What else can be said against this legendary cult figure? He can go from playing a troubled family man to a drug abusing hippy gangster in the blink of an eye. Such acting talent doesn't belong on the big screen, but rather in a time capsule so that future generations can appreciate just how good we had it!
Oscar-worthy performance: Stansfield (Léon: The Professional) Legendary traits: His Fifth Element haircut.
Heroic quote:"Now I know I'm pretty, but I ain't as pretty as a couple of titties." [True Romance]
Simmons must have a secret humour tonic source somewhere. He might as well be a machine gun of one-liners. If he's not portraying the dad we all wished we had, he's the egotistical boss we all wished we worked for.
Oscar-worthy performance: J. Jonah Jameson (Spider-Man) Legendary traits: Pristine flat top haircut.
Heroic quote:"Who is Spider-Man? He's a criminal that's who he is! A vigilante! A public menace! What's he doing on MY front page?" [Spider-Man]
Sam Neill's Hat™ didn't just choose to adorn any old head. It specifically sought out Sam Neill himself - creating a partnership that put Kurosawa/Mifune to shame. Although there's nobody else we'd rather have a prehistoric party with, it's best to keep an eye on him because of his tendency to get possessed by sadistic demons. Nobody's perfect.
Oscar-worthy performance: Dr. Alan Grant (Jurassic Park) Legendary traits: Expert hat stand, defeating enemies with inertia
Heroic Quote:"Velociraptor's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this... a six-inch retractable claw, like a razor, on the the middle toe. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He slashes at you here... or here... or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is... you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know... try to show a little respect."
His characters are always solid henchmen or greasy foreigners, but one thing they all have in common is that they are usually psychotic lunatics! He has also had the dream job of feeding Steve Buscemi to a wood chipper and beating a moon buggy into shape with a wrench. Legend.
Oscar-worthy performance: Satan (Constantine) Legendary traits: Psychosis
Before humanity could reprogramme indestructible titanium killing machines to warp off and protect itself, they had to rely on flesh and blood. Luckily that flesh and blood was ultra-legend Michael Biehn, who when not saving humanity, went off to fight ferocious extra-terrestrials in his spare time.
Oscar-worthy performance: Kyle Reese (The Terminator) Legendary traits: Everyman good looks, resourcefulness, level-headedness, hand made bombs, 12 gauge.
Heroic quote:"Listen, and understand. That terminator is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead!"
Some people secrete inspiration, and seeing Doc Brown's crazed rantings, insane hair and permanently credulous expressions made me want to be a scientist forever. It's safe to say that the Granddad of Gigawatts turns everything he touches into memorable comedy brilliance, as seen with WaCkY stints in the Addams Family and Roger Rabbit films. Every character over forty should pretty much be played by Christopher Lloyd during this time of crippling economic depression.
Oscar-worthy performance: Dr. Emmet Brown Legendary traits: Over-emotion, a smile the length of Greenwich meridian.
Heroic Quote:"The time-traveling is just too dangerous. Better that I devote myself to study the other great mystery of the universe: women!" [Back to the Future part II]
Ageing patriarch with a jawline you could set your watch to. It feels like I have known Ed Harris all my life, for no particular reason. He's just particularly charismatic and almost always a bad ass. He's pretty much the cool version of Liam Neeson.
Oscar-worthy performance: Major König (Enemy at the Gates) Legendary traits: God complex, A face that never ages, Scoped Kar98 Rifle
Paul Bettany was my favourite choice to play The Joker in The Dark Knight when the casting contenders were first announced. I may have been eating my words after the exceptional job Heath Ledger pulled, but who's still around for the sequel!? Quirky, charismatic, but at the flick of a switch, a self-loathing psychopath. What's not to love?
Oscar-worthy performance: Geoffrey Chaucer (A Knights Tale) Legendary traits: The Queens English, bottle of bleach
The ultimate discerning gentleman. If only Ernie Hudson could clone himself and make a copy available in every school across the world, so that we could all grow up to be as civilised and debonair. He has to be up there in the list of 'most wanted celebrity father'!
Oscar-worthy performance: Captain Munro Kelly (Congo) Legendary traits: Civility, excellent tour guide, down and out - but charming!
Heroic Quote:"I'm your great white hunter for this trip, though I happen to be black!" [Congo]
Everybody's favourite South American Hombre with a grin that wouldn't be out of place in Wonderland. Not only does Leguizamo grow the most grotesque of beaner moustaches, but his career also survived the cataclysmic hammer-blow of portraying Luigi Mario. It's impossible to make Shakespeare cool, but Legsy had a damned good go of it!
Oscar-worthy performance: Benny Blanco (Carlito's Way) Legendary traits: Proud of his bronx roots, Insomnia, oleaginous.
Heroic Quote:"Hey remember me, Benny Blanco from the Bronx?" [Carlito's Way]
Is there anyone alive that isn't a fan of TC? Whilst his trademark goatee beard is adored the world over, it's an unknown fact that his incredible accents are also regarded as a national treasure. With sneers so powerful that not even Charles Richter could measure their intensity, has a man that dressed like a woman ever been so popular?
Oscar-worthy performance: Herkermer Homolka (Congo) Legendary traits: Lips that quiver like a wind sock, perma-goatee, hilarious accents, The Queen's English
With a name that would be more suited to a naval battleship, it's no surprise that Ironside was destined for C-list success. 'The Ironside Effect' is a well known phenomenon whereby every time Mike speaks, the ultra deep vibrato of his voice reverberates the Earth's crust, causing an Earthquake somewhere on the other side of the planet. Ironside is equally adept at heroism and villainy, but above all he is a leader of men!
Oscar-worthy performance: Richter (Total Recall) Legendary traits: Vocal vibrations that keep the Earth's core fluid, expert disgust and disgruntled expressions.
Heroic Quote:"Violence has resolved more conflicts than anything else. The contrary opinion that violence doesn't solve anything is merely wishful thinking at its worst." [Starship Troopers]
The Flagship's rating:
A list of stone cold legends of the acting profession. Whenever these guys show up in a film it instantly increases my enjoyment exponentially. While they may loiter around outside of the Hollywood A-list, these are a bunch of people I'd much rather go for a pint with!
Wouldn't the world just be a much better place if these guys were cast in more films? It's about time Hollywood gave the people what they want!