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Added by Onion Jack on 17 Oct 2015 07:58
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British Comedy: The Two Ronnies

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Decade: Rating: List Type:
People who added this item 32 Average listal rating (24 ratings) 7.7 IMDB Rating 7.9
Years: 1971-1987
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sketch
Written by: Gerald Wiley, Peter Vincent,
Spike Mullins, David Renwick, David Nobbs,
David Newman, Peter Osborne, David McKellar,
Garry Chambers, Barry Cryer, Mike Radford,
Dick Vosburgh, Ian Davidson, Terry Jones,
Michael Palin, John Sullivan, Peter Robinson,
Eric Idle, Bryan Blackburn, Terry Ravenscroft,
John Cleese, Tony Hare, and others.
Stars: Ronnie Barker, Ronnie Corbett
Episodes: 93
Episode Average: 7.720*
BEST EPISODES:
Series 12, Episode 1 (1985), Series 6, Episode 3 (1977)
*including Specials
Rate:
Watched Wanted Custom

SERIES ONE

(1971)
8 episodes
Series Score: 49
Episode Average: 6.13
Perfect 10's: 0
Serial: HAMPTON WICK
S1E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 10 April 1971
Written by: Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer, Eric Idle,
Chris Miller, Spike Mullins, David Nobbs, Michael Palin,
Terry Jones, Bill Solly, Peter Vincent,
Dick Vosburgh, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The State of the Party: Slapping
Saying Everything Twice --- Hampton Wick --- Armchair Monologue
Hearing Aid Centre --- Interpol
Big Jim Jehosophat and Fat-Belly Jones --- More News & Goodnight
VARIETY GUEST:
Alfredo
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Tina Charles: River Deep - Mountain High
New World: (I Never Promised You A) Rose Garden

"You know, I myself used to say everything twice, once."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 17 April 1971
Written by: Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer, Eric Idle,
David McKellar, Chris Miller, Spike Mullins, David Nobbs,
Michael Palin, Terry Jones, Bill Solly, Peter Vincent,
Dick Vosburgh, Gerald Wiley, Ian Davidson, Paul McDowell
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The State of the Party: Bald
Hampton Wick: Street of Shame --- Armchair Monologue --- Tarzan
W.S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan --- More News & Goodnight
VARIETY GUEST:
Jo Jac & Joni
MUSICAL GUESTS:
New World - Summer in My Eye
Tina Charles - Ruby Tuesday

"You're not. You've got masses of hair, man. I mean, veritable tresses of it. Why, it's coming out of your ears. Good God, it's coming out of your nose as well."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 24 April 1971
Written by: Garry Chambers, Eric Idle, David McKellar, Spike Mullins,
David Nobbs, Michael Palin, Terry Jones, Peter Vincent,
Dick Vosburgh, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The State of the Party: Easily Offended
Beaten Weatherman --- Hampton Wick: The Bare Facts
Armchair Monologue --- Sound Effects
Kenneth Anderson and Moira McKellar --- More News & Goodnight
VARIETY GUEST:
Georges Schlick
MUSICAL GUESTS:
New World - Rain
Tina Charles - Close to You

"I said we'll make it the lips tonight 'cause I'm wearing a high-neck blouse."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 1 May 1971
Written by: Garry Chambers, Tony Hare, Eric Idle,
David McKellar, Spike Mullins, David Nobbs, Michael Palin,
Terry Jones, Peter Vincent, Bill Solly,
Dick Vosburgh, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The State of the Party: Fancy Dress
Smart Cooking with Lionel Smart --- Hampton Wick: Up at the Front
Armchair Monologue --- Hayfever Wedding --- More News & Goodnight
VARIETY GUEST:
Joe Andy
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Tina Charles - Stoney End
New World - Delia's Gone

"Oh, here it is, yeah. Hey, it's all wet in here. I'll kill that bloody cat. Parsley, right. Now, you get the parsley there like that, right."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 8 May 1971
Written by: Garry Chambers, Tony Hare, Eric Idle,
David McKellar, Spike Mullins, David Nobbs, Michael Palin,
Terry Jones, Peter Vincent, Bill Solly, Dick Vosburgh,
Gerald Wiley, John Cleese
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The State of the Party: The Toilet
Piano Monologue --- Hampton Wick: A Model of Virtue
I am the Doctor --- Of Men and Words --- More News & Goodnight
VARIETY GUEST:
Chaz Chase
MUSICAL GUESTS:
New World - The Honey Wind Blows
Tina Charles - Time and Love

"Overcame with fear I couldn't quite stifle,
Just for safety's sake I picked up my rusty trifle."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 15 May 1971
Written by: Spike Mullins, David Nobbs, Peter Vincent,
Gerald Wiley, Garry Chambers, Tony Hare,
David McKellar, John Cleese
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The State of the Party: Fashionable Trends
An Appeal on Behalf of the Very Clumsy
Hampton Wick: The Chambers of Horror --- Modern Family Life
Armchair Monologue --- Elizabeth R-Ha --- More News & Goodnight
VARIETY GUEST:
Wasta
MUSICAL GUESTS:
New World - One More Town
Tina Charles - Got to Get You into My Life

"My wife has a baby-sitter, a cook, someone to clean the house at the weekends and a washer-up. And I'm bleedin' exhausted."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E7

EPISODE 7

Originally broadcast: 22 May 1971
Written by: Barry Cryer, Eric Idle, Spike Mullins,
David Nobbs, Michael Palin, Terry Jones, Bill Solly,
Dick Vosburgh, Gerald Wiley, Garry Chambers, Tony Hare,
Peter Vincent, David McKellar, John Cleese
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The State of the Party: Hendon
Wedding Speech --- Hampton Wick: Queen of the Silver Screen
Ladieswear --- Armchair Monologue --- Job Interview
The Short + Fat Minstrel Show --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUESTS:
New World - Cape Cod Girls/Mary Ann
Tina Charles - Wedding Bell Blues

"Ever since our Alice brought him home, he's had it away... He's had a way... He's had a way with it... with him... with him, which has endeared himself to us."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E8

EPISODE 8

Originally broadcast: 29 May 1971
Written by: Eric Idle, Spike Mullins, David Nobbs,
Peter Vincent, Dick Vosburgh, Gerald Wiley, Garry Chambers,
Tony Hare, David McKellar, John Cleese
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Feeling Faint --- Statistics
Hampton Wick: A Voice from Heaven --- Modern Work
Armchair Monologue --- Christening Mix-Up
Big Jim Jehosophat and Fat-Belly Jones --- More News & Goodbye
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Tina Charles - Remember Me
New World - Tom Tom Turnaround

"Out of 100 football fans, 53% prefer home wins, 31% prefer away wins, and 16% prefer draws. And 98% prefer no draws. And people with no drawers shouldn't live in glass houses."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES TWO

(1972)
8 episodes
Series Score: 50
Episode Average: 6.25
Perfect 10's: 0
Serial: DONE TO DEATH
S2E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 16 September 1972
Written by: Spike Mullins, David Nobbs, Peter Vincent,
Gerald Wiley, Garry Chambers, Barry Cryer, Tony Hare,
Tony Hawes, Wally Malston, David McKellar
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- This Isn't the One --- Ministry of Pollution
Done to Death --- Armchair Monologue --- Jamboree Show
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Elaine Delmar: What Are You Doing The Rest Of Your Life?
Fame and Price: Bye Bye Love

"Staines will join Underhill and be known as Understaines. But, we won't talk about that."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 23 September 1972
Written by: Bryan Blackburn, Spike Mullins, David Nobbs,
Michael Palin, Terry Jones, Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley,
Peter Campbell, Garry Chambers, Barry Cryer, Tony Hawes,
Wally Malston, David McKellar
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Driving Test --- Royal Procession Plans
Done to Death: Viewing the Body --- Armchair Monologue
Richard Burton & Elizabeth Taylor --- More News and Goodnight
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Friday Brown: I Want to Make It With You
Fame and Price: Matrimony

"At the sing-song we were sharpest,
I played flute and he was harpist."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 30 September 1972
Written by: Bryan Blackburn, Barry Cryer, Spike Mullins,
David Nobbs, Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley, Peter Campbell,
Garry Chambers, Tony Hawes, Dick Vosburgh
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Rumours --- Education All-in-One
Done to Death: Doctor's Orders --- Jewish Patient
Armchair Monologue --- Tooting Carmen --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Chelsea Brown: Let Me Be the One
Fame and Price: Delilah

"Now, this here is an egg whisk. or for German students, zis ist ein egg visk."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 7 October 1972
Written by: Barry Cryer, Spike Mullins, Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley,
Garry Chambers, David Climie, Tony Hawes, David Nobbs
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- All Change at Chagford Halt
A Party Political Broadcast --- Done to Death: Blood Will Out
Armchair Monologue --- Play for Tomorrow
The St. Petersburg State Choir --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Thelma Houston: The Candy Girl
Fame and Price: Listen to the Melody

"But there are two sides to this. I've just been handed a communion, which says, and I quote, 'Pull yourself together. There's... there's a nose behind your ear'."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 14 October 1972
Written by: Dick Clement, Ian La Frenais, Barry Cryer,
Tony Hare, David McKellar, Spike Mullins, David Nobbs,
Peter Vincent, Dick Vosburgh, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Schoolboy Memories --- Improvised News
Done to Death: Dead Men's Shoes --- Armchair Monologue
Wine Tasting --- The Julius Caesar Waltz --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Fame and Price: Sweet Little Rock 'n Roller
Lynsey De Paul: Storm in a Teacup

"'Tis true. I eat too much Italian food. 'Cut the spaghetti', my physician says, but that just makes it easier to eat."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 21 October 1972
Written by: Barry Cryer, Spike Mullins, David Nobbs,
Roy Tuvey, Maurice Sellar, Dick Vosburgh, Gerald Wiley,
Garry Chambers, David McKellar, Wally Malston, Peter Vincent
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Ted the Eagle
The Government Advisory Service on Thingummy
Done to Death: No Flowers By Request --- Armchair Monologue
Change Here for Victoria --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Elaine Delmar: The Summer Knows
Fame and Price: Fool's Paradise

"Good evening. Tonight I was going to give you a little exhibition of some Highland dancing, but I washed my kilt last night and I can't do a fling with it."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E7

EPISODE 7

Originally broadcast: 28 October 1972
Written by: Barry Cryer, Spike Mullins, David Nobbs,
Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley, Garry Chambers, David McKellar
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Unusual Names --- Ministry of Transport
Done to Death: Two Flies in Her Parlour --- Armchair Monologue
Big Jim Jehosophat and Fat-Belly Jones --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Samantha Jones: You've Made Me So Very Happy
Fame and Price: (There's) Always Something There to Remind Me

"We're also introducing new experimental zebra crossings, marked with an experimental flashing zebra. Here is a zebra. If the tail lights up, cross. If the front lights up, don't cross. If anything else lights up, fetch a vet."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E8

EPISODE 8

Originally broadcast: 4 November 1972
Written by: Bryan Blackburn, Barry Cryer, Robert Gray,
Spike Mullins, David Nobbs, Roy Tuvey, Maurice Sellar,
Peter Vincent, Dick Vosburgh, Gerald Wiley, Garry Chambers,
David McKellar, Wally Malston
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Effects of Hypnosis --- Church Heckler
Done to Death: The Final Act --- Ambush in the Nile
Armchair Monologue --- Come Dancing --- More News & Goodbye
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Salena Jones: More Today Than Yesterday
Fame and Price: Bony Maronie

"Snap out of that stupor, Trooper Cooper! Son't flinch, Winch! Quiet, Wyatt! We'll makes that sheik shake with shock. The enemy will think there's ten of me. Charge!"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES THREE

(1973-1974)
8 episodes
Series Score: 63*
Episode Average: 7.88
Perfect 10's: 2
*not including the 1973 Christmas Special
S3E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 27 September 1973
Written by: Roy Clarke, Terry Jones, Spike Mullins,
Michael Palin, Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley, Garry Chambers,
Wally Malston, David McKellar, David Nobbs,
Ted Taylor, Ron Weighell
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- How Not to Shout
Cautious Driving Examiner --- How to... Care for the Sick
Armchair Monologue --- Nehemiah 10 --- Colditz
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Dana: Where is the Love
DANCE ROUTINE:
Pan's People: Bootleg

"All it needs is for you to take a wrong turning in a multi-storey car park, a few circuits, and there we are teetering on the edge of infinity. That's why I brought a parachute, Mr. Aspinall. You'll learn that that is the secret of good driving, intelligent anticipation."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 11 October 1973
Written by: John Cleese, Marty Feldman, Spike Mullins,
Gerald Wiley, Peter Campbell, Garry Chambers, Tudor Jones,
Tony Hare, David McKellar, Philip Munnoch,
Anthony Payne, Ted Taylor
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Harley Street Trading --- Magic Ring
Three's a Crowd --- How to... Get Married --- Nice Legs
Armchair Monologue --- Star Trek --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Design: California Dreamin'
DANCE ROUTINE:
Pan's People: Philly Dog

"Oh, must be me, then. Ha, that's why I've never seen you in here before, I've never been here before."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 25 October 1973
Written by: John Cleese, Mick Loftus, Spike Mullins,
David Nobbs, Michael Palin, Terry Jones, Peter Vincent,
Gerald Wiley, Peter Campbell, Stan Edwards, Derek Farmer,
Les Higgins, Frank Kirkbride, David McKellar, Tony Rich,
Austin Steele, Dick Vosburgh
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Happy Days in Grublia
The Meaning of Symbols --- Limerick Clinic --- Flamenco Guitarists
Changing on the Beach --- Armchair Monologue --- The Regiment
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Elaine Delmar: Killing Me Softly With His Song
DANCE ROUTINE:
Pan's People: Yesterday

"Lord save us, he hops like a rabbit,
Come on man, grab me arm, I said, grab it,
Well we'll just oil the springs,
Will you take off your things,
Not you, Nurse."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 8 November 1973
Written by: John Cleese, Graham Chapman, Spike Mullins,
David Nobbs, Michael Palin, Terry Jones, Peter Vincent,
Gerald Wiley, Peter Campbell, Garry Chambers, Tommy Desmond,
David McKellar, Ted Taylor
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Impatient Psychiatrist --- Biffo
Inspector Hornley & Friends --- Camera Test --- Armchair Monologue
Forgery --- The Onedin Line --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Blue Mink: You are the Sunshine of My Life
DANCE ROUTINE:
Pan's People: Johnny B. Goode

"As you know, in between these three walls, there will always be strictest confidence."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 22 November 1973
Written by: Spike Mullins, David Nobbs, Peter Robinson,
Roy Tuvey, Maurice Sellar, Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley,
Peter Campbell, Garry Chambers, M.H. Drew, Tony Hare,
Frank Kirkbride, David McKellar, Ted Taylor
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Jealousy --- How to... Build a Garden Shed
Little Gangster: Protection --- Please Take Me Back
Dropping Out --- Armchair Monologue --- Anything to Declare?
Jason King - More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
The New Seekers: We've Got to Do It Now
DANCE ROUTINE:
Pan's People: Singalong Junk

"Now we move onto the roof... which should be felt all over... and angled sharply to discourage birds from settling on it."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 6 December 1973
Written by: Spike Mullins, Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley,
Brad Ashton, Barry Cryer, Stan Edwards, Garry Knight,
David McKellar, Philip Munnoch, Ted Taylor, Ron Weighell
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Job Interview - Cinema in Soho
Unexpected Outbursts --- Owen M.D. --- Mind Reading
Armchair Monologue --- Big Jim Jehosophat and Fat-Belly Jones
More News & Goodnight
VARIETY GUEST:
Finn Jon

"Self-made? What did you do? Run out of materials?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E7

EPISODE 7

Originally broadcast: 20 December 1973
Written by: Bill Oddie, Spike Mullins, David Nobbs,
Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley, Garry Chambers, Manny Curtis,
Stan Edwards, Les Higgins, Peter Robinson
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- My Dog Died This Morning
Water Shortage --- Mr. Whatsisname --- You've Been Staring at My Wife
During the Ball --- Armchair Monologue --- Upstairs Downstairs
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Tony Orlando and Dawn: Sweet Gypsy Rose /
Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree
DANCE ROUTINE:
Pan's People: Buried Alive in the Blues

"Oh, and by the way, the reason I came in the first place was to ask milady if it would be possible to borrow the morning room this afternoon. Erm, it's for my evening classes."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7


SPECIAL

(1973)



SPECIAL

THE TWO RONNIES OLD FASHIONED
CHRISTMAS MYSTERY

Originally broadcast: 26 December 1973
Written by: Gerald Wiley, David Nobbs, Peter Vincent,
Spike Mullins, Dick Vosburgh
SKETCHES:
Welcoming the Guests --- Problem in the Kitchen
Telegram for Piggy & Charley --- Accommodating Emma
Speech --- Piggy & Charley: Lost Leg of the Journey
Piggy & Charley: Missing Driver --- News from the Local Papers
Armchair Monologue from the Library
Piggy & Charley: Surveillance Plans --- Christmas Dinner
The Music of Sullivan & Gilbert
VARIETY GUEST:
Tux and His Flying Kitchen
Cheryl Kennedy
DANCE ROUTINES:
John Asquith, Liz Bagley, Bonita Bryg, Cathy Collins, Jo-Anne Franklyn,
Karin Gaeng, Michael Howe, Charlotte Job, Lynda Johns,
Roy Jones, Geraldine Long, Mandy Napper, Peter Salmon

"Dear little buttercup, sweet little buttercup,
Nonsense, of course you're not fat.
But dear little buttercup, lift your left buttock up,
You've squished my opera hat flat!"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9


SERIES THREE

(continued)
(1974)


S3E8

EPISODE 8

Originally broadcast: 3 January 1974
Written by: John Cleese, Graham Chapman, Spike Mullins,
David Nobbs, Peter Vincent, Dick Vosburgh, Gerald Wiley,
Peter Campbell, Stan Edwards, Tudor Jones, David McKellar,
Peter Robinson, Austin Steele
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Galoshnik Restaurant --- Confused Commentary
Mission to Moscow --- Armchair Monologue
The Short + Fat Minstrel Show --- More News & Goodbye
MUSICAL GUEST:
Clodagh Rodgers: It's Different Now
DANCE ROUTINE:
Pan's People: Hip Hug Her

"A wonderful wonderful woman, this Mrs. King, Mrs. King formerly known, of course... as The Queen. Here we see... Here we see her wearing um... Er... those frilly panties we've all become so familiar with. And they're off!"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES FOUR

(1975)
8 episodes
Series Score: 61
Episode Average: 7.63
Perfect 10's: 1
Serial: DEATH CAN BE FATAL
S4E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 2 January 1975
Written by: Bryan Blackburn, Ian Davidson, Eric Green,
Spike Mullins, David Nobbs, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The Watchmaker
Ministry of Communications --- Death Can Be Fatal
A Wedding and a Waitress --- Directions --- Armchair Monologue
Abdication Street --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Swingle II: The Entertainer

"As the Minister himself said, 'We don't want any bugs in this ministry. I'm the only big bugger round here'."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 9 January 1975
Written by: Bryan Blackburn, Barry Cryer, Peter Vincent,
David McKellar, Spike Mullins, Roy Tuvey,
Maurice Sellar, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Little Gangster: Driving Test
Typing Errors in the News --- Death Can Be Fatal: Passage to Marseilles
Doctor On Call --- Swedish Made Simple --- Armchair Monologue
The Nutcracker Suite --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Swingle II: The Windmills of Your Mind

"F.U.N.E.X."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 16 January 1975
Written by: Ray Alan, Cardew Robinson, Ian Davidson,
Eric Green, Spike Mullins, David Nobbs,
Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Rhyming Detectives --- Advice from a Doctor
We've Arrived --- Death Can Be Fatal: Into the Web
Cinema Disagreements --- Armchair Monologue --- Bits and P.C.s
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Swingle II: The Little Fugue

"Now, if you wake up every morning feeling something terrible, get a divorce."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 23 January 1975
Written by: Ray Alan, Cardew Robinson, Spike Mullins,
Dick Vosburgh, Peter Vincent, David McKellar, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Unimpressed Guest
Men of Letters: Dr. Spooner
Death Can Be Fatal: A Drug on the Market
Shipwrecked Sleeping Arrangements --- Armchair Monologue
John and Mrs. Mills --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Michel Legrand: Theme from Summer of '42

"No, no, no, the roses must wait. The first thing I must do is to spray my flies against green beans."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 30 January 1975
Written by: David Nobbs, Peter Vincent, David McKellar,
Spike Mullins, Jon Roman, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The Life and Soul of the Party
The Stars at Night --- Death Can Be Fatal: Fork Right for Disaster
The Employment Exchange --- Armchair Monologue
The Aldershot Brass Ensemble --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Swingle II: The Way We Were
Michel Legrand:

"Oh, how I'd love to eat anything I wanted,
Bangers and beans and enormous lumps of fried bread,
Fed chop and chips and steak and kidney pies,
By a girl who likes talking, who's big and good-looking,
Whose dumplings are double the size."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 6 February 1975
Written by: Barry Cryer, Garry Chambers, Peter Vincent,
John Hudson, Spike Mullins, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Encyclopaedia Salesman
Minister of Inflation --- It's So Embarrassing
Death Can Be Fatal: The Biter Bit --- Armchair Monologue
Weekend in Mayfair --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Swingle II: Maple Leaf Rag (Satcho)

"Oh, ho radiant you look, Snithia. I could sing your praises forever. I don't know where to start. Turn over. What a curious expression, Snithia."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E7

EPISODE 7

Originally broadcast: 13 February 1975
Written by: Ian Davidson, Eric Geen, Peter Vincent,
Spike Mullins, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Speaking at the Same Time
Acting Out the News --- Charles and Aubrey: Nice to See You
Death Can Be Fatal: The Villa of Villainy --- Armchair Monologue
The Plumstead Ladies Male Voice Choir --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Michel Legrand: Once Upon a Summertime
Swingle II: Killing Me Softly

"Her old man, he's the same,
He's in love with whatshername,
Big jaws, droopy drawers standing at the end,
Known to all as man's best friend."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E8

EPISODE 8

Originally broadcast: 20 February 1975
Written by: David Nobbs, Spike Mullins, Gerald Wiley,
Wyn Edwards, Howard Imber, Tudor Jones, Malcolm Mather,
David Renwick, Tony Rich
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Rook Restaurant
Wee Willie McGorbals --- Death Can Be Fatal: Double Exposure
Jolly Rhymes Birthday Cards --- Armchair Monologue
Jehosophat and Jones and Friends --- More News & Goodbye
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Michel Legrand: What are You Doing the Rest of Your Life
Swingle II: Hungarian Dance No.5

"There's a Celtic murderer, Jock the Ripper. And the famous fisherman, Jock the Kipper. And the smallest Scotsman that ever lived, Jock the Nipper. Also, the inventor of dentistry, Phil McCavity."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom
People who added this item 2 Average listal rating (2 ratings) 7 IMDB Rating 7.6

FILM

(1975)



FILM

THE PICNIC

Originally broadcast: 1 January 1976
Written by: David Huggett, Larry Keith
A flat tyre gets the day off to a bad start, a pretty girl finds her tiny shorts attracting the wrong kind of attention, and a fisherman has his day completely ruined.
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
Rate:
Watched Wanted Custom

SERIES FIVE

(1976)
8 episodes
Series Score: 70
Episode Average: 8.75
Perfect 10's: 4
Serial: THE PHANTOM RASPBERRY BLOWER OF OLD LONDON TOWN
S5E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 4 September 1976
Written by: Garry Chambers, Peter Vincent, Spike Milligan,
Spike Mullins, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Dr. Death --- Cockney Sermon
The Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town
Late News --- Your Game --- Armchair Monologue
Colorado Falls Red Indian Dance Troupe --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Barbara Dickson: We Can Work It Out

"I met a painted English maid,
With a bow wow down in Soho,
I paid £10 and asked me round,
For a powwow and some cocoa,
I thought my luck was in that night,
But I was done, I know so,
For the yo-ho-ho was a no-no-no,
And the bow wow drank my cocoa."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S5E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 11 September 1976
Written by: Eric Idle, Spike Mullins, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Fancy Meeting Whatsisname
An Appeal on Behalf of the Bone Idle
The Phantom Raspberry Blower of...: The Wind of Change
Late News --- Getaway: Slough --- Armchair Monologue
Nana Moussaka and Charles Azenough - More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Barbara Dickson: Out of Love with Love

"And don't expect to see a great spectacle like the Changing of the Guard. In Slough the best you're likely to get is the changing of the drawers."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

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S5E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 18 September 1976
Written by: Spike Mullins, David Nobbs, Peter Vincent,
David Renwick, Neil Shand, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Little Gangster: Morticians
A Message from the GPO
The Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town: There She Blows
I Need to Be Loved --- Late News --- Four Candles
Armchair Monologue --- The Cleaning Ladies
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Barbara Dickson: Drift Away

"I can claim no musical connections,
Though I used to have an uncle in the woodwind,
But he would eat radishes for supper,
And was consequently not a very good wind."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 25 September 1976
Written by: Eric Idle, Spike Mullins, David Nobbs,
Michael Palin, Terry Jones, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The Compulsion to Repeat
An Appeal For Women
The Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town: An Ill Wind
Pam Ayres: My Secret --- A Party Political Broadcast on Behalf of...
Coyness in the Papers --- Late News --- Armchair Monologue
All in a Day's Bork --- St. Botolph's Country Dance Team
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Barbara Dickson: Good Day Sunshine

"Oh, I've been so unhappy, you know. Well, she's all I ever wanted in a Roman. Churning, rood-looking, And a wonderful dosposition."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 2 October 1976
Written by: Ian Davidson, Spike Mullins, Dick Vosburgh,
Barry Cryer, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Rhythmic Train Passengers
Same Again Please
The Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town: Blow Out
Late News --- The News: 4th July 2001 --- Short-Sighted Barber
Armchair Monologue --- Jehosophat & Jones --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Barbara Dickson: Answer Me, My Love

"Right. Now, I do exactly what I'm knowing. All right? Here goes. The randy girl with the big bottle want a rough Scotsman... Rough Scotsman... the tall lemon wants a double shifty on the rocks, er, the bare woman with the boobs like the side of a house wants a pink old man, the... the enormous chap with the flat gin wants my wife with a beer behind. And the white lady wants a sack of coke. It's simple enough."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S5E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 9 October 1976
Written by: Spike Mullins, Michael Palin,
Terry Jones, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The Ministry of Sex Equality
The Phantom Raspberry Blower of ...: Inherit the Wind
Cricket Commentators in a Restaurant --- Late News
Armchair Monologue --- The Chelsea Pensioners
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Barbara Dickson: The End of the World

"Mary, Mary,
Lived with her aunt at Crewe,
Strong and hairy,
Stood about six foot two,
I told her I'd never marry,
She changed her name to Harry,
Her great big feet now pound the beat,
Cos she's one of our boys in blue."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E7

EPISODE 7

Originally broadcast: 16 October 1976
Written by: Ian Davidson, Spike Mullins, David Nobbs,
Michael Palin, Terry Jones, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Reunion Rivalry
The Loyal Society for the Prevention of Pismronunciation
The Phantom Raspberry Blower of...: A Blow For Freedom
Annoying Playwright --- Armchair Monologue
Training for 'It's a Knockout' --- Operatic Replacement
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Barbara Dickson: High on Fortune

"What do you do if you from this affection, well, here is a piece of abuse. If it hurts you don't succeed, hi-fi fry again."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S5E8

