"It's like a really bad Disney movie. The hockey mom, you know, 'oh, I'm just a hockey mom'... and she's facing down President Putin... It's totally absurd... it's a really terrifying possibility... I need to know if she really thinks that dinosaurs were here 4,000 years ago. I want to know that, I really do. Because she's gonna have the nuclear codes."
"She said that small towns, that's the part of the country she really likes going to because that's the pro-America part of the country. You know, I just want to say to her, just very quickly: Fuck you."
"When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa."
about Toronto Mayor Rob Ford:
"Whoa, what, what, whaat, whaaaat?! Somewhere in a basement, through his tears, Anthony Weiner is going‘what the f***’?”
“How do you handle promises that you have made when you were running for election, and how do you handle them? I mean, what do you say to people? When somebody doesn’t do the job, you gotta let ’em go,”
"Do you mind if I sit back a little? Because your breath is very bad."
about Rosie O'Donnell
"Well, I always knew that Oprah was smart. Frankly, that was just going to happen. I knew it immediately as soon as they announced it. Rosie fails at everything. She had a variety show that failed.... Somebody else, some moron, will come and hire her again to do something else, and that will fail. At some point, let her rest. Let her go away."
"Rosie O'Donnell has failed again. Her ratings were abysmal and Oprah cancelled her on Friday night. When will media executives learn that Rosie just hasn't got it."
"He doesn’t smile, he leers. Not exactly an intellectual, either. for a while, that dropping his pants bit was an effective gimmick for the screen, but any way you measure it, his talent doesn’t add up."
“His gifts as a director are enormous. I just can’t take him very seriously as a thinker — and that’s where we seem to differ, because he does. His message is what he cares about these days, and, like most movie messages, it could be written on the head of a pin.”
“He’s the biggest fraud out there. If you bring him to a party he’s the least interesting person at the party, he’s the person who doesn’t know anything. He’s the person who doesn’t say anything funny, interesting, intelligent… He’s a pig piece of shit.”
about Martin Scorsese
“I wouldn’t work for Martin Scorsese for $10 million. He hasn’t made a good film in 25 years. I would never work with an egomaniac has-been.”
about Roger Ebert
"The only thing I'm sorry for is putting a curse of Roger Ebert's colon."