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British Comedy: The Morecambe & Wise Show

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Decade: Rating: List Type:
This list only covers the episodes made by the BBC.
People who added this item 20 Average listal rating (18 ratings) 7.9 IMDB Rating 8.4
Years: 1968-1977
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sketch
Written by: Eddie Braben, Eric Morecambe,
Ernie Wise, Mike Craig, Lawrie Kinsley,
Barry Cryer, Sidney Green, Richard Hills,
John Junkin, Ron McDonnell
Stars: Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
Episodes: 70 (9 lost)
Episode Average: 7.361*
BEST EPISODES:
Christmas Special (1971), Christmas Special (1969)
*including Christmas Specials
Rate:
Watched Wanted Custom

SERIES ONE

(1968)
8 episodes (only excerpts exist)
Series Score: -
Episode Average: -
Perfect 10's: -
S1E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 2 September 1968
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Dick Hills, Sid Green

THIS IS A LOST EPISODE


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S1E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 9 September 1968
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Dick Hills, Sid Green

THIS IS A LOST EPISODE


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S1E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 16 September 1968
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Dick Hills, Sid Green

THIS IS A LOST EPISODE


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 23 September 1968
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Dick Hills, Sid Green

THIS IS A LOST EPISODE


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 30 September 1968
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Dick Hills, Sid Green

THIS IS A LOST EPISODE


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S1E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 7 October 1968
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Dick Hills, Sid Green
SURVIVING FOOTAGE ONLY
SKETCHES:
Shadowgraphs --- The Desert Song
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Edmund Hockridge: I've Got You Under My Skin
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: Queen of Chesapeake Bay

"You Arabian crawler, you! The Omar Sharif of Shepherd's Bush. Look at him. It was rotten and you know it."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E7

EPISODE 7

Originally broadcast: 14 October 1968
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Dick Hills, Sid Green

THIS IS A LOST EPISODE


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E8

EPISODE 8

Originally broadcast: 21 October 1968
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Dick Hills, Sid Green

THIS IS A LOST EPISODE



SERIES TWO

(1969)
4 episodes
Series Score: 28*
Episode Average: 7.00
Perfect 10's: 0
*not including Christmas Special
S2E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 27 July 1969
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben, Mike Craig, Lawrie Kinsley
SKETCHES:
Introduction: New Names
Ping Pong --- At Home with Eric & Ern: Three of a Kind
Tortoises --- Silent Monks: Slot Machine
It's... Frankie Vaughan --- Introducing the Special Guest
A Play What Ern Wrote: King Arthur & the Knights of the Round Table

Bring Me Sunshine --- The Curtain Call
SPECIAL GUEST:
Peter Cushing
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: Nobody's Sweetheart
Bobbie Gentry: Touch 'Em with Love
Vince Hill: That Wonderful Sound

"Ern? Ern! Do you know what that is in Greek? Pot."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 10 August 1969
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben, Mike Craig, Lawrie Kinsley
SKETCHES:
Introduction: The Man Inside
Silent Monks: Ice Cream --- In Bed with Eric & Ern: Crisps
Cinema --- Richard Wagner & Elgar at Work
Birdwatchers --- The Complete Works of Shakespeare
It's... Frankie Vaughan --- At Home with Eric & Ern: D-Day
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Curtain Call
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: Old Man Mose
Trio Athénée: Pancho Villa
Malcolm Roberts: Please Don't Go Away

"Where's your pen? Where's your pen? Telegraph pole. Telegraph pole, three wire holding it down so it won't fly away. Done a bunk. Hopped off. Slung its hook. Good lord, it's gone. You won't see it now."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S2E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 24 August 1969
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Hands
Silent Monks: Log --- At Home with Eric & Ern: The Au Pair
A Tribute to Marlene Dietrich: Club --- A Tribute to Marlene Dietrich: Bath
Eric's Guest: Rosie Morecambe --- A Tribute to Marlene Dietrich: Bed
It's... Frankie Vaughan --- Introducing the Special Guest
A Play What Ern Wrote: The Tea Planter's Wife
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Curtain Call
SPECIAL GUEST:
Juliet Mills
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: It's a Sin to Tell a Lie
The Pattersons: Don't Answer Me
Moira Anderson: And This Is My Beloved

"He's warned me about you, me dad. If you want to mess about, mess about with somebody your own age. Get Margaret Rutherford on."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 7 September 1969
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben, Mike Craig, Lawrie Kinsley
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Talisman
Silent Monks: Dancing to Organ
At Home with Eric & Ern: Chest of Drawers --- Silent Monks: Hoopla
Peter Cushing Hasn't Been Paid --- Eric's Guest: Danny La Rue
Silent Monks: Protest --- Introducing the Special Guest
A Play What Ern Wrote: Murder at the Grange
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Curtain Call
SPECIAL GUEST:
Edward Woodward
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: I Wan'na Be like You
The Pattersons: What Would You Do?
Kenneth McKellar: I Will Wait For You

"It's for the string, isn't it? You put a string through there to hang it round your flaming neck!"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8


CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

(1969)




SPECIAL

1969 CHRISTMAS SHOW

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1969
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Excuse Me, Madam
Window Cleaner --- In the Bathroom with Eric & Ern
Silent Monks: Ducks --- Christmas Tree --- Ventriloquist
Silent Monks: Pinball --- Meeting the Special Guest
A Play What Ern Wrote: Trafalgar 1805
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Curtain Call
SPECIAL GUEST:
Fenella Fielding
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: So do I
The Pattersons: Santa Natale
Nina: Do You Know How Christmas Trees Are Grown?
Sacha Distel: Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head
Frankie Vaughan: Hideaway

"By golly, aren't you hairy? That is hair, that is, isn't it? Thick hair all over your body. I wouldn't have had a bath if I were you. I'd have got dry-cleaned."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES THREE

(1970)
6 episodes
Series Score: 42*
Episode Average: 7.00
Perfect 10's: 0
*not including Montreux Special
S3E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 14 January 1970
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: What Do You Do?
Tickets Please: No.3 --- In Bed with Eric & Ern: Wine Gums
Silent Monks: Cigars --- Eric's Guest: Samson
I've Lost My Voice --- Record Shop: 2001 A Space Odyssey
At Home with Eric & Ern: The Vicar
Just Around the Corner --- The Curtain Call
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: Bourbon Street Parade
The Pattersons: World of Love
Herman's Hermits: There's a Kind of Hush

"The audience wanted his money back. I remember that."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

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S3E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 28 January 1970
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: A Very Permissive Show
Introducing the Special Guest --- A Play What Ern Wrote: Trouble at t'Mill
A Shot in the Dark --- Whistling at the Bus Stop
Silent Monks: Shopping --- At Home with Eric & Ern: Princess Anne
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Curtain Call
SPECIAL GUEST:
Edward Chapman
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen
The Pattersons: Hills of Connemara
Clodagh Rodgers: Tangerines

"Just look at him, the double of his mother, he is. No wonder there was trouble at the mill."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S3E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 11 February 1970
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
MUCH OF THIS EPISODE IS FROM THE 1969 CHRISTMAS SHOW
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Excuse Me, Madam
Good Boy --- In the BAthroom with Eric & Ern --- Window Cleaner
Meeting the Special Guest --- Ern's Dates --- Silent Monks: Ducks
Tenpin Bowling --- A Play What Ern Wrote: Trafalgar 1805
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Curtain Call
SPECIAL GUEST:
Fenella Fielding
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: Blues My Naughty Sweetie Give to Me
The Pattersons: A Whale of a Tale
Sacha Distel: Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head

"M'Lord, we are running short of shot and shell."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

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S3E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 11 March 1970
Directed by: Ernest Maxin
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Eric's Hair
Meeting the Special Guest --- Comedy and Tragedy
It's a Hard Life in a Circus
A Play What Ern Wrote: The Barretts of Wimpole Street
Just Around the Corner --- The Curtain Call
SPECIAL GUEST:
Diane Cilento
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen
The Pattersons: Both Sides, Now
Vince Hill: Don't Speak of Love

"What happens is, if you do a commercial... Let's say for arguments sake, of pickled onions. You see, you get paid for the repeats."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 25 March 1970
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben, Mike Craig, Lawrie Kinsley
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Ern's Award
At Home with Eric & Ern: Start the Day with a Laugh
Chinese Whispers --- Busking Policeman
Silent Monks: Epilogue --- Introducing the Special Guest
A Play What Ern Wrote: Frankenstein's Monster
Just Around the Corner --- The Curtain Call
SPECIAL GUEST:
Ian Carmichael
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: The Music Goes Round and Round
The Pattersons: Feeling Groovy
Nina: Try to Remember

"Oh, that's not nice... That's not nice. I'm not really this shape, I have a tortoise hibernating up me shirt."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


SPECIAL

1970 MONTREUX ENTRY

Originally broadcast: 8 April 1970
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben, Sid Green, Dick Hills, Mike Craig, Lawrie Kinsley
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Wrong Trousers
Foreign Introduction --- Banana Boat Song --- Silent Monks: Log
Silent Monks: Horse Racing --- Buying Binoculars
Silent Monks: Dancing to Organ --- Silent Monks: Ducks
Silent Monks: Pinball
Bring Me Sunshine
MUSICAL GUEST:
Nina: The Windmills of Your Mind

"Before we go any further... I can't find the hole to blow down these."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 22 April 1970
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Boy Scout
The Noseblowers --- In Bed with Eric & Ern: Electric Blanket
Arrival of the Special Guest --- Love in a Mist
Pocket Radio --- Silent Monks: Dancing to Bells
A Play What Ern Wrote Play: The Lost Valley
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Curtain Call
SPECIAL GUEST:
Richard Greene
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: Fanlight Fanny
The Pattersons: Try a Little Kindness
Nana Mouskouri and the Athenians: Day is Done

"I'll leave me glasses on. I'll see me dreams better."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES FOUR

(1970)
6 episodes (1 lost)
Series Score: 35*
Episode Average: 7.00
Perfect 10's: 1
*not including Christmas Special
S4E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 1 July 1970
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: This Is Your Life
Moon Landing --- Legs: I'll Never Forget You --- Meeting the Special Guest
Tarzan's Last Adventure --- The Laughing Doctor --- Show Us Your...
Uncle Eric & His Friend --- Silent Monks: Hymns
A Play What Ern Wrote: Wuthering Heights
Just Around the Corner --- The Curtain Call
SPECIAL GUEST:
Eric Porter
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: Shake 'Em Up & Let 'Em Roll
Trio Athénée
Jan Daley: What Are You Doing With the Rest of Your Life?

"Pump the hooves up. You have flat hooves."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 15 July 1970
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Dressed For the Hunt
Record Shop: The Mating Calls of British Garden Birds
Visiting Eric's Parents --- Saying Goodbye to Friends
Dads: Feeding Time --- Speaking Clock --- Barber Shop
Eric's Guest: David Vaughan --- Silent Monks: Signposts
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Curtain Call
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: Puttin' On the Ritz
Samantha Jones: You've Got Your Troubles --- Talking Feet
Kenneth McKellar: Quattro Cavai Che Trottano

"I'll tell ya what... You take that leg, I'll take this leg, you go off that way... and make a wish."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 29 July 1970
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Health Food
Contageous --- The Knickerie --- Miss Holiday Resort 1970
Silent Monks: Holy Days --- In Bed with Eric & Ern: Sisters
Just Around the Corner --- The Curtain Call
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen
Craig Douglas: By the Time I Get to Phoenix
Nina: Didn't We

"As a matter of fact, that's how she lost her first husband. She turned over one night a bit sharpish in bed, caught him right on the ear. He never knew what hit him. Isn't that right? But he did die with a smile on his face, didn't he? From a very disease called ecstasy. It took them four hours to get the coffin lid down."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 12 August 1970
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: That Little Old Man
Christening --- At Home with Eric & Ern: The Special Guest --- Directions
Eric's LP --- Silent Monks: Dice --- Sing Something Simple
A Play What Ern Wrote: I'll See You Again Even Though It's...
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Curtain Call
SPECIAL GUEST:
Fenella Fielding
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: Shine
Sylvia McNeill: Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In
Ray Stevens: Everything is Beautiful

"And there's worse to come. I hate to tell you this, but he's perused his synopsis as well. I'm only telling you because you're a man of the world."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 26 August 1970
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Stool of the Star
Doctor's Diet --- At Home with Eric & Ern: The Search For a Special Guest
A Political Discussion --- Tickets Please: No.6
Mr. Aubrey Bickerdike --- Silent Monks: Ignition
Introducing the Special Guest
A Play What Ern Wrote: There's No Business Like Big Business
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Curtain Call
SPECIAL GUEST:
Barbara Murray
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: I'm Crazy 'Bout My Baby
Bruce & Peter Davis: Homeward Bound
Dusty Springfield: How Can I Be Sure

"I'd like you, if you have time, ma'am to come and have a look at me bulbs before I press them in the warm earth with me dibble."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 8 October 1970
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben

THIS IS A LOST EPISODE



CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

(1970)




SPECIAL

1970 CHRISTMAS SHOW

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1970
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Christmas Presents
Hand Towels --- Economy Petrol Test --- Peter Cushing Still Hasn't Been Paid
Christmas Dinner with Eric & Ern --- Economy Petrol Test Update
A Former Special Guest Needs a Job --- Long John Silver's Leg
Rabbit's Revenge --- Economy Petrol Update --- Eric's Guest: John Wayne
Duck Hunters --- Economy Petrol Update --- Introducing the Special Guest
A Play What Ern Wrote: The Three Musketeers
Following You Around --- The Curtain Call
The Final Economy Petrol Test Update
SPECIAL GUEST:
William Franklyn
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: Hello Dolly
Eric Porter: If They Could See Me Now (with Eric & Ern)
Nina: Both Sides Now
Nina: The Christmas Song (with Eric & Ern)
Edward Woodward: The Way You Look Tonight

"That's genuine cedar wood, that. If you chip away the paint, you can see the wood."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES FIVE

(1971)
7 episodes
Series Score: 57
Episode Average: 8.14
Perfect 10's: 2
S5E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 8 April 1971
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Duet: Sixty Seconds Got Together --- Employment Exchange
Tell Me About Yourself --- Impressing the Special Guest
I Feel a Bit Strange --- Talking Doll
A Play What Ern Wrote: Queen Elizabeth I of England: Part I
Following You --- The Star of the Show
SPECIAL GUEST:
Flora Robson
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: I Wish I Could Shimmy Like My Sister Kate
Peter & Alex: One Note Samba
Esther Ofarim: Mad About the Boy

"Just because you're Raleigh and invented the bike, you think you know everything."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 22 April 1971
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: The Special Guest Meets the Star of the Show
Marriage Guidance Officer --- Careless Cameraman
Legs: Come On Up --- The Facts of Life --- Dads: How Can You Tell?
Hopscotch Polka --- In the Absence of the Organist
A Play What Ern Wrote: Monty on the Bonty
Following You Around --- The Star of the Show
SPECIAL GUEST:
Arthur Lowe
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: T'ain't What You Do
Robert Young: I'll Give You the Earth
Susan Maughan: You've Made Me So Very Happy

"Aw, don't bring your mother into this, for Pete's sake! The last time I saw a face like hers, Tarzan was feeding it bananas."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 6 May 1971
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Ern's New Partner
Silent Monks: Remember Your Vows --- The Connoisseurs: Antiques
Note For the Milkman --- Bad Dream --- It Comes and Goes
Jeweller's Shop --- Boarding
At Home with Eric & Ern: Adrian Fondle
Following You Around --- The Star of the Show
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: So do I
The Settlers: Gonna Build a Mountain
Frank Ifield: Easy Come, Easy Go

"Oh. Because if you can make fingers larger, there's a little job I wouldn't mind you doing."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 20 May 1971
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Male Model
Chemist --- Record Shop: Signature Tunes --- Dear Lottie
Count Alucard --- Goodbye --- Arthur Tolcher: William Tell Overture
Eric's Guest: The Invisible Man --- At Home with Eric & Ern: Flu
Following You Around --- the Star of the Show
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: Don't Give Me Sympathy
Sheila Southern: Everybody Gets to Go to the Moon
Jack Jones: Get Together

"The Invisible Man? Go tell him I can't see him."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 3 June 1971
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Ern's Retirement
Vicar Reading the News --- No More Lettuce
At Home with Eric & Ern: Arrival of the Special Guest
Duet: Hey Little Hen --- At Home with Eric & Ern: Safe and Secure
A Play What Ern Wrote: Antony and Cleopatra
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Star of the Show
SPECIAL GUEST:
Glenda Jackson
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Ronnie Hilton: Happy Again
Mary Hopkin: Jefferson

"I've been dreading this. For years now, Ernie Wise has become part of the British way of life. And you know how bad that is these days. He's been entertaining us now for two deaf-aids. "
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 17 June 1971
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Ern's A-levels
The Return of Sherlock Holmes --- Wig Boutique --- Stuffy Nose?
Policeman Calling --- Will You Marry Me?
Eric's Impression: Jake the Peg --- An Award for the Special Guest
A Play What Ern Wrote: Mystery in Mayfair
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Star of the Show
SPECIAL GUEST:
Ian Carmichael
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Peter & Alex
Kiki Dee: Do You Know the Way to San Jose
Matt Munro: Thanks to the Lord

"In tru' da window!"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E7

EPISODE 7

Originally broadcast: 15 July 1971
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Paper Reviews
Duet: Oops! --- Hotel Language Barrier --- Personal Prayer
Fishing Bait --- The Reversals
At Home with Eric & Ern: Bob Hope's Head Writer
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Star of the Show
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: Mama Don't Allow
Design: Sunny
Trio Athénée

"Well, you see, I'm a visitor to this country of yours, and I don't speak a word of English. And nobody seems able to understand me, you see."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES SIX

(1971)
6 episodes
Series Score: 41*
Episode Average: 6.83
Perfect 10's: 1
*not including Christmas Specials
S6E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 19 September 1971
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Tape Recorder
Pulling the Legs --- The Language of Birds
Introducing the Special Guest
A Play What Ern Wrote: The House of Terror
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Star of the show
SPECIAL GUEST:
Francis Matthews
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: Mack the Knife
Anita Harris: The Look of Love
Robert Young: Happy Heart

"I didn't come alone. I brought my driver with me."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 26 September 1971
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Eric's Premonitions
Up Periscope --- Whistling Problem --- Bobo the Glove Puppet
Accident at Work --- Introducing the Special Guest
A Play What Ern Wrote: The Legion of the Lost
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Star of the Show
SPECIAL GUEST:
Keith Michell
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: Let Me Sing and I'm Happy
Design: Leaving on a Jet Plane
Keith Michell: Let's Walk By the Sea

"I heard... the whinny of a horse... followed by the screech of an owl. I thought, 'Hello... a horse has kicked an owl'."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 3 October 1971
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Jasper Rollins
Gardeners' World --- Recording Contract --- The Year is 1981
Following You Around --- The Star of the Show
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: I'm Gonna Sit Right Down...
...and Write Myself a Letter
Ronnie Carroll: Change Partners
Cilla Black: Close to You

"Would you like to see my little marrow?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 10 October 1971
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Death Threat
Top of the Form --- Introducing the Special Guest
A Play What Ern Wrote: Escape From Stalag 54
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Star of the Show
SPECIAL GUEST:
John Mills
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: Ain't Misbehavin'
Mrs. Mills
Trio Athénée

"I'll tell you what... I've a good mind to light that stove and burn your pips off."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 17 October 1971
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Duet: Hopscotch Polka --- Great Men of Our Time
Car Accessories Shop --- The Brian Rix Trousers Down Competition
Dr. Shanks' Leg Rejuvenating Machine --- Milkman
Presenting a Golden Record --- At Home with Eric & Ern: Sunday Morning
Following You Around --- The Star of the Show
MUSICAL GUESTS:
The Pattersons: Early in the Morning
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: When I'm 64
Nina: I Will Wait For You

"Well, we were going to try and get Malcolm Muggeridge, only he's too busy doing Basil Brush. Cos he does like to keep his hand in."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 31 October 1971
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Eric's Family Tree
Two Buckets of Cement --- I Don't Want to Cause Any Trouble
Siberian Puddlemaker --- Dental Examination
Eric's Guest: The Harpenden Male Voice Choir
At Home with Eric & Ern: Memoirs
Following You Around --- The Star of the Show
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: Sweet Sue - Just You
Design: Love Is
Tom Jones: Exactly Like You (with Eric & Ern)
Tom Jones: Till

"Myrtle Capp. It was Myrtle Morecambe, then Myrtle Capp, so it's née Capp."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6


CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

(1971)




SPECIAL

1971 CHRISTMAS SHOW

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1971
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Santa Filling His Sack
Introduction: BBC Gifts
Silent Monks: A Christmas Drink --- The Last Two Turkeys
The Viewers' Favourite Show --- A Tribute to Fred and Ginger
Grieg's Piano Concerto --- Stormy Piano Battle
Introducing the Special Guest
A Play What Ern Wrote: The Adventures of Robin Hood
Following You Around
SPECIAL GUEST:
Francis Matthews
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Los Zafiros: María Isabel
Shirley Bassey: Smoke Gets in Your Eyes (with Eric & Ern)
Shirley Bassey: Diamonds Are Forever

"I'm playing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10


CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

(1972)




SPECIAL

1972 CHRISTMAS SHOW

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1972
Directed by: John Ammonds, Ed Stuart
Written by: Barry Cryer, John Junkin, Lawrie Kinsley,
Mike Craig, Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
Cracker Joke
Introduction: Childish Jokes
I'm Eric Porter... --- Reindeer on the Roof --- I'm Fenella Fielding...
I'm Ian Carmichael... --- Dawn Patrol --- I'm Flora Robson...
I'm André Previn... --- The Unexpected Replacement Special Guest
A Play What Ern Wrote: Victoria and Albert
SPECIAL GUEST:
Glenda Jackson
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Jack Jones: Dream Baby (with Eric & Ern)
Jack Jones: If
Vera Lynn: Pass Me By (with Eric & Ern)
Vera Lynn: If We Only Have Love

"I'm sorry about the bumpy landing, sir, but I... I got my joystick caught up in me jodhpurs. That's nasty at my age."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES SEVEN

(1973)
12 episodes
Series Score: 85*
Episode Average: 7.08
Perfect 10's: 0
*not including Christmas Special
S7E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 7 January 1973
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Old Man
New Vicar --- In Bed with Eric & Ern: Yoga --- Tennis
At Home with Eric & Ern: Living Doll
A Dance Routine What Ern Wrote: The Fleet's In
Bring Me Sunshine
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Cliff Richard: Saturday Night at the World
Vikki Carr: Y Volveré

"I get it from me dad. He was an engineer on British Rail. He used to weld the crusts onto the meat pies."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 12 January 1973
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Poetry & Words & Music
Duet: Swanee --- Tickets Please: No.8 --- Swanee
At Home with Eric & Ern: Accidental Special Guest
A Play What Ern Wrote: The Curse of Tutankhamun
We Get Along So Easily (Don't You Agree?)
SPECIAL GUEST:
Robert Morley
MUSICAL GUESTS:
New World: One More Town
Vicky Leandros: When Oh When

"He wrote Paradise Lost shortly after failing to jump a barbed wire fence. But it brought the colour back to his cheeks, I'll tell you that."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 19 January 1973
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Little Bird
Music Shop --- The Harpenden String Quartet --- Hit Him Back
If... (Battle of Trafalgar) --- Ern's Romantic Duet
In the Garden with Eric & Ern: Bird Noises
We Get Along So Easily (Don't You Agree?)
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Rostal and Schaefer
Lulu: Happy Heart

"You see, we used to be a trio, didn't we? An organ, a monkey and a tin cup. But the tin cup left, as it was no mug."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 26 January 1973
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Engagement Ring
Here's My Card --- Mucky Poems with the Special Guest
The Wife Swappers --- New LPs
A Play What Ern Wrote: The Mighty Kong
We Get Along So Easily (Don't You Agree?)
SPECIAL GUEST:
Susan Hampshire
MUSICAL GUESTS:
The Settlers: The Lightning Tree
Georgie Fame and Alan Price: Saturday Night Fish Fry

"Hello, Twiggy. How are you? Nice to see you again. She's Twiggy, you know. You've overdone it with the see-through dress."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 2 February 1973
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: A Box and a Special Guest
Finding the Right Tobacco --- Buying a Stereo Unit
Eric's Little Black Book --- A Play What Ern Wrote: Lust Over London
Bring Me Sunshine
SPECIAL GUEST:
Frank Finlay
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Design: Mayday
Wilma Reading: Rain

"Well, we must get some silver paper and foil him."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 9 February 1973
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Ern's Bicentenary --- I'm Eric Morecambe and This is Ernie Wise
Listening to the Radio on the Beach --- Grapple Your Turnips
Poor Gypsy Woman --- Litter Picking on the Beach
The Connoisseurs: Chips --- At Home with Eric & Ern: Health Food
Following You Around
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Alex Welsh and his Band: Baby Face
Helen Reddy: I Don't Know How to Love Him

"Listen, I believe in Mother Nature. Health foods are good for you. They build you up. They make you big and strong. Give me a hand with this table, will you?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E7

EPISODE 7

Originally broadcast: 16 February 1973
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Mr. Memory --- Beautiful Hands
A Dance Routine What Ern Wrote: Pretty Baby
In Bed with Eric & Ern: Greetings Cards
- Dream Sequence: Prime Minister Eric
- Dream Sequence: The North-West Frontier Of India 1890
We Get Along So Easily (Don't You Agree?)
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Anita Harris: You and I

"You've got no disrepect, you haven't."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E8

EPISODE 8

Originally broadcast: 23 February 1973
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Cinema Club
Newton's Tree --- The Hollywood Party --- Byron Meets Keats
In Bed with Eric & Ern: Grow Up --- The Bank Manager
Bring Me Sunshine
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Springfield Revival: Mama Was Right All Along
Wilma Reading: It's a Great Life

"Well, they're the best, aren't they? The best in the world, Swiss Banks. The rate of exchange is very good there. You get 16 yodels to the pound, I'm told."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E9

