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on 22 Apr 2010 09:29

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All-Star Assassins Movie

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Showing 10 items

7.1

1. Timothy Olyphant

as AGENT 47 in HITMAN
MOTIVATION: It's his job.
CHANCES OF A KILL: 70%. Such a smooth, disciplined killer, he'll get the job done, if only it wasn't a set-up.

7.4

2. Angelina Jolie

as FOX in WANTED
MOTIVATION: Israel's name came up on the list. It's strictly professional.
CHANCES OF A KILL: 80%. With those looks, getting inside wouldn't be a problem. But she has to be dramatic and will choose to ride on top of a train to do that bending bullet thing.

8.5

3. Chow Yun Fat

as AH JONG in THE KILLER
MOTIVATION: retiring for one last hit and one last bullet ballet.
CHANCES OF A KILL: 40%. Has to fly all the way from Hong Kong, pass through immigration and fight to get a taxicab in the airport. And with all the Slow Motion, will arrive even much later.

4. Antonio Banderas

as EL MARIACHI in ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO
MOTIVATION: CIA said Israel killed his wife and child, that's enough motivation.
CHANCES OF A KILL: 50%. El Mariachi killer loco is one ruthless bastardo! But the bodyguards could hear the twangy Mexican guitar a mile away...not much of a surprise.

5. Charlize Theron

as AEON FLUX in AEON FLUX
MOTIVATION: That skin-tight suit has to have some use.
CHANCES OF A KILL: 90%. She could get inside any building, but will realize the job doesn't have anything to do with DNA or cloning, and will split.

7.3

6. Sean Patrick Flanery

and NORMAN REEDUS
as CONOR and MURPHY MCMANUS
MOTIVATION: Buddy Israel's days as a drugged-up mobster are numbered.
CHANCES OF A KILL: 85%. These Bible-spewing brothers are relentless and always get their mobster.

6.4

7. Tom Cruise

as VINCENT in COLLATERAL
MOTIVATION: It's in the contract.
CHANCES OF A KILL: 80%. Cold, heartless pro, but that talky taxi driver will pose a problem.

7.2

8. Uma Thurman

as THE BRIDE in KILL BILL
MOTIVATION: What's there to do after waking up in a coma?
CHANCES OF A KILL: 30%. She has other "revenge" thing in mind.

8.1

9. Javier Bardem

as ANTON CHIGURH in NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
MOTIVATION: He doesn't need any.
CHANCES OF A KILL: 90%. Few escapes the cattle gun.

7.4

10. Matt Damon

as JASON BOURNE in THE BOURNE IDENTITY
MOTIVATION: Programmed to kill.
CHANCES OF A KILL: 100%. IT's f@#$% JASON BOURNE, okay?

The Plot: Borrowing from the movie Smokin' Aces in which a million dollars was put in the head of Buddy "Aces" Israel (Jeremy Piven) attracting lethal assassins across the States. He holes up inside the penthouse of a hotel and is heavily guarded 24/7. Israel survives the assassination only to croak in other means. What's the point, right? So, what if the best of the best bounty hunters get a crack at it? Would be a whole different ending.