EPISODE 8

Originally broadcast: 23 October 1976
Written by: John Cleese, Ian Davidson,
Spike Mullins, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Know-It-Alls
The Day After Tomorrow's World
The Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town: The Final Blow
Late News --- Armchair Monologue --- The Arbroath Pipe Band
Late News --- Film Trailer --- Goodbye
MUSICAL GUEST:
Barbara Dickson: Boys from the Men

"Let us look around, shall we? First of all, here is the special eye-level grill. There we are. Designed by Ronnie Corbett."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES SIX

(1977-1978)
8 episodes
Series Score: 65
Episode Average: 8.13
Perfect 10's: 3
Serial: STOP YOU'RE KILLING ME
S6E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 12 November 1977
Written by: David Nobbs, Spike Mullins, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The Opticians
The Loyal Society for the Prevention of Pismronunciation II
Stop You're Killing Me --- Harry and Bert: Doctors
Armchair Monologue --- Pete Cutter & The Boggers
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
The Nolan Sisters: Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue

"When they gave out the necks,
I thought that they said 'sex',
And now I'm old I can't hold up my head."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 26 November 1977
Written by: Paul Gillett, Spike Mullins, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Make Fun of You --- Jackanory News Stories
Stop You're Killing Me: The Smell of the Country
The Trenches: Back Home For Christmas --- Armchair Monologue
The Nant Garw Co-operative Male Voice Choir
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
The Nolan Sisters: Pistol Packin' Mama

"Blodwyn's bosoms cause a rumpus,
Specially when she's wearing jumpers,
Less like knockers, more like bumpers,
On our old Ford car."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 3 December 1977
Written by: Chris Miller, Spike Mullins, John Sullivan, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The Ice Cream Parlour
The Anti-Shoddy Goods Committee
Stop You're Killing Me: The Frozen Stiff
Sid and George: God --- Delta Tango One to Foxtrot Whisky Bravo
Armchair Monologue --- Ball and Socket --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUESTS:
The Nolan Sisters: Love Bandit

"We haven't got walnut chippings so you can't have them without walnut chippings, can ya?"
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 10 December 1977
Written by: Ian Davidson, Spike Mullins, David Nobbs,
David Renwick, Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Dangerous Pets
The Brand New Piccadilly Scheme
Stop You're Killing Me: The Gypsy Warming
Little Gangster: Ransom --- Armchair Monologue
British Rail Presents: The Central Harlesden Amateur Operatic Society
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
The Nolan Sisters: Chattanooga Choo Choo

"I know she's my wife, darling, but what's it got do with me?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 17 December 1977
Written by: Ray Alan, Ian Davidson, Paul Gillett,
Spike Mullins, Terry Ravenscroft,
Cardew Robinson, Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Elbow Grease
The Department of Ballots and Elections
Stop You're Killing Me: Getting the Wind Up --- Madame Zodia
The Sweeney --- Armchair Monologue --- The New Sensations
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
The Nolan Sisters: Sit Down You're Rockin' the Boat

"Well, in the next nine months, each of you will be having on e of these. Which might be a little disappointing to expectant mothers. Just a joke. There'll be another one later, so watch out for it."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 26 December 1977
Written by: Dave Dutton, Ted Kavanagh, David P. Lancaster,
Tom Magee Englefield, Spike Mullins, John Sullivan
Alan Wightman, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- 23rd Annual Convention of Limerick Writers
Cinematic Rhyming Slang
Stop You're Killing Me: A Touch of the Farmers
Sid and George: Health --- The Gravediggers' Wedding
Armchair Monologue --- HMS Dependable --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
The Nolan Sisters: I Can't Get You Outta My Mind

"Bobby Shaftoe's tall and strong,
His legs are thin and his hair is long,
He looks like a lavatory brush gone wrong,
On the Channel ferry."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E7

EPISODE 7

Originally broadcast: 2 January 1978
Written by: Peter Bain, Barry Cryer, Paul Gillett,
Tom Magee Englefield, Spike Mullins, David Nobbs,
Terry Ravenscroft, Laurie Rowley, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Medicinal Side Effects
Dr. Spooner: Bookshop
Stop You're Killing Me: A Breath of Scandal
Hotel Laundry Chute --- The Adventurers Club
Armchair Monologue --- The Barbershop Quarter
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
The Nolan Sisters: Style

"So I don't wish to encourage her to leap out of her vicars for the knicker of Wakefield."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E8

EPISODE 8

Originally broadcast: 9 January 1978
Written by: Leslie Chalcroft, Garry Chambers, Chris Miller,
David Newman, Peter Osborne, David Renwick,
John Sullivan, Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Meeting the Father
An Appeal on Behalf of the Indecisive
Stop You're Killing Me: Too Late Nurse --- The Butcher's Shop
Sid and George: New Ice Age --- Armchair Monologue
Majorettes --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
The Nolan Sisters: Anything Goes

"Not President Nasser, you berk. I'm talking about N-A-S-A. The North American... something or another."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES SEVEN

(1978-1979)
8 episodes
Series Score: 63
Episode Average: 7.88
Perfect 10's: 2
Serial: SID AND LILY, GEORGE AND EDIE
Not so much a serial, as a series of sketches.
S7E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 26 December 1978
Written by: Eric Idle, David Newman, Peter Osborne,
David Nobbs, Peter Vincent, Terry Ravenscroft, David Renwick,
John Sullivan, Freddy Usher, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Pardon
Bean Shop --- EuroChristmas --- Sid and Lily, George and Edie
The Cricketers Rest --- McCleary's Gold --- Armchair Monologue
Saturday Night Pervour --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
The Manhattan Transfer: Chanson D'Amour

"Now Mickey'd been chasing Betty Jane,
And our our little romance had caused him pain,
You could tell by the way he ground his teeth and spat,
From the he stood and went all tense,
And banged his head on a nearby fence,
Crossed his eyes and danced on his Stetson hat.
And"
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 1 January 1979
Written by: David Newman, Peter Osborne, David Nobbs,
Peter Vincent, David Renwick, John Sullivan,
Freddy Usher, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- A Poor Unsuspecting Idiot
Thingummy: Memory Man
Sid and Lily, George and Edie: Argentinian Racing Pigeon
Grandad Always Used to Say --- Armchair Monologue
Mario & Romano --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
The Manhattan Transfer: Snootie Little Cutie

"Now, you may wonder why I've got a brick in my pocket. So do I. Oh, yes, yes. This is known as a mnemonic, and aid to memory. How does it work? Er... Ah, yes, of course. Yes. 'Brick' reminds me of 'Dick'. 'Dick' reminds me of 'Emery'. 'Emery' reminds me of 'memory'. That's it. I've got a very bad brick."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 6 January 1979
Written by: David Newman, Peter Osborne, David Nobbs,
Peter Vincent, David Renwick, John Sullivan, Freddy Usher,
Neville Gurnhill, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Council House Application
C.O.K.E.U.P. --- Sid and Lily, George and Edie: Ill Winds
Rupert Baird --- Armchair Monologue
Haddem-on-the-Hill Harvest Festival --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
The Manhattan Transfer: On a Little Street in Singapore

"Yorkshire will join Cornwall to form Corkshire and Yourmouth. Kent will join Dorset to make Dented Korset. And finally Flint and Bucks will get together to make one county called, naturally, Blint."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 13 January 1979
Written by: Geoff Atkinson, David Renwick, John Sullivan,
Freddy Usher, David Nobbs, Peter Vincent, David Newman,
Peter Osborne, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Unusual Name For a Boy
An Appeal For Shy and Embarrassed People Everywhere
Did You See It Last Night?
Sid and Lily, George and Edie: Specs on the Beach
Chunky Lumps --- Armchair Monologue
The Bournemouth Teatime Three --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
The Manhattan Transfer: Je Voulais Te Dire (Que Je T'Attends)

"More and more shy golfers are playing a round with themselves and are not feeling embarrassed about it."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 20 January 1979
Written by: David Newman, Peter Osborne, David Nobbs,
Peter Vincent, John Sullivan, Freddy Usher, David Renwick,
Paul Eldergill, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Identical Twins --- What's My Dish?
Sid and Lily, George and Edie: The Passing of Sid
Wonder Glue --- Armchair Monologue --- Down Here in Mexico
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
The Manhattan Transfer: Java Jive

"No, I enjoy it, I enjoy it. Ha-ha! You see, I think I've kissed her more times than he has. That's why I never got married. Never had to."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 27 January 1979
Written by: David Newman, Peter Osborne, David Nobbs,
Peter Vincent, Terry Ravenscroft, David Renwick,
John Sullivan, Freddy Usher, Andy Hamilton
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Who's With Who --- One-Way Conversation
Sid and Lily, George and Edie: The Passing of George
Run Out of Petrol --- Armchair Monologue
The Kamikaze Theatre Company --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
The Manhattan Transfer: Operator

"That is Peter Standing over there. He's not standing, he's sitting. Just by the girls, who's standing with Dick."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E7

EPISODE 7

Originally broadcast: 3 February 1979
Written by: Dennis Berson, Ian Davidson, Paul Gillett,
Howard Imberm David Newman, Peter Osborne, David Renwick,
Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Dressing Correctly --- Home Rule for Ruislip
I Ain't Scared of 'Im --- The Last Mango in Paris
Armchair Monologue --- The North Acton Ladies Slimnastic Club
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
The Manhattan Transfer: Candy

"Fella's don't follow me, chat up or flatter me,
I'm just a girl with a fatter anatomy,
Since I've been having me chips,
I'm fond of potatoes, I'm terribly naughty,
Me nightie's a widey instead of a shorty,
I'm flirty and 30"
"I thought you were 40"
"That's only me bust and me hips."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E8

EPISODE 8

Originally broadcast: 10 February 1979
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent, Tom Magee Englefield,
David Newman, Peter Osborne, Colin Pearson, David Renwick,
John Sullivan, Freddy Usher
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Unusual Menu
Kind Words About British Rail
Sid and Lily, George and Edie: The Unknown Warriors
Yes Man --- Armchair Monologue --- Join the Professionals
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
The Manhattan Transfer: Walk in Love

"Now, I'm a popular pastry cook, my puddings are ever so light,
There's one little dish the girls all wish for every Saturday night,
It's roly-poly, roly-poly, they're all coming for,
A roly-poly, roly-poly, just a little bit more."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES EIGHT

(1980)
8 episodes
Series Score: 68
Episode Average: 8.5
Perfect 10's: 2
Serial: THE WORM THAT TURNED
S8E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 1 November 1980
Written by: David Newman, Peter Osborne, Mike Radford,
David Renwick, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Mastermind --- May the Force Be With You
Down the Allotment: Mother's Milk --- The Worm That Turned
Down the Allotment: Doctor's Orders --- Harry and Bert: Begonias
Armchair Monologue --- Broadway Malady --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Elkie Brooks: Don't Cry Out Loud

"Now, if you join the drugs squad, you'll will need to identify suspicious substances, like, for instance, marijuana. There's one."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 8 November 1980
Written by: Malcolm Mather, David Newman, Peter Osborne,
David Nobbs, Peter Vincent, David Renwick, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction: News --- Thing a Thong --- How to... Save Energy
Down the Allotment: Hearing --- Tea Options
The Worm That Turned: Part Two --- The Planks
Down the Allotment: Wallpaper --- Armchair Monologue
Cholmondley Hunt --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Barbara Dickson: Fallen Angel

"Sir Arthur had a chestnut,
He rode it every day,
It chucked him in the spinney,
It tossed him in the hay,
It jumped him in the dock pond,
It downed him in the lane,
It kicked him in the fetlocks,
Now we call him Lady Jane."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 15 November 1980
Written by: Paul Harris, Tom Magee Englefield, David Newman,
Peter Osborne, Mike Radford, David Renwick, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The Arnold Murray School of Dancing
Minister of Poetry --- Down the Allotment: Brassiere
The Worm That Turned: Part Three --- Swear Box --- Abusive Customer
Armchair Monologue --- House Call --- In the Sultan's Harem
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Elkie Brooks: Paint Your Pretty Picture

"And those grand old days of Shakespeare,
When the folks all spoke in rhyme,
And the language wasn't full of swearwords,
All the bleedin' time."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 22 November 1980
Written by: David Newman, Peter Osborne, Terry Ravenscroft,
David Renwick, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Gummidge's Greetings Cards
The Loyal Society for the Prevention of Pismronunciation III
The Worm That Turned: Part Four --- Down the Allotment: Jaguar
The Inventors' Convention --- Armchair Monologue
Wunderbar Bavatia --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Barbara Dickson: It's Really You

"And it's not very runny, I can tell you, Particularly when you're trying to lay very difficult birds like, er...
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
There you are, you see, I was trying to say Cardiff."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 29 November 1980
Written by: David Newman, Peter Osborne, Mike Radford,
David Renwick, John Sullivan, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Badly Written Shopping List
Minnister of Intelligense --- Down the Allotment: Cyril
The Worm That Turned: Part Five --- Sid and George: Holiday
Armchair Monologue --- The Rochdale Ringers --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Elkie Brooks: Dance Away

"Oh, no, no, we didn't have time to go and see no volcanoes. No, we was too busy sightseeing, yeah."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 6 December 1980
Written by: Dave Dutton, Ann Martell, David Newman,
Peter Osborne, Mike Radford, David Renwick,
Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Armed Robbery --- Money
Down the Allotment: Snoring --- The Worm That Turned: Part Six
Honestly Rude --- Armchair Monologue --- The Beefeaters
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Barbara Dickson: January February

"Yes. Ridiculous get-up though, isn't it? Like an oven-ready guinea pig."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E7

EPISODE 7

Originally broadcast: 13 December 1980
Written by: Ray Martine, David Newman, Peter Osborne,
David Nobbs, Peter Vincent, Mike Radford,
David Renwick, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The Sweet Shop
Orchestral Commentary --- Down the Allotment: Dizziness
The Worm That Turned: Part Seven --- Clan Feud
Armchair Monologue --- Space Wars --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Elkie Brooks: Lilac Wine

"One night at a robot dance,
I met a robot girl by chance,
Wire and bumpers round the rear,
Two big headlamps out to here."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E8

EPISODE 8

Originally broadcast: 26 December 1980
Written by: David Newman, Peter Osborne, David Nobbs,
David Renwick, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Crosswords Between Passengers
Pub Telephone --- Down the Allotment: Dentist
Who Do You Think...? --- The Worm That Turned: Part Eight
Repeats on Television --- Armchair Monologue
The Final Applicant --- Aristottles Circus --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Barbara Dickson: Caravan Song

"We have got a lady juggler with amazing wits,
She wears tassels to accentuate her twiddly bits,
And they fly in all directions when she does the splits,
They're the shows two biggest hits."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES NINE

(1981-1982)
8 episodes
Series Score: 58
Episode Average: 7.25
Perfect 10's: 0
Serial: BAND OF SLAVES
S9E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 5 December 1981
Written by: David Newman, Peter Osborne, David Nobbs,
Peter Vincent, Mike Radford, David Renwick, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Conceived Names --- Equality
Scrubbers: Sexologist --- Band of Slaves: Episode One
Crossed Lines --- Scrubbers: Baldness
Armchair Monologue --- Rectory Down --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Kiki Dee: Midnight Flyer

"Ramsgate? Are you Ramsgate Fanshaw? Obviously, your parents couldn't wait till they got on the ferry!"
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S9E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 12 December 1981
Written by: David Newman, Peter Osborne, David Renwick,
Mike Radford, Peter Vincent, Ian Davidson, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Something in Common
The Loyal Society for the Prevention of Pismronunciation IV
Scrubbers: Daughter's Husband --- Band of Slaves: Episode Two
The Yokels: The Meeting of Minds --- Armchair Monologue
Grand Ole Opry --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Randy Crawford: Secret Combination

"Oh, yeah. It's a lovely evening. Mind you, it's not such a nice evening as it was yesterday morning."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S9E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 19 December 1981
Written by: Chris Miller, David Newman, Peter Osborne,
David Nobbs, Peter Vincent, David Renwick, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The Biggest Bore
The Care and Treatment of Sick Animals --- Scrubbers: Rambler
Band of Slaves: Episode Three
There's Something Strange About That Dog --- Armchair Monologue
Teeny Todd --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Marti Webb: He Made Me Laugh

"Decent? Give him summat decent? D'you know what he had yesternight? He had roast beef, he had Yorkshire pudding, he had two veg and sherry trifle. You see him cop up his wars at the sound of sherry trifle? Yon dog's an alcoholic"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S9E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1981
Written by: Bryan Blackburn, David Nobbs, Peter Vincent,
Mike Radford, Peter Robinson, David Renwick, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Halitosis --- Guru Swami
Scrubbers: Hernia --- Can You... ? --- Band of Slaves: Episode Four
The Yokels: In the Pub --- Armchair Monologue
Pearly Kings and Queens (with Chas & Dave) --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Sheena Easton: You Could Have Been With Me

"What is the difference between a duck?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S9E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 2 January 1982
Written by: Barry Cryer, Peter Vincent, Mike Radford,
David Renwick, David Newman, Peter Osborne, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Name Guessing
An Appeal on Behalf of the Invisible --- Scrubbers: Dog Food
Band of Slaves: Episode Five --- Boring Simkins
Armchair Monologue --- The Mounties --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Madeline Bell: Stormy Weather

"I call my pony Windy cos he's fed on hay and peas."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S9E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 9 January 1982
Written by: Trevor McCallum, Otis Cannelloni, David Nobbs,
Peter Vincent, Mike Radford, David Renwick, David Newman,
Peter Osborne, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Middle Man
Open University: Intermediate Archaeology
Scrubbers: Another Man --- Band of Slaves: Episode Six
The Yokels: Taking My Job --- Armchair Monologue
The Hendon Symphony Orchestra --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Elkie Brooks: Warm and Tender Love

"If I'm hungry, I get a big pie and I cut it into four pieces, and I eat all four pieces. If I'm not so hungry, I only cut it into two pieces."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S9E7

EPISODE 7

Originally broadcast: 16 January 1982
Written by: David Newman, Peter Osborne, Mike Radford,
Terry Ravenscroft, David Renwick, John Sullivan,
Gerald Wiley, Tony Wyatt
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Nether Edge Village Meeting
The Post Office --- Scrubbers: Savings
Band of Slaves: Episode Seven --- Sid and George: Remedies
Armchair Monologue --- The Gardeners of Effingham Hall
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Clodagh Rodgers: I Know a Heartache When I See One

