50 Movies I Just Can't Stand

524   3.8   3.8 

You know your film has hit rock bottom when it concludes with two elephants having sex in a hockey rink.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

1283   5.7   6 

Literally a comedy designed to be as idiotic, unfunny, homophobic and offensive as a PG-13 comedy could be.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

458   5   5 

The best part is the end fight with Shrek's mentally handicapped cousin!

270   3.5   2.9 

I'm not sure anything in this film works at any even tolerable level.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

438   2.7   0 

I picked the worst of the Friedberg/Seltizer "movies" for the list, but honestly they're about as awful as comedy could ever be.

354   4.3   3.8 

Yet a worst movie than 'White Chicks', impressive.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

112   4.2   4.3 

Includes one mildly funny scene.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

50   4   5 

One of the dumbest and most boring family films I have ever seen.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

137   4.3   4.2 

If you mixed 'The Rock', 'Escape from Alcatraz' and a straight forward heist film, but took out everything that made those movies fun or even watchable while adding a bunch of really poor rap music and you'd have a good idea what this film is like.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

131   3.5   3.4 

When Guy is off it, he's REALLY off it.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

171   4.2   2.7 

Saw this in theaters as part of a readers dare. Consider this the really dumbass prequel to 'Sex and the City'.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

214   3.7   3.7 

Ranges from tear inducing hilarity to bloody tears of boredom.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

597   5.3   5.1 

100 minutes of some of the lamest jokes you're likely to hear in modern comedies.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

704   5   5.4 

Who could really survive this movie? I mean really who out there got to the end easily?

Ico_Calminski's rating:

694   3.6   3.7 

Witness the death of Eddie Murphy comedian and the birth of Eddie Murphy, hater and destroyer of humor.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

562   5.5   5.8 

Being an mega X-Files fan let me put this nicely, this movie pissed me off to high heavens to where I wished horrible thing upon the creators for this rancid piece of shit. This film is actually worse than the shows piss poor series finale.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

408   4.2   3.9 

Halloween has had some rough sequels, but not even the third Michael Myers-less film was as rotten, cheap and poorly made as this one.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

262   2.7   0 

Along with the rest of the world, I'd like to know what was meant to be from this film.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

1648   6.2   6.7 

Pretty much crushed my hopes of a new Terminator franchise set within the future machine wars. Nothing in the film works, not even it's stellar cast fits the film.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

900   4.9   4.9 

Honestly I do like Roland Emmerich. The man can execute large scale destruction on a level few can even imagine and yet here's a non-disaster picture by him that it's 120% idiotic and filled with some of the worst effects of his career. And that last thing is something I honestly couldn't believe. There is no fun or adventure to be found, just shit characters acted out shittily in a CGI world that's not interesting to even look at.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

1469   6.2   6.3 

Headache, the two and a half hour musical.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

3274   5.1   5.2 

Oh boy... where to begin? Bad writing, bad directing, bad acting... a wait... you all know this! Seriously so few people have not seen this POS, but it's mild saving grace is that there is ALWAYS something to laugh at in it.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

3000   5.5   5.7 

When studios get bad directors to make superhero films. Oh well you did better on round 2 Tim Story.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

612   5.2   5.8 

Seeing Malin Akerman topless, great. Seeing her act like an idiot, awful. Ever having to watch this movie again in my lifetime, a punishment.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

443   3.8   4.3 

Horrible idea, worse execution, but does include an awesome cameo by David Cronenberg.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

1437   5.1   5.3 

Lame and forgettable along with 95% of Kutcher films.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

368   5.1   5.4 

Note to the future: never watch a Happy Madison production unless Sandler IS starring in it. Oh and even then... beware.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

559   5.6   5.9 

A piss poor cop film that is an insult to the viewers intelligence. Oh and I never, ever want to see chubby, sweaty De Niro (not slim De Niro) defile the beautiful goddess that is Carlo Gugino ever again!

