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British Comedy: Absolutely

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People who added this item 2 Average listal rating (2 ratings) 6 IMDB Rating 8.5
Absolutely (1989)
Years: 1989-1993
Broadcaster: Channel 4
Genre: Sketch
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
Stars: John Sparkes, Jack Docherty
Episodes: 28
Episode Average: 5.893
BEST EPISODES:
Series 1, Episode 1 (1989), Series 3, Episode 1 (1991)
Holy Godiva's rating:
Rate:
Watched Wanted Custom
Some short linking items have been left off the lists of sketches.

SERIES ONE

(1989)
6 episodes
Series Score: 35
Episode Average: 5.83
Perfect 10's: 1
S1E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 23 May 1989
Directed by: Phil Chilvers
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Office: This Is Radical Television --- Office: Job Interview
DIY with Denzil: Pedwar's Legs --- Office: Bass Guitar
Ordering Pizza --- Mr. Don & Mr. George: Undertaker --- The Journey of Life
Mr. Don & Mr. George: : Burial --- The Little Girl: Death
Bert Bastard: Phone Book --- John: Calum Gilhooley
Fashions for the Summer of '89 --- Getting to Work
The Nice Family: Television Programmes

"The next most important thing is tools. And the most important tool is yourself. I am a tool."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S1E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 30 May 1989
Directed by: Phil Chilvers
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
John: Valerie Jane Turpett --- Trying to Watch a Film
Just an Ordinary Guy --- The Little Girl: The Queen
The Nice Family: Mother's Hamster
Mr. Don & Mr. George: Interlude & Words --- Go On,Do It Now!
Immigration Officer --- So, Did You Do It?
Bert Bastard: Rowing Boat --- DIY with Denzil: Shelves
The Commissionaire: Taxi for Wilson

"This is a question I cannot answer. I.... I have known this woman for five minutes, and already we are swapping amusing uterus anecdotes."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 6 June 1993
Directed by: Phil Chilvers
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
The Death of Herbert Blackford --- The Royal Visit: Rehearsal
Mr. Don & Mr. George: Names --- Fire Brigade: Maple Gardens
The Nice Family: Points of View --- The Royal Visit: Counting Down
Clown Court --- The Little Girl: The Creation of Man
Bert Bastard: Making Dinner --- Fire Brigade: The Rescue
Publicity --- Mr. Johnson --- The Royal Visit: She's The Queen

"Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to go for a dump!"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 13 June 1989
Directed by: Phil Chilvers
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Awkward Bank Cashier --- Billy: Newagents
Vikings: Who Should Be King? --- Mr. Don & Mr. George: Saving Money
The Foot Theatre --- Scottish Country Dancing
John: Robin & Annabel --- At the Opera: The Man Onstage
DIY with Denzil: Glwb Sboncyn --- At the Opera: That Man's There
The Nice Family: Christmas Lists --- Vikings: Curry

"Oh, yes, you've got to get up pretty early in the morning if you want to watch TV-AM."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 20 June 1989
Directed by: Phil Chilvers
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
The Little Girl: Mrs. Lady --- Gwyn: Newsagents
S.J.F.A Quarter Final Draw --- Trying to Be Heard
Dancing to Greensleeves --- Othello Auditions --- You Hippie!
Something a Little Different --- Lazy Housemates --- The Binema
Beefeating for Beginners (Part 7): Confidence In Your Costume
The Entrepreneur

"Number four... Numero... four... Clachnacudden."
HOLY GODIVA 1 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 2

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 27 June 1989
Directed by: Phil Chilvers
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Animal Rights Activists --- Bert Bastard: Brighton Beach - Friday Morning
Stoneybridge Town Council: New Slogan --- The Shape I'm In
Bert Bastard: Brighton Beach - Friday Afternoon --- Gwyn: Court
The Little Girl: Christmas --- Calum Gilhooley: Post Office
Socially Awkward Party Guests
Bert Bastard: Brighton Beach: Saturday Morning
The Nice Family: Mail --- Joining the Army
Bert Bastard: Saturday Afternoon

"Keith, have you any idea how difficult it is to smuggle three giraffes through customs? They don't fit up your bottom! I can testify to that."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9


SERIES TWO

(1990)
8 episodes
Series Score: 45
Episode Average: 5.63
Perfect 10's: 0
S2E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 22 August 1990
Directed by: Alistair Clark, Alan Nixon
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
I'm OK Thanks --- Mr. Don & Mr. George: Wallpaper
Library Book Emergency --- Stunt Doubles --- Kids: Put Them To Use
Partings --- Driving Test: Road Signs --- Ransom Tape
Mr. Don & Mr. George: Wrap It --- The Commissionaire: Postcard
Royal Guards --- Send My Love --- The Little Girl: Birth
The Nice Family: Travel Agents

"What do we want? Well, nothing much really, I've got most things I need, but if you were to push me, I wouldn't say no to a blender."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S2E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 29 August 1990
Directed by: Alistair Clark, Alan Nixon
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Calum Gilhooley: Jehovah's Witnesses --- The Graet Thynko
Billy: Only Two Schoolchildren at a Time Please
Calum Gilhooley: Photographs --- True Feelings
Perkins & Perkins: Letters --- Delivering Bad News
Catholic Fashion Show --- Perkins & Perkins: Naked
Old Artist --- Perkins & Perkins: Perkins
DIY with Denzil: Pregnant --- I Wanna Have a Baby
Calum Gilhooley: Seat Spotting --- Mr. Don & Mr. George: Four Croissants

"Ah, no, she isn't actually, no. She's just like every other baby in the world... an ugly little pink bag of shit."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 5 September 1990
Directed by: Alistair Clark, Alan Nixon
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Disease of the Week: Thrumble Nose --- Mr. Don & Mr. George: Signs
The Tour Guide: Alexander Pope
What Animals Say?: Goldfish, Cows, Flies --- Billy: Football
McGlashan: Chairs, Lip Licking, Hats, the English...
A Squadron of Antique Chippendale Furniture
McGlashan: The World Cup Draw
The Little Girl: Telephones & Televisions --- McGlashan: Bananas, Jokes
What Animals Say?: Frogs --- Sensible Hair --- Hair For Mice
The Tour Guide: D.H. Lawrence --- The Commissionaire: Airport
McGlashan: Periscopes, Running the Country
The Tour Guide: William Makepeace Thackeray

"See what you've just done there. Aye, that's down to us too. Aye, that was Malcolm, Malcolm in the 17th century. First guy ever to do that. Yeah, famous nation of lip-lickers, us. Aye, the rest of the world'd be going around with big dribbly lips if it wasn't for us."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 12 September 1990
Directed by: Alistair Clark, Alan Nixon
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Peter & Jennifer Wells: Adopting a Kenyan Baby
Stoneybridge Town Council: Olympic Bid --- Scribing Scandal
Mr. Muzak: Clever, I'm Frightfully Clever
Bert Bastard: Haddock and Peas --- Fun As a Nun
We'd Like to Point Out --- Mr. Muzak: Trousers
The Little Girl: Dentist --- Mr. Muzak: Wonderful
Three's a Crowd --- Panic at the Vets --- Robin & Annabel: First Date
John: Telephone --- Robin & Annabel: Picnic --- John: Pub
Jack & Moray

"Now, the other important alterations are... Moses and the Burning Bus... The Sermon On the Mounty... A Plate of Locusts... The Father, the Son, and the Holy Guest... and er, last but not least... Noah's Arse... and er, contrary to popular belief, the animals did not go in two by two."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 19 September 1990
Directed by: Alistair Clark, Alan Nixon
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Frank Fan Club --- Tired: Alarm Clock --- DIY with Denzil: Celebration
Gwyn: Unpredictable --- Waiting Room: Biting Nails
Mr. Don & Mr. George: Holiday --- Waiting Room: Terribly Peckish
The Importance of Childhood Experience
Mr. Don & Mr. George: Repair Man --- Tired: Cab
Mr. Don & Mr. George: Shower --- Dubbing a Mexican Film
The Little Girl: Police --- Christening --- Name That Gargle
Start Wearing a Suit --- Tired: Hello Mum

"Oh, yes, and which particular part of the home will this taste like? Baked stair carpet, I think."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

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S2E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 26 September 1990
Directed by: Alistair Clark, Alan Nixon
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
DIY with Denzil: Illtyd --- Ladies First --- The Little Girl: Aeroplanes
The Nice Family: This Is the Countryside
Paternity Case --- Giving Up the Booze --- Card Game Confusion
The Surgeons: Dancing --- Bert Bastard: Christmas
Mr. Don & Mr. George: Tomato Soup --- Preparing For a Beauty Contest
Stoneybridge Town Council: Twin Town

