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Films that nearly cracked the list.
Villmark 2 (2015)
The first Dark Woods is a rather well-known horror film in Norway, not that it has been made a lot of them here, but most people are familiar with it. So in a way, a sequel was kinda inevitable. It just took them 12 years, and seeing as so many years had passed, it might just have been wiser to let it go.
This is not a good film, which is a shame really, because it ends up wasting a very cool location and some fine atmosphere on a film that doesn't manage to anything with it. It lacks scares, the characters are basically non-existent and the plot doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Norway is a great place for a horror film, just do something about it.
I was a massive fan of the previous film, and I'm considering that one as one of the best horror films in recent years. The sequel is a let down. It does come with a lot of atmosphere, but it never unleashes that atmosphere into scares. It looks and sounds like a horror film, but it never truly feels like it.
I also really didn't like how they utilized the woman in black this time. In the first film you really felt her presence and was terrified by her, and the way she appeared. This time it felt more comical whenever she popped out.
Knock Knock (2015)
This Eli Roth film does have some moments of brilliance, all though I'm not quite sure if it's intentional or not. Keanu Reeves performance is particularly enjoyable and there are plenty of laughable moments in the film. Like one over-the-top sex scene for instance. You see, Kock Knock is on the edge of being so bad it's good.
It doesn't quite get there though. Because despite a few amusing moments, Knock Knock is mostly dull and irritating. The film just ramble on way to long, and a sense of things getting repetitive.
I'm not the biggest fan of the Despicable Me films, but I will say that the minions were the best parts of them. Particularly the first one, in which they came in as a very pleasant surprise. Now they're everywhere, and their own film was inevitable. There's not one inch of me that doubts that this a film that kids will eat up and watch again and again, and on that accord one might be able to say that Minions is great. But I have to judge the films that I see on my own merits and what they brought to the table for me. In this case, Minions ended up giving me a headache.
The thing with these little creatures is that they are just side characters. They are just comic reliefs in the simplest of forms. They more or less lack personality and there's nothing in them for me to relate too. As of that, it's difficult to get emotionally invested into them. The filmmakers have naturally attempted to give them character traits and something to latch on to, but some the traits aren't enough. They simply becomes a way for us to tell each minion apart from each other, to know which one is which. It's not a fully drawn character. This results in the film just running with its gag for the entire running time, and while it's charming enough to begin with, it quickly turns into a nightmare. The minions are meant to be digested in small dozes and a full feature film proved to be too much for them to handle.
It tries to be a mystery, but it's quite simply too obvious and boring to work as that. The solution to the film is predictable and in your face throughout the entire time. The characters are flat and dull. I rarely call a film stupid, but Regression is just profoundly dumb. It's a film that wastes a potentially intriguing premise and a talented cast on something an average film student could cook up in a weekend.
Pan fails to wake up the sense of adventure and wonder in me. Some sort of prequel idea to Peter Pan is fine idea in itself, but the story that we're presented with within the film doesn't really offer anything that we haven't already seen in this genre. The visuals are unimpressive and soulless, and so are the characters. None of them which we care about.
Worst is however the absolute massacre they do of a Nirvana song. What were they thinking?
Pay the Ghost (2015)
3-Headed Shark Attack (2015)
The Asylum is notorious for making these kind of films. Cheaply, lazily and quickly made films that earn them small profits every time. It's crap. One do hope to get some simple laughs out of the ridiculousness that these films offer, but they are very few and far between. The problem is that they're intentionally made shitty, and thus you can not laugh at the filmmaker's failed intention and effort. So this is just an miserable experience.
Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015)
It's not as annoying and insultingly lame as the second Sharknado film. It's essentially just boring. I do appreciate how it just gets started immediately and how it, for the most time, avoids wasting time on irrelevant stuff. Yet, there's nothing even remotely clever in it for it to justify its existence. Nor does it cross the threshold of being so bad it's good. Just dull.
It's almost fascinating to see how strange Mortdecai is, yet it's equally awful. This film is a train wreck. A disaster and an embarrassment to the people involved. What quality actors like Johnny Depp, Ewan McGregor, Paul Bettany and Gwyneth Paltrow is doing in a film that uses a stupid looking moustache as a running gag is beyond me.
It's some sort of spoof film, but it's quite simply not funny or clever. A waste of time.
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