EPISODE 9

Originally broadcast: 2 March 1973
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Ern's Birthday
1000 Runs --- Wedding --- An Actress Begging to be a Special Guest
A Play What Eric Wrote: The Moon and 2½p
We Get Along So Easily (Don't You Agree?)
SPECIAL GUEST:
Hannah Gordon
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Christopher Neil: If I Was Close to You
Mary Travers: The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

"Now, what time do we habitat?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E10

EPISODE 10

Originally broadcast: 9 March 1973
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Mike Craig, Lawrie Kinsley, Barry Cryer,
Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Eric's Wig
Buying a Television Set --- Ern's Talented New Partner
At Home with Eric & Ern: Trombone --- Side by Side
Amos the Poacher --- Introducing the Special Guest
A Film What Ern Wrote: Call of the Yukon
Everything's Coming My Way
GUESTS:
Pete Murray
MUSICAL GUESTS:
The Pattersons: Streets of London
Anne Murray: Cotton Jenny

"I Can't. It's stuck on, isn't it?. With aeroplane glue. Flew off twice this morning."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E11

EPISODE 11

Originally broadcast: 16 March 1973
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Eric the Nomad
Superior Cigars --- The Sooty Show --- The World's Greatest Racing Driver
Birth Certificates --- Zorba the Creep
At Home with Eric & Ern: Irritation --- A Musical What Ern Wrote: Mame
Following You Around
MUSICAL GUESTS:
George Hamilton IV: Country Music in My Soul
Nana Mouskouri and the Athenians: Milisse Mou

"What are you talking about, you fool? Ronnie Corbett is a glove puppet."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E12

EPISODE 12

Originally broadcast: 23 March 1973
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben, Mike Craig, Lawrie Kinsley,
Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Eric's Autograph Book
Ernie Wise Reads Dickens --- Eric the Mind Reader
Peter Cushing Demands His Money --- A Couple of Swells
At Home with Eric & Ern: I Want You Out
Bring Me Sunshine
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Georgie Fame and Alan Price: You Are My Sunshne
Wilma Reading: Everybody's Talkin'

"Gay, young, blade. Blade... Blade, grass... Grass... Cow! Cow! You are holding a cow in your hand!"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8


CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

(1973)




SPECIAL

1973 CHRISTMAS SHOW

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1973
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben, Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
The Drummers: Splashy
Introduction: Lord Ern of Peterborough
Piano Playing Hands --- Ringing Round: André Previn
Ringing Round: Rudolf Nureyev --- Ringing Round: Yehudi Menuhin
In Bed with Eric & Ern: Swapping Sides --- Introducing the Special Guest
A Dance Routine What Ern Wrote: Latin American Extravaganza
Ring Round: Laurence Olivier
A Play What Ern Wrote: Napoleon and Josephine
We Get Along So Easily (Don't You Agree?) --- Bring Me Sunshine
GUESTS:
Vanessa Redgrave
MUSICAL GUESTS:
John Hanson: Stout-Hearted Men (with Eric & Ern)
Hannah Gordon: The Windmills of Your Mind (with Eric & Ern)
The New Seekers: You Won't Find Another Fool Like Me

"I hope you realise that tent pole is loose."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES EIGHT

(1974)
6 episodes
Series Score: 35*
Episode Average: 5.83
Perfect 10's: 0
*not including Christmas Special
S8E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 27 September 1974
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben, Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Serious Stuff
Mastermind --- Dancing Businessmen
In Bed with Eric & Ern: The Cubs --- Predictable Eric
At Home with Eric & Ern: Musical Advice
What a Perfect Combination --- Where is She?
Bring Me Sunshine
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Wilma Reading: I Enjoy Being a Girl

"I didn't know you could play the trombone."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 4 October 1974
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben, Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Ern's War Wound
Tuesday Wednesday Thursday: The Art of Conversation
Eric's Got Nothing to Say
At Home with Eric & Ern: Holiday --- Train to Cholmondeley Meadows
In a Strange Bed with Eric & Ern: Death Cottage
Give My Regards to Broadway
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Star of the Show
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Wilma Reading: You Are the Sunshine of My Life

"Welsh rarebit is not classed as foreign food."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 11 October 1974
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben, Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Spick Sparkle
Eric's Cigarette Cards --- Eric's Nose --- The Gimmick
At Home with Eric & Ern: Ern's New Secretary
Positive Thinking
MUSICAL GUESTS:
The Syd Lawrence Orchestra: American Patrol
Wilma Reading: I Got Plenty of Nothing

"Have you seen my flies?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 18 October 1974
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben, Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Eric's Lost His Voice
The Connoisseurs: Wine
At Home with Eric & Ern: Authors of our Time
- APWEW: Murder in Mayfair: The Chief Commissioner's Office
- APWEW: Murder in Mayfair: Court
Positive Thinking
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Wilma Reading: When You Smile

"Very good. You look like a small explosion in Percy Thrower's greenhouse."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 25 October 1974
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben, Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
In Bed with Eric & Ern: The Opening of the Show
Introduction: Eric's Reward
The Dimbleby Talk-In
At Home with Eric: Assisted by His Partner
- Opportunity Knocks
The Sun Has Got His Hat On --- Bring Me Sunshine
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Wilma Reading: Makin' Whoopee

"That hat she knitted for you, the one you've been wearing this last three weeks... It's a cover for the spare toilet roll."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 1 November 1974
Directed by: John Ammonds
Written by: Eddie Braben, Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
Introduction: The Bard of Harpenden
I'm Wishing --- At Home with Eric & Ern: How Do You Do It?
- The Only Girl I Ever Really Loved
The Plantation of Passion
Bring Me Sunshine
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Wilma Reading: Let's Do It (Let's Fall in Love)

"My father was a missionary in Borneo. Yes. Yes, he used to go from village to village on his bike. Very sad. Well, he arrived in one village one day on his bike, and the natives though it was Meals on Wheels."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8


CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

(1975)




SPECIAL

1975 CHRISTMAS SHOW

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1975
Directed by: Ernest Maxin
Written by: Eddie Braben, Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
The Big Entrance --- Introduction: A Much Insulted Man
Watching Cricket --- Robin Day's Friendly Discussion
When Do I Get to Sing My Song: Curtain --- The Baby Shop
Robin Day's Not Very Friendly Discussion --- Giddy Up!
When Do I Get to Sing My Song: : Steps
Robin Day's Quite Violent Discussion --- Touching the Psychiatrist
When Do I Get to Sing My Song: Mario the Magician
Robin Day's Very Violent Discussion
When Do I Get to Sing My Song: Hitchcock
Robin Day's Final Word --- Reintroducing the Special Guest
A Play What Ern Wrote: Nell Gwynne
Positive Thinking
GUESTS:
Diana Rigg
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Brenda Arnau: Big Spender (with Eric & Ern)
Des O'Connor: Feelings