"I likes Christmas. All them carol singers coming round. I loves that, cos then I can open the door to 'em, and I can say... BUGGER OFF!"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E7

EPISODE 7

Originally broadcast: 3 October 1990
Directed by: Alistair Clark, Alan Nixon
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Hopping Cowboys --- Waku Taki --- The Poet: No Ladies
Auchtercheuk Bowling Club Meeting --- Billy: Fishing
The Poet: Bendy --- Prisoner's Diary --- Goodbye Baz
The Poet: Walking Tree --- How to Meet Pretty Ladies
Robin & Annabel: Wedding Present Showing --- Car Mechanics
The Nice Family: Caught in the Act

"Father, who's Mr. Lovepump?"
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E8

EPISODE 8

Originally broadcast: 10 October 1990
Directed by: Alistair Clark, Alan Nixon
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Casting for Man in Sketch --- The Positive Aspects of Old Age
Loving the Camera --- Art Gallery Opening
Mr. Don & Mr. George: Sausage --- The Little Girl: Buildings
Coffee, Dick? --- Mr. Don & Mr. George: Agnes & Dolores
Bert Bastard: Suicide Note
Calum Gilhooley: Charged with Harassment --- Stop This Killing Now

"Bloody bugger! You did that on purpose, you bastard! I'll bloody have you! I'll commit suicide if it bloody well kills me. That's quite funny that is. Ha ha, it's quite amusing that, ha ha ha."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6


SERIES THREE

(1991)
8 episodes
Series Score: 53
Episode Average: 6.63
Perfect 10's: 1
S3E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 17 May 1991
Directed by: Alistair Clark
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Calum Gilhooley: Plane --- Peter & Jennifer Wells: South African Prisoner
Bert Bastard: Sports Day --- Nice Cop, Nicer Cop
Stoneybridge Town Council: Promotional Vido
The Little Girl: Doctors
McGlashan: The Hurly-Burly Bag & Nip Nap Shite
Face Fun --- McGlashan: The Border

"Then there's the All-Comers Having a Nice Cup of Tea. The winner is the person who gets any tea in his mouth... at all."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 24 May 1991
Directed by: Alistair Clark
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Mr. Don & Mr. George: Medical
25m Freestyle For Really Very Bad Swimmers Indeed
Do You Own a Black BMW? --- DIY with Denzil: Welsh Institute of Wood
The Tour Guide: Gatewood Cemetery --- Dead Determined Fundraiser
Restaurant: Clueless Diner --- The Lobster
Restaurant: We've Run Out of Food --- Grooving With the Guys
On the Lavatory with Frank Hovis: Taxi --- The Plumbers

"I want to share with you an experience I had a few weeks ago. I had the misfortune to be taken short in a public house, and the gentleman's lavatory just happened to be out of order. So the landlord said to me, "Frank, why don't you use the ladies'?" But they wouldn't keep still."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 31 May 1991
Directed by: Alistair Clark
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Peter & Jennifer Wells: African Child --- Calum Gilhooley: Booking a Flight
Bert Bastard: Shopping --- There's So Many Ways To Die Your Death
Jeff the Parkie --- Tamzin the Top Model
Mr. Don & Mr. George: Satellite Interference
The Heuropean --- Mr. Don & Mr. George: Broken Mirror
Stoneybridge Town Council: Vote of No Confidence

"Well, it's GILHOOLEY. That's G for... Gnome... Aye, gnome, that's G for gnome, like I said. N for... Gnome. O for nothing. M for Medicine. And E for Edson. GNOME."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 7 June 1991
Directed by: Alistair Clark
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
DIY with Denzil: Gwenedd's Birthday
Mr. Muzak: There's Only One Me --- Séance
On the Lavatory with Frank Hovis: Mediterranean Holiday
Nessun Dorma --- Flustered Bride --- Mr. Muzak: One-Man Band
Wedding Video --- Hotel: Dress Code --- Mr. Muzak: Underwater
Hotel: Bed --- Art Love Death --- Hotel: Noise
Playground Police --- Hostage Situation

"I had a couple of weeks on a little Greek Island called Anus. Anus in the Sun, aye. I thought it was quite well-named, actually, because all the sewage from all the Mediterranean came out into the sea just there. They had big signs up on the beach saying, 'Now, wash your hands.' If you wanted a tan, you went for a swim."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 14 June 1991
Directed by: Alistair Clark
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Little Tartan Drummer Girl --- The Ancient Language of Braid Scots
The Singing Man: I Sing Three Songs
Stoneybridge Town Council: Stoneyvision
The Singing Man: Nice Letters From the Ladies
Calum Gilhooley: Opinion Poll --- The Singing Man: My Jacket
Bert Bastard: The Over-80s Disco
The Nice Family: The Secretary of FIFA --- The Little Girl: School
Heart Transplant --- DIY with Denzil: Illtyd & Gwenedd
McGlashan: Speech --- Blind Beggar --- McGlashan: New Map of Scotland

"The secret with a woman is to stimulate her clematis. Give it a bit of the old... You can't go wrong."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 21 June 1991
Directed by: Alistair Clark
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Peter & Jennifer Wells: Christmas Presents
Stoneybridge Town Council: Annual Dinner Dance - Awards Ceremony
Nobody's Listening
Stoneybridge Town Council: Annual Dinner Dance - Erch Plays Beethoven
Billy: Drugs
Stoneybridge Town Council: Annual Dinner Dance - Frank Hovis
The Art of Mime --- Car Park Meeting
The Many Talents of Miss Hardy
Stoneybridge Town Council: Annual Dinner Dance - Fish Impersonator
Mr. Don & Mr. George: Baby Names --- A Complaint
Stoneybridge Town Council: Annual Dinner Dance - The Hills of Buccleuch

"Anyway, the reason I got put on this Earth is, yeah, is so that I could be a super-human bobsleigh man. Yeah, yeah, that's right. I coulda been an Olympic champion at pentathlon or any sport I wanted. But, er, I fancies bobsleigh because you can go faster than the speed of snow, right."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E7

EPISODE 7

Originally broadcast: 28 June 1991
Directed by: Alistair Clark
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
McGlashan: News & Sport --- DIY with Denzil: Codfyl
Mr. Muzak: Restaurant --- Do You Think I'm Bald?
On the Lavatory with Frank Hovis: Pubic Hair
Doing It Yourself at Home: Cutting Hair --- Court: Baseball Player
What a Great Party --- Student Writing a Letter
Mr. Don & Mr. George: Shop --- Doing It Yourself at Home: Making Clothes
Elvis Fan Club: There's Only One Elvis
DIY with Denzil: Dancing with Gwenedd --- Elvis Fan Club: Best Lookalike

"Gwenedd, Gwenedd, I took the precaution of marrying the most repulsive woman in Swansea. What more could a man do?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E8

EPISODE 8

Originally broadcast: 5 July 1991
Directed by: Alistair Clark
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Peter & Jennifer Wells: Crisis Aid Collection Point
Stoneybridge Town Council: Selecting a Celebrity for the Summer Jamboree
It's All Gonna End in the Middle of the 21st Century
On the Lavatory with Frank Hovis: Drink Driving
Mr. Don & Mr. George: George - You're Simply the Best
Bert Bastard: Hokey Cokey --- The Victoria and Albert Museum
Calum Gilhooley: Late Videos --- The Little Girl: Family
The Game Is Up

"I'll tell you what the point is. The point is that we're two very high-up professionals who've gone to all the trouble of cramming these valuables into the Volvo, and we do not expect to come here and be made a mockery... of... by a sullen unimaginatively dressed parasite who apparently gets his kicks hanging around a dank musty junk shop that smells like the geriatric ward of the Royal Astley Hospital, and who apparently gets his kicks pricing, or should I say fingering old ladies' underwear."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8


SERIES FOUR

(1993)
6 episodes
Series Score: 32
Episode Average: 5.33
Perfect 10's: 0
S4E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 22 January 1993
Directed by: Graham C. Williams
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
McGlashan: The Scottish Daily Truth --- The Laughing Man: Porsche
Calum Gilhooley: Appendix --- Bert Bastard: Atlas
The Laughing Man: Follow, Honk, Smash, Accountant
The Little Girl: Old People --- Dressage '92 --- The Photographer
The Lavatory Express with Frank Hovis
Mr. Muzak: The Full Restaurant Experience
Mr. Don & Mr. George: Don's Job --- The Laughing Man: Belly Laugh
The Nice Family: Mother

