The 10 Worst Remakes of All Time
810 4.8 4.61. Psycho (1998)
Don't tell me you didn't see this coming. Psycho is the most pointless movie ever made. First of all, Hitchcock's wonderful original DOES NOT need a goddamn remake. Remakes should only be made of movies that weren't that good to begin with, like Ocean's Eleven. Psycho, in it's original form, is simply genious. Even though Gus Van Sant's latter movie Elephant was also highly intelligent, Psycho is nothing but a frame-to-frame copy of the original, except that for some incredible reason Van Sant decided that Norman, played very unconvinsingly by Vince Vaughn, should also MASTURBATE. Is that the true thing that Van Sant thought he could make the movie better with? A masturbation scene? I paid top dollar to see the same movie I have seen countless times before, in colour, without any soul and an added, pointless masturbation scene? Give me my money back!
274 3.6 2.92. Rollerball (2002)
This is a real oddity. I can't understand why this was ever remade since the original is such a dull and meaningless movie. I mean was it made to improve the original? Perhaps. But I hardly call it improving when you add C-grade actors, flashy costumes, MTV-editing and ugly women to the original. Rollerball was extremely pointless when it came to... well, everything. There was hardly any plot, charecterisation or intense action.
Nothing in Rollerball served any point. It was one of the most confusing movies of all time since it entirely just lacked coherence.
420 5 4.63. Pulse (2006)
It's always a huge risk when you make a remake of a movie that was intelligent, original and extraordinary. If the film goes wrong, everyone will hate it. And Pulse went so far from the terrifying Kairo that it's hard to believe. Pulse is like a glorified version of FearDotCom. The difference being that there isn't a single second in Pulse that could suffice as slightly entertaining. It's all just bad in a bad way.
245 4.7 4.34. Black Christmas (2006)
This was just so meaningless. I mean it's a bunch of chicks running around in a house and screaming because people get killed. It's so cliched that I can't begin to describe it without yawning like hell.
1983 4.8 5.25. Godzilla (1998)
Ahh, the american Godzilla movie. I have this thing on DVD. I got it for free with the awesome PS2-game War Of The Monsters. I would really want to get rid of it but no one wants to buy the damn thing... Anyhow, Godzilla is yet another one of those movies where a terrible script ruins everything. The culmination of how idiotic the storyline is definately comes when the army finds out that Godzilla really digs fish. They can't find the 40ft lizard anywhere(!) so they pour a three story high pile of fish in Times Square(!!). Is that the dumbest bait ever? Yeah, definately. There are some good action sequences around the end though, when Matthew Broderick&co. run around some stadium. It was actually entertaining for a second. Otherwise this movie just insults the viewer's intelligence.
472 5.2 4.86. When a Stranger Calls (2006)
Ahh, yet another movie that is incredibly boring. When A Stranger Calls consists merely of Camilla Belle walking around a house, fully clothed while talking on the phone. Oh yeah, in the last 10 minutes she runs away from some generic slasher. I have no idea why the writers went this way; in the original this was only the first half of the movie, the second happened after the main character got out of the hospital to be stalked again. Also, why did they really have to portray everything in real-time in this movie? I mean I like eating popcorn and all, but I don't want to fucking see it pop for 3 minutes straight. The writing is what really diminishes this one. It's just retarded.
620 3.8 3.67. The Wicker Man (2006)
This is one of the movies that are so bad that they're good. I mean the original is a cult classic by all means, and this is by far the only remake that really fucks up the view I had of the original. But I forgive that, just because this thing makes me laugh so damn hard. See for yourself at youtube if you want to. The funniest thing here is definately the fact that Cage is such a huge asshole in this movie. But it indeed still is a bad film, no matter how hilarious it may be, and hence, it's number seven here.
303 5.3 5.78. King Kong (1976)
John Guillermin, the director of this Kong, is indeed a bad director. He makes King Kong look so incredibly amateurish it's painful to watch. The perfect example of that would be the fact that Kong is obviously a man in a costume in every single shot of this film when we see him entirely. They did it well in stop-motion back in the 30s, so it really beats me as to why they had to do it so bad this time around. Also, what's with the sexual overtones here? Kong is constantly trying to fuck Jessica Lange, which makes no sense because she's a human and he's a fucking monkey.
260 4.8 4.89. Get Carter (2000)
There's only one major problem with Get Carter: It's the most boring action movie ever made. Sylvester Stallone just babbles incoherent nonsense throughout this entire movie, and we get about 3-4 action scenes, then the movie ends. Rather unfullfilling, especially since the original is one of the most clever crime films of all time.
2376 6.2 6.310. Gone in 60 Seconds (2000)
I never liked the original too much. It wasn't all that good of a movie, which is really why I thought this would be better. But no. The plot of GI60S is immensely idiotic. A bunch of people steal cars. That's essentially it. It really doesn't help that the cars are often portrayed as something that people get off on. It worked in a film like Crash, where people masturbated to car crashes, but here it's accepted as part of a reality, which really makes no sense in a movie that even tries to keep itself within realistic boundries. The action was pretty half-assed too, I mean whenever there was a chase, I was just thinking "The French Connection already did that." C'mon, a little originality wouldn't hurt.
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