothing but obscenities.”
about Ezra Pound

"A village explainer. Excellent if you were a village, but if you were not, not.”
about Ernest Hemingway

“As to Hemingway, I read him for the first time in the early ‘forties, something about bells, balls and bulls, and loathed it."

about Joseph Conrad

"I cannot abide Conrad’s souvenir shop style and bottled ships and shell necklaces of romanticist cliches.”

about Fyodor Dostoevsy

“Dostoevky’s lack of taste, his monotonous dealings with persons suffering with pre-Freudian complexes, the way he has of wallowing in the tragic misadventures of human dignity, all this is difficult to admire.”
about Dante Alighieri

“A hyena that wrote poetry on tombs.”
about Walt Whitman

"…like a large shaggy dog just unchained scouring the beaches of the world and baying at the moon.”
about The Levellers

“You could go to any Levellers concert and stand in the middle and shout, ‘Jeremy!’, and 75% of the audience would turn round.”
about Slowdrive

“We hate Slowdive more than we hate Hitler.”

about Mumford & Sons

“There was this other group warming up … and they were terrible. I said, ‘Shut them cunts up!’ And they were still warming up, so I threw a bottle at them … I just thought they were a load of retarded Irish folk singers.”
about U2

"Whose political ass are we going to pull you out of today? Or are you front row at another tragic fashion show?..."

"U2 you are business moguls not musicians anymore. No wonder you have to give your mediocre music away for free cause no one wants to buy it."

"Guys nothing is for free, how much you making? PS, btw you are just a bunch of middle age political groupies...."
about Donald Sterling

"I want to thank everyone on Earth. Everyone on Earth, except...except Donald Sterling. I don't want to."
Average listal rating (51 ratings) 7.7 IMDB Rating 0
about Donald Sterling

"I wouldn't play for him."
Average listal rating (40 ratings) 6.2 IMDB Rating 0
about Jay Leno

"Oh, this is a trick, right? Where you get me to host The Tonight Show and then take it back from me?"

"All you have to take of is cars. We have lives to lead here. You have $800 million for God's sake. Leave our shows alone."
Average listal rating (46 ratings) 5.6 IMDB Rating 0
about Jay Leno

“I’ve never seen anybody who behaves like a robot like this guy. Where’s the emotion? Where’s the humanity?”
about Jay Leno and David Letterman

“I hold both of them in nothing but the most complete and utter contempt. If they were two sides of a coin, I’d toss it in the river.”
Average listal rating (62 ratings) 5.7 IMDB Rating 0
about Shia LaBeouf's skywritting apology.

"I have always felt, utterly and unchangeably, that only sociopaths hire skywritters."

after getting a tweeted apolgy, from Shia (which oddly enough, was copied from an apology Lena made awhile back)..

"Vaguely recognize Shia LaBeouf's latest twitter apolgy, and realized it was Mine! Touche, Louis Stevens."
about Shia LaBeouf's plagiarism

"If you're going to be that dumb and delusional and boring, when you speak, just go ahesd and plagerize."
Average listal rating (572 ratings) 6.7 IMDB Rating 0
about Shia LaBeouf's plagiarism.

"This is by far, the most that I've ever been entertained by Shia LaBeouf."
Agent Bert Macklin's rating:
Average listal rating (2258 ratings) 7.7 IMDB Rating 0
about Shia LaBeouf

"Dying is easy, comedy is hard. I believe it was Shia LaBeouf who said that."
about Toronto Mayor Rob Ford:

“I like the fact that he said he did smoke crack but he was in a drunken stupor at the time. In all fairness, he only drinks when he’s on acid. And he only takes acid after he’s strangled a hooker.”

