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The Movie Bird: Kevin, a big bird based on the male Himalayan monal pheasant.
The Awesome: He’s a BFB – that’s 'big friendly bird' to you and I – and possesses a winning penchant for cheekiness (see his initial chocolate thievery).
Also, he’s got the nattiest multi-coloured feathers this side of Joseph's technicolour dreamcoat. And he's called Kevin. Which frankly is the best name we've ever heard for a bird.
If We Had To Cook Them: We’d be able to feed a family of five for a week.
The Crow (1994)
The Movie Bird: Funnily enough, a black crow that shares its name with a returned-from-the-dead avenger-guitarist named Eric.
The Awesome: As legend tells it, crows are blessed with the power to return a soul to its body even after a person has died.
Which is exactly what this crow does for Eric, whose fiancée has been murdered by druggy thugs. Crow slow-mo never looked so beautiful.
If We Had To Cook Them: We wouldn’t dare.
The Movie Bird: Three very tall, glittery ostriches.
The Awesome: Okay, they’re not real birds, but inanimate costumes worn by performing drag queens Tick, Bernadette and Adam.
But there’s no denying the detail is amazing – not to mention the audacity of such outlandish stage garb.
If We Had To Cook Them: These are rather better suited to table placings than actual food.
The Little Mermaid (1989)
The Movie Bird: A seagull, this one called Scuttle.
The Awesome: An adorable nincompoop, Scuttle likes to think he’s ever-so educated when it comes to human affairs.
Instead, his attempts to explain the use for items that mergirl Ariel fishes out of shipwrecks are completely off the mark – but admirably inventive.
If We Had To Cook Them: He should come with a side of crab.
The Movie Bird: A menagerie of different types, though mostly evil-looking black ones.
The Awesome: Thanks to an unexplained phenomena, the birds in a small California town all become homicidal maniacs, killing the town’s residents in various gory ways.
If We Had To Cook Them: We’d have to survive their pecking little beaks first. But a nice pie would probably serve them well, with lots of sugar to balance out their bitter evil after taste.
The Movie Bird: A quartet of opportunistic, flesh-eating vultures.
The Awesome: Because, yes, they really are based on The Beatles. Funny Northern accents, a grumpy one, a funky one, a sociable one and one with a really cool crop...
Plus, they do like to harmonise just a little bit.
If We Had To Cook Them: They’d no doubt be really stringy and tasteless.
Black Swan (2010)
The Movie Bird: The titular black swan.
The Awesome: Not just any swan, this dark beauty is an anthropomorphic crossbreed of a ballet dancer and a bird.
Also, clearly, it’s all a figment of the dancer’s fractured psyche as she transforms into the role she’s attempting to wrangle. Looks stunning, though.
If We Had To Cook Them: She’d taste seriously bitter. Best with lots of cinammon and apple sauce - that tends to overpower the tang of crazy.
The Movie Bird: Kes, a pet falcon.
The Awesome: Kes is a ray of sunshine in young Billy Casper’s rather bleak and miserable life.
Pre-destined to become a coal miner and bullied at home and at school, Billy tames Kes and the feathery one becomes his best (and only) friend.
If We Had To Cook Them: We’d serve him on a platter to owner Billy. Fnar.
The Movie Bird: Albatross Orville, who aids agents Bernard and Miss Bianca in their quest to rescue a little girl from evil Madame Medusa.
The Awesome: Impressive wingspan, very professional goggles and an endearingly goofy disposition. Just what we like in our pilots.
If We Had To Cook Them: We’d have to gag him first – sheesh he likes to talk.
The Movie Bird: Just your common collection of grubby New York pigeons.
The Awesome: They’re the wild-as-the-wind pets of a Central Park-dwelling tramp lady, and are pivotal in helping young tearaway Kevin McAllister escape wayward goons Harry and Marv.
If We Had To Cook Them: We’d serve them to our worst enemies. Who knows what kind of diseases they’re harbouring.
The Movie Bird: A phoenix named Fawkes, who is the pet of Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore.
The Awesome: Well, he’s a flamin’ Phoenix, for a start. In the bird hierarchy/pecking order, that surely puts him up in the heavens somewhere.
But Fawkes is also a loyal friend, and helps Dumbledore escape (in a blaze of fire) when he’s accused of recruiting young wizards into an army.
If We Had To Cook Them: Not sure that’s actually possible, considering this bird’s made mostly out of flame...
The Movie Bird: A white dove.
The Awesome: Released as a symbol of peace when mankind makes first contact with an alien race, this elegant flapper catches the attention of the newly-landed ETs, who look up in wonder – before firing their lasers and deep-frying the poor animal. Wickedly funny.
If We Had To Cook Them:It’d be served very well done, erring on the side of crispy.
The Dark Crystal (1982)
The Movie Bird: The Skeksis - warped, shuffling, mean-spirited horrors from another world.
The Awesome: They’re just so vile and malicious, they can’t help but being awesome antagonists. Especially Chamberlain, who has his own whining whimper and shows keen skill in manipulation.
If We Had To Cook Them:They’d probably amount to nothing more than gristle and bone. A meal for the dogs, then.
The Movie Bird: Iago, the parrot sidekick and aid to nasty power-hungry Grand Vizier Jafar.
The Awesome: “Oh that’s a big surprise! I think I’m gonna have a heart attack and DIE from not surprise!”
Sarcastic to the extreme and with the voice of a New Jersey hawt dawg vendor, Iago’s a little red feathery ball of sardonic misery.
If We Had To Cook Them: We’d cook him really slowly, just to make him pay for his vicious words.
The Movie Bird: Giant Eagles (including Gwaihir) who come from the Misty Mountains.
The Awesome: Massive eagles are a sight to see, but what about really massive giant eagles big enough to carry a grown man on their back?
That's what Gandalf does when eagle Gwaihir saves him from Lord Saruman. Gorgeous, graceful and undeniably awesome.
If We Had To Cook Them: We’d need a giant oven like the one they use in Bruce Almighty to make that massive cookie.
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Credit goes to: Josh Winning, on Total Film.
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