Ico_Calminski's rating:

292   5.1   5.5 

A good idea gone way, way, WAY wrong.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

1427   5   5.4 

Supremely stupid and unfunny.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

1732   5.2   5.2 

Sometimes funny, but mostly really long and painfully boring.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

160   5.1   4.8 

A great cast with nothing to do the entire film. Honestly there was not a shred of describable plot here except to say it's about some sort of crime and a bunch of random very uninteresting characters.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

324   6.2   6.3 

I loathe the first film, but I only hate the second so I guess that's a step up right? Lackluster action sequences, shitty music choices mostly and the same God awful character writing from before.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

70   3.7   3.9 

Another example of family films gone way off base.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

373   6.4   6.7 

I remember at the screening of this there was a nacho stuck in the corner of my bowl that I tried my damnedest to knock loose during the films big climax. That how boring the film was even at it's peak.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

2354   5.1   4.7 

Are they all hot? Sure. Is the action good? Meh, I could take it or leave it. But what kills any potential fun to how it spirals out from being over the tip top of everything to almost being a self parody.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

1476   7.2   7.4 

Director Julie Taymour is quite the visionary. She's responsible for the Broadway version of 'The Lion King' as well as director of 'Frida' and 'Titus', both are exceptional masterworks. However 'Across the Universe' is a sluggish, boring, uninspired collection of mildly impressive music videos huddled together with a paper thin 60's 'times-are-a-changin' story.

What's worst is that most of the Beatles song usage is pretending the song has another mean then it really does and if you know what the meaning was it kills the scene almost entirely. Why so many people claim this is a masterpiece or anything other than a tired exercise in pretentious style is beyond me.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

2145   5   4.5 

Slightly better than the first film, but still really, really bad and really funny.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

316   4.3   3.7 

The perfect example of God awful PG-13 horror and just how bad it can get.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

212   4.8   5 

Super bland and completely tasteless. Not one joke works.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

1093   5.2   5.3 

This will one day play on tv with Jackie Chan's 'The Spy Next Door', Schwarzenegger's 'Kindergarten Cop' and Dwayne Johnson's 'Tooth Fairy'.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

535   6.2   6.3 

Ritchie heavily experiments with tone and styles, but at the price of making a long, aggravating and senseless crime film.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

616   4.6   4.7 

Apparently someone out there thought they could make an Alien vs. Predator film that was lamer than Paul W.S. Anderson's PG-13 one AND they'd do it with an R-rating. Good job guys.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

1551   6.1   6.2 

Like AVP2, here's something that despite me not understanding why there's some many of these movies could have been watchable and mildly entertaining. NOPE! Completely senseless from beginning to end and devoid of anything exciting or interesting.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

561   5.2   5.4 

The same year Williams was in 'The Night Listener' which was great. I try to think much more about that film from that year than this... thing.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

342   5.1   6.1 

Really I'm not sure if this IS worse than their 'Dukes of Hazard' movie... hummmm.... tough call.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

1709   5.4   5.8 

Wanna see a hateful and uninteresting couple fight for 90 minutes?! Then step right up!

Ico_Calminski's rating:

1185   5.5   5.2 

Gaudy, sexist, ignorant and very, very long. I mean really this movie spans over two years and a half dozen super lame, almost frat boy humor stories.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

407   5.6   5.7 

Cage and Cruz have almost no chemistry in this painfully boring as shit war romance. At least 'Pearl Harbor' had spectacle and Zimmer-score to make up for it's weak love triangle.

Ico_Calminski's rating:

1986   7.2   7.6 

Yes that's right, I'm that 1% of people who really does not like Zach Braff's pretentious dramedy that's really just the poster child for every twenty-something, dealing with 'problems' indie movie of the past two decades. Sure Natalie Portman's in it and she's always great, but she was no revelation on film. Like 'Across the Universe' I don't understand what everyone sees in this picture to make them call it amazing. Perhaps they've never seen the hundreds of movies just like it of both foreign and domestic origins. Well now is better than never.

Ico_Calminski's rating: