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Added by Onion Jack on 9 Jul 2016 03:54
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British Comedy: Watching

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Decade: Rating: List Type:
People who added this item 3 Average listal rating (3 ratings) 8 IMDB Rating 7.6
Years: 1987-1993
Broadcaster: ITV (Granada)
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Stars: Emma Wray, Paul Bown
Episodes: 56
Episode Average: 7.179
BEST EPISODES:
Knotting (1993), Hiding (1987)
Rate:
Watched Wanted Custom

SERIES ONE

(1987)
7 episodes
Series Score: 52*
Episode Average: 7.43
Perfect 10's: 1
*not including special
S1E1

MEETING

Originally broadcast: 5 July 1987
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Pamela spots a new face walking into the Grapes while people watching, Brenda makes a move in the hope of grabbing herself a biker-type, and a trip out on the open road proves to be something of a disappointment.

"Ooh, Malcolm from Meols, eh? What are ya, a Meols Angel?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E2

WRESTLING

Originally broadcast: 12 July 1987
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Brenda drops off a note after deciding to give things another go, Pamela isn't impressed about being the victim of people watching, and a trip to an Indian restaurant sees Malcolm saving room for his mum's casserole.

"Well, you deceived me... dressing up like a biker when you're really just a prat."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E3

OUTING

Originally broadcast: 19 July 1987
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Brenda insists on riding on the back of the bike for a trip to Buxton, Malcolm reluctantly agrees to run a Welsh dresser to Chester for his mother, and a group of bikers make a nuisance of themselves.

"Well, sometimes secretary to the Deputy Assistant Under-Manager (Claims), and sometimes Braless Barbara the Bootle Bouncer."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E4

CONFUSING

Originally broadcast: 26 July 1987
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Pamela gets frustrated at having to share her flat with a childish joker, Terry insists on being Malcolm's number two and heads to the Grapes, and Brenda decides to have some fun by pretending to be her sister.

"Me? Infantile? Right, that's it, that's the last time I lend you me nurses set."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E5

LEAVING

Originally broadcast: 2 August 1987
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Pamela tells her sister that she wants her out by the end of the week, Malcolm's mum insists on meeting the new woman in his life, and Brenda soon has reason to regret her suggestion of a surprise day out.

"I thought it was a winter woolly for your Wankel."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E6

REPENTING

Originally broadcast: 9 August 1987
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Malcolm struggles with the effects of a late night dash to Crewe, Brenda blackmails Sidney into coughing up for Pamela's surprise party, and Terry finds himself being asked about how to make butterfly cakes.

"Yeah, I hate fellas who smell, don't you? Especially when you're gonna be wrapped round them on the back of a bike. It's like nursing a bin bag."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E7

HIDING

Originally broadcast: 6 August 1987
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Pamela refuses to believe that her sister is interested in birdwatching, Malcolm hurts his back during a search for the Lesser Spotted Gobtwit, and Brenda visits his mother after taking some time to think things over.

"Practice? How can you practice looking at birds? You either see 'em or you don't."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10


SPECIAL

(1987)




SPECIAL

SEASONING

Originally broadcast: 27 December 1987
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Brenda make a mess of the Christmas shopping when she misreads the list, Malcolm's mother insists that he spend Christmas Day with her, and Pamela reluctantly boards the sewing machine to collect a tree.

"Hey, did you hear that, Pamela? They've got trees in their forest."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES TWO

(1988)
7 episodes
Series Score: 48*
Episode Average: 6.86
Perfect 10's: 0
*not including special
S2E1

FALLING

Originally broadcast: 19 February 1988
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Brenda's sudden interest in birdwatching is met with suspicion, Malcolm finds out that a company takeover poses a threat to his job, and Pamela considers joining the employment queue to get away from Sidney.

"Well, I only point to the bird and Donald whispers in me ear what make it is."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E2

DANCING

Originally broadcast: 26 February 1988
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Pamela gets even more depressed about her situation at work, Terry finds himself roped into an effort to get her back out into circulation, and Brenda isn't happy when she spots Malcolm talking to another woman.

"Oh, come on, get me home. Misery guts'll be in bed. And Harold's trying to serve our helmets."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E3

VISITING

Originally broadcast: 4 March 1988
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Pamela's delighted when she receives flowers from the new man in her life, Malcolm tries to make the most of his mother going away for the weekend, and Brenda refuses to accept a last minute change of plans.

"Well, you could be right. I mean, she is short of short for her poundage, but that's just distribution, isn't it? I mean, she'd be dead slim if she was seven foot three."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E4

VISITING II

Originally broadcast: 11 March 1988
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Malcolm decides to move out when his mother interferes yet again, Brenda struggles to get her hands on anything to fill her stomach, and David offers information about the enterprise allowance scheme.

"I told you, we overslept, my alarm didn't go off. And fortunately, nor did this one. If Auntie Peggy had triggered that off, it'd have frightened the nightie off her."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E5

MISSING

Originally broadcast: 18 March 1988
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Auntie Peggy petitions against the demolition of a disused church, Malcolm has problems at work when some of his receipts go missing, and Brenda has a go at Pamela for trying to set her up with Terry.

"Me? No, I'm sat here with two SAS fellas, they're just camouflaged to look like seats."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E6

DINING

Originally broadcast: 25 February 1988
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Pamela returns from spending the weekend in London with David, Malcolm panics after nearly inviting the wrong person out to dinner, and Brenda doesn't take kindly to being treated like riff-raff on her birthday.

"Oh, that'll be about right then, allowing for shrinkage, which they don't, of course. Remarkable bargain, this. You'll see the same shirt across the street for twice as much. Different label, different design, different material, but the same shirt, more or less."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E7

MOVING

Originally broadcast: 1 April 1988
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Malcolm has some explaining to do when he's seen out with Susan, Pamela starts thinking about finding somewhere with a bit more space, and Brenda has a decision to make when David finds her a job in a shop.

"Whatever I choose. And if I want to, I'll spend the evenings lying under my bed wearing three left slippers, a balaclava and a bra."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6


SPECIAL

(1988)




SPECIAL

TWITCHING

Originally broadcast: 24 December 1988
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Malcolm and Brenda go camping for the weekend to get some time alone, twitchers flood into the area in the hope of spotting a megatick, and Pamela and David can't understand the fuss about a pile of cement.

"Well, there's definitely some sort of bull flying around here."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES THREE

(1989)
6 episodes
Series Score: 43
Episode Average: 7.17
Perfect 10's: 0
S3E1

LOSING

Originally broadcast: 3 March 1989
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Pamela makes changes to the sleeping arrangements in the flat, Brenda's returns to Liverpool when things go wrong in London, and Malcolm's mother instantly approves of him spending time with Susan.

"Like they say, when the cat's away, it's sauce for the gander."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E2

DECEIVING

Originally broadcast: 10 March 1989
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Pamela drops a bombshell by admitting that she's in love, Terry finds himself paying for dinner after getting promoted at work, and Brenda's horrified when she sees David in a restaurant with another woman.

"Well, I'm going into town later, and er, seen as how you've got a birthday this year, and you're not eating, I'll be happy to take you to lunch."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E3

REQUITING

Originally broadcast: 17 March 1989
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Pamela takes the day off work when she feels a bit under the weather, David tells Malcolm the truth about what happened in the restaurant, and Brenda lets her mouth get the better of her at a Mod Shops dinner.

"That's two chicken, one... , and one thick vegetable, which reminds me, I'm seeing Malcolm tonight."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E4

BREEDING

Originally broadcast: 24 March 1989
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Malcolm's mother learns the truth about what happened at Mod Shops, David finds himself volunteering to be the driver for a day out, and Pamela shocks Brenda with news that she'll soon be an auntie.

"Shouldn't you have it with rhubarb?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E5

WRENCHING

Originally broadcast: 31 March 1989
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Malcolm's mother finds herself playing the role of secretary for the workshop, Brenda's not best pleased about having to beg for some attention, and Pamela and David announce that they're getting married.

"Getting ready to go out. Where's she going? Singles night at the coven?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E6

WEDDING

Originally broadcast: 7 April 1989
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Brenda gets sick of hearing about what she should do with her love-life, Susan picks up the finishing touch for a very unusual wedding gift, and Malcolm bores people rigid when he gets excited about a musical potty.