“He said now’s the time to get back to work. I thought, yeah you have to get back to work to buy crack. Crack doesn’t buy itself.”
Average listal rating (1787 ratings) 7.5 IMDB Rating 0
about Sarah Palin

"It's like a really bad Disney movie. The hockey mom, you know, 'oh, I'm just a hockey mom'... and she's facing down President Putin... It's totally absurd... it's a really terrifying possibility... I need to know if she really thinks that dinosaurs were here 4,000 years ago. I want to know that, I really do. Because she's gonna have the nuclear codes."
Average listal rating (146 ratings) 7.7 IMDB Rating 0
about Sarah Palin

"She said that small towns, that's the part of the country she really likes going to because that's the pro-America part of the country. You know, I just want to say to her, just very quickly: Fuck you."

"When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa."

about Toronto Mayor Rob Ford:

"Whoa, what, what, whaat, whaaaat?! Somewhere in a basement, through his tears, Anthony Weiner is going‘what the fuck’?”
Agent Bert Macklin's rating:
Average listal rating (163 ratings) 6.7 IMDB Rating 0
about Justin Bieber being constantly late for concerts, on his latest tour.

"Do it once, you can be forgiven. Do it enough times and shame on you. They won’t have you back. Then it just becomes a cliché. It's really not cool you’re an asshole. Go to fuckin’ work!"
about Barack Obama

“How do you handle promises that you have made when you were running for election, and how do you handle them? I mean, what do you say to people? When somebody doesn’t do the job, you gotta let ’em go,”

Average listal rating (55 ratings) 6.3 IMDB Rating 0
to Ernest Borgnine

"Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident?"
to Winston Churchill

"Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend - if you have one."
Churchill's reply

"Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend second - if there is one."

Average listal rating (101 ratings) 2.5 IMDB Rating 0
to Larry King

"Do you mind if I sit back a little? Because your breath is very bad."

about Rosie O'Donnell

"Well, I always knew that Oprah was smart. Frankly, that was just going to happen. I knew it immediately as soon as they announced it. Rosie fails at everything. She had a variety show that failed.... Somebody else, some moron, will come and hire her again to do something else, and that will fail. At some point, let her rest. Let her go away."

"Rosie O'Donnell has failed again. Her ratings were abysmal and Oprah cancelled her on Friday night. When will media executives learn that Rosie just hasn't got it."
Average listal rating (11 ratings) 7.3 IMDB Rating 0
to a line judge

"You can't see as well as these fucking flowers - and they're fucking plastic."
Average listal rating (187 ratings) 6.8 IMDB Rating 0
about Helen Reddy

"She aught to be arrested for loitering in front of an orchestra."
to Robert Mitchum

"You're like a pay toilet, aren't you? You don't give a shit for nothing."
Average listal rating (77 ratings) 8.7 IMDB Rating 0
to Joe Frazier

"Joe Frazier is so ugly he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wildlife."
about Warren Beatty

"He's the type of man who will end up dying in his own arms."
about Montgomery Clift

"He acts like he's got a Mixmaster up his ass and doesn't want anyone to know it."

to Val Kilmer

"You're confusing your talents with the size of your paycheck".
about Chevy Chase

"He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner."

about Roseanne Barr

"The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered."
Average listal rating (106 ratings) 7.1 IMDB Rating 0
about The Beatles

"The Beatles were peripheral. If you had more knowledge about music, it didn't really mean anything."
about Judy Garland

"I didn't know her well, but after watching her in action I didn't want to know her well."

about T.S. Eliot

"T. S. Eliot and I like to play, but I like to play euchre, while he likes to play Eucharist."
Average listal rating (81 ratings) 4.5 IMDB Rating 0
about Bo Derek

"She turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines."

about Rihanna

"Rihanna confessed to Oprah Winfey that she still loves Chris Brown. Idiot! Now it's MY turn to slap her."
Average listal rating (263 ratings) 7 IMDB Rating 0
about Quentin Tarantino

“I’m not against the word, and I use it, but not excessively. And some people speak that way. But, Quentin is infatuated with that word. What does he want to be made — an honorary black man?”

