Republican Playbook, The - Andy Borowitz

After the 2004 presidential debates, eagle-eyed observers hypothesized about the rectangular bulge tucked inside George W.’s suit jacket, visible in images shown around the world. Was it a rad

After the 2004 presidential debates, eagle-eyed observers hypothesized about the rectangular bulge tucked inside George W.’s suit jacket, visible in images shown around the world. Was it a radio receiver, allowing Karl Rove to feed the president complete sentences he’d never form on his own? Perhaps it was a remote-control device that enabled Dick Cheney to operate W. like a robot. Nah. The real explanation was much simpler, and yet far more disturbing: It was The Republican Playbook.

Required reading for every Republican candidate, office-holder, or super-secret covert operative, The Republican Playbook contains all the schemes, scams, and dirty tricks used to attain victory since Richard Nixon commissioned the first edition back in 1972. Did you know:

-President Gerald Ford’s notorious clumsiness wasn’t caused by an inner-ear disorder -- the Playbook stashed in his left rear pants pocket threw off his equilibrium. -A chapter entitled "Deny Knowing Anything About Anything" was particularly helpful to President Ronald Reagan.

Packed with detailed instructions on essential topics like how to run a smear campaign, how to cover a leak, and how to plant one, plus diagrams for fully functioning voting booth/ballot shredders (to be used in Florida, Ohio, and other battleground states), The Republican Playbook is a must-read if we’re ever going to survive the 2006 elections. ... (more) (less)

Andy Borowitz