"A few weeks ago, I sprained my penis quite badly... running for the bus. You shouldn't masturbate when you're running for the bus, I know... but... what was I supposed to do? The bus was coming... and so was I. It made me limp, I can tell ya."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 29 January 1993
Directed by: Graham C. Williams
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Stoneybridge Town Council: The Stag Night
Peter & Jennifer Wells: Fostering --- The Surgeons: Bicycle
Office Humour --- Gwyn: Shaving --- Open Championship Golf
It's So Hard Meeting People --- DIY with Denzil: Llandudno Neck
Mr. Muzak: Ladies Ladies --- The Tour Guide: Blenheim Palace
No Frills Wedding Dress

"And now, an inflatable lady!!"
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 5 February 1993
Directed by: Graham C. Williams
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Posh Couple: Dinner Party --- The Laughing Man: Crazy
Mr. Don & Mr. George: We're Not Jehovah's Witnesses
My Packed Lunch --- Mr. Don & Mr. George: Who Was It?
On the Lavatory with Frank Hovis: Diarrhoea
The Laughing Man: Sex, Alert, Credits
Bert Bastard: Mobility Scooter --- Game Show Hostess
The Nice Family: The Facts of Life --- The Surgeons: Lucky Dip
The Laughing Man: Fall Down --- Lady Camilla

"You know, you know, ladies and gentlemen... In all my distress, I found it strangely comforting to think that my poo-filled trousers were helping to feed the starving million in our world. The Lord moves in mysterious ways. And perhaps what happened in my trousers today was one of his movements."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 12 February 1993
Directed by: Graham C. Williams
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
DIY with Denzil: The Hoover --- I Wanna Change
Calum Gilhooley: The Pursuit --- The Little Girl: Trains
Peter & Jennifer Wells: Environmental Holiday
Billy: Smoking --- Mr. Wiggy
Stoneybridge Town Council: Independence for Stoneybridge
The Laughing Man: Torremolinos
Stoneybridge Town Council: The Bruceland Border
The Laughing Man: Falling Off the Bar

"No, Denzil, and you know what they say... cleanliness are next to Inverness."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S4E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 19 February 1993
Directed by: Graham C. Williams
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
The Nice Family: Undesirables --- Sacked Cleaner --- Fish Attacks
Peter & Jennifer Wells: Soup Kitchen --- Gwyn: Teeth
The Tour Guide: Eastern Blocbusters Tours --- The Surgeons: Donor
Mr. Don & Mr. George: New Car --- Billy: Beer
On the Lavatory with Frank Hovis: Eating Out
Yes, It's a Bank Holiday

"Even I was surprised by what turned up on my plate at Café Cackapoopoo. How can I describe it? I don't want to offend anybody. Let's just say I ordered number two on the menu, and I got what I ordered."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

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S4E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 26 February 1993
Directed by: Graham C. Williams
Written by: Peter Baikie, Morwenna Banks, Jack Docherty,
Moray Hunter, Gordon Kennedy, John Sparkes
SKETCHES:
Mr. Don & Mr. George: The Adventures of Schedule D Man
Gwyn: Tape Dispenser --- Mr. Don & Mr. George: Superheroes
Bert Bastard: Cup of Tea --- Mr. Don & Mr. George: Still Stationary
Posh Couple: Waking Up --- Bert Bastard: Cheese & Biscuits
Mr. Muzak: Just Ask Me --- Mr. Don & Mr. George: Walk
The Little Girl: Government --- Calum Gilhooley: Directions
On the Lavatory with Frank Hovis: Fart Attack
Stoneybridge Town Council: Pop Music Charity Single

"And the boss of the government is called... um... yes, Sergeant Major. And, um, he has got plastic hair and skin like ash and glasses. And a special long mouth like Mr. Plug. And he does have a mouth like a squeaky door like this... And he was borned out of the lady with the pointy nose and the handbag and the hair like a helmet whose name was Mrs. Scratchy. And she did always say, 'The baby's not for burping'."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5
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Owned Wanted Custom



Performers

People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0
A FEW OF HIS CHARACTERS

01 - - 02

03 - - 04

05 - - 06

07 - - 08


01. John: Robin & Annabel (S1E4 - 1989)
02. Stoneybridge Town Council: New Slogan (S1E6 - 1989)
03. Mr. Muzak: Clever, I'm Frightfully Clever (S2E4 - 1990)
04. The Nice Family: Caught in the Act (S2E7 - 1990)
05. The Singing Man: Nice Letters From the Ladies (S3E5 - 1991)
06. Elvis Fan Club: There's Only One Elvis (S3E7 - 1991)
07. The Laughing Man: Follow, Honk, Smash, Accountant (S4E1 - 1993)
08. Mr. Don & Mr. George: We're Not Jehovah's Witnesses (S4E3 - 1993)
Rate:
People who added this item 10 Average listal rating (10 ratings) 6.6 IMDB Rating 0
A FEW OF HER CHARACTERS

01 - - 02

03 - - 04

05 - - 06

07 - - 08


01. The Little Girl: Death (S1E1 - 1989)
02. The Nice Family: Points of View (S1E3 - 1989)
03. Old Artist (S2E2 - 1990)
04. DIY with Denzil: Illtyd (S2E6 - 1990)
05. The Tour Guide: Gatewood Cemetery (S3E2 - 1991)
06. Stoneybridge Town Council: Vote of No Confidence (S3E3 - 1991)
07. Peter & Jennifer Wells: Fostering (S4E2 - 1993)
08. Game Show Hostess (S4E3 - 1993)
Rate:
A FEW OF HIS CHARACTERS

01 - - 02

03 - - 04

05 - - 06

07 - - 08


01. Mr. Don & Mr. George: Interlude & Words (S1E2 - 1989)
02. The Nice Family: Christmas Lists (S1E4 - 1989)
03. John: Telephone (S2E4 - 1990)
04. The Positive Aspects of Old Age (S2E8 - 1990)
05. Peter & Jennifer Wells: South African Prisoner (S3E1 - 1991)
06. Stoneybridge Town Council: Stoneyvision (S3E5 - 1991)
07. Mr. Wiggy (S4E4 - 1993)
08. Mr. Muzak: Just Ask Me (S4E6 - 1993)
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People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0
A FEW OF HIS CHARACTERS

01 - - 02

03 - - 04

05 - - 06

07 - - 08


01. John: Calum Gilhooley (S1E1 - 1989)
02. The Nice Family: Mother's Hamster (S1E2 - 1989)
03. Mr. Don & Mr. George (S2E1 - 1990)
04. Stoneybridge Town Council: Twin Town (S2E6 - 1990)
05. The Many Talents of Miss Hardy (S3E6 - 1991)
06. Court: Baseball Player (S3E7 - 1991)
07. The Photographer (S4E1 - 1993)
08. Office Humour (S4E2 - 1993)
Rate:
People who added this item 3 Average listal rating (3 ratings) 6.3 IMDB Rating 0
A FEW OF HIS CHARACTERS

01 - - 02

03 - - 04

05 - - 06

07 - - 08


01. The Commissionaire: Taxi for Wilson (S1E2 - 1989)
02. Scottish Country Dancing (S1E4 - 1989)
03. Stoneybridge Town Council: Olympic Bid (S2E4 - 1990)
04. The Importance of Childhood Experience (S2E5 - 1990)
05. Restaurant: We've Run Out of Food (S3E2 - 1991)
06. Art Love Death (S3E4 - 1991)
07. McGlashan: The Scottish Daily Truth (S4E1 - 1993)
08. Open Golf Championship (S4E2 - 1993)
Rate:
People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (0 ratings) 0 IMDB Rating 0
A FEW OF HIS CHARACTERS

01 - - 02

03 - - 04

05 - - 06

07 - - 08


01. Bert Bastard: Phone Book (S1E1 - 1989)
02. Gwyn: Newsagents (S1E5 - 1989)
03. The Nice Family: Travel Agents (S2E1 - 1990)
04. DIY with Denzil: Pregnant (S2E2 - 1990)
05. Stoneybridge Town Council: Promotional Vido (S3E1 - 1991)
06. Stoneybridge Town Council: Annual Dinner Dance - Frank Hovis (S3E6 - 1991)
07. Dressage '92 (S4E1 - 1993)
08. The Surgeons: Lucky Dip (S4E3 - 1993)
Rate:

Part of the
British Comedy Collection

SERIES SCORES

Series 1: 5.83
Series 2: 5.63
Series 3: 6.63
Series 4: 5.33

FAVOURITE SKETCHES

HOLY GODIVA
1. Bert Bastard: Haddock and Peas
Series 2, Episode 4 - 1990)