about Tyler Perry

“We got a black president, and we going back to Mantan Moreland and Sleep ‘n’ Eat?”
Average listal rating (58 ratings) 5.4 IMDB Rating 0
about Spike Lee

“Spike can go straight to hell! You can print that… Spike needs to shut the hell up!”
about Colin Farrell

"I've got three words for him: Am. A. Teur."

about Chuck Lorre, producer of the show, Two and A Half Men

"He's a stupid, stupid little man, and a pussy punk that I 'd never want to be. That's me being polite."
Average listal rating (24 ratings) 6.1 IMDB Rating 0
about Sting and Bono

"I don't like them because their music is rubbish. I don't like how conceited they are and how seriously they take themselves."
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Posted: 3 years, 5 months ago at Jun 11 5:14
That was something.
Posted: 3 years, 5 months ago at Jun 12 0:41
Wow! Great finds! It's especially to read the ones from the stars of yesteryear.
Posted: 3 years, 5 months ago at Jun 12 2:09
Posted: 3 years, 4 months ago at Jul 11 15:54
'Hollywood is seldom what it seems.'

A touch of irony from Mr Hudson, there.
Posted: 3 years, 4 months ago at Jul 11 15:54
*sorry, double post*
Posted: 3 years, 4 months ago at Jul 11 22:12
That's ok.
Posted: 3 years, 2 months ago at Sep 14 23:13
This list is awesome!! Had a good laugh at some of them!
Posted: 3 years, 1 month ago at Oct 20 0:06
Here are some suggestions you might like:
Nicki Minaj about Lil kim
Lil kim about Nicki minaj
Rihanna about Ciara.
Charlie sheen about denise richards
John hamm about Kim K
Whitney Houston about wendy Williams
Cher about Madonna
2pac about biggie smalls
Amy winehouse about kanye west
Michael Jackson about Madonna
Mary J. Blige about Christina Aguilera
Amy winehouse about billie holiday
Posted: 3 years, 1 month ago at Oct 20 20:00
Consider, most of it done!
Posted: 3 years ago at Nov 10 4:36
Cool list, thanks for the hard work.
Posted: 3 years ago at Nov 10 5:24
Eminem and ICP
Posted: 3 years ago at Nov 10 22:12
Thanks for the comments, everyone!
Posted: 3 years ago at Nov 28 23:28
Just when you thought Joan Crawford couldn't be any more of a bitch (yes, I'm referencing the infamous Mommie Dearest). However, Mark Hamill's comment about Romney is hilarious.
Posted: 3 years ago at Nov 30 0:33
Wow great list,
I think theres something Samuel L Jackson said about the douche Spike Lee.
Posted: 2 years, 11 months ago at Jan 2 17:03
oh the hate !!!!goes to show everybody got something nasty to say about somebody
Posted: 2 years, 11 months ago at Jan 3 0:45
After Dustin Hoffman stayed up for two days straight while using his method acting "technique", he came in to work on Marathon Man with Lawrence Olivier who told him..

"Try acting... Its much easier!"
Posted: 2 years, 11 months ago at Jan 3 0:50
Love the hitemup lyrics ....oh and I haaate madonna and dont get me started on rianna chris should have finished the job if you ask me
Posted: 2 years, 11 months ago at Jan 3 2:56
Interesting list, but some of them are not real "insults", just ironic remarks :)
Posted: 2 years, 10 months ago at Jan 21 23:56
Etta James on Beyonce
"I cant stand Beyonce"
Posted: 2 years, 8 months ago at Mar 31 13:56
Awesome :))
Posted: 2 years, 3 months ago at Aug 7 22:17
Thanks everyone, for voting! You rock!
Posted: 2 years, 1 month ago at Oct 6 22:36
120 votes? Thanks again, everyone!
Posted: 1 year, 9 months ago at Mar 3 10:26
Matt Damon on Sarah Palin was hilarious,
also Pink was right about Kanye West, he is a piece of shit.

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