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British Comedy: Fun at the Funeral Parlour

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Decade: Rating: List Type:
Years: 2001-2002
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Rhys Thomas
Stars: Rhys Thomas, William Thomas
Episodes: 12
Episode Average: 6.538
BEST EPISODES:
The Balls of Doom (2002), Poltergoost (2002)
Holy Godiva's rating:
Rate:
Watched Wanted Custom

SERIES ONE

(2001)
6 episodes
Series Score: 38
Episode Average: 6.33
Perfect 10's: 0
S1E1

DEATH IN THE VALLEYS

Originally broadcast: 1 January 2001
Directed by: Peter Boyd MacLean
Written by: Rhys Thomas
Ivor decides to revolution his funeral business by installing a telephone, Arwell's unhappy when his brother returns from a stretch in prison, and panic sets in when the body of the inventor of the top hat goes missing.

"No, it's just that I... I don't like the paranormal. Not after seeing that film. What's it called? Casper. That's the one. And the way he made that girl's head spin about like an owl. I don't want to get possessed and be up all night stabbing my rectum with a crucifix!"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E2

THE JAWS OF DOOM

Originally broadcast: 8 January 2001
Directed by: Peter Boyd MacLean
Written by: Rhys Thomas
Ivor hopes that a murderer might be the answer to his financial worries, the police announce that the deaths are actually the work of a wolf, and Percy comes up with a plan to keep a crazy hunter from killing the beast.

"I got a bulbous Thomas. You know what that means? I got a great idea."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E3

THE HERON INCIDENT

Originally broadcast: 15 January 2001
Directed by: Peter Boyd MacLean
Written by: Rhys Thomas
Ivor announces that a celebrity will be in attendance at the next funeral, Arwell faces a race against time to make it to a Shakin' Stevens concert, and a night of drunkenness leaves the mourners waiting at the roadside.

"You'll end up short and bald with your tits hanging below your balls."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E4

THE MOUNTAINS OF DOOM

Originally broadcast: 22 January 2001
Directed by: Peter Boyd MacLean
Written by: Rhys Thomas
Ivor's delighted when a mean bugger dies in a scooter rage incident, his wife insists on planting a tree and scattering his ashes on a lake, and a mountain hermit offers his medical expertise when Gwynne collapses.

"It wasn't horrible, it was lovely. Tasted like chicken. Apart from the sausages. Tasted like piss."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E5

BLUE ICE

Originally broadcast: 29 January 2001
Directed by: Peter Boyd MacLean
Written by: Rhys Thomas
Ivor agrees to hire an apprentice to keep up with the summertime lurgy, a journalist goes undercover to investigate the world of funerals, and Percy learns why Arwell is being so secretive about his new girlfriend.

"Shut your swollen tits, you fat-ankled, sausage-picking beef riddance."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E6

DEAD AID

Originally broadcast: 5 February 2001
Directed by: Peter Boyd MacLean
Written by: Rhys Thomas
News that Shaking Stephens has died is thought to be a practical joke, Percy spots an opportunity to finally make it into show business, and Ivor has to decide whether to sell up after receiving a million dollar offer.

"A chap called Hunt, Isaac Hunt."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6


SERIES TWO

(2002)
6 episodes
Series Score: 47
Episode Average: 6.71
Perfect 10's: 2
S2E1

THE BALLS OF DOOM

Originally broadcast: 22 January 2002
Directed by: Christine Gernon
Written by: Rhys Thomas
Arwell worries that time is running out to find a wife and have children, love comes calling when a childhood sweetheart is killed by a tennis ball machine, and a private detective is sure that a corpse is having an affair.

"When I was with your mother and I felt my pipes were gonna blow too soon, I often thought about Popeye... and whether he'd had a stroke or not."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E2

POLTERGOOST

Originally broadcast: 29 January 2002
Directed by: Christine Gernon
Written by: Rhys Thomas
Ivor looks forward to being named as the second best funeral directors in Trebanos, Percy suggests trying to communicate with the dead during a power cut, and Arwell becomes possessed by the spirit of John Merrick.

"Bollocks to John Denver! He can piss right off on his jet plane."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E3

A POCKET FULL OF GRAVEL

Originally broadcast: 5 February 2002
Directed by: Christine Gernon
Written by: Rhys Thomas
Arwell contacts social services to report a case of child mistreatment, Ivor's old flame asks him to personally oversee her husband's funeral, and a desperate search begins to find a cure for a fear of dead bodies.

"Take him to the pawn shop. He's probably worth a fortune now he's golden."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E4

GWYNNE'S MARVELLOUS MEDICINE

Originally broadcast: 12 February 2002
Directed by: Christine Gernon
Written by: Rhys Thomas
A lack of business leaves a hole in the funeral parlour's finances, Arwell's chosen for a plan to distract a pair of travelling undertakers, and Percy manages to kidnap a group of very old people from the local hospice.

"Ah, meet the Rover Vitesse, the car of a champion. This baby can do nought to sixty in 43 seconds. It is the badger's bollocks."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E5

MAROONED

Originally broadcast: 19 February 2002
Directed by: Christine Gernon
Written by: Rhys Thomas
Ivor's paid £20,000 to recover the body of a reality show contestant, the only person willing to sail them to the island takes a shine to Arwell, and the big adventure soon turns into disaster when their boat floats away.

"See, I told you! They're nasty bastards, they ought to be locked up. They're vegetation's equivalent of Harold Shipman."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E6

DOG DAGO AFTERNOON

Originally broadcast: 26 February 2002
Directed by: Christine Gernon
Written by: Rhys Thomas
Gwynne's delighted when the family get him a tortoise for his birthday, Ivor gets a shock when his wife turns up at the door with her midget, and Percy suggests robbing a bank to stop her taking half of the business.

"She hasn't sent him a card for 18 years. I don't know how she can be like that. Bloody Spaniards. She's probably too busy churning paella, bullfighting and waxing her chest."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E7

MOIRA STUART AND THE CLOWN SYNDROME

Originally broadcast: 5 March 2002
Directed by: Christine Gernon
Written by: Rhys Thomas
Percy ends up back behind bars after witnessing the murder of a clown, a manhunt begins when Moira Stuart is found to be hiding a little secret, and Arwell fills in the gaps after the FBI manage to miss the vital clues.

"Yeah, I don't like clowns. They give me the knickers. When I was a kid, they used to make my Brussels go funny."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5
Rate:
Owned Wanted Custom



Thomas, Thomas, Thomas & Thomas

People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0

IVOR
THOMAS

Played by William Thomas
in... The Jaws of Doom (S1E2)

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ARWELL
THOMAS

Played by Alex Lowe
in... The Mountains of Doom (S1E4)

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People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0

PERCY
THOMAS

Played by Rhys Thomas
in... Dead Aid (S1E6)

Rate:
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GWYNNE
THOMAS

Played by Tony Way
in... The Heron Incident (S1E3)

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Part of the
British Comedy Collection
Ivor Thomas is a Welsh undertaker who runs a funeral parlour with his three sons. Their incompetence usually means that death and disaster come hand in hand.

SERIES SCORES

Series 1: 6.33
Series 2: 6.71

FAVOURITE EPISODES

HOLY GODIVA
1. The Balls of Doom
(Series 2, Episode 1 - 2002)

2. Poltergoost
(Series 2, Episode 2 - 2002)

3. Death in the Valleys
(Series 1, Episode 1 - 2001)
ONION JACK
1. The Balls of Doom
(Series 2, Episode 1 - 2002)

2. Poltergoost
(Series 2, Episode 2 - 2002)

3. The Heron Incident
(Series 1, Episode 3 - 2001)

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