"That's right, and we could live here, all three of us. In fact, why don't you go round and see her family and arrange the marriage? I think she comes with three heifers and a goat."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES FOUR

(1989-1990)
9 episodes
Series Score: 67
Episode Average: 7.44
Perfect 10's: 1
S4E1

JOKING

Originally broadcast: 1 December 1989
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Brenda's not impressed with Pamela and David's new suburban life, the demands of the workshop start to take their toll on Malcolm, and his mother helps him choose the right candidate for an apprenticeship.

"Well, you know what they say... 'if it wasn't for Venetian blinds, it'd be curtains for all of us'."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E2

PAIRING

Originally broadcast: 8 December 1989
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
David's suggests hiring a live-in helper so Pamela can help him at work, a neighbour finds reason to see Malcolm in an unfavourable light, and Brenda panics when Chris crashes the workshop bike into Sarah's pram.

"Coach-built it was. Oh, him and his little blue bonnet and matching mittens. I couldn't go ten yards down Chorley high street without someone stopping me to admire. I felt so proud... of that pram."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E3

FAULTERING

Originally broadcast: 15 December 1989
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Malcolm ruins a trip to the pictures by falling asleep during the film, Chris sees an opportunity when he's asked to get hold of UB40 tickets, and David wants words with Brenda about a donkey derby incident.

"Hey, you're right. It's Cedric disguised to look like a human being."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E4

EXPLODING

Originally broadcast: 29 December 1989
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Brenda's pushed into be truthful about what happened after the concert, Chris gets sent out to collect the remains of a customer's broken bike, and Pamela plays matchmaker by confiscating a key and a bag of spares.

"Pamela, let me give you some advice... next time you feel the urge to give me some advice, first brush your teeth with superglue."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E5

REPAIRING

Originally broadcast: 5 January 1990
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Malcolm decides that he has no choice but to get rid of Chris, Pamela leaves Sarah at David's office after walking out on him, and Brenda shows a salesman what he can do with his cleaning products.

"Don't Malc me. You might think you're God's gift to women, but you're not to me. I don't care if you can get tickets when others can't. And if you didn't go out clubbing it every night, well then, you might have been able to do a decent day's work the next day, after the night before, when you've been out gallivanting till the early morning of the following day."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E6

PETTING

Originally broadcast: 12 January 1990
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Malcolm finds a pigeon with shot in its wing while birdwatching in Wales, Brenda's tasked with attracting new customers to Oswald's café, and Pamela and David need someone to look after their tortoise.

"He's paid for both teas, and I've drip-dried the teabags ready for tomorrow."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E7

FLOATING

Originally broadcast: 19 January 1990
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
David asks for help when the washing machine floods the kitchen, Malcolm's urged to consider what he wants from his future, and Brenda struggles to get her leg over while trying to climb aboard Randy Pandy.

"You could walk on ahead and check for quicksand."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E8

PROPOSING

Originally broadcast: 26 January 1990
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
A chat with Aunt Peggy persuades Malcolm to pop the question, David puts his foot in it by celebrating something that hasn't happened, and Brenda manages to get a lift home after working late at the café.

"Do you know, Malc, as a DJ you make a really good window cleaner."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E9

FLITTING

Originally broadcast: 2 February 1990
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
David's not interested in hearing about hiring an au pair for Sarah, Brenda has no reason to stay in Meols after losing her job at the café, and Aunt Peggy offers Malcolm the use of her house over the water.

"It is, and pork and duck and lamb, there's all sort in there, but we only charge you for the one you ordered."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES FIVE

(1990-1991)
10 episodes
Series Score: 68*
Episode Average: 6.80
Perfect 10's: 0
*not including special
S5E1

LISTING

Originally broadcast: 14 December 1990
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Malcolm finds his to-do list growing longer by the minute, a neighbour comes to the rescue when Brenda manages to get locked out, and Pamela gets strangely excited about the idea of a new kitchen.

"Malcolm, if the good Lord had intended us to play bingo in the afternoons, he wouldn't have given us sideboards to dust."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E2

NESTING

Originally broadcast: 21 December 1990
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Brenda finds herself getting a little too cosy with her new neighbours, Pamela nearly gives the man next door an eyeful after a mishap with her car keys, and Malcolm installs an answering machine in the workshop.