2. DIY with Denzil: Pedwar's Legs
(Series 1, Episode 1 - 1989)

3. Bert Bastard: The Over-80s Disco
(Series 3, Episode 5 - 1991)

4. Scribing Scandal
(Series 2, Episode 4 - 1990)

5. Bert Bastard: Mobility Scooter
(Series 4, Episode 3 - 1993)

6. On the Lavatory with Frank Hovis: Taxi
(Series 3, Episode 2 - 1991)

7. Bert Bastard: Hokey Cokey
(Series 3, Episode 8 - 1991)

8. On the Lavatory with Frank Hovis: Diarrhoea
(Series 4, Episode 3 - 1993)

9. Animal Rights Activists
(Series 1, Episode 6 - 1989)

10. Calum Gilhooley: Booking a Flight
(Series 3, Episode 3 - 1991)

11. The Journey of Life
(Series 1, Episode 1 - 1989)

12. Bert Bastard: Sports Day
(Series 3, Episode 1 - 1991)

13. Calum Gilhooley: The Pursuit
(Series 4, Episode 4 - 1993)

14. The Nice Family: The Secretary of FIFA
(Series 3, Episode 5 - 1991)

15. Peter & Jennifer Wells: Crisis Aid Collection Point
(Series 3, Episode 8 - 1991)

16. On the Lavatory with Frank Hovis: Drink Driving
(Series 3, Episode 8 - 1991)

17. Calum Gilhooley: Plane
(Series 3, Episode 1 - 1991)

18. On the Lavatory with Frank Hovis: Eating Out
(Series 4, Episode 5 - 1993)

19. Calum Gilhooley: Post Office
(Series 1, Episode 6 - 1989)

20. Calum Gilhooley: Jehovah's Witnesses
(Series 2, Episode 2 - 1990)
ONION JACK
1. Calum Gilhooley: Booking a Flight
(Series 3, Episode 3 - 1991)

2. On the Lavatory with Frank Hovis: Taxi
(Series 3, Episode 2 - 1991)

3. Calum Gilhooley: Post Office
(Series 1, Episode 6 - 1989)

4. Bert Bastard: The Over-80s Disco
(Series 3, Episode 5 - 1991)

5. Bert Bastard: Haddock and Peas
Series 2, Episode 4 - 1990)

6. The Lavatory Express with Frank Hovis
Series 4, Episode 1 - 1993)

7. On the Lavatory with Frank Hovis: Diarrhoea
(Series 4, Episode 3 - 1993)

8. The Nice Family: The Secretary of FIFA
(Series 3, Episode 5 - 1991)

9. Peter & Jennifer Wells: Crisis Aid Collection Point
(Series 3, Episode 8 - 1991)

10. Bert Bastard: Sports Day
(Series 3, Episode 1 - 1991)

11. Stoneybridge Town Council: New Slogan
(Series 1, Episode 6 - 1989)

12. John: Calum Gilhooley
(Series 1, Episode 1 - 1989)

13. I'm OK Thanks
(Series 2, Episode 1 - 1990)

14. Bert Bastard: Hokey Cokey
(Series 3, Episode 8 - 1991)

15. Calum Gilhooley: Plane
(Series 3, Episode 1 - 1991)

16. Scribing Scandal
(Series 2, Episode 4 - 1990)

17. On the Lavatory with Frank Hovis: Eating Out
(Series 4, Episode 5 - 1993)

18. Stoneybridge Town Council: Olympic Bid
(Series 2, Episode 4 - 1990)

19. Bert Bastard: Making Dinner
(Series 1, Episode 3 - 1989)

20. DIY with Denzil: the Hoover
(Series 4, Episode 4 - 1993)

FAVOURITE EPISODES

HOLY GODIVA
1. Series 1, Episode 1
(1989)

2. Series 3, Episode 1
(1991)

3. Series 2, Episode 4
(1990)

4. Series 3, Episode 2
(1991)

5. Series 1, Episode 6
(1989)
ONION JACK
1. Series 1, Episode 6
(1989)

2. Series 3, Episode 1
(1991)

3. Series 1, Episode 1
(1989)

4. Series 3, Episode 5
(1991)

5. Series 2, Episode 4
(1990)

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