"Are they for keeps or just for lenses?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom

SERIES NINE

(1976)
6 episodes
Series Score: 47*
Episode Average: 7.83
Perfect 10's: 0
*not including Christmas Specials
S9E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 7 January 1976
Directed by: Ernest Maxin
Written by: Eddie Braben, Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Hands Off Little Ern
Duet: When The Red, Red Robin --- Elsie & Eunice: Male Nannies
Show Me the Way to Go Home --- The High Note --- Get Off!
A Play What Ern Wrote: The Legend of Dick Turpin
Bring Me Sunshine
MUSICAL GUESTS:
The Vernons: That Good Old Fashioned Way (?)
Gilbert O'Sullivan: Can't Get Enough of You

"Now, that's what I call a result. Arsenal!"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S9E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 21 January 1976
Directed by: Ernest Maxin
Written by: Eddie Braben, Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Ern's Wife's Left Him
Silent Monks: Bird Calls --- Arise, Sir Ernest --- The Sky at Night
Cabaret --- Introducing the Special Guest
A Play What Ern Wrote: The Handyman and M'Lady
We Get Along So Easily (Don't You Agree?)
GUESTS:
Michele Dotrice
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Tammy Jones: The Day That the Rains Come Down
Frankie Vaughan: Close Your Eyes (And Love Me)

"Good Lord, that bus must have been going at a hell of lick when it ran over your cat, sir."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S9E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 11 February 1976
Directed by: Ernest Maxin
Written by: Eddie Braben, Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Ern's Statue
Eric Plays the Cello --- The Connoisseurs: Sausages
The Drummers: Monster --- At Home with Eric & Ern: Am I Mean?
Positive Thinking
MUSICAL GUESTS:
The Spinners: Zombie Jamboree
Lena Zavaroni: Some of These Days
Lena Zavaroni: There's Something About You Baby I Like (with Eric & Ern)

"All your plays are proper playes. As soon as he writes a plan, it is immediately translated into English... then sent off to Linda Lovelace"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S9E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 10 March 1976
Directed by: Ernest Maxin
Written by: Eddie Braben, Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Scottish Country Sword Dance
Suntan Tablets --- Crowded Out Tapdancers
In the Shed with Eric & Ern: Ern's Gym
A Play What Ern Wrote: The Life of a Bent Old Lancer
Positive Thinking
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen: I Had But Fifty Pence
Jackie Darnell: That Old Feeling

"Well, don't take it now. I'll get a glass of water. It'll be easier to swallow."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S9E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 24 March 1976
Directed by: Ernest Maxin
Written by: Eddie Braben, Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
Introduction: Eric's Resignation
Piano Problem: Vanish --- The Antique Shop --- Piano Problem: Lean
Piano Problem: Sneak --- Slaughter in Western Avenue
Frank Sinatra --- Piano Problem: Different Pianist
In the Garden with Eric & Ern: On Hearing the First Cuckoo in Spring
Bring Me Sunshine
MUSICAL GUESTS:
The Karlins: I Can See Clearly Now
Vincent Zarra: Some Other Time

"For your ming. You'll be able to keep your ming in it."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S9E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 19 April 1976
Directed by: Ernest Maxin
Written by: Eddie Braben, Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
Introduction: The Freedom of the City
Zulu Warrior Chief --- Buying a Calculator
Breakfast Stripper --- Bank Hold-Up
At Home with Eric & Ern: Interview for a Women's Magazine
Positive Thinking
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Champagne: A Love For All Seasons
Diane Solomon: Whistle Me

"Your razor sharp wit... is too much for me. You've made me feel ridiculous"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9


CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

(1976)




SPECIAL

1976 CHRISTMAS SHOW

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1976
Directed by: Ernest Maxin
Written by: Mike Craig, Barry Cryer, Lawrie Kinsley,
Ron McDonnell, Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
A Christmas Cracker --- Introduction: A Watch and a Bendy Thing
He is Coming --- Morny Stannit --- Football Table Players
The Pound --- The Counter-Melody --- Singin' in the Rain
He is Coming Soon --- Just for the Experience
He is Coming Next Week --- He is Coming Tomorrow
Peek-a-Boo --- He is Here --- Has He Gone? --- He Has Gone
A Play What Ern Wrote: Mademoiselle from I'm-in-Tears --- Newsflash
Positive Thinking
MUSICAL GUESTS:
The Nolans: When You Are a King
Marian Montgomery: Goofus (with Eric & Ern)
Elton John: Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word

"But what are we gonna do about him?"
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10


CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

(1977)




SPECIAL

1977 CHRISTMAS SHOW

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1977
Directed by: Ernest Maxin
Written by: Eddie Braben, Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise
SKETCHES:
Starkers & Krutch --- Introduction: Recambe and Wise
Dear Elephant: Room 405 --- Eric's Puppy --- Dear Elephant: News
Baby It's Cold Outside --- Chorus Line
At Home with Eric & Ern: Moving Out --- Dear Elephant: Steam Room
There Is Nothin' Like a Dame --- Dear Elephant: False Hope
A Former Special Guest Lends a Hand --- High-Speed Chorus Line
Introducing the Special Guest --- Super-Speed Chorus Line
A Play what Ern Wrote: Cyrano de Bergerac --- The Staircase
Ultra-Speed Chorus Line
Bring Me Sunshine --- The Next Programme
SPECIAL GUEST:
Penelope Keith
MUSICAL GUESTS:
Elton John: Shine On Through

"But I'm not all there."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10
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Owned Wanted Custom



Eric & Ern

ERIC MORECAMBE


ERIC BARTHOLOMEW
14 May 1926 – 28 May 1984

SOME OF HIS CHARACTERS:

as...

THE SHADOW OF THE RED SHADOW

in... The Desert Song (S1E6)


as...

MARLENE DIETRICH

in... A Tribute to Marlene Dietrich (S2E3)


as...

THE WISE ONE

in... APWEW: The Lost Valley (S3E6)


as...

HEATHCLIFF

in... APWEW: Wuthering Heights (S4E1)


as...

OCTAVIAN CAESAR

in... APWEW: Antony and Cleopatra (S5E5)


as...

LIEUTENANT D'ARCY

in... APWEW: Escape From Stalag 54 (S6E4)


as...

ERIC DE QUINCY MORECAMBE

in... Lust Over London (S7E5)


as...

DS CALDERSTONES

in... Murder in Mayfair:
The Chief Commissioner's Office (S8E4)


as...