"Listen, Pamela, all this middle class mincing doesn't fool me. I remember you when you're only use for a tree was something to hang onto on a Saturday night."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E3

FEEDING

Originally broadcast: 4 January 1991
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Brenda struggles to get to grips with her new role as housewife, Pamela demands to know more about the pram after a slip of the tongue, and Malcolm finds himself having to make room for three meals in one night.

"Well, there's an egg in the fridge but it didn't have any cooking instructions on it."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E4

WINING

Originally broadcast: 11 January 1991
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
The sudden reappearance of Uncle Bernard poses something of a problem, David and Pamela need a couple to step in last minute for a dinner party, and Brenda manages to lock horns with a pretentious idiot.

"I don't understand you, Pamela. Why don't you just stick to the old-fashioned meals like our mother used to defrost."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E5

FIXING

Originally broadcast: 18 January 1991
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Malcolm gets flustered when Lucinda drops her car off at the workshop, Brenda gets a shock when she walks into a fully refurbished Grapes, and Uncle Bernard has to think quickly when the enemy lets herself in.

"Because when I got your cleaner out, what did I find? A cobweb right across your crevice nozzle."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E6

STRAYING

Originally broadcast: 25 January 1991
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Suspicions grow about what's going on in Aunt Peggy's house, Lucinda invites Malcolm out to lunch to thank him for fixing her car, and Brenda insists on going birdwatching to get away from Uncle Bernard.

"Look, Marj might not be my favourite sumo wrestler, but if she cleans up somewhere, it shows."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E7

HOMING

Originally broadcast: 1 February 1991
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Brenda tries to get away from it all by heading back to her mother's, Pamela decides to head home too when her and David hit a rocky patch, and Lucinda gets fed up with hearing about the other woman.

"Gerald, offer the gentleman a cup of tea, I think we've only got coffee."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E8

SUITING

Originally broadcast: 8 February 1991
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Gerald has to be taken to hospital when he cuts his hand with a knife, Pamela comes up with a plan to get her sister's relationship back on track, and David's delighted when Malcolm asks him to be his best man.

"I think Sacha Distillery wants to close."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E9

BONDING

Originally broadcast: 15 February 1991
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
The bride-to-be isn't overly impressed with Malcolms's list of gift ideas, Pamela tries her best to deliver bad news as gently as possible, and Brenda races across the Mersey in an effort to get to the church on time.

"Me head's shrunk!"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E10

PRESENTING

Originally broadcast: 22 February 1991
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Brenda decides to escape the nightmare of her mum's Christmas party, Malcolm spots an interesting bird when he heads out with his binoculars, and David needs running to the hospital when Pamela goes into labour.

"You mean, are you a grandma or a granddad?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7


SPECIAL

(1991)




SPECIAL

SLIPPING

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1991
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Lucinda decides to tag along on a twitching trip to Anglesey, Brenda isn't best pleased when she finds out who she's paired with, and Malcolm's idea to hide in a sea cave has almost disastrous consequences.

"It's the gypsies, they're returning the kids and want their clothes pegs back."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES SIX

(1992)
6 episodes
Series Score: 45*
Episode Average: 7.50
Perfect 10's: 0
*not including special
S6E1

USING

Originally broadcast: 3 January 1992
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Malcolm finds himself confronting a determined cleaner with a fish slice, Pamela and David need help after moving into their new house, and Brenda tries everything to make a new admirer run the other way.

"Excuse me, have I not seen you on 'All Creatures Great and Small'?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E2

ECHOING

Originally broadcast: 10 January 1992
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Malcolm starts to get fed up with the demands of married life, Lucinda agrees to make more effort with her husband's interests, and Brenda finds herself sitting on the other side of the fence at the marshes.

"My father got a Q for billiards."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E3

DOCTORING

Originally broadcast: 17 January 1992
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Pamela insists that Jonathan use the house for a doctors' residency party, Joyce makes a nuisance of herself when Gerald runs away from home, and Brenda and Malcolm seek refuge in the Grapes.

"Do you get common colds these days, Pam? Wouldn't yours be more like middle class colds?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E4

CHRISTENING

Originally broadcast: 24 January 1992
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Lucinda finds herself being questioned about a series of strange calls, Pamela and David make plans for Zelda's christening, and Brenda and Malcolm try not to be spotted when they innocently accidentally meet.