"I mean, if your electric gas stove goes on the blink, you don't send for the Water Board, do you?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S9E8

EPISODE 8

Originally broadcast: 23 January 1982
Written by: David Newman, Peter Osborne, David Nobbs,
David Renwick, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The Onomatopoeic Grocery Store
Russian Tourist Bureau --- Station Talk
Band of Slaves: Episode Eight --- Unusual Insurance Policy
Armchair Monologue --- Crop of the Flops* --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Elaine Paige: If You Don't Want My Love

"You look a right prairie 'at,
With your trousers like that,
IS that one of them one-and-a-half piece suits?
Or have your trousers had a row with your boots?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
*The Two Jimmies have been removed from the sketch in later DVD releases.
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom
People who added this item 2 Average listal rating (2 ratings) 8 IMDB Rating 7.3

FILM

(1982)



FILM

BY THE SEA

Originally broadcast: 12 April 1982
Written by: Larry Keith

A boy makes mischief during a day at the beach, the General fancies more red with his meal, and punters on the pier get a right eyeful.
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9
Rate:
Watched Wanted Custom

SPECIAL

(1982)



SPECIAL

1982 CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1982
Written by: David Newman, Kit Galer, Peter Osborne,
Chas Hodges, Mike Radford, Dave Peacock, Terry Ravenscroft, David Renwick, John Sullivan, Peter Vincent, Barry Cryer,
Gerald Wiley, Tony Wyatt
SKETCHES:
Chas & Dave --- Sid and George: Buffalo
The Bad-Mannered Eater --- Armchair Monologue
The Lordship Ringers --- The Tree --- Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
David Essex: A Winter's Tale

"Uncle's gone to pieces,
Since he got that jigsaw puzzle,
Auntie Nora bought it him,
He bought her a muzzle."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES TEN

(1983-1984)
6 episodes
Series Score: 41*
Episode Average: 6.83
Perfect 10's: 0
*not including the 1984 Christmas Special
S10E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 10 December 1983
Written by: Colin Bostock-Smith, Mike Radford, David Renwick,
Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The Squash Match
Humphrey and Godfrey: Headache --- Melvin Pegg: Edward VI Part I
The Road Sweepers --- Humphrey and Godfrey: Hungover
Cootamundra --- Coy George --- Kid Coalhole and the Monkey Nuts
Armchair Monologue --- Raiders of the Lost Auk
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Elaine Paige: Tomorrow

"No one, but no one makes a fool out of me."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S10E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 17 December 1983
Written by: Andrew Marshall, Colin Pearson, Terry Ravenscroft,
David Renwick, Peter Robinson, Peter Vincent
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Colour-Coded Library
One Good Turn: The Chocolate-Coloured Cough Drop
Is There Anybody There? --- Was It Something I Et?
Humphrey and Geoffrey: Sister --- Goodbye Sailor
Armchair Monologue --- Hercule Poirot: Murder is Served
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Stephanie Lawrence: The Right to Sing

"What about the society wedding he was at last year. when six of the bride's family got slaughtered with the cake knife? Or, that holiday in Scotland, when four of the guests choked to death on a septic haggis? I'm not getting murdered. He comes to this house, my dear, over my dead body."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S10E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1983
Written by: David Newman, David Renwick, Peter Vincent,
Gerald Wiley, Tony Wyatt
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Bespoke Taxidermist
Record Breaker --- The Little Trains of Wales
One Good Turn: The Vagabond Lover
Humphrey and Godfrey: Temperance --- Armchair Monologue
The Adventures of Archie --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Elton John: Cold As Christmas (In the Middle of the Year)

"What a boozer Driver Evans is,
Fifteen pints for his elevenses,
Half-past five at sixes at sevenses,
On his little engine.
Couldn't steam up, couldn't stoke,
Bashed his boiler, daft old soak,
Down the depot, piston broke,
On his little engine."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S10E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 1 January 1984
Written by: Tom Magee Englefield, Mike Radford, David Renwick,
Peter Robinson, Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The Reverend's Impediment
Sid and George: Frilly Garter --- Minister of Cuts
Humphrey and Godfrey: Holiday --- Three Blind Mice
Rhyming Travel Agents --- Armchair Monologue --- Mileaway
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Elaine Paige: Running Back for More

"There it is. Members of the RAF will still up there flying, although a much greater degree of skill will be demanded of them, as there won't be any aeroplanes."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S10E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 7 January 1984
Written by: David Renwick, Peter Robinson, David Rolfe,
Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Customer Complaint --- Health Freak
Humphrey and Godfrey: Socks --- Posh Cockney Slang
Lightweight Louie Danvers: Do They Play Country Music in Heaven?
Humphrey & Godfrey: Women --- The Yokels: Bank Holiday
Armchair Monologue --- Campers --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Stephanie Lawrence: Love Has a Mind of Its Own

"So, which of the foods are bad for you? Well, the simple answer is all of them. all food is extremely harmful, and the only way to stay really healthy is to not eat anything at all. Or the FA plan, as we call it."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S10E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 14 January 1984
Written by: Colin Bowles, David Kind, Chris Miller,
Mike Radford, David Renwick, Peter Robinson,
Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introuduction & News --- New Bank Manager
Humphrey and Godfrey: Golf --- Real Life Drama
An Interrupted Burglar --- Humphrey and Godfrey: Doctor
Dogs Go Quack --- Armchair Monologue --- Sad Clowns
The Bogle of Bog Fell --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Barbara Dickson: Stop! In the Name of Love

"Mrs. McMuck, the widow of poor old Mick McMuck, the sewage worker, had been a bag of nerves ever since her husband died. Before that, she'd just been a bag."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6


SPECIAL

(1984)



SPECIAL

1984 CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1984
Written by: Gerald Wiley, Mike Radford, David Renwick,
Peter Robinson, Laurie Rowley, Peter Vincent
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Charles and Aubrey: Department Store
Tramps: Marriage --- H.M. Quinn: The Milkman's Christmas Message
Roadworks Tea-Break --- Stereo Santas --- Announcing the Guests
All's Misheard on the Western Front --- The Judge is Right
Lightweight Louie Danvers: I Knew a Girl --- The Tramps: Weight
Armchair Monologue --- The Ballad of Snivelling and Grudge
Our Christmas Card to You & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Elaine Paige: Windmills of Your Mind

"They're only filled with pond water, aren't they, you-stuff-wit? Another fine mess you've got me into."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES ELEVEN

(1985)
5 episodes
Series Score: 39
Episode Average: 7.8
Perfect 10's: 1
S11E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 13 February 1985
Written by: Tom Magee Englefield, Mike Radford, David Renwick,
Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The Yokels: Door --- Sinners
Tramps: Shoes --- Automated Doctor --- Two-Man One-Man Band
Armchair Monologue --- Sunshine Boulevard
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Elaine Paige: Up Where We Belong

"Yeah, I lost the key last week, so in case anyone finds it and breaks in, I bring the door with me."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S11E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 20 February 1985
Written by: Colin Pearson, Ian Phillipson, David Renwick,
Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Are You...?
Britain in the 21st Century --- A Day At the Races
The Sanovavich Cabin --- Armchair Monologue
Tramps: Money --- Caribbean Nights --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Elaine Paige: Unchained Melody

"What will be left of Britain's greenbelt? Well, here, over here is a bird's-eye view. Oh, no, sorry. That's a Birds Eye pea. I'm awfully sorry."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S11E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 6 March 1985
Written by: Geoff Atkinson, Dennis Berson, Eric Billingsley,
Robert Gray, David Renwick, Colin Bostock-Smith,
Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Could We Have Our Ball Back?
Mistaken Identity --- Weather Forecast --- Nationalities
Tramps: Telescope --- Trolleybus --- Armchair Monologue
Chocolatey Mouse --- Plop of the Flops --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Elaine Paige: Slap That Bass

"In the Home Counties, there'll be sunny intervals, but only during the night."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S11E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 13 March 1985
Written by: Dennis Berson, Chris Miller, David Renwick,
Peter Robinson, Peter Vincent, David Webb, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Harry and Bert: Change of Duties
Grand High Wizard of the Emetic of the Golden Rivet
Tramps: Splinters --- Out of Africa --- The Dancing Marionettes
Tramps: Matches --- Armchair Monologue
I Married a Poltergeist --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Elaine Paige: I Get Along With You Very Well

"'Why not?' said John."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S11E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 20 March 1985
Written by: Bryan Blackburn, Martin Cooper, Charles Herring,
Andy Moreton, David Renwick, Peter Robinson,
Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Fast Food Restaurant
The Loyal Society for the Prevention of Pismronunciation V
Tramps: Recession --- Thespian Burglars --- Tramps: Lunch
Cliff Clive and the Jivers --- Armchair Monologue
Max Speed and the Nifty Nickers at the Alhambra, Southend
Tinker Tailor Smiley Doyle --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Elaine Paige: Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

"Sometimes you get stuck on one letter, such as wubbleyou. And I said 'Well, I've got a tin of woup, a wucumber, two packets of wheese, and a wauliflower'."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9
Rate:
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SERIES TWELVE

(1985-1986)
6 episodes
Series Score: 53*
Episode Average: 8.83
Perfect 10's: 2
*not including the 1987 Christmas Special
S12E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1985
Written by: Bryan Blackburn, Robert Gray, Colin Pearson,
David Renwick, Laurie Rowley, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Tortoise
Tramps: Wedding Suit --- Keep Your Hair On
The Pink Rupee: The Two Rhanis --- Little Big Shot
Armchair Monologue --- The Trenches: Climb a Tree
Alice in Her Winter Underwear --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Phil Collins: Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now)

"This old king,
Strength of ten,
Let's play postman's knock again,
Knock knock, knicky knack,
Knickers in a twist,
The Queen of Hearts,
She looks quite pleased."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S12E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 4 January 1986
Written by: Robert Gray, Brian Leveson, Paul Minett,
Colin Pearson, David Renwick, Laurie Rowley,
Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Name Droppers --- Tramps: Medicine
RU.1.2 --- Barnum and Bailey --- The Yokels: Beer Garden
Lightweight Louie Danvers: Girls --- Armchair Monologue
The Admirable Brighton --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Barbara Dickson: What Is Love

"Yes, damnable stuff. I've broken several ankles. You'll just have to wait here, I'm afraid, till some help arrives."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S12E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 11 January 1986
Written by: Geoff Atkinson, Robert Gray, David Renwick,
Peter Robinson, Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The Yokels: Delivery
Tramps (with Phil Collins): Crime --- "Speak" Oz
Shakespeare and the Milkman --- It's So Quiet
Armchair Monologue --- Sid and George: The Only Place To Be
It Came From... Outer Hendon --- More News and Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Phil Collins: Why Can't It Wait 'Til Morning

"This is Mrs. Thruscott, who made the discovery. We've had her cordoned off, just to be safe."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S12E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 18 January 1986
Written by: Bryan Blackburn, Terry Ravenscroft, David Renwick,
Laurie Rowley, Colin Bostock-Smith, Peter Vincent, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- The Cows Keep Doing It
A Spokesman for People Who Say Everything Twice
Tramps: Hair --- Cinema Annoyance
Heavy Kevin and Rhinestone Randy: Born To Be Vile
Armchair Monologue --- Claire Rayner Answers Your Letters
The Village of the Smiths --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Barbara Dickson: Another Good Day For Goodbye

"Cows, sir. You know, big things with a leg in each corner. And a funny kind of bag thing hanging under..."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S12E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 25 January 1986
Written by: Colin Bostock-Smith, Sean Carson, Robert Gray,
Colin Pearson, David Renwick, David Tomlinson, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Comedian-Themed Fancy Dress
The Department of Stealth and Total Obscurity
Tramps: Women --- The Mutiny on the Skylark --- Police Slang
Headache --- Armchair Monologue
The Teddy Bear Who Knew Too Much --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Phil Collins: You Can't Hurry Love

"As for the name Hide, um, it is embossed upon the handbag itself. Along with her Christian names, Genuine and Cow."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S12E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 1 February 1986
Written by: David Bond, Clive Harris, Paul Hawksbee,
Terry Ravenscroft, David Renwick, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Tarts & Vicars
Indian Cookery Presented by Ringo Chutney --- Tramps: Work
The Coal Man's Daughter --- Hells Yokels Barndance
Real Water Pub --- Armchair Monologue
The Secret of the Sorcerer's Tomb --- More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Barbara Dickson: Lover Man

"I want to be excused gizzard-slitting today, sir. I've got a note from me mum, sir."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8


SPECIAL

(1987)



SPECIAL

1987 CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1987
Written by: Bryan Blackburn, Spike Mullins, David Renwick,
Laurie Rowley, Gerald Wiley
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News --- Harry and Bert: Christmas Party
Northern Father of the Bride --- The Klondyke Saloon
Read the Card --- The Yokels: What's Your Name?
Armchair Monologue --- Pinocchio II: The Killer Doll
More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Elton John: Candle in the Wind

"Key in my back? You trying to wind me up or something?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom
The Two Ronnies returned in 2005,
but only to present old clips from behind the news desk.

A Christmas special was filmed in the summer...
Ronnie Barker died in October.
Rate:
Watched Wanted Custom

SPECIAL

(2010)



SPECIAL

THE ONE RONNIE

Originally broadcast: 25 December 2010
Written by: Matt Lucas, David Walliams, Andrew Dawson,
Steve Dawson, Tim Inman, Ben Elton, John Finnemore,
Robert A. Gray, Jason Hazeley, Joel Morris, Richard Law,
Paul Davighi, Simon Evans, Milton Jones, Alan Stafford
SKETCHES:
Introduction & News
Blackberry - with Harry Enfield
Finishing Sentences - with Catherine Tate
Parkinson - with Jon Culshaw
We're Getting the Band Back Together - with James Corden
Late News

Itsy Bitsy Monster - with Rob Brydon & Lionel Blair
Nut Allergy - with Miranda Hart
What? - with Matt Lucas & David Walliams
Any Relation? - with James Corden, Matt Lucas & David Walliams
Armchair Monologue
Tony Pugh - Animal Agent - with Robert Lindsay
Eye Test Restaurant - with Matt Lucas & Jocelyn Jee Esien
Parish Meeting - with Miranda Hart, David Walliams & Matt Lucas
Wonderman & Powerboy - with David Walliams
Name Droppers - with Richard Wilson
Songs of Praise - with Matt Lucas, David Walliams, Rob Brydon
& Harry Enfield

More News & Goodnight
MUSICAL GUEST:
Charlotte Church: Logical World

"Well, I'm trying to put my dongle in it, and it won't fit."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
Rate:
Watched Wanted Custom


The Rons

People who added this item 18 Average listal rating (18 ratings) 8.8 IMDB Rating 0

25 September 1929 - 3 October 2005

SOME OF HIS CHARACTERS:

as...

QUEEN ELIZABETH I

in... Elizabeth R-Ha (S1E6)


as...

QUEEN VICTORIA

in... Change Here for Victoria (S2E6)


as...

SPOCK

in... Star Trek (S3E2)


as...

ENA SHARPLES

in... Abdication Street (S4E1)


as...

PAM AYRES

in... Pam Ayres: My Secret (S5E4)


as...

TANYA

in... HMS Dependable (S6E6)


as...

MISS WAPPING

in... The North Acton Ladies Slimnastic Club (S7E7)


as...

RB-PO

in... Space Wars (S8E7)


as...

BUSTER BLOODVESSEL

in... Crop of the Flops (S9E8)


as...

JON PERTWEE

in... The Adventures of Archie (S10E3)


as...

LUCIFER HORNSBY

in... Grand High Wizard of the Emetic of the Golden Rivet (S11E4)

as...

THE HARE

in... Alice in Her Winter Underwear (S12E1)

Rate:
People who added this item 18 Average listal rating (19 ratings) 7.1 IMDB Rating 0

4 December 1930 - 31 March 2016

SOME OF HIS CHARACTERS:

as...

BIG JIM JEHOSOPHAT

in... Big Jim Jehosophat and Fat-Belly Jones (S1E8)


as...

COME DANCING CONTESTANT

in... Come Dancing (S2E8)


as...

JASON KING

in... Jason King (S3E5)


as...

ELTON BOG

in... Jehosophat and Jones and Friends (S4E8)


as...

QUEEN VICTORIA

in... The Phantom Raspberry Blower of
Old London Town (S5E3)


as...

EVADNE

in... Ball and Socket (S6E3)


as...

RUPERT BAIRD

in... Rupert Baird (S7E3)


as...

LADY SARAH BASILDON-PITTS

in... Cholmondley Hunt (S8E2)


as...

ADAM ANT

in... Crop of the Flops (S9E8)


as...

COY GEORGE

in... Coy George (S10E1)


as...

DICK

in... Two-Man One-Man Band (S11E1)


as...

MUDGUARD THE MIGHTY

in... The Secret of the Sorcerer's Tomb (S12E6)

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Other Actors

(with 4 or more appearances)
People who added this item 1 Average listal rating (1 ratings) 8 IMDB Rating 0

JOHN
OWENS

21 episodes
(1971-1987)
in... Change Here for Victoria (S2E6)

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CLAIRE
NIELSON

17 episodes
(1971-1983)
in... Ladieswear (S1E6)

Rate:
People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0

APRIL
WALKER

15 episodes
(1973-1984)
in... The Onedin Line (S3E4)

Rate:
People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0

JOHN
RUTLAND

13 episodes
(1972-1986)
in... Effects of Hypnosis (S2E8)

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MICHAEL
REDFERN

11 episodes
(1975-1986)
in... Stop You're Killing Me (S6E7)

Rate:
People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0

JENNY
LOGAN

11 episodes
(1980-1982)
in... The Worm That Turned (S8E5)

Rate:
People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0

JOHNNIE WADE

10 episodes
(1971-1980)
in... The Phantom Raspberry Blower of
Old London Town (S5E5)


Rate:
People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0

IAN
GRAY

10 episodes
(1971-1983)
in... Richard Burton & Elizabeth Taylor (S2E2)

Rate:
People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0

LESLEY
HAND

9 episodes
(1972-1980)
in... It's So Embarrassing (S4E6)

Rate:
People who added this item 4 Average listal rating (4 ratings) 9.3 IMDB Rating 0

CAROL
HAWKINS

9 episodes
(1975-1983)
in... Swedish Made Simple (S4E2)

Rate:

ALEC
BREGONZI

9 episodes
(1975-1987)
in... Edward VI Part I (S10E1)

Rate:
People who added this item 88 Average listal rating (88 ratings) 7.4 IMDB Rating 0

MADELINE
SMITH

8 episodes
(1971)
in... Hampton Wick (S1E5)

Rate:
People who added this item 2 Average listal rating (2 ratings) 8.5 IMDB Rating 0

DILYS
WATLING

8 episodes
(1972-1974)
in... Tooting Carmen (S2E3)

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People who added this item 5 Average listal rating (5 ratings) 6.8 IMDB Rating 0

JULIA
McKENZIE

8 episodes
(1973-1979)
in... Limerick Clinic (S3E3)

Rate:
People who added this item 1 Average listal rating (1 ratings) 2 IMDB Rating 0

BARBARA
NEW

6 episodes + 2 films
(1973-1982)
in... Death Can Be Fatal (S4E3)

Rate:
People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0

DEREK
WARE

6 episodes + 2 films
(1975-1987)
in... The Picnic (1975)

Rate:
People who added this item 4 Average listal rating (5 ratings) 7.8 IMDB Rating 0

SUE
LLOYD

7 episodes
(1972)
in... Done to Death (S2E4)

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JOYCE
WINDSOR

7 episodes
(1972-1979)
in... How Not to Shout (S3E1)

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PATRICIA
BRAKE

6 episodes + 1 film
(1975-1986)
in... The Picnic (1975)


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GERRIE
RAYMOND

6 episodes + 1 film
(1980-1986)
in... By the Sea (1982)

Rate:
People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0

SALLY
JAMES

6 episodes
(1972-1974)
in... Done to Death (S2E4)

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People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0

STEVE
ISMAY

6 episodes
(1972-1986)
in... Done to Death (S2E5)

Rate:
People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0

STUART
FELL

6 episodes
(1973-1985)
in... Bits and P.C.s (S4E3)

Rate:
People who added this item 1 Average listal rating (1 ratings) 8 IMDB Rating 0

CYD
HAYMAN

6 episodes
(1975)
in... Death Can Be Fatal (S4E5)

Rate:
People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0

LIZ
WHITING

6 episodes
(1981-1982)
in... Band of Slaves (S9E4)

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People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0

LEE
RICHARDS

6 episodes
(1981-1986)
in... Pearly Kings and Queens (S9E4)

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JOSEPHINE
TEWSON

5 episodes
(1971-1981)
in... Of Men and Words (S1E5)

Rate:
People who added this item 1 Average listal rating (1 ratings) 4 IMDB Rating 0

JEROLD
WELLS

5 episodes
(1972)
in... Done to Death (S2E4)

Rate:

YVONNE
MANNERS

5 episodes
(1973-1980)
in... The Worm That Turned (S8E3)

Rate:

JANET
MAHONEY

5 episodes
(1975-1985)
in... Little Big Shot (S12E1)

Rate:
Load more items (96 more in this list)

Part of the
British Comedy Collection
Silly songs, fictional news, rambling in a chair, spoonerisms, jiggly bits, saucy naughtiness, serial stories, appeals, and plenty store muff... it can only be The Roo Twonnies.

Sketches listed in bold in the main list are the ones we consider to be the best two from each episode.

BEST SERIES

Series 1: 6.13
Series 2: 6.25
Series 3: 7.88
Series 4: 7.63
Series 5: 8.75
Series 6: 8.13
Series 7: 7.88
Series 8: 8.50
Series 9: 7.25
Series 10: 6.83
Series 11: 7.80
Series 12: 8.83


BEST SKETCHES

HOLY GODIVA

1. Four Candles
(Series 5, Episode 3 - 1976)

2. Mastermind
(Series 8, Episode 1 - 1980)

3. Tortoise
(Series 12, Episode 1 - 1985)

4. Thingummy: Memory Man
(Series 7, Episode 2 - 1979)

5. The Planks
(Series 8, Episode 2 - 1980)

6. Crossed Lines
(Series 9, Episode 1 - 1981)

7. Swedish Made Simple
(Series 4, Episode 2 - 1975)

8. Sid, Lily, George and Edie:
Argentinian Racing Pigeon

(Series 7, Episode 2 - 1979)

9. Grand High Wizard of the Emetic of the Golden Rivet
(Series 11, Episode 4 - 1985)

10. The Royal Society for the Prevention of Pismronunciation III
(Series 8, Episode 4 - 1980)

11. The Opticians
(Series 6, Episode 1 - 1977)

12. The Yokels: The Meeting of Minds
(Series 9, Episode 2 - 1981)

13. The Sweet Shop
(Series 8, Episode 7 - 1980)

14. The Ice Cream Parlour
(Series 6, Episode 3 - 1977)

15. Raiders of the Lost Auk
(Series 10, Episode 1 - 1983)

16. Crossword Between Passengers
(Series 8, Episode 8 - 1980)

17. Shakespeare and the Milkman
(Series 12, Episode 3 - 1986)

18. Men of Letters: Dr. Spooner
(Series 4, Episode 4 - 1975)

19. Of Men and Words
(Series 1, Episode 5 - 1971)

20. Crop of the Flops
(Series 9, Episode 8 - 1982)

ONION JACK

1. Sid, Lily, George and Edie:
Argentinian Racing Pigeon

(Series 7, Episode 2 - 1979)

2. Mastermind
(Series 8, Episode 1 - 1980)

3. Crossed Lines
(Series 9, Episode 1 - 1981)

4. Four Candles
(Series 5, Episode 3 - 1976)

5. Tortoise
(Series 12, Episode 1 - 1985)

6. The Opticians
(Series 6, Episode 1 - 1977)

7. Grand High Wizard of the Emetic of the Golden Rivet
(Series 11, Episode 4 - 1985)

8. Thingummy: Memory Man
(Series 7, Episode 2 - 1979)

9. Swedish Made Simple
(Series 4, Episode 2 - 1975)

10. Name Droppers
(Series 12, Episode 2 - 1986)

11. Alice in Her Winter Underwear
(Series 12, Episode 1 - 1985)

12. The Yokels: The Meeting of Minds
(Series 9, Episode 2 - 1981)

13. The Sweet Shop
(Series 8, Episode 7 - 1980)

14. The Ice Cream Parlour
(Series 6, Episode 3 - 1977)

15. How to... Care for the Sick
(Series 3, Episode 1 - 1973)

16. Raiders of the Lost Auk
(Series 10, Episode 1 - 1983)

17. The Planks
(Series 8, Episode 2 - 1980)

18. The Judge is Right
(1984 Christmas Special)

19. The Royal Society for the Prevention of Pismronunciation III
(Series 8, Episode 4 - 1980)

20. The Teddy Bear Who Knew Too Much
(Series 12, Episode 5 - 1986)

BEST EPISODES

HOLY GODIVA

1. Series 12, Episode 1 - 1985
Best Sketch: Tortoise

2. Series 6, Episode 3 - 1977
Best Sketch: The Ice Cream Parlour

3. Series 7, Episode 2 - 1979
Best Sketch: Thingummy: Memory Man

4. Series 5, Episode 3 - 1976
Best Sketch: Four Candles

5. Series 6 Episode 6 - 1977
Best Sketch: HMS Dependable

6. Series 7, Episode 1 - 1978
Best Sketch: Pardon

7. Series 10, Episode 1 - 1983
Best Sketch: Raiders of the Lost Auk

8. Series 3, Episode 5 - 1973
Best Sketch: How to... Build a Garden Shed

9. Series 8, Episode 2 - 1980
Best Sketch: The Planks

10. Series 6, Episode 1 - 1977
Best Sketch: The Opticians

ONION JACK

1. Series 6, Episode 1
Best Sketch: The Opticians

2. Series 5, Episode 4 - 1976
Best Sketch: All in a Day's Bork

3. Series 8, Episode 1 - 1980
Best Sketch: Mastermind

4. Series 12, Episode 1 - 1985
Best Sketch: Tortoise

5. Series 8, Episode 7 - 1980
Best Sketch: The Sweet Shop

6. Series 6, Episode 3 - 1977
Best Sketch: The Ice Cream Parlour

7. Series 5, Episode 3 - 1976
Best Sketch: Four Candles

8. Series 6, Episode 6 - 1977
Best Sketch: The Gravediggers' Wedding

9. Series 7, Episode 2 - 1979
Best Sketch: Sid, Lily, George and Edie:
Argentinian Racing Pigeon

10. Series 4, Episode 2 - 1975
Best Sketch: Swedish Made Simple

BEST SERIALS

1. The Phantom Raspberry Blower...
(Series Five) - Score: 8.25

2. The Worm That Turned
(Series Eight) - Score: 7.50

3. Sid and Lily, George and Edie*
(Series Seven) - Score: 7.29

4. Stop You're Killing Me
(Series Six) - Score: 6.88

5. Death Can Be Fatal
(Series Four) - Score: 6.38

6. Done to Death
(Series Two) - Score: 5.88

7. Hampton Wick
(Series One) - Score: 5.25

8. Band of Slaves
(Series Nine) - Score: 4.88
*more a series of sketches,
rather than a serial.

Added to

12 votes
My Favourite Lists From Other Members Mk I (61 lists)
list by majordsmythe
Published 2 years, 1 month ago 9 comments



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