DICK TURPIN

in... APWEW: The Legend of Dick Turpin (S9E1)

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People who added this item 6 Average listal rating (6 ratings) 7.3 IMDB Rating 0

ERNIE WISE


ERNEST WISEMAN
27 November 1925 – 21 March 1999

SOME OF HIS CHARACTERS:

as...

THE LEADER OF THE RED TRIBE

in... The Desert Song (S1E6)


as...

DESIREE

in... Tortoises (S2E1)


as...

POPPY

in... APWEW: Trouble at t'Mill (S3E2)


as...

THE INTERVIEWER

in... Mr. Aubrey Bickerdike (S4E5)


as...

SIR WALTER RALEIGH

in... APWEW: Queen Elizabeth I of England:
Part I (S5E1)


as...

ERNEST WHEATSHEAF

in... Gardeners' World (S6E3)


as...

VISCOUNT ERN OF PETERBOROUGH

in... APWEW: Lust Over London (S7E5)


as...

SISTER WISE

in... The Dimbleby Talk-in (S8E5)


as...

LIEUTENANT HARDLY WORTHIT

in... The Life of a Bent Old Lancer (S9E4)

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Other Actors

(with 4 or more appearances)
People who added this item 1 Average listal rating (1 ratings) 8 IMDB Rating 0

ANN
HAMILTON

40 episodes
(1969-1976)
in... APWEW: The Curse of Tutankhamun (S7E2)
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People who added this item 1 Average listal rating (1 ratings) 10 IMDB Rating 0

JANET
WEBB

34 episodes
(1969-1973)
in... The Star of the Show (S5E2)

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JENNY LEE
WRIGHT

16 episodes
(1968-1977)
in... The Only Girl I Ever Really Loved (S3E6)

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People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0

REX
RASHLEY

12 episodes
(1970-1971)
in... At Home with Eric & Ern: Bob Hope's
Head Writer (S5E7)

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ALLAN
CUTHBERTSON

6 episodes
(1973-1976)
in... Music Shop (S7E3)

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People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0

ALAN
CURTIS

6 episodes
(1969-1971)
in... APWEW: The Three Musketeers
(Special 1970)

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GRAZINA
FRAME

5 episodes
(1971-1974)
in... Litter Picking on the Beach (S7E6)

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RAYMOND
MASON

5 episodes
(1971-1974)
in... I'm Eric Morecambe and This is Ernie Wise
(S7E6)

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FRANK
TREGEAR

4 episodes
(1970-1971)
in... Record Shop: Signature Tunes (S5E4)

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SPECIAL GUESTS

(The Stars of the Plays/Films What Ern Wrote)
People who added this item 132 Average listal rating (134 ratings) 8.1 IMDB Rating 0

PETER
CUSHING

4 episodes
(1969-1973)
in... APWEW: King Arthur & the Knights
of the Round Table (S2E1)

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People who added this item 14 Average listal rating (15 ratings) 8.5 IMDB Rating 0

FENELLA
FIELDING

4 episodes
(1969-1972)
in... APWEW: I'll See You Again Even Though It's... (Special 1970)
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People who added this item 13 Average listal rating (13 ratings) 7.5 IMDB Rating 0

IAN
CARMICHAEL

3 episodes
(1970-1972)
in... APWEW: Frankenstein's Monster (S3E5)

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People who added this item 7 Average listal rating (7 ratings) 8.9 IMDB Rating 0

ERIC
PORTER

3 episodes
(1970-1972)
in... APWEW: Wuthering Heights (S4E1)

WENT ON TO APPEAR AS A MUSICAL GUEST
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People who added this item 8 Average listal rating (8 ratings) 8.9 IMDB Rating 0

FLORA ROBSON

3 episodes
(1970-1972)
in... APWEW: Queen Elizabeth I of England: Part I (S5E1)

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People who added this item 50 Average listal rating (50 ratings) 7.4 IMDB Rating 0

GLENDA
JACKSON

3 episodes
(1971-1972)
in... APWEW: Antony and Cleopatra (S5E5)

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FRANCIS
MATTHEWS

3 episodes
(1971-1977)
in... APWEW: The House of Terror (S6E1)

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People who added this item 30 Average listal rating (30 ratings) 6.8 IMDB Rating 0

EDWARD
WOODWARD

2 episodes
(1969-1970)
in... APWEW: Murder at the Grange (S2E4)

WENT ON TO APPEAR AS A MUSICAL GUEST
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People who added this item 19 Average listal rating (20 ratings) 8.1 IMDB Rating 0

ARTHUR
LOWE

2 episodes
(1971-1977)
in... APWEW: Monty on the Bonty (S5E2)

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People who added this item 4 Average listal rating (4 ratings) 9.8 IMDB Rating 0

PETE
MURRAY

2 episodes
(1972-1973)
in... AFWEW: Call of the Yukon (S7E10)

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HANNAH
GORDON

2 episodes
(1973)
in... APWEricW: The Moon and 2½p (S7E9)

WENT ON TO APPEAR AS A MUSICAL GUEST
Rate:
People who added this item 19 Average listal rating (19 ratings) 7.2 IMDB Rating 0

JULIET
MILLS

1 episode
(1969)
in... APWEW: The Tea Planter's Wife (S2E3)

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EDWARD
CHAPMAN

1 episode
(1970)
in... APWEW: Trouble at t'Mill (S3E2)

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People who added this item 12 Average listal rating (12 ratings) 7 IMDB Rating 0

DIANE
CILENTO

1 episode
(1970)
in... APWEW: The Barretts of Wimpole
Street (S3E4)

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RICHARD
GREENE

1 episode
(1970)
in... APWEW: The Lost Valley (S3E6)

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BARBARA
MURRAY

1 episode
(1970)
in... APWEW: There's No Business
Like Big Business (S4E5)

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WILLIAM
FRANKLYN

1 episode
(1970)
in... APWEW: The Three Musketeers
(Special 1970)

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KEITH
MICHELL

1 episode
(1971)
in... APWEW: The Legion of the Lost (S6E2)

ALSO PERFORMED A MUSICAL NUMBER
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People who added this item 23 Average listal rating (23 ratings) 7.6 IMDB Rating 0

JOHN
MILLS

1 episode
(1971)
in... APWEW: Escape From Stalag 54 (S6E4)

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People who added this item 25 Average listal rating (25 ratings) 7 IMDB Rating 0

ROBERT
MORLEY

1 episode
(1973)
in... APWEW: The Curse of Tutankhamun (S7E2)
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People who added this item 6 Average listal rating (6 ratings) 8.2 IMDB Rating 0

SUSAN
HAMPSHIRE

1 episode
(1973)
in... APWEW: The Might Kong (S7E4)

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People who added this item 7 Average listal rating (8 ratings) 5.6 IMDB Rating 0

FRANK
FINLAY

1 episode
(1973)
in... APWEW: Lust Over London (S7E5)

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People who added this item 189 Average listal rating (188 ratings) 7.6 IMDB Rating 0

VANESSA
REDGRAVE

1 episode
(1973)
in... APWEW: Napoleon and Josephine
(Special 1973)

Rate:
People who added this item 130 Average listal rating (132 ratings) 7.8 IMDB Rating 0

DIANA
RIGG

1 episode
(1975)
in... APWEW: Nell Gwynne
(Special 1975)

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MICHELLE
DOTRICE

1 episode
(1976)
in... APWEW: The Handyman and M'Lady
(S9E2)

Rate:
People who added this item 6 Average listal rating (6 ratings) 8.8 IMDB Rating 0

PENELOPE
KEITH

1 episode
(1977)
in... APWEW: Cyrano de Bergerac
(Special 1977)

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MUSICAL GUESTS

(The Singers, the Groups, the Bands)


KENNY BALL AND HIS JAZZMEN

38 episodes
(1968-1976)


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THE PATTERSONS

11 episodes
(1969-1973)


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WILMA READING

9 episodes
(1973-1974)


Rate:


NINA

6 episodes
(1969-1971)


Rate:
Load more items (126 more in this list)

Part of the
British Comedy Collection
Sketches listed in bold in the main list are the ones we consider to be the best two from each episode
.

SERIES SCORES

Series 1: -
Series 2: 7.00
Series 3: 7.00
Series 4: 7.00
Series 5: 8.14
Series 6: 6.83
Series 7: 7.08
Series 8: 5.83
Series 9: 7.83

FAVOURITE SKETCHES

HOLY GODIVA
1. APWEW: Antony and Cleopatra
(Series 5, Episode 5 - 1971)

2. APWEW: The House of Terror
(Series 6, Episode 1 - 1971)

3. Grieg's Piano Concerto
(Christmas Special - 1971)

4. Newsflash
(Christmas Special - 1976)

5. Singin' in the Rain
(Christmas Special - 1976)

6. Introduction: Recambe & Wise
(Christmas Special - 1977)

7. Banana Boat Song
(Montreux Special - 1970)

8. I'm Wishing
(Series 8, Episode 6 - 1974)

9. Shirley Bassey: Smoke Gets in Your Eyes
(Christmas Special - 1971)

10. ADRWER: The Fleet's In
(Series 7, Episode 1 - 1973)

11. APWEW: Trafalgar 1805
(Christmas Special - 1969)

12. APWEW: Monty on the Bonty
(Series 5, Episode 2 - 1971)

13. APWEW: Frankenstein's Monster
(Series 3, Episode 4 - 1970)

14. The Knickerie
(Series 4, Episode 3 - 1970)

15. I've Lost My Voice
(Series 3, Episode 1 - 1970)

16. Christmas Dinner with Eric & Ern
(Christmas Special - 1970)

17. Introducing the Special Guest (Francis Matthews)
(Series 6, Episode 1 - 1971)

18. APWEW: King Arthur & the Knights of the Round Table
(Series 2, Episode 1 - 1969)

19. Hotel Language Barrier
(Series 5, Episode 7 - (1971)

20. Introduction: That Little Old Man
(Series 4, Episode 4 - 1970)
ONION JACK
1. Shirley Bassey: Smoke Gets in Your Eyes
(Christmas Special - 1971)

2. Banana Boat Song
(Montreux Special - 1970)

3. Grieg's Piano Concerto
(Christmas Special - 1971)

4. I'm Wishing
(Series 8, Episode 6 - 1974)

5. APWEW: Antony and Cleopatra
(Series 5, Episode 5 - 1971)

6. Singin' in the Rain
(Christmas Special - 1976)

7. Introduction: Recambe & Wise
(Christmas Special - 1977)

8. Bank Hold-up
(Series 9, Episode 6 - 1976)

9. The Last Turkeys
(Christmas Special - 1971)

10. APWEW: Trafalgar 1805
(Christmas Special - 1969)

11. APWEW: The House of Terror
(Series 6, Episode 1 - 1971)

12. Newsflash
(Christmas Special - 1976)

13. APWEW: Monty on the Bonty
(Series 5, Episode 2 - 1971)

14. Introduction: Wrong Trousers
(Montreux Special - 1970)

15. APWEW: Cyrano de Bergarac
(Christmas Special - 1977)

16. The Knickerie
(Series 4, Episode 3 - 1970)

17. APWEW: King Arthur & the Knights of the Round Table
(Series 2, Episode 1 - 1969)

18. APWEW: Frankenstein's Monster
(Series 3, Episode 4 - 1970)

19. Morny Stannit
(Special - 1976)

20. The Staircase
(Special - 1977)

FAVOURITE EPISODES

HOLY GODIVA
1. Christmas Special - 1971
Best Sketch: Grieg's Piano Concerto

2. Christmas Special - 1969
Best Sketch: APWEW- Trafalgar 1805

3. Series 6, Episode 1 - 1971
Best Sketch: APWEW- House of Terror

4. Christmas Special - 1976
Best Sketch: Newsflash

5. Series 5, Episode 5 - 1971
Best Sketch: APWEW- Antony & Cleopatra

6. Christmas Special - 1977
Best Sketch: Introduction- Recambe and Wise

7. Series 5, Episode 2 - 1971
Best Sketch: APWEW-Monty on the Bonty

8. Series 4, Episode 3 - 1970
Best Sketch: The Knickerie

9. Christmas Special - 1970
Best Sketch: Christmas Dinner with Eric & Ern

10. Series 3, Episode 3 - 1970
Best Sketch: Trafalgar 1805
ONION JACK
1. Christmas Special - 1971
Best Sketch: Shirley Bassey- Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

2. Christmas Special - 1976
Best Sketch: Singin' in the Rain

3. Christmas Special - 1977
Best Sketch: Introduction- Recambe and Wise

4. Christmas Special - 1969
Best Sketch: APWEW- Trafalgar 1805

5. Series 5, Episode 2 - 1971
Best Sketch: APWEW-Monty on the Bonty

6. Series 6, Episode 1 - 1971
Best Sketch: APWEW- House of Terror

7. Series 5, Episode 5 - 1971
Best Sketch: APWEW- Antony & Cleopatra

8. Series 9, Episode 6 - 1976
Best Sketch: Bank Hold-up

9. Series 4, Episode 3 - 1970
Best Sketch: The Knickerie

10. Christmas Special - 1970
Best Sketch: Christmas Dinner with Eric & Ern

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