"You look like an alcoholic walrus."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E5

GULLING

Originally broadcast: 31 January 1992
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Malcolm's mother wants words about what Lucinda's been up to at night, Pamela tries to sort out who wants what from the christening photos, and Brenda decides that it's time to decide one way or the other.

"Oh, you're lucky, I had three, but two of my sons were daughters."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E6

CONFESSING

Originally broadcast: 7 February 1992
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Malcolm struggles to come to terms with the idea of being a father, Brenda's furious when she spots a giant bustard lurking in the countryside, and Lucinda holds off on making her big announcement.

"Hey, Jonathan, did you hear about the Scots Red Indian? Hawkeye the Nu?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8


SPECIAL

(1993)




SPECIAL

REVERTING

Originally broadcast: 1 January 1993
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Malcolm wakes up to the possibility that it's all been a dream, Pamela and David are too busy arguing to notice a bit of devilment, and Lucinda makes it clear that she wants to sell the house as soon as possible.

"I don't think it's healthy. I mean, if God had intended the man to be around, he'd have made it happen straight after. Instead of giving nine months for him to be somewhere else."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES SEVEN

(1993)
7 episodes
Series Score: 52
Episode Average: 7.43
Perfect 10's: 1
S7E1

MIGRATING

Originally broadcast: 21 February 1993
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Pamela insists that she needs more help around the house, Malcolm struggles to find business to get the workshop ticking over again, and David gets himself into trouble when he decides to invests in a boat.

"Yeah, I'm not there yet, but I will be hen I get there."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E2

UNCOUPLING

Originally broadcast: 28 February 1993
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
David reluctantly agrees to find Pamela a nanny, Malcolm's mother tries to explain why moving over the water would be a mistake, and Joyce does her best to get rid of at least one of the people in her house.

"Have some fruitcake... if it isn't too much like cannibalism."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E3

HELPING

Originally broadcast: 7 March 1993
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
David finds himself falling at the first question during an interview, Malcolm struggles to deal with his mother interfering with his affairs, and Brenda starts to feel like she's nothing more than a spare part.

"Do you think I've made this paste too thick?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E4

ENGAGING

Originally broadcast: 8 March 1993
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Pamela tries to advise her sister about how to move things along, Malcolm suggests a day out so he can ask an important question, and Brenda reluctantly hands over a letter from Lucinda's solicitor.

"Oh, now you're being purposely obtuse. Nobody's going to entrust work to someone that live in an area that has plonkers on every corner."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E5

WANDERING ONE

Originally broadcast: 21 March 1993
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Brenda gets the chance of a free holiday in Israel with her sister, Malcolm's mother puts a stop to suspicious activity at the workshop, and Joyce insists on playing naughty games while keeping an eye on David.

"You'll love it, Brenda, it's hot and they have wine for breakfast. Just when that Shirley Vaseline went and never came back."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E6

WANDERING TOO

Originally broadcast: 28 March 1993
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Pamela's outrageous flirting with another man gets her into trouble, Malcolm's solicitor informs him of an assault compensation claim, and a barman steps in to stop Brenda getting into trouble with Terry.

"My friend Edie told me she did once because she had tailwinds. Though I think it was the foreign food."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E7

KNOTTING

Originally broadcast: 4 April 1993
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Jim Hitchmough
Brenda's finds herself summoned to meet with the enemy on her hen night, Malcolm makes the mistake of choosing Terry to be his best man, and a hitch with the divorce papers poses a threat to the big day.

"To tell you the truth, David, I wanted you."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10
Rate:
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Characters

People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (1 ratings) 10 IMDB Rating 0

BRENDA
WILSON

Played by Emma Wray
56 episodes (1987-1993)
in... Knotting (1993)

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MALCOLM
STONEWAY

Played by Paul Bown
56 episodes (1987-1993)
in... Moving (1988)

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PAMELA
WILSON

Played by Liza Tarbuck
53 episodes (1987-1993)
in... Petting (1990)

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MARJORIE
STONEWAY

Played by Patsy Byrne
50 episodes (1987-1993)
in... Wrestling (1987)

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DAVID
LYNCH

Played by John Bowler
45 episodes (1988-1993)
in... Visiting II (1988)

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HAROLD

Played by Al T. Kossy
32 episodes (1987-1993)
in... Suiting (1991)

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CEDRIC

Played by Bill Moores
29 episodes (1987-1993)
in... Outing (1987)

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JOYCE
WILSON

Played by Noreen Kershaw
19 episodes (1991-1993)
in... Slipping (1991)

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GERALD
WILSON

Played by Andrew Hilton
19 episodes (1991-1993)
in... Bonding (1991)

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TERRY
MILTON

Played by Perry Fenwick
17 episodes (1987-1993)
in... Missing (1988)

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LUCINDA
DAVIS

Played by Elizabeth Heery
15 episodes (1991-1993)
in... Fixing (1991)

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OSWALD

Played by Dave Dutton
11 episodes (1987-1991)
in... Meeting (1987)

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SUSAN
ROBERTS

Played by Liz Crowther
8 episodes (1988-1989)
in... Dancing (1988)

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JONATHAN
MACMILLAN

Played by Richard Good
6 episodes (1992-1993)
in... Using (1992)

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Roz


ROZ

Played by Ally Vuli
5 episodes (1993)
in... Wandering One (1993)

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JULIAN

Played by Jonathan Hackett
4 episodes (1993)
in... Wandering Too (1993)

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SIDNEY
CLOUGH

Played by Philip Fox
5 episodes (1987)
in... Seasoning (1987)

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AUNT
PEGGY

Played by Elizabeth Spriggs
5 episodes (1988-1991)
in... Visiting (1988)

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CHRIS
CAMERON

Played by Russell Boulter
5 episodes (1989-1990)
in... Faultering (1989)

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UNCLE
BERNARD

Played by Ken Jones
3 episodes (1991)
in... Straying (1991)

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Part of the
British Comedy Collection
WHAT DOES HE SEE IN ME?
It was boredom at first sight,
You could hardly call him bright,
He is no-one's Mr. Right,
So what do I see in him?

But then I'm not so ideal,
I'm not gentle or gentile,
So the question should be,
What does he see in me?
Have I fallen in his spell?
Does he drown me in Chanel?
Is he vibrant? Is he hell!
So what do I see in him?

Am I dazzled by his style?
Has he made my life worthwhile?
Does he melt me with his smile?
Don't make me laugh!

Every inch of him is limp,
He's a 14 carat wimp,
I would rather have a chimp,
As my other half.

But then I'm not blessed with charm,
I bring chaos where there was calm,
So the question should be,
What does he see in me?
Brenda's a loudmouth Scouser who likes to sit in the Grapes playing what her and her sister like to call people watching. Malcolm lives with his mum on the other side of the water, and likes to get out into the country on his classic bike to indulge in a bit of ornithology. How will Brenda judge Malcolm when he walks into her world?

SERIES SCORES

Series 1: 7.43
Series 2: 6.86
Series 3: 7.17
Series 4: 7.44
Series 5: 6.80
Series 6: 7.50
Series 7: 7.43

FAVOURITE EPISODES

HOLY GODIVA
1. Hiding
(Series 1, Episode 7 - 1987)

2. Knotting
(Series 7, Episode 7 - 1993)

3. Pairing
(Series 4, Episode 2 - 1989)

4. Engaging
(Series 7, Episode 4 - 1993)

5. Exploding
(Series 4, Episode 4 - 1989)

6. Uncoupling
(Series 7, Episode 2 - 1993)

7. Echoing
(Series 6, Episode 2 - 1992)

8. Christening
(Series 6, Episode 4 - 1992)

9. Confessing
(Series 6, Episode 6 - 1992)

10. Outing
(Series 1, Episode 3 - 1987)
ONION JACK
1. Knotting
(Series 7, Episode 7 - 1993)

2. Uncoupling
(Series 7, Episode 2 - 1993)

3. Hiding
(Series 1, Episode 7 - 1987)

4. Pairing
(Series 4, Episode 2 - 1989)

5. Christening
(Series 6, Episode 4 - 1992)

6. Petting
(Series 4, Episode 6 - 1990)

7. Seasoning
(Special - 1987)

8. Exploding
(Series 4, Episode 4 - 1989)

9. Requiting
(Series 3, Episode 3 - 1989)

10. Slipping
(Special - 1